Saifu deen

Assalam ALykom....

I am not married yet, but many tell me that I will see life from different point of view, and I will appreciate my mother always... Did you change the way you used to think?. So inshallah, brothers and sisters share with us this beautiful happy moments (mashallah tabaraka Al-Rahman).

If you not married yet, how do you think you would change after your baby inshallah ya rub???...

I am just curious!!!!!!!!!


Im Proud 2 B Me!
Asalam Alakum,

I aint married yet, however, i know whats it like 2 be a mother. I have 4 younger brothers and sisters ( 2 boys and 2 girls) who i basically take care of.

When i take care of them and they give me a hard time, i get hurt because i know how my mom felt taking care of us 6 boys and girls.

Everytime they annoy me i try to be really good with my mom do what she wants and try not to answer her back.

I think when i have my own kids( Insha Allah) i would change alot towards my mom, try to be the best i can with her because than i would know how it feels to go through labor to carry a child in my tummy for 9 months ( maybe 7 or 8 ).


Salaam sister,

I had to wait a long time. I do not mind sharing my story. I became pregnant at the age of 37. I was so excited I cried. I had a miscarriage. The doctors told me not to become pregnant. Well what do doctors know.
I became pregnant and it was a very high risk pregnancy. I walked three miles a day in the begining and was down to 1 mile a day during the 30th week. During the 31st week I was admitted to the hospital. I was heartbroken and no one would tell me the exact nature of my condition. They told me they would perform a c-section at the end of the 32nd week. Well, in the middle of the 31st week my son decided it was time. He was born with as an emergency c-section at midnight. He was less than 5 pounds.

How did it change my life..it gave me meaning in life. I had joy. I had love...I became whole. All, I can say is I wish I had started having little ones when I was 18. I wish I was blessed with a dozen.

Allah in His Mercy sent me another son..19 months later.
They fight...do they fight..over everything...in the bathtub they would fight over who had more bubbles on his side of the tub...they are fun...I was busy for one minute and they managed to open a jar of peanut butter and painted themselves with it....my little one locked me on a balcony when he was in diapers..and the realtionship with mom is simple...on special occasions when everyone is supposed to be there the boys look forward to everyone...mommy..i am an object..it is understood that mommy will be there. no exceptions...

One day I was sick, not too long ago..i was given burnt toast and overcooked eggs...I will leave it to your imagination what the kitchen looked like...but it was one of the best meals I have ever been treated to.

There is no manual on how to be a parent. It is the most humbling lesson in life. It is the most rewarding lesson in life. And of all the treasures that Allah has given me, and there have been many, my sons are the most precious.


Junior Member
Assalamu alaykum,

I am not married but I think people change when they have their first baby, they learn to appreciate their mothers more and how priceless the time they have with their parents is. when you have baby, if you are mother you will see and feel the pain of having a baby and if you are father, you will see how tough parenting is , you the sadness when your child does not listen, the worry you have when your child leaves the door to go anywhere. Having teaches teach you the things your parents when through with you. Having a baby really change each individual in different ways

Saifu deen

Assalam Alykom

Jazakum Allah khair....
Sisters baraka Allah feekom, wa adkhalakom janataho

May Allah give you all happiness, joy, lots of childerns inshallah, and make them in the right path always ya rub.. Amiin, Amiin....



All I can say is mashallah!! having my children has been a great blessing for me, Alhamdullilah!! They taught me not to be selfish, to love the little things, and the meaning of love. You will sacrafice everything for your children. When they want something, and you know you dont have the money or not enough, you will get it anyway even if it is down to your last penny!! You want your children to have more than what you had, subhanallah!! There are the little stresses that come with it, but they are truly blessings from Allah, and I love them.:hearts:


New Member
Alhamdulilah, I have three boys under 4. so you can imagine the fun I have :)
Having a baby is a life changing experience and its unique to everyone.
The only thing common I think is the fact that when you have your first baby, your reason for day to day living changes. Its no longer you and your happiness. Its the baby and the baby's happiness that matter the most. So you'll go through rough nights, missed family/friend occasions, missed meals yet you will not care.

All of us get stressed in our daily lives and for me, when I have one look at them, the stress simply runs away! I don't know if anyone can really describe to you how it truly feels.......but if there's any advice I can give, it is to have your kids as EARLY as possible. Early 20s is the best time.


i'm not married but i love kids. i was in the hospital soon after one of my aunt gave birth to my youngest cousin. after i saw her taking care of my cousin, my first question was to my mom that "did u do the same when i was born?" my mom replied in a sarcastic manner i did the same but seems like you have forgotten it.

After seeing that and also if i remember that day i ask ALLAH SWT to forgive me for my disrespectful behavior with my parents.


Junior Member
Since the time I got pregnant I started thinking about my purpose on earth and thinking about who I wanted my daughter to be...this made me do my 5 daily prayers regularly (I was not very strict about it before) as I wanted my child to follow me.
I have a 2 year old daughter (alhamdlillah) born the natural way, although it was in the hospital. I had back aches and by the time I was ready to give birth I didnt know how to make myself comfortable, whether to sit or stand or walk or lie down.
My daughter was born around fajr and I was tired but as soon as she was in my arms I forgot all the labour pains. I had heard many mothers say this but I didnt beleive until it happened to me.
Then when she was around 3 months I had an accident, a window fell on me while I was holding my daughter and she fell from my arms.Alhamdlillah nothing happened to her, I had a few cuts and bruises on my head but nothing serious. This incident made me think that what if I had died that day, I knew I was not prepared to meet my Lord the way my life was (not that I was bad,but I wasnt a good practising muslim).When my daughter was 5 months I started wearing the hijab.
A child born of your womb makes the whole world different, you want to make it safe,but give her room to grow yet tend to get over protective sometimes. Most times it is hard work and yes it does make me appreciate what my mother has done for me.A lot of times it is fun, but backbreaking work too.Theres the night feeds and some nights she wakes up in the middle of the night and doesnt want to sleep. We stay with her, my husband and I even if we have not slept a wink.
Sometimes theres the occasional hug and kiss she willingly gives and that makes me forgive all her naughtiness.Now it gets harder as she talks nineteen to the dozen and listens and copies all we say, we cannot discuss anything serious with her around without her butting in and giving her ideas.

Alhamdlillah our lives are never the same and everyday is a new experience.:tti_sister:


A Believer In Heart
assalamu alaykum

I am not a parent nor marry but here is a poem I saw in a Islamic book call "Child Education in Islam" I was reading. First of all when you came a parent you change, Allah puts mercy, sympathize, kindness, and so many other feelings in your heart.
But for a very weak structure (body).
where some parts are leaning on others,
I would have had many journeys, in this wide and vast land.
But our children, amongst us
who look as if they were our livers walking on the ground.
if the wind struk some of them
my eyes would never wink.

-unknown poet

“Wealth and sons are the adornment of present life” (The cave: 46)
“And who says, “Our Lord, bestow upon us from our spouses and offsprings comfort of eyes. and make us the leaders of pious.” (Al-Furqan: 47)

Saifu deen

Assalam Alykom brothers & sisters

Mashallah tabaraka Al-Rahman. I really like this sentence by sister ummzaina ''I started thinking about my purpose on earth''. So childern also bring us closer to Allah (SWT) subahanallah. Childern are the best treasure in this life and the hereafter.

Sister nihm, who is the author of the book '' Child Education in Islam''.

Wassalam Alykom.


Umm Zubayr
Assalam aleikum,
i thought this may help :inshallah:

12 Tips for Childrearing

Start Early

Have your Emotions Under Control while Instructing Children

Parents should Present a United Front

Be Consistent

Never Lie to your Childern

Don't Reward Crying

Teach Your Child to Apologize When he/she Does Something Wrong

Accept Child's Apology

Apologize For Your Mistakes

Teach Islam From an Early Age

Instruct in Good Morals
Discipline Your Child
"Don't touch those!" the father commands as his child plays with the dishes on a shelf at his host's house. A few seconds later, the father looks up from his conversation with his host, and his child is still playing with the dishes. "I told you not to touch those!" the child's father repeats. A few seconds later, the father looks up and sees his child still playing with the dishes. The father says nothing and continues his conversation with the host.

It happens all the time. Children are given orders, and when they don't obey, the parent simply goes back to his conversation and forgets.

What should parents do in this situation? Some parents would say that we should stop the child, others that we should punish him, and others that he is "just a child," and we should not expect too much from him.
As Muslim parents, we have an obligation to bring up our children in the best manner---to teach them right from wrong and to show them what we and society expect from them.

Those who give opinions on this matter usually use the Quran or hadith to support their positions, and it may be difficult to establish, without a doubt, who is more correct. However, as parents, we either have to find the correct method to teach and discipline our children, or we at least have to come up with a valid method for teaching and disciplining our children. Definitely, we should not just "figure it out as we go" --- one time using this method and another time that one.

The following principles should be useful in establishing a childrearing method which is not too extreme.

1.Start Early
Although many parents believe that very small children are too young to understand, their early years are probably the most important opportunity for parents to start them in the right direction. Once good patterns are established, they will be easy to maintain. Once bad patterns are established, they will be difficult to change.
2.Have your Emotions Under Control while Instructing Childern
Don't discipline your child because you are angry with him, but rather because you want to teach him. Motive is important here. As a Muslim parent, your motive should be to help your child.

3. Parents should Present a United Front
Parents should discuss their strategy for training and disciplining their children and agree to work together as a team. If children realize that one parent is strict and the other is easy, they will play the parents against each other. When the strict parent stops them from doing something, they will go ask the easy parent for permission. Both parents need to tell the child the same thing. If parents sometimes disagree on how to discipline the child, they should discuss it privately, not in front of the children.

4.Be Consistent
Most experts on children agree that parents should be consistent. Constantly changing the rules and expectations will only confuse your child. If you stop him from writing on the walls today, and you allow him to write on the walls tomorrow, he will not understand when you get angry the next time he writes on the walls. If you inconsistently apply the rules, he will also test you at times to see whether you are going to be tough this time or easy. If, however, he knows from experience that you always stop him the first time, he will quickly learn it does no good to try to get away with something. Although consistency is essential, it does not mean that parents cannot change their minds about the rules. If you do change the rules, however, you must inform your child in advance so that he will know what to expect. This failure to be consistent is at the root of many parents' inability to control their children.

5.Never Lie to your Childern

If you lie to them "every now and then," they may not believe you when you tell them the truth. This also applies to those situations when you tell your child to stop doing something, or you will put him in his room, spank him, or take away his toys. If you make that kind of a threat, you must stick with it. Otherwise, you have lied, and your child will not know when you are serious and when you are not. He will then be forced to test you again and again to see.

6.Don't Reward Crying

If children realize that everytime they cry, they get what they want, crying will become like money for them. Everytime they want something, they will cry. On the other hand, if you teach them that crying doesn't get them anything, they will stop crying for things. Let them cry and cry and cry, but don't give in. In the beginning, it will be difficult, but be patient. Once they learn the lesson and stop crying for everything, you will be happy that you were firm. You can either listen to crying for a few days or for the rest of your life. It's your choice.

7. Teach Your Child to Apologize When he/she Does Something Wrong
This is important so that he will learn what is expected of him from others and from Allah (SWT). If he does something wrong, he should ask forgiveness from Allah (SWT) and apologize to any people who were hurt by his words or actions. This will be useful in developing his conscience.

8. Accept Child's Apology
Be quick to excuse your child when he apologizes and shows that he is sorry for his disobedience or bad actions. When we do wrong, we seek forgiveness from Allah (SWT) and want to be excused. Likewise, we should excuse others. This will develop in your child a sense of mercy and prepare him for an understanding of the forgiveness of Allah (SWT). Always make it clear to the child that you love him, especially after he has been in trouble and apologized. Let him understand that no bad feelings remain.

9. Apologize For Your Mistakes

Don't be too proud to apologize to your child when you make mistakes. This will establish in him a belief in your sense of justice and prevent him from viewing you as nothing but a tyrant.

10. Teach Islam From an Early Age
Teach your child from an early age about Allah, the Prophets, the Sahaba, and the great heroes of Islam. If we develop in them a love for Islam and provide them with righteous examples for their heroes, they will be much less likely to go astray. A person wants to be like his heroes. If he admires Prophet Muhammad(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam), Abu Bakr(R.A.), and Ali(R.A.), he will try to follow their example. If he admires a rock star or a gang leader, he will want to be like them. If we inspire our children with good examples, when they are tempted to do wrong, they will, Insha-Allah, remember these examples and remain steadfast.

Although I was raised as a Christian and didn't embrace Islam until I was in my 20s, I was greatly influenced by the Biblical stories of Prophets like Nuh, Ibrahim, Musa, and Isa (peace be upon them all). Although the Biblical stories were not in their pure form, they still inculcated in me a love and respect for the way of the Prophets. Although I fell into many of the temptations of youth, Alhamdulillah, I always felt something within me holding me back from going too far. While many of my friends went headlong into a highly destructive way of life, I believe that my knowledge of, and affection for, the Prophets helped me to return to a better path.

11. Instruct in Good Morals

Teach your child good morals and good manners. An excellent book for this is Islamic Tahdhib and Akhlaq: Theory and Practice, by B. Aisha Lemu.

12.Discipline Your Child
Discipline should not become the domain of one parent. Mothers and fathers should both participate in the disciplining of their children. Although mothers often threaten their children by telling them that they will get into trouble when their father gets home, this method is not very useful for three reasons. First, discipline should be carried out immediately after the disobedience occurs so that the child will connect the disobedience with its consequences. If parents wait until later, the child may have forgotten why he got into trouble, and feel that the parents are not justified in disciplining him. Second, sometimes the child must be stopped immediately, and the mother cannot wait until the father gets home. The child must be taught to respond immediately to her commands as well as his father's. Third, making one parent responsible for disciplining the child may turn that parent into the "bad guy" in the child's eyes. The child should recognize that both parents agree on their methods of disciplining him. Although the degree to which various parents use them will vary, the following five methods might be used for disciplining your children.

(1) Putting your child in the bedroom. When the child is disobeying, he should first be warned that you are going to put him in the bedroom if he doesn't obey. If he continues to disobey, take him to the room immediately. Do not keep repeating warnings. For smaller children, you will probably have to sit in the room with them; for older children, they can sit alone. If they are crying or yelling, don't let them come out until they stop. Also, teach them that they need to apologize before you let them out. If they apologize, show your happiness and quick acceptance.

For those children who whine and cry for everything, it is good to teach them that they will be sent to the bedroom when they whine and cry. They should not be allowed to whine and cry in the living room where they will disturb others. Once children learn that when they whine and cry, they will be sent to the bedroom, the whining and crying should decrease dramatically. Although it may take a long time for some children to stop crying and apologize, the parent must not give in. The child should feel that everytime he persists in disobedience, he will be the loser. This method, if done correctly and consistently, should dramatically affect your child.

(2) Showing your disappointment. If you have established a good relationship with your child, your disappointment with him will have a great impact on him. If he does something you don't like, and you tell him you are angry with him and show him that you are not going to play and joke with him because of his actions, he will probably feel bad and apologize. This works especially well when several family members show disappointment with the child's actions.

(3) Withholding privileges. Not letting the child go out to play, ride his bicycle, or use his skates, for example. Threats to do this are useful only if the child believes you.

(4) Giving rewards. These could be compliments, sweets, toys, or anything else that your child likes. When your child is rewarded for doing good, he is likely to do good again. After some time, his habit will be to do good. Two words of caution, however. First, rewards should not become bribes. You should not tell your child, "If you obey me, I will take you for ice cream." Rewards should be spontaneous on your part to show your appreciation for your child's actions. They should not be expected by the child. You should say, "Since you have been such a good boy today, I'm going to take you for ice cream." Second, you should be careful that your relationship with your child does not become a marketplace where he expects to get a reward from you for everything he does. As the child gets older, he will not need to be given material rewards as often, although you should continue to let him know that you appreciate his good behavior. You should, however, teach him that even though he doesn't always receive a reward from you for his good actions, he might receive one from Allah (SWT).

(5) Spanking. This is the most controversial aspect of discipline. Some parents feel that it is wrong to spank children because it teaches them that violence is the answer or that "might makes right." Others go too far in the other direction and believe that unbridled beating of their children is okay. Some parents slap their children in the face, beat them on the hand, or twist their ears. These methods should, however, be avoided. Slapping in the face humiliates the child, and beating on the hand or twisting the ear could cause permanent physical damage to the child. Of course, it should also be clear that such things as burning or starving children, making them drink hot sauce, or other such harsh punishments should never be used. I personally use only two physical methods for disciplining my children: light slaps on the hand when the child is using his hands to do something wrong and spanking the child on his buttocks in a way that is not permanently harmful but that only causes some stinging. If the other methods of discipline are used wisely, a parent should rarely have to resort to physical discipline at all. However, sometimes it may be necessary. If done with mercy and justice and in the best interest of the child, it should not be considered as violent or abusive. When children grow up, they will be held accountable for their actions. In some cases, the punishments they face for wrongdoing will be severe. To teach them right from wrong now, even by spanking or lightly slapping their hand, will help them avoid these problems later in life. Hammudah Abd al Ati writes in The Family Structure in Islam: ". . . [T]he Prophet urged parents to demand that their children begin practicing the regular daily prayers by the age of seven. If the children do not start the practice by the age of ten, they should be disciplined by physical means --- without causing them harm or injury, of course --- only to show disapproval of their behavior." (p. 199)

If parents follow these principles consistently, they should see a dramatic improvement in their children in a short time. If, however, the children have been allowed to run the house for a long time, and the parents have given up their authority, it will take longer for the children to get used to the new rules. Although the various methods of discipline are important and will help you to control your children and force them to do what you say, you will not always be with them as they begin to grow, and, thus, the penalties and consequences from you will not concern them. Ideally, as you discipline your children you will also develop their conscience and their knowledge of right and wrong. Teaching them good morals and manners and instilling in them a love for Allah, the Prophets, the Sahaba(R.A.), and the great heroes of Islam should help them to do good even when you are not around. The attainment of self-discipline and a concern for doing righteousness whether they are with others or alone is the true goal of childrearing. The afore-mentioned techniques are merely some means to achieve this.
Courtesy: www.everymuslim.net

Oem Soufiane

Junior Member
assalamu aleikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

I am 23 and am a mother of two lovely sons,
Soufiane(turned 4 today)
and Abdenasser(2,5 yrs old)

So I also know the fun of having two little ones, Sometimes it has been hard, especially when the kids where 3 and 1 (pfew) but it is the most wonderfull thing that ever happend to me.

I also feel that it is best to have children when you are young, I was 18 when I got pregnant alhamdulilah, the pregnancies were painless, stressless, healthy and easy, giving birth was another thing, two very hard labours, but alhamdulilah, I lived and inshallah after the summer, we will go for number three:blackhijab:

Your own kids are all that matters in your life, I heard/saw somebody say, I know what it's like to be a mom, but believe me, you don't know how it feels to have your own kids if you don't have them. It is a love that is undescribable(?) I also have two younger sisters, but it really is different, not more or less, just different.

I changed my whole view of life. Less agressive in everything (speech, religion, life), and more, a lot more gratefull(?) and aware of the incredible blessings Allah gives us while we can never deserve a wonderfull thing as a :SMILY252: child.


Junior Member

This subject is one close to my heart. I was married nine years and divorced a year ago...we never had children though I want them very badly. Mashallah, a very good brother has approached me recently about marriage and we are working it out with his parents presently. One of the first things I asked him about was whether or not he wants chidren, he said he wants children as soon as possible.

Alhumdullilah he has the same priorities I have! Inshallah we will be married within a year and be blessed with many children.



Um Sumayyah

New Member
Assalaamu Alaikum My brother in Islam,
Alhamdulillah Allah Ta'ala has blessed me with 2 beautiful angels. I called them angels because they have nothing to account for and say Allah Ta'ala were to take their lives now, they will be in a far better place than here, which is Jannah. They are the coolness of my eyes.When i had my first child after thanking Allah Ta'ala i held my mom and cried for only now i understood what she felt, and how she feels for her children. A blessing indeed it is And may Allah Ta'ala give All mothers the strength to bring up their children in a manner that is most pleasing to HIM Ta'ala.Ameen


american muslima
when i had my son, everything around me changed. i got more patient. my heart got bigger- i never knew i could love anyone or anything THIS MUCH. If my child got lost, i would travel to the ends of the earth on foot if i had to, to find him, and i would stomp down anyone who stood in my way. if i see anyone hurt him, let me just say i will not be able to control myself. when he is gone for even ONE night, i feel like something is missing and i get sad. he is so precious. I don't care what anyone says, and i dont care how cute or ugly your child is, the moment you lay eyes on that little one, he/she will be the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and no one will be able to convince you differently. if the child goes away forever, i believe there is a piece of your heart that will also be gone forever. there are a lot of feelings that motherhood brings that cant be explained- only felt.

A Kashmiri

Junior Member
Saif ud din - i am sure you will marry now and have babies and would be a lovely and caring mother as all sisters are here...... ( JK)

I also wonder why no brother had posted any comment.....

I have only to say this here, Mothers are the best gifts to a child by Allah, and for sure the heaven lies under her feet. As per other Ahadeeth, 3/4th Love and affection of us should go to our mothers and 1/4th to our fathers.