a Heartbreaking Return....

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahi Wabarkaathuh Wamagfirahthuh Wafadhluhu wa Hubuhu my dearest beloved brothers and sisters. I have been away from TTI for a very long time, due to some problems and difficulties that I have been going through these past months that I have been gone. For me, these past weeks have been both heartbreaking and also good (in some small ways), but finally, I am BACK TO STAY (INSHALLAH) ON TTI!

Oh please brothers and sisters, those of you who I love dearly for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (and you all know who you are), PLEASE forgive me, it's just that I haven't been feeling too well lately, and so that's what kept me away from TTI for so long :(. And I told myself that I have to make sure that WHEN I do come back to TTI, that I say something that can make all of you brothers and sisters to feel better and feel happy, and so Alhamdulillah, NOW I have the time and the Iman to talk once more to all of you.
So anyway, to speak about my situation in these past months:
School opened one week after Ramadan started. And so when THAT happened, I was like TOO busy, to the point that I SERIOUSLY never had the time to coem back to TTI, and I had SO MANY problems in my school too, like for the fact that the Principal and Administrator would NOT give me permission to take 3 minutes out of classtime to do Salat, and so I would then do Salat during anytime that I was free, like in one situation, Alhamdulillah, I was in the athletic center for PE class, and so all we were doing was stitting on the bleachers talking or sleeping, and so Alhamdulillah, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla hinted me that THIS is the best time for me to do Salat, and so I took out my rug, put it on the floor of the gym, faced the qiblah, and made takbir, and ALHAMDULILLAH, I was able to do Zuhr Salat for 40 minutes with OUT anything stopping me, and infront of 150 STUDENTS, but by the Will of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, I was able to stand my ground, even though I later on got in trouble "for not being in my designated area and during a designated time (meaning lunchtime, 10:51-11:16)," but Alhamculillah, I STILL continued to do my Salat at other times even afterschool before I went on my bus (until my mother told me that she wants me to do Salat at home instead). And I'm not saying any of this to show off, but I just want to explain about some things that I have went through which were VERY difficult for me, and the ONLY one who deserves the pride, honor, and praise for my good deeds, is Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, because without him, I would NEVER be able to do ANYTHING GOOD.

And so another saddening situation was when I had to give a speech for my Speech Communications Class, and so I stood up and was talking about Rasulallah (SAW)'s mercy and his Hadeeth of treating people kindly with mercy, and then I got laughed off by the entire class, and many people stopped talking to me after I did that, but still, Alhamdulillah, by the Will and Mercy of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, that did not break me, :( because after I was being laughed at, Waswasa came into my head telling me that I've now been laughed at for talking about Rasulallah (SAW), and it was asking me that, Why did you even do that for? Do you really think these people would listen to you? It would have been better for you if you just talked about him a LITTLE bit less," and also I heard something like, "Now you see what happened to you? Just for calling to Allah you have now been humiliated," but Alhamdulillah, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla put a response in my mind, and so in my mind, I replied (to the Waswasa) that, "I was ridiculed and humiliated just for calling to the way of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul, and why did I do it? Because Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla told me that if I AM a true Muslim, then I MUST give Dawah about him and his Rasul (SAW), and not only that, but I knew that by giving dawah about Rasulallah (SAW) that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla would be pleased with me, and so even though this happened to me, I'm still happy, because maybe now since I have went through hadrships just because I wanted to obey Allah Subhannahu wa Ta Alla, he will be pleased with what I have done, just for his sake."
And so after that incident, and through deep thinking, I understood that I would personally NEVER be able to bring people into learning about or understanding Islam, because of how much those people have dostanced themselves from Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, and so I though to myself, is there any point in going back to highschool? A place where you want to call people into coming into Islam, but on the other hand, you have to struggle to fight to keep your Iman high all the time, and by the end of the school day, the Fitnah and the Waswasa go up SO HIGH that it is unbearable and difficult for you. It's like jumping into a dark thick lake full of poison, in order to get a bar of soap at the bottom (meaning that the school enviroment is so bad that going there just for the sake of doing Dawah cannot bear even a fruitbud off a dead tree except that it deteraiates your OWN self in your Iman and in your deen). So I came to the conclusion that these people in my school are Hedonists, people who just try to seek pleasure, and like what Sheikh Khalid Yasin (RA) said, "You have to be careful around these people, because of their sins and their twisted way of thinking, they have (themselves) distanced themselves from the reminder of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (and meaning that when they DO learn about Islam and Tawheed, they do NOT act upon this knowledge), and so it'll only detroy yourself in your deen. It's like trying to go to the bottom of Jahanam to try to give Dawah to a Shayatan (meaning that in the end, it is worthless and useless, and will ONLY bring harm upon yourself)."


And so I told me parents (first me mom, LoL I ALWAYS go to her first for a social problem that I have LoL :)) that I want to go to this Madrasah In NY (Darul Uloom NY) instead of public school, and so when my mother asked why, I explained what I have said above, that there's no point in going to someplace where there's a 84% chance that I could slip off my Deen (it went up to 84% actually, last year it was a bit less than that, but unfortunately, female clothes trends change rapidly in a small amount of time, and also they change for the WORST), and so she understood, and so Alhamdulillah after some days of talking with my parents, I went to the school for admission. It would have been hard to get admitted too, because one of the staff there explained to this one brother (who he use to study with in that Madrasa before they became Muftis and teachers) that 90 students registered to get accepted into that Madrasah, the staff are only going to be able to allow 30 of the 90 to get admitted, (because of lack of space).


But Alhamdulillah, that the principal of the school knew me (because on my birthday my mother let me to invite any brothers over to my house to eat, and so I saw that a Jamaat came to the masjid (when I was looking for some brothers), and so I invited all of them to join, and LATER ON I actually found out they were the staff from Darul Uloom NY! And so the whole entire time inside my house the principal had his eye on me, and so he said to me (in another language), "Son, you could become a great Moulana (Alamiyah) one day." And I replied saying, "Inshallah," to which a large takbir arouse amongst the other 13 staff members (we were all eating at that time), and so after I said that, the principal started trying to convince me and my father that I go to that Madrassah in NY, as to which I only responded to him by sayinf that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla knows best, and that I MIGHT go. But anyway), he was happy that after those three motnhs from when we first met, that I walked inside his office a week before the Madrasah would open for school, and he KNEW exactly that what he wanted would happen: that I would come to his Madrassah (and the reason why he wanted me to go to his Madrassah was because he admired my personality (I understood thise from that first day I met him three motnhs ago), and from the way he understood it, I could become a person who can grow up and Inshallah help the Muslim Ummah, and so for that, he felt that I have what it takes to be a great Muslim), and he told my father that as SOON as I walked through that door, he felt like SO happy that I was going to come into school, and so immediatly I was admitted into the school without any hassle, Alhamdulillah. And now it's like three weeks that I'm over there, tryin to Inshallah, become a Hafiz in three years (Inshallah), and then when I become 18, go to Medinah University and study Islamic Shariah and get a Master's Degree (Inshallah).

But anyway, I'm sorry that I took a lot of your time away, but to summarize it all up, I'm sorry brothers and sisters that I took so long to return back on TTI, :) and I'm sincerely sorry for doing so, but Alhamdulillah I am just like SO happy that FINALLY I am back over here, back with my beloved family, whom I love DEARLY FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SUBHANAHU WA TA ALLA. It's hard over there in the Madrassah to tell you the truth, Alhamdulillah there's no Fitnah over there, but the only thing that I REALLY have to fight for over there is staying happy all the time, which is hard because the majority of the students (especially the Hifz ones) don't know you well and they treat you like trash (especially the kids that are like half your size! Mind you all, I'm 5 feet 7 inches, LoL :wink:), and there were like SO many times that I would remember all of you brothers and sisters and the great and happy times that I would have with all of you, and Wallahi, there were so many nights when I felt my heart breaking and my eyes watering whenever I remember how much I love all of you brothers and sisters. :(

And so another thing I would like to say before I leave to do Zuhr (and finish my homework too!) is that I'm in school for almost the entire week and I don't come back home (back in P-Town I mean, LoL <:lol:) except on the weekends, but from NOW ON, Inshallah, I'll still be back on TTI and try my best to talk to all of you brothers and sisters after these two stressful months that you all have been waiting to hear from me.

And so anyway, the LAST thing that I wanted to just say before I leave is that I am REALLY sorry that I have kept all of you waiting for so long, and so PLEASE forgive me my dearest and beloved brothers adn sisters in Islam for letting these weeks pass by, and Wallahi, if none of you forgive me for this, and if any of you are still upset with me, then Wallahi it's going to destroy me. :( Wallahi brothers and sisters, I love you all so much, :( I DON'T want to see you all being so upset, especially if it's all my fault. :( But Inshallah, in the coming days things will be better for ALL of us, Inshallah. And all of you are still in my duas and in my heart, and may Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla perserve and beautify all of you brothers and sisters who I love for his sake, and may he make all of you to become like shining stars for our Ummah, and may he multiply and increase the Ajr, Piety, Ammal, and Ranks of all of you by the hundred thousands, Ameen Ya Zal Jalali wal Ekram!



And so that's all that I have to say for now brothers and sisters, but if Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla wills, then things will be better again, just like the way they use to be, or even better, Inshallah. And to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla belongs all Praise and Gratitude, Ameen.



 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
Oh darn I'm feeling so upset right now, gosh reading all those messages that all of you brothers and sisters sent weeks ago. :( Dang, I'm REALLY feeling guilty right now. :( Oh, I wish I just was able to talk to all of you earlier, but the times weren't good for me. oh no, oh no.... :(

Oh PLEASE brothers and sisters, PLEASE don't be angry or upset with me, Wallahi I will NEVER be able to let this down if I REALLY have made all of you upset, oh no! :( Subhanallah! What is wrong with me>? Aw darn, Wallahi I NEED to know if all of you are alright, and if all of you are still here on TTI, because if not, then Wallahi the worse could happen to me, and Wallahi if I feel TOO depressed, then my hair WILL start to turn grey, and Wallahi the thing that is depressing me right now is that I'm just SO sorry for what I've done, Wallahi I'll become devasted :(....
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam

wa allaicum saalam wa raahmtullah wa baarakatuhu my dearest brother Abdul Hasib.:)

I am so much happy to see you back dear brother and feel like so proud and crying to read your words.Mashallah, for your strugle dear brother for Allah,Islaam,our ResulAllah s.a.w.s. and for passing trough so much hardship to give Dawaah to non Muslims.We all are proud to know one truthfull Muslim like you who is folowing steps of Allahs trustfull and trustworty Messanger s.a.w.s,his noble family and his companions.May Allah subahn we teala keep you always like that,and make your soul always blossom. These are so beautiful news,and may Allah subhna we teala reword you for your noble deeds and give you much more light in your heart and soul so you can always be there for your Muslim brothers and sisters,and make you more pious Servent of Allah than you already are.May Allah increase more your deep faith and love for Him,and give you joy,happiness,smile in each moment of your life. :):tti_sister:ameen summa ameen.

I wish you that for all my heart,and you will be in my duas always.


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IHearIslam

make dua 4 ma finals
:salam2: my chatu bhai;) :D

Welcome back home, subhanaAllah your LONG posts and threads were missed alot:D

and PLEASE be calm, nobody is upset with you, why? I mean we'll understand that time is an issue for some people and that people have other lives and things to do......TTI is always here waiting for the comebacks, the new ones, and the old. It's all goood, so dont be like soo depressed:D smile and know that those messages were only written beacuse you were missed:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
now coming to your *thread*.......I wanted to say I am very happy for you! the school you found and such, you have been through alot, and Allah has paved a path of ease for you! Alhamdlillah! :D
I am sooooooooooo happy that you have found that Islamic school, not only would you get the Islamic education, a good environnment but you would also make a life long friends, who will only love you for Allah's sake and inshaAllah will help you get alot more closer to Him!
:tti_sister:may Allah always keep you in the path of the rightious, protect your soul, help you get closer to Him, forgive you of your sins, and make everything easy for you, may Allah give you good in here and the akhirah, may Allah grant you jannah al-firdous!ameen,ameen,ameen ya Allah!
take care of yourself bhai,
always remember to smile !
Allah hafiz now and alwayss:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
WELCOME BACK HOME AGAINNN!!:D:D:D:D:D
:salam2::SMILY139:
 

Muslimah16

ServantOfAllah*
:salam2:

:SMILY139: :SMILY139: :SMILY139:

Where HAVE you been? :p kidding LOL

Yaya! *hoot hoot* He's back, he's back! *frantically screaming at the top of her voice :p* Akhiiii! a VERY VERY VERY warm welcome to you indeed! Man! am i happy to see my little brother back! :D :D :D

i hope things all turn out well inshaAllah!

Take extra and special care of yourslef lil one, :)

Your Sis, Asmaa

Wassalaam!
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaathuh Wamagfiraathuh Wahubuhu Wafadhluhu my dear beloved family members of TTI, Wallahi it eased and comforted my heart to hear again from those of who whom I love for the Sake of Allahu Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, and Jazakumullahu Kyran Wa Barakallahu Feekum to all of you brothers and sisters for posting, :)

To tell you the truth though, that Madrassa isn't all "happy" and "Fesabilillah," to tell you the truth, it is more like the OPPOSITE. Alhamdulillah I'm "taller" than the majority of the students (because a lot of them are short, while I am (Alhamdulillah) 5 ft 7 inches/170.1 cms), because many of the little kids are guys over there (who are my age, or older, but who are STILL shorter than me or close to my heigh) are VERY evil, disrespectful, aggressive, and angry.

Because over there, I've got like MANY students, as well as many of the STAFF (especially the PRESIDENT) who go around Bull-Spitting about me to other people, making fun of me, trying to act like that they are tough, spreading rumors around about me, lying about me, and trying to get get me into trouble or have other students are teachers to despise me.

But Alhamdulillah, I've still got Alllah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla though. It's just like SO hard though, I remember there is this one brother (who argues and yells at me a lot), who told me that he's actually NOTICED that I have been badly influenced, like he said that he notices something like anger or fire in my tone at times, and so he said this to me, that he feels that many of the other boys have put a bad influence on me, Alas to which, I have been able to understand, is true. :(

Many things that those boys talk about is either bad stuff, or Duniyah things. Never about Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, and IF they do, then it's like as if the words bear no fruits, like when they say things you can understand that the love for Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla is SO EXTREMELY LOW, MANY TIMES NOT EVEN EXISTING AT ALL.

Wallahi it feels hard for me, when I'm over there, Wallahi, I'm treated like TRASH, for no good reason at all. And for that reason I start missing P-Town, my home, the place where I would I would have all my great, beautiful, and happy memories, from the times I would spend with my Uncle, and from the happy, lovely, beautiful, and tearful moments I would have being with all my beloved brothers and sisters on TTI.

But Alhamdulillah, WHEN my Eman would reach so high to the point that I could feel that STRONG and FIRM Love towards Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul, it would be like SO beautiful, the stories that I would hear my Uncle's older brother talk about, about people who tried their best to be good Muslims, and for that, about how much Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW) would love them. Wallahi remembering those stories would bring tears into my eyes, and Alhamdulillah it always reminded me what my dreams are, to be one of those who REALLY Love Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul (SAW), and that I am one of them whom Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul (SAW) love. :SMILY252:

But I guess the problem is that over there, I have no body to talk to about all these beautiful things that I feel is inside me (which Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla put inside, due to his Supreme Mercy), I just need to be alone when I'm over there. Wallahi then NO ONE will be able to distract me, I could stay inside a room or a place all day or all night long, and just recite Quran in a beautiful melodic tone, or stand up saying, "Inna Alhamdulillah! Nahma Duhu Wa Nas Ta Inu hu," and start giving a Lecture about all the things that I want to remind myself about, such as the Beauty of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul (SAW), the Love of the Sahabi for Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul (SAW), and about being the best Muslims, in order so that on al Qiyamma, we can hear Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, our LORD, our CREATOR, SPEAKING the MOST BEAUITFULLEST and AFFECTIONATE WORDS to US, :( *tearful* and just telling us about how he is PLEASED with us for our HARD EFFORTS and about how since we were sincere (Inshallah), that's why he will FORGIVE US for our mistakes :(, and HE will ADDRESS US by saying that we ARE ONE OF THOSE whom HE IS PLEASED WITH :SMILY252: *tearful* *crying*

And Wallahi due to all these reasons, about how I have the habit of "talking to myself" (because sometimes I have these strong feelings that I can't hold in my chest any longer, that I feel like I have to let it all out in words, whether anyone is listening or not, like that one night the second or third week, when I was talking outloud (we were all in bed at that time, but nobody was sleeping, just talking) about how Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla brought me where I am right now today, and about all that I have been through, and Wallahi, I just couldn't stop crying towards the end :(, and so since I'm like all of this), people start making rumors about me, that I'm "insane," and that "I have mental issues," Wallahi even the PRESIDENT of that Madrassa, who I USE to respect so much before, would say that to me, because instead of eating dinner inside the Masjid because of the Friday gathering that takes place after Magreib, I wanted to vaccum this one domitory that the little kids sleep in, because it was like SO dirty!

And so that's the problems that I face and that I go through over there in that Madrassa, but Alhamdulillah, even so, I have in my heart two beautiful things that ALWAYS makes me feel happy: my beloved family (of brothers and sisters) from back home (from TTI and Paterson), and most importantly, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul (SAW). :)

And so I don't want to waste anyone's time right now, but before I leave, I would just like to say to all of my beautiful brothers and sisters in Islam, is that to ALWAYS do your best to please Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, out of Gratitude to him, for ALL of his Blessings that he has given to ALL OF US, for Verily Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla says:

"And Verily your Lord has given you of all that you asked for, and if you all were to count the blessings of your Lord (Allah Subhanahu wa Talla), never will you be able to count them! And Verily! Is mankind ever unjust towards their Lord (because after all that Allah (SWT) does for mankind, they do not show Gratitude to Him by obeying him and doing their best to please him)." Surah Ibrahim:34 [Click Here!]

"And Verily your Lord is full of Blessings and Grace towards mankind, yet most of them are ungrateful towards their Lord"

Surah al Ghafir:61 [Click Here!]


And Wallahi brothers and sisters, your life WILL be full of ease, and happiness. :)

I remember it was during one night this past Ramadan, in which I was in my Uncle's car, and as he was driving my home, I started to talk about giving Dawah to non Muslims about Islam, which inturn lead to me repeating about my story of all what I've been through, and about how being a MUSLIM (someone who does their VERY BEST to PLEASE and OBEY Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla), and about how it has made my heart to be full of happiness and serenity, and also qouting brother Loon, when he said, "Islam has brought the peace and happiness in my life that I have always been searching for, and Wallahi I'm just like SO grateful to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla that he has blessed me with having this in my Life."

I remember my uncle then replied and said this to me: For everyone, there's a special empty place in their heart, (that throughout one's life they are doing whatever they can in order to fill that emptiness that they feel in there), but when a person is obediant to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and they remember him with an EXTREME amount of Eman, that place in the heart becomes FULL, full of Noor, Light, and which in turn leads to that person feeling Happy, Peaceful, and Serene inside their hearts. :)

Subhanallah! :) Always being in a state of TOTAL submission to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla is what WILL aid us in our Life, towards our Long and stressful journey through this Duniyah, before we reach our Destination, the Akirah. And also having that REAL Love for Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul is what will COMFORT us on this journey. It's like this: Being in a state of TOTAL submission to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla gives us a FIRST CLASS ticket upon this Journey of ours (which is the Duniya), and having that EXTREME LOVE towards Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul (SAW) is one of the ENJOYMENTS of having that first class ticket, because doing so makes the sweetness of Eman to be FIRMLY rooted into our hearts, just like what Ibn al Qayyim al Jawziyyah (RA) has stated, when he explained about how to establish the Love towards Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul (SAW), and about the fruits that it bears.
:SMILY252:

And so unfortuantley, my time has ran out right now, but before I leave now I would just like to say that it has been great talking again to all of my lovely, beautiful, and beloved brothers and sisters here on TTI.
:SMILY252: May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla bless ALL of you EXTREMELY and OVERLY EXCESSIVELY (<alright, I know that "over excessively" isn't real English, but you all get what I mean :wink: :D LoL!) BEYOND what ANY of us can imagine! And may he do the same to all of those whom we love, for HIS SAKE, for Verily, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla is the Hearer of his Slave's Requests! Ameen Ya Rabbana, Ya Zal Jalaali wal Ekraam! :) :SMILY252:

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IbnAhmad

Junior Member
Assalamu alykum Akhi Abdul Hasib! :SMILY259: :SMILY259: :SMILY259:

Subhnallah! Nice to have you back! hehehehehe!

A nice Insight into your eventful life! haha Best of Luck with your studies and may Allah SWT ease your problems and grant you success in the both the worlds. Ameen!

Take care of yourself my Dear Brother!
Look forward to reading your threads/posts Insha Allah! :):):)

Your Brother. Abu Hurairah.
Wa alykum Salaam Warahmtuallahi Wabarakatuh. :D :D
 
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