In desperate need of help for my sister

Believer1985

Junior Member
:salam2:

Dear brothers and sisters,

I want to ask you if there is some dua or supplication I can read for my sister. At 23 years of age her attitude towards my parents and myself is completely disgusting. Family is of no value to her and she doesn't care about anything much. She is unmarried and lives with my parents, whereas I am married and live with my husband. She doesn't pray and isn't very religious, even though my parents didn't bring her up to be this way. She dresses horribly and hangs out with her best friend, who is just like her.

Every single day I have to worry about who she is with and what she is doing. I hate it, because it's a strain on me and my happiness. It's unfair for me to feel unhappy for her when she goes out and has her fun and is so selfish that she cares about nothing but her own happiness. I am scared she might go and do something stupid one day, and I am scared for her. Please can you tell me what I can read or do to change her?

Thank you so much,

:wasalam:
 

JenGiove

Junior Member
:salam2:

Dear brothers and sisters,

I want to ask you if there is some dua or supplication I can read for my sister. At 23 years of age her attitude towards my parents and myself is completely disgusting. Family is of no value to her and she doesn't care about anything much. She is unmarried and lives with my parents, whereas I am married and live with my husband. She doesn't pray and isn't very religious, even though my parents didn't bring her up to be this way. She dresses horribly and hangs out with her best friend, who is just like her.

Every single day I have to worry about who she is with and what she is doing. I hate it, because it's a strain on me and my happiness. It's unfair for me to feel unhappy for her when she goes out and has her fun and is so selfish that she cares about nothing but her own happiness. I am scared she might go and do something stupid one day, and I am scared for her. Please can you tell me what I can read or do to change her?

Thank you so much,

:wasalam:

:salam2: Sister,

I'm sorry to say, the only person who can do any changing is your sister and the only person who can provide the motivation that sticks is Creator. Since you have tried and your parents have tried to guide her....my personal advice is to step out of the way of Creator and trust that the path that she talks is the one she needs to take. While you have the right to expect a certain mode of behavior from her while she is at your house, the most you can do (in my opinion) is just pray and trust.

Maybe your brother's and sister's will have advice in terms of the Sunnah's teachings.

You'll be in my thoughts.
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
:wasalam:

maybe advicing her gently about the favors of Allah on her, the pleasure of jannah and the pain in hellfire, the death arrival, etc can change her.

may Allah guide her towards His path as HE is capable to do all the things.

ameen
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

First of all there is no desperation in Islam. We believe Allah suahana talla answers prayers. Someone posted a great video this week on this very subject.

Second, your sister is very blessed to have your love, as are your parents.

Third, this is the hard part. She has no control on your happiness. Your joy comes from serving Allah. You continue to pray, do good deeds, love your husband and parents.

You are not responsible for the choices your sister is making. That does not mean you will not be there for her. She has made the decision to live her life in this manner. If this lifestyle is interfering with the ability of your parents to practice Islam in their home, your sister needs to leave.

Insha'Allah, she will come to understand this path only leads to being alone. She has not understood her behaviors are reactions to the deception of her life-style.

Make dua for her, but keep in mind she is the one who has to call upon Allah, we all do at some point in our life. She will notice you have pulled away from her. She will notice the ease with which you live your life. She will notice the glory of living as a Muslim.

You are the blessed one.
 

your-sister

Junior Member
Salaam alaikum!

I agree with brother Ahmad. Sister, she needs someone to most likely take her by the hand and steer her to the opposite direction from the one she's on at the moment. You as her sister, can be that someone. Don't just sit there and worry yourself. Go to her and advice her and advice her, over and over again if she refuses to listen. Don't give up on her insha'Allah! It may take lots of energy from you but just imagine all the reward you'll get and most of all, Allaah azza wa jall will be pleased with the both of you and she won't be earning His anger anymore. Wal iyaadhu billaah!

I'm not sure if there is a particular supplication for this. However, the best one i could suggest is O' Allaah, guide her unto the right path for You are the guider. Guidance, especially from Him, is what she needs.

May He keep us from going astray and help us in defeating shaytaan(a'udhu billaahi min sharrih) ! Aameen

Allahuma-ahdi ukhty fi-al-Islaam!! Allahuma-ahdihaa ilaa siraatuka, siraat-al-mustaqee! Aameen
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

There is an expression that is useful. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.

If your sister does not hear you leave her be. Why worry about her. She has made the decision.
 

your-sister

Junior Member
Wa'alaikum salaam wa rahmatullaah !

The sister has not told us if she has already talked with and advised her sister. So it's safe to assume she hasn't yet...And will need to do such if she wants to help her out.

But if you and your family have already done all you can and she isn't changing her ways, then sister, leave this to Allaah azza wa jall.

Because the reality is that whomsoever Allaah guides, none can misguide. And whomever He misguides, none but Him alone can guide.

However, du'aa is the weapon of the believers, so continue to supplicate to Allaah azza wa jall for her hidaaya insha'allah!
 

Believer1985

Junior Member
Salam,

Thank you all for your replies. I pray Allah swt rewards you for trying to help me.

Some other facts I'd like to highlight are:

1) My sister has already run away from home once. She says he has learned her lesson and won't do that again

2) I though after her running away experience, she'd change. But she only turned worse

3) I've explained to her several times about the hellfire and punishments and tried to make her pray, but she seems to be losing her religious side, and fast! She did Fast in Ramadan, though, but i don't know if she done it from the heart

4) This is worry not just for me, but my mother as well. She goes through too much and I hate to see my beloved mother suffering and being at the receiving end of my sister's wrath

5) I try to be patient and not shout at her, because I feel if I stop talking to her she'll do something stupid. I have to keep talking to her for information, or I won't know anything. I hate that I can't even tell her off or break up with her!

6) I've had a tension headache all day because of this, and right now have a splitting headache, and I know it's because I've been so stressed.

7) I just want her to pull herself together and realise the consequences of her own actions and how it affects her whole family

I feel so helpless...
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Assalaam walaikum,
If your sister does not hear you leave her be. Why worry about her. She has made the decision.
Wa-alaikum assalam

Worrying about the people you love is a natural part of being a human being, it also brings about a condition in which a person raises their hands to Allaah and actually makes a du'aa for things to change.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

And is it not in the Quran for us not to grieve if they choose not to believe.
And sister, think of the faith it takes to stop loving something dear for the fear and love of Allah.
 

uddim004

Junior Member
:salam2:i don't think you should give up on your sister. have patients and trust in Allah azawajal for only he can guide your sister. how many time did the prophets uncle attack him but he did not retaliate. we have to maintain the bonds of kinship.

"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

All i can say now is that i will make dua for you and hope everything works out for you.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Do we not walk away from disbelieve? Bonds of kinship apply among believers.
Why would you remain near one who will not believe. Why are you feeling responsible for the behavior of someone you have no control over?

This makes little sense. You are married. You are allowing your sisters lack of faith to become a problem in your life? Why?

Please see a physician for yourself. Before you can take care of your sister you need to take care of yourself.

This does not mean you do not love your sister. How can you help her when you get sick by her actions. Heal yourself first.

Your sister is happy where she is in her life.
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatulah wa baarakatuhu dear sister

As other brothers and sisters have already advice you MashAllah, I do not have anything new to add, except that you do not forget dear sister to advice your sister with sabur and kindness, as if you advice her on rude way it can even have worst effects on her behaviour.She may feel that everyone is attacking her and not trusting on her, so out of anger she may even have worst behaviour. May Allah protect her from any harm and guide her to the right path.

Dear sister you should advice her that this world is not safe for one Muslim girl and that there are every kind of people who may harm her, that she may commit zina Astagfirullah, loose her dignity and honour, or be involed in other horrible things like drugs, prostitution, neuzubillahi. May Allah always protect her.

Also tell her about blessing of our deen Islam and its moral that it is teaching us our religion and that everything what Allah has ordered is only for our own good on this World and Ahirah. Tell her if she do good and stay away from bad things than Allah subhan wa teala will be pleased with her on the first place, you like her sister and your parents too. And tell her also that we should be always gratefull to all blessings of Allah toward us with staying away from things that He has forbidden to us and that one day we all will get back to Him and stend infront of our Rabb to respond for all our deeds.We never know when will be our time to get back to Allah subhan wa teala, and like Allah sais in Quran, the day when we stand infront of Allah on day Of Judgmnet some of us may wish to get back on this World and correct our deeds, but there will be not return Inshallah.

I aslo have younger sister, and I also take care a loot of her like you do.:SMILY252:. I love her a loot and wish to always protect her, but she sometimes get angry a loot, because she tells to me that I behave like I am her mother. SubhanAllah.

May Allah help to you dear sister and your beloved sister.Ameen ya Rabby

:wasalam:
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Assalaam walaikum,

Do we not walk away from disbelieve? Bonds of kinship apply among believers.
Why would you remain near one who will not believe. Why are you feeling responsible for the behavior of someone you have no control over?

This makes little sense. You are married. You are allowing your sisters lack of faith to become a problem in your life? Why?

Please see a physician for yourself. Before you can take care of your sister you need to take care of yourself.

This does not mean you do not love your sister. How can you help her when you get sick by her actions. Heal yourself first.

Your sister is happy where she is in her life.

Aapa please be careful in how you word your sentiments, you cannot pass any judgements on the sisters imaan and you are implying she is not a believer and therefore should be 'left' ..

As long as a person says the Shahadah on their tongue they are owed the rights they deserve from other Muslims.

We are told to never aid the Shaytaan against another Muslim, i.e. if the shaytaan happens to have trapped a person in sinful activities it is for other Muslims to come to their help in some way or another, not aid the Shaytaan in leaving them to fight that battle alone. Yes, we should have a good level of concern for the state of our families, friends and communities.

If someone is clearly a non-Muslim, and they happen to be a family member, this can still evoke certain emotions and looking back at the greatest generation, as always, Rasulullaah :saw2: was sensitive to the feelings of the Sahaabah and avoided putting a Muslim son against his non-Muslim father when it came to battles. Yes it does take strong Imaan, the Sahaabah left their kafir family members and tribes when they became Muslim and even faught them at Badr and Uhud in spite of the emotions, this is what I think you're referring to and you're absolutely correct in this regard because that is some awe inspiring Imaan.

As far as any of us know, the sister in question is a Muslim and none of us can say otherwise.

:salam2:
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Assalaam walaikum,

Do we not walk away from disbelieve? Bonds of kinship apply among believers.
Why would you remain near one who will not believe. Why are you feeling responsible for the behavior of someone you have no control over?

This makes little sense. You are married. You are allowing your sisters lack of faith to become a problem in your life? Why?

Please see a physician for yourself. Before you can take care of your sister you need to take care of yourself.

This does not mean you do not love your sister. How can you help her when you get sick by her actions. Heal yourself first.

Your sister is happy where she is in her life.

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa barakatuhu dear sister

We should be very carefull with our words and calling others as Kaffirs as long as there is at least Shahaadah in their hearts, and Allah knows the best.

Also, even if our own family member is Kaffir, we should advice him and give every effort of us to gude him toward Islam, and Alhamdulilah that born brothres and sisters do take care and it should take care of each other.

This has remaind me on the story of one litlle boy who was taking his litlle brother on his back. After people saw that, they have asked him" That boy is too heavy for small and weak child like you are", on what he replied them" He is not heavy to me, he is my brother". SubhanAllah.

May Allah guide us all to the right path. Ameen ya Rabby:tti_sister:

:wasalam:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Sisters,

Stop your judgments against a believing woman. Did you read what the sister wrote.

The poster suggested she is getting physically sick due to her sisters actions.

Do you not read the Quran. Walk away from those that do not listen.

Stop the judgments against me, sisters.

I am not the one that is seeking help. The poster needs to get a grip on her health.

And do not tell me I am wrong. Do not malign a believing woman who is speaking the truth.

We are not responisble for the faith of others. You can call them to faith but the decisions is individual.

Sisters, do you not understand what you are doing. Be serious. You are on an international website telling me I am wrong.

Stop with your arrogance. I never called the girl anything. I told the sister to take care of her health. That is the issue.

Do not put words in my mouth. I believe I am owed an apology from both sisters. You are both wrong. Think about what you are writing.


Sisters, please ask Allah for forgiveness. You ask me to be careful with my words. Think again. I know and am responsible for what I wrote.

I am very upset with both of you. How arrogant can you be. And both of you are unmarried without children without responsibility. No, both of you owe me a major apology.

Sister Fajr, I know you will close this thread. So go ahead. It's par for the course. If you disagree you close the thread. But apologize first.
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Assalaam walaikum,

Sisters,

Stop your judgments against a believing woman. Did you read what the sister wrote.

The poster suggested she is getting physically sick due to her sisters actions.

Do you not read the Quran. Walk away from those that do not listen.

Stop the judgments against me, sisters.

I am not the one that is seeking help. The poster needs to get a grip on her health.

And do not tell me I am wrong. Do not malign a believing woman who is speaking the truth.

We are not responisble for the faith of others. You can call them to faith but the decisions is individual.

Sisters, do you not understand what you are doing. Be serious. You are on an international website telling me I am wrong.

Stop with your arrogance. I never called the girl anything. I told the sister to take care of her health. That is the issue.

Do not put words in my mouth. I believe I am owed an apology from both sisters. You are both wrong. Think about what you are writing.


Sisters, please ask Allah for forgiveness. You ask me to be careful with my words. Think again. I know and am responsible for what I wrote.

I am very upset with both of you. How arrogant can you be. And both of you are unmarried without children without responsibility. No, both of you owe me a major apology.

Sister Fajr, I know you will close this thread. So go ahead. It's par for the course. If you disagree you close the thread. But apologize first.
Wa-alaikum assalam wa rahmatullaah,

There is something wrong with the content and manner of my post because of a surety, I didn't intend for it to offend in any way, let alone on such a scale.

Astagfirullaah, I'm sorry Aapa.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Now.

Sister..we all understand the dilemma of the young sister. She wants for her sister the love and blessings of Allah.

However, she needs to take care of her health. Her sister is not going to listen to one who is sick with worry.

The sister who is having fun is going to realize very soon what we all learn..the duyna is nothing but glitter. When the glitter fades reality hits. When the glitter falls of in the middle of the night it is dark and desolate. You do not have friends in the duyna. The friends of the duyna leave you because they are hungry for the love of the duyna.

This will be the time that the caring sister can walk to her sister with open arms of love and show her the light of Love.

We just have to be patient. But, the sister needs to go see a doctor about the headaches.
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
:salam2:

I also aplogise and ask halal of you dear sister. But I also need to say that Alhadmulilah I did not intend to offend you on any way sister, but it was only advice from my side for the sake of Allah.

May Allah forgive me if you have misundestood my words, or if I said anything wrong.

:wasalam:
 

Believer1985

Junior Member
Assalaam walaikum,

Do we not walk away from disbelieve? Bonds of kinship apply among believers.
Why would you remain near one who will not believe. Why are you feeling responsible for the behavior of someone you have no control over?

This makes little sense. You are married. You are allowing your sisters lack of faith to become a problem in your life? Why?

Please see a physician for yourself. Before you can take care of your sister you need to take care of yourself.

This does not mean you do not love your sister. How can you help her when you get sick by her actions. Heal yourself first.

Your sister is happy where she is in her life.

Look, you don't me, so please don't judge me and presume that I need other methods of "help". I'm not doing this for myself, but for my parents, whom I love dearly. I do not wish to see them suffer. Now, if you can't muster up the strength to say anything nice, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave my thread. Thank you.

I am not sick, just stressed, and rightly so. What would YOU do if your family member had gone off the rails? Wouldn't you worry? I'm sure you would. I don't need a bashing right now. I need support. Please don't kick me while I'm already down...
 
Top