Fatima Amenda
Junior Member
My life seemed to be built on idol talk; I or no one else around really had anything interesting to say. Everything I heard in my small insignificant world had no real meaning; it was built on theory, philosophy, arrogance, a whole lot of confusion and very little patience. I tuned out early on and the worldly distractions became my lifeline.
The Qur’an changed that quicker then the speed of light.
When this light of Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala struck me at that moment I realized I forgot how to pray. Forgot, and in Christianity, prayer is not a set of ways, it’s just prayer, I was confused at my frantic feeling, what did this mean I forgot how to pray? I wanted so much to pray, I knelt down on my floor and said, God, I’m sorry; I really don’t know how to pray.
Fast forward … (6 months after 8 Rabi- Al Awwal 1432 H when I was first called to Islam, as for in this span which is another story, every time I tried to read the Qur'an my head would fill up with noise like interference, I kept praying for this noise to stop so I could read, finally 6 months later the noise stopped and I've never stopped reading the Qur'an since)
I learned how to pray fard a little at a time and I was finally able to read the Qur’an daily. Now I was left unwinding like a wound up toy thirsting for the right direction, I had this wonderful book in my hand but now what; the meaning of life was handed to me Suban’Allah. Reaching out everywhere, my thoughts racing, jumping, buzzing, a feeling of high speed I was pulled in a million directions, backward, forward, sideways, falling, flying, crying, laughing. I was on a rollercoaster frightened it would never end. My life was flashing in front of my eyes like my own personal movie playing,, at times those flashes weren’t easy leaving me rolling in pain on the floor. I knew I couldn’t run, and why would I, I knew in my heart this is the process for someone who didn’t spend their life in reality and I was tired of illusion, I thirsted for the truth. A voice told me no matter what happened, whatever I feel is happening, don’t let go, don’t give up, trust in Allah Subana wa Ta’ala and practice patience, the answers will come Insha’Allah.
Alhamdulillah, I began listening to anything, everywhere, every topic trying to race from A-Z (left out… B-Y) in one giant leap all this did was leave my head buzzing wondering what the buzz in my head trying to say is; I wanted to do everything, understand everything. For the first time in my life the void that was in my spirit that could never be filled, now the medication was here but the cure began to turn into my sickness. I still lacked patience and understanding.
Allahu Akbar, with each distraction and bad habit of my past that was removed the more in tune my life began and I was able to tune out to my past habits and replace with the right prescription and finally, recently I heard the answer who, what, where, when, why and How. Although I read the Qur’an, love the Qur’an and have the faith in the Qur’an and Sunnah, I lacked sound teachings. The meaning of life everyone sets out to find Suban’Allah I am so grateful Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala gave me the chance to find and at a time in my life that was perfect timing, of course, Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala knows best. I am so grateful He allowed me to experience Islam while I’m still young enough to put into practice for the next half of my life Insha’Allah. My prayer I made for years in my life was that for serenity which of course is Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala, the Prophets of Allah (May Allah bless them all and bring them peace) and the Companions (May Allah be pleased with them). Serenity comes from history of the world without alteration of text or time, now an overwhelming flood of answers came recently as I’ve learned now how to learn.
When this next flood light happened today if it wasn’t for the strength of Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala gave to move in the prescribed manner of prayer I wouldn’t be able to even stand for Takbir instead my knees weakened and felt like I wanted to fall down like a child in a ball crying weak and not from flashbacks of a life past of pain but with love and gratefulness of the mercy and love Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala has shown to the world by sending Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu alayhi Wasallam. I tremble within fearing of loosing this closeness and healing I have felt with each pillar and Muslim way of life I’m learning to put into practice from the Qur’an and Hadiths.
Today listening to and reading lectures from respected Islamic scholars, listening to stories of the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi Wasallam, the Sahaba and the Quraysh, these accounts of history hit me so hard I realized I had nothing left to say. Alhamdulillah, My brain has stopped buzzing and my spirit has been given the quiet peace only Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala can give. I realized Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala gave me time to listen and less time for talking. Every action made effects every aspect in this life and the next. How will I know the effectiveness of my actions if I don’t stop to listen to the sound of the train?
Our first job is to be a Student of Islam, our goal is to reach and teach Islam Insha’Allah, without the goal of Islam how do we know how to cross the bridge and get to Jannah?
The Qur’an changed that quicker then the speed of light.
When this light of Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala struck me at that moment I realized I forgot how to pray. Forgot, and in Christianity, prayer is not a set of ways, it’s just prayer, I was confused at my frantic feeling, what did this mean I forgot how to pray? I wanted so much to pray, I knelt down on my floor and said, God, I’m sorry; I really don’t know how to pray.
Fast forward … (6 months after 8 Rabi- Al Awwal 1432 H when I was first called to Islam, as for in this span which is another story, every time I tried to read the Qur'an my head would fill up with noise like interference, I kept praying for this noise to stop so I could read, finally 6 months later the noise stopped and I've never stopped reading the Qur'an since)
I learned how to pray fard a little at a time and I was finally able to read the Qur’an daily. Now I was left unwinding like a wound up toy thirsting for the right direction, I had this wonderful book in my hand but now what; the meaning of life was handed to me Suban’Allah. Reaching out everywhere, my thoughts racing, jumping, buzzing, a feeling of high speed I was pulled in a million directions, backward, forward, sideways, falling, flying, crying, laughing. I was on a rollercoaster frightened it would never end. My life was flashing in front of my eyes like my own personal movie playing,, at times those flashes weren’t easy leaving me rolling in pain on the floor. I knew I couldn’t run, and why would I, I knew in my heart this is the process for someone who didn’t spend their life in reality and I was tired of illusion, I thirsted for the truth. A voice told me no matter what happened, whatever I feel is happening, don’t let go, don’t give up, trust in Allah Subana wa Ta’ala and practice patience, the answers will come Insha’Allah.
Alhamdulillah, I began listening to anything, everywhere, every topic trying to race from A-Z (left out… B-Y) in one giant leap all this did was leave my head buzzing wondering what the buzz in my head trying to say is; I wanted to do everything, understand everything. For the first time in my life the void that was in my spirit that could never be filled, now the medication was here but the cure began to turn into my sickness. I still lacked patience and understanding.
Allahu Akbar, with each distraction and bad habit of my past that was removed the more in tune my life began and I was able to tune out to my past habits and replace with the right prescription and finally, recently I heard the answer who, what, where, when, why and How. Although I read the Qur’an, love the Qur’an and have the faith in the Qur’an and Sunnah, I lacked sound teachings. The meaning of life everyone sets out to find Suban’Allah I am so grateful Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala gave me the chance to find and at a time in my life that was perfect timing, of course, Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala knows best. I am so grateful He allowed me to experience Islam while I’m still young enough to put into practice for the next half of my life Insha’Allah. My prayer I made for years in my life was that for serenity which of course is Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala, the Prophets of Allah (May Allah bless them all and bring them peace) and the Companions (May Allah be pleased with them). Serenity comes from history of the world without alteration of text or time, now an overwhelming flood of answers came recently as I’ve learned now how to learn.
When this next flood light happened today if it wasn’t for the strength of Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala gave to move in the prescribed manner of prayer I wouldn’t be able to even stand for Takbir instead my knees weakened and felt like I wanted to fall down like a child in a ball crying weak and not from flashbacks of a life past of pain but with love and gratefulness of the mercy and love Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala has shown to the world by sending Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu alayhi Wasallam. I tremble within fearing of loosing this closeness and healing I have felt with each pillar and Muslim way of life I’m learning to put into practice from the Qur’an and Hadiths.
Today listening to and reading lectures from respected Islamic scholars, listening to stories of the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi Wasallam, the Sahaba and the Quraysh, these accounts of history hit me so hard I realized I had nothing left to say. Alhamdulillah, My brain has stopped buzzing and my spirit has been given the quiet peace only Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala can give. I realized Allah Subana Wa Ta’ala gave me time to listen and less time for talking. Every action made effects every aspect in this life and the next. How will I know the effectiveness of my actions if I don’t stop to listen to the sound of the train?
Our first job is to be a Student of Islam, our goal is to reach and teach Islam Insha’Allah, without the goal of Islam how do we know how to cross the bridge and get to Jannah?
