Why second marriage of mother is a taboo?

Discussion in 'New and Current Affairs' started by Ershad, Jan 20, 2012.

  1. Ershad
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    Ershad Junior Member

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    Why second marriage of mother is a taboo?



    By ARAB NEWS


    ALKHOBAR: Saudis don’t usually like it when their mother gets remarried. But when it comes to their father, no one has a problem.

    According to a report in Al-Riyadh Arabic daily, the sentiments that children have toward their mother and father are not the same. They might not mind if their father marries another woman but will fight tooth and nail if the mother tries to remarry.

    To think of losing their mother’s affection to another man is impossible for them. It might be argued that they are too selfish to give their mother another chance at life. After spending her whole life serving them devotedly, they would prefer her to lead a lonely life.

    Umm Muhammad a 52-year-old divorcee, shared her experience with the newspaper. She had received a proposal from a man who promised her a happy married life. He was also willing to support her children from the first marriage. Living alone in a house given by her previous husband, with no one to take care of her except a housemaid, she thought it would bring an end to her solitary life.

    All five of her children were married and lived in separate houses. When they heard about the proposal, they got really upset. Muhammad, the eldest son, threatened to kill the man while her other son reminded her that she is now a grandmother. Her daughters were worried what their husbands and their families would think.

    Umm Muhammad realized that she would lose her children forever in case she married again. She knew that they opposed the proposal mainly because of their fear of social ignominy.

    Al-Bandari Al-Khalifa, another Saudi woman, said it was difficult for her to even think of her mother married to another man. “My mother was in her 30s when my father died. We were just children then and she devoted her full life to bring us up. Now, all of us are grown up and married. But, we still cannot be in favor of her second marriage,” she said.

    She said society would not show any mercy toward a woman who remarries. She will have to face ridicule from her children and relatives themselves. “It is very difficult to mentally adjust to our mother’s second marriage as she is our shelter in hours of difficulty and crisis,” she said, adding that if it had been her father remarrying, she would not mind.

    Ishaq Turki, a young Saudi man, said: “My father died when I was 13. Being the only son, I strongly objected to my mother remarrying. I stopped talking to her till she changed her mind,” he said.

    “It is also a psychological issue. Think about the embarrassment a young man faces when he attends the marriage of his mother in her 50s. It is also selfish for a woman who has children and grandchildren to get married again ignoring the interests of her children,” he said.

    But, Ibtisam Ata, a Saudi woman, sees nothing wrong with it. She said that society should understand the feelings of a woman who remains a widow or divorcee for most parts of her life. She should be given her right to lead a married life.

    Ata noted that society views women as prisoners of men. “As a daughter, she has to accept what her father decides for her. After marriage, she is treated as a private property of her husband. As a mother, she does everything for her children. It is like she is a servant who is forced to obey men until she dies,” she said.

    Ata pointed out that there is no difference in men’s attitude even after she becomes a grandmother. “At that age, she has to follow her children’s instructions on how to take care of their kids. Nobody in society is ready to bring into reality the status that women enjoy in Islam,” she said.

    Ata said that a widow or divorcee has the right to remarry even if she is a grandmother. “Society must come to terms with that reality. They should treat her the same way they would treat a man in his 70s who remarries,” she said while hoping that they would come forward to bless her.

    Dr. Saleh Al-Aqeel, a social scientist, said Islam allows a woman to remarry regardless of her age and social status. “Islam grants full rights to all men and women. Nobody can deny these rights to any woman. The problem is the mentality of society.”

    Al-Aqeel noted that most grown up children are busy with their married life and have no time to think about their mother living alone. “They don’t like the idea of a strange man coming into their lives. They are also afraid of the ridicule they would have to face from society,” he said while stressing the need for a big change in society’s attitude.

    Source:http://arabnews.com/saudiarabia/article565140.ece
  2. Ershad
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    Ershad Junior Member

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    It is sad to see cultural correctness taking precedence over Islamic rulings and solutions.
  3. ShyHijabi
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    ShyHijabi Junior Member

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    What narcissistic, self-centered, egotistic brats those grown children are to think their mother should not remarry so she can be their baby sitter to her grandchildren. O don't see how remarrying would stop her from caring for her children and grandchildren. I feel like this culture is raising a generation of self entitled brats.
  4. bmw540i
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    bmw540i Junior Member

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    We need to put Islam first,second and third.The Saudi mentality needs to eradicate this abhorrent culture and another one of the these cultural issue is the amount of dowry.Crazy amount of money is asked for mahr.
  5. esperanza
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    esperanza revert of many years

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    [this is not just in saudi culture,,,but aross arab cultures,,, im sure..and iknow many cases where the man remarries but the woman,,,definitely her sons would be against
    its thought once a woman has children especially when they grow up thats her role in life ,,there is nothing more
  6. strive-may-i
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    strive-may-i Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    :)

    Saudi is no exception, it has its own share of social problems to correct ... I have read enough reports of women/men unable to accept their widowed mother remarrying from around world

    Its a different matter if the widow has small kids, But Grown up independent kids unable to let their mother be independent... It is simply injustice... !
  7. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Wow..after a hard day at work I come to read that should I wish to enrich my life with a mate it is selfish.
    Ok..let me be selfish. I pay my own bills thank you very much.
  8. queenislam
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    queenislam ★★★I LOVE ALLAH★★★

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    Very interesting :)

    Thank you for sharing this,sister.
    :jazaak:

    ~May Allah swt help,protect and guide all muslims~Amin!

    Take care,
    ~Wassalam :)
  9. finding light
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    finding light Ya Rab! Forgive me..

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    Salaam,
    Its not only an Arab thing - its with the Indians too (I am of Indian decent).
    My father passed away 6 years ago - at first my mother thought of remarriage as betrayal... but now, its different. Just the day before yesterday I asked her if she would ever consider it. She said she didnt know.. but I know that means yes. the main thing is the loneliness.... as young adults we have our lives to get on with but we dont feel what our widowed parents feel. I feel really bad for my mother and I would love more than anything to marry her off to a pious, handsome old man who will give her love - Inshallah!! However, my brother night refuse.... hmmmm......
    Make dua!
  10. ShahnazZ
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    ShahnazZ Striving2BeAStranger

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    ^Yeah but with Indians it's more due to Hindu influence. In Hinduism, a wife is nothing without her husband. At one point, widows would be burned along with their dead husbands because they would no longer be considered to have worth and those that weren't burned were still treated like the lowest of the low. It's their sick caste system that even the Muslims of the Subcontinent adopted into their culture and so they think that if a woman's husband leaves her, she has no value in society and her only saving grace is to serve her children.

    Same outcome, different causes.
  11. bmw540i
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    bmw540i Junior Member

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    Yes you are correct straight from the Indian lal kitab
  12. lovefordeen
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    wa'alaikum assalaam

    this is really sad...but from experience,i don't think it's always the mother who has trouble on getting remarried...sometimes,men too have trouble remarrying after their spouse passes away....

    we had just heard that my grandfather(his soul is with Allah now) wanted to remarry after many years of my grandmother's death....he was an independent man and didn't depend on his children for a living masha'Allah...his children just got a hint that he may want to and everyone opposed it but my father....i have to say that i was also one of those who opposed it in my ignorant days...i was worried about what people would think when i get a marriage proposal asthagfirulah....

    this has to change...let them marry when they are single...no matter how good your children are to you,one may feel lonely without a spouse when one's children are grown up and have a life of their own...

    we cannot generalize these incidents to any particular country...these may happen among some people,but all may not be the same...

    i have seen two cases of widow remarriage in india and both are my family...so not all muslims in india feel that widow remarriage as weird...

    but sadly,i have heard of some highly educated muslim women asking me why she left her children to seek a life of her own???i should say some blame goes to some women too for considering any woman who has chosen to remarry as being selfish....asthagfirulah...
  13. bmw540i
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    bmw540i Junior Member

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    Yea i sometimes joke at home with my wife and tell her once she is gone what will i do ?The eyes go so big you would think i committed murder.Then the story of my life,in this world and the year after and all the generations before me,in other words a full history lesson.The children would be the last story,they will not allow you to re-marry.Well that is how it goes no matter how educated unfortunately when it comes to the wife she always wins.
  14. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Well for some of us culture and customs have no or little meaning. Life comes around just once and it is mine. I will enjoy it.
  15. bmw540i
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    bmw540i Junior Member

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    Good go for it Aapa :)

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