Abdul Hasib
Student of Knowledge
Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahi Wabarkaathuh Wamagfirahthuh Wafadhluhu wa Hubuhu my dearest beloved brothers and sisters. I have been away from TTI for a very long time, due to some problems and difficulties that I have been going through these past months that I have been gone. For me, these past weeks have been both heartbreaking and also good (in some small ways), but finally, I am BACK TO STAY (INSHALLAH) ON TTI!
Oh please brothers and sisters, those of you who I love dearly for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (and you all know who you are), PLEASE forgive me, it's just that I haven't been feeling too well lately, and so that's what kept me away from TTI for so long . And I told myself that I have to make sure that WHEN I do come back to TTI, that I say something that can make all of you brothers and sisters to feel better and feel happy, and so Alhamdulillah, NOW I have the time and the Iman to talk once more to all of you.
So anyway, to speak about my situation in these past months:
School opened one week after Ramadan started. And so when THAT happened, I was like TOO busy, to the point that I SERIOUSLY never had the time to coem back to TTI, and I had SO MANY problems in my school too, like for the fact that the Principal and Administrator would NOT give me permission to take 3 minutes out of classtime to do Salat, and so I would then do Salat during anytime that I was free, like in one situation, Alhamdulillah, I was in the athletic center for PE class, and so all we were doing was stitting on the bleachers talking or sleeping, and so Alhamdulillah, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla hinted me that THIS is the best time for me to do Salat, and so I took out my rug, put it on the floor of the gym, faced the qiblah, and made takbir, and ALHAMDULILLAH, I was able to do Zuhr Salat for 40 minutes with OUT anything stopping me, and infront of 150 STUDENTS, but by the Will of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, I was able to stand my ground, even though I later on got in trouble "for not being in my designated area and during a designated time (meaning lunchtime, 10:51-11:16)," but Alhamculillah, I STILL continued to do my Salat at other times even afterschool before I went on my bus (until my mother told me that she wants me to do Salat at home instead). And I'm not saying any of this to show off, but I just want to explain about some things that I have went through which were VERY difficult for me, and the ONLY one who deserves the pride, honor, and praise for my good deeds, is Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, because without him, I would NEVER be able to do ANYTHING GOOD.
And so another saddening situation was when I had to give a speech for my Speech Communications Class, and so I stood up and was talking about Rasulallah (SAW)'s mercy and his Hadeeth of treating people kindly with mercy, and then I got laughed off by the entire class, and many people stopped talking to me after I did that, but still, Alhamdulillah, by the Will and Mercy of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, that did not break me, because after I was being laughed at, Waswasa came into my head telling me that I've now been laughed at for talking about Rasulallah (SAW), and it was asking me that, Why did you even do that for? Do you really think these people would listen to you? It would have been better for you if you just talked about him a LITTLE bit less," and also I heard something like, "Now you see what happened to you? Just for calling to Allah you have now been humiliated," but Alhamdulillah, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla put a response in my mind, and so in my mind, I replied (to the Waswasa) that, "I was ridiculed and humiliated just for calling to the way of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul, and why did I do it? Because Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla told me that if I AM a true Muslim, then I MUST give Dawah about him and his Rasul (SAW), and not only that, but I knew that by giving dawah about Rasulallah (SAW) that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla would be pleased with me, and so even though this happened to me, I'm still happy, because maybe now since I have went through hadrships just because I wanted to obey Allah Subhannahu wa Ta Alla, he will be pleased with what I have done, just for his sake."
And so after that incident, and through deep thinking, I understood that I would personally NEVER be able to bring people into learning about or understanding Islam, because of how much those people have dostanced themselves from Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, and so I though to myself, is there any point in going back to highschool? A place where you want to call people into coming into Islam, but on the other hand, you have to struggle to fight to keep your Iman high all the time, and by the end of the school day, the Fitnah and the Waswasa go up SO HIGH that it is unbearable and difficult for you. It's like jumping into a dark thick lake full of poison, in order to get a bar of soap at the bottom (meaning that the school enviroment is so bad that going there just for the sake of doing Dawah cannot bear even a fruitbud off a dead tree except that it deteraiates your OWN self in your Iman and in your deen). So I came to the conclusion that these people in my school are Hedonists, people who just try to seek pleasure, and like what Sheikh Khalid Yasin (RA) said, "You have to be careful around these people, because of their sins and their twisted way of thinking, they have (themselves) distanced themselves from the reminder of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (and meaning that when they DO learn about Islam and Tawheed, they do NOT act upon this knowledge), and so it'll only detroy yourself in your deen. It's like trying to go to the bottom of Jahanam to try to give Dawah to a Shayatan (meaning that in the end, it is worthless and useless, and will ONLY bring harm upon yourself)."
And so I told me parents (first me mom, LoL I ALWAYS go to her first for a social problem that I have LoL ) that I want to go to this Madrasah In NY (Darul Uloom NY) instead of public school, and so when my mother asked why, I explained what I have said above, that there's no point in going to someplace where there's a 84% chance that I could slip off my Deen (it went up to 84% actually, last year it was a bit less than that, but unfortunately, female clothes trends change rapidly in a small amount of time, and also they change for the WORST), and so she understood, and so Alhamdulillah after some days of talking with my parents, I went to the school for admission. It would have been hard to get admitted too, because one of the staff there explained to this one brother (who he use to study with in that Madrasa before they became Muftis and teachers) that 90 students registered to get accepted into that Madrasah, the staff are only going to be able to allow 30 of the 90 to get admitted, (because of lack of space).
But Alhamdulillah, that the principal of the school knew me (because on my birthday my mother let me to invite any brothers over to my house to eat, and so I saw that a Jamaat came to the masjid (when I was looking for some brothers), and so I invited all of them to join, and LATER ON I actually found out they were the staff from Darul Uloom NY! And so the whole entire time inside my house the principal had his eye on me, and so he said to me (in another language), "Son, you could become a great Moulana (Alamiyah) one day." And I replied saying, "Inshallah," to which a large takbir arouse amongst the other 13 staff members (we were all eating at that time), and so after I said that, the principal started trying to convince me and my father that I go to that Madrassah in NY, as to which I only responded to him by sayinf that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla knows best, and that I MIGHT go. But anyway), he was happy that after those three motnhs from when we first met, that I walked inside his office a week before the Madrasah would open for school, and he KNEW exactly that what he wanted would happen: that I would come to his Madrassah (and the reason why he wanted me to go to his Madrassah was because he admired my personality (I understood thise from that first day I met him three motnhs ago), and from the way he understood it, I could become a person who can grow up and Inshallah help the Muslim Ummah, and so for that, he felt that I have what it takes to be a great Muslim), and he told my father that as SOON as I walked through that door, he felt like SO happy that I was going to come into school, and so immediatly I was admitted into the school without any hassle, Alhamdulillah. And now it's like three weeks that I'm over there, tryin to Inshallah, become a Hafiz in three years (Inshallah), and then when I become 18, go to Medinah University and study Islamic Shariah and get a Master's Degree (Inshallah).
But anyway, I'm sorry that I took a lot of your time away, but to summarize it all up, I'm sorry brothers and sisters that I took so long to return back on TTI, and I'm sincerely sorry for doing so, but Alhamdulillah I am just like SO happy that FINALLY I am back over here, back with my beloved family, whom I love DEARLY FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SUBHANAHU WA TA ALLA. It's hard over there in the Madrassah to tell you the truth, Alhamdulillah there's no Fitnah over there, but the only thing that I REALLY have to fight for over there is staying happy all the time, which is hard because the majority of the students (especially the Hifz ones) don't know you well and they treat you like trash (especially the kids that are like half your size! Mind you all, I'm 5 feet 7 inches, LoL :wink, and there were like SO many times that I would remember all of you brothers and sisters and the great and happy times that I would have with all of you, and Wallahi, there were so many nights when I felt my heart breaking and my eyes watering whenever I remember how much I love all of you brothers and sisters.
And so another thing I would like to say before I leave to do Zuhr (and finish my homework too!) is that I'm in school for almost the entire week and I don't come back home (back in P-Town I mean, LoL <:lol except on the weekends, but from NOW ON, Inshallah, I'll still be back on TTI and try my best to talk to all of you brothers and sisters after these two stressful months that you all have been waiting to hear from me.
And so anyway, the LAST thing that I wanted to just say before I leave is that I am REALLY sorry that I have kept all of you waiting for so long, and so PLEASE forgive me my dearest and beloved brothers adn sisters in Islam for letting these weeks pass by, and Wallahi, if none of you forgive me for this, and if any of you are still upset with me, then Wallahi it's going to destroy me. Wallahi brothers and sisters, I love you all so much, I DON'T want to see you all being so upset, especially if it's all my fault. But Inshallah, in the coming days things will be better for ALL of us, Inshallah. And all of you are still in my duas and in my heart, and may Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla perserve and beautify all of you brothers and sisters who I love for his sake, and may he make all of you to become like shining stars for our Ummah, and may he multiply and increase the Ajr, Piety, Ammal, and Ranks of all of you by the hundred thousands, Ameen Ya Zal Jalali wal Ekram!
And so that's all that I have to say for now brothers and sisters, but if Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla wills, then things will be better again, just like the way they use to be, or even better, Inshallah. And to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla belongs all Praise and Gratitude, Ameen.
Oh please brothers and sisters, those of you who I love dearly for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (and you all know who you are), PLEASE forgive me, it's just that I haven't been feeling too well lately, and so that's what kept me away from TTI for so long . And I told myself that I have to make sure that WHEN I do come back to TTI, that I say something that can make all of you brothers and sisters to feel better and feel happy, and so Alhamdulillah, NOW I have the time and the Iman to talk once more to all of you.
So anyway, to speak about my situation in these past months:
School opened one week after Ramadan started. And so when THAT happened, I was like TOO busy, to the point that I SERIOUSLY never had the time to coem back to TTI, and I had SO MANY problems in my school too, like for the fact that the Principal and Administrator would NOT give me permission to take 3 minutes out of classtime to do Salat, and so I would then do Salat during anytime that I was free, like in one situation, Alhamdulillah, I was in the athletic center for PE class, and so all we were doing was stitting on the bleachers talking or sleeping, and so Alhamdulillah, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla hinted me that THIS is the best time for me to do Salat, and so I took out my rug, put it on the floor of the gym, faced the qiblah, and made takbir, and ALHAMDULILLAH, I was able to do Zuhr Salat for 40 minutes with OUT anything stopping me, and infront of 150 STUDENTS, but by the Will of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, I was able to stand my ground, even though I later on got in trouble "for not being in my designated area and during a designated time (meaning lunchtime, 10:51-11:16)," but Alhamculillah, I STILL continued to do my Salat at other times even afterschool before I went on my bus (until my mother told me that she wants me to do Salat at home instead). And I'm not saying any of this to show off, but I just want to explain about some things that I have went through which were VERY difficult for me, and the ONLY one who deserves the pride, honor, and praise for my good deeds, is Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, because without him, I would NEVER be able to do ANYTHING GOOD.
And so another saddening situation was when I had to give a speech for my Speech Communications Class, and so I stood up and was talking about Rasulallah (SAW)'s mercy and his Hadeeth of treating people kindly with mercy, and then I got laughed off by the entire class, and many people stopped talking to me after I did that, but still, Alhamdulillah, by the Will and Mercy of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, that did not break me, because after I was being laughed at, Waswasa came into my head telling me that I've now been laughed at for talking about Rasulallah (SAW), and it was asking me that, Why did you even do that for? Do you really think these people would listen to you? It would have been better for you if you just talked about him a LITTLE bit less," and also I heard something like, "Now you see what happened to you? Just for calling to Allah you have now been humiliated," but Alhamdulillah, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla put a response in my mind, and so in my mind, I replied (to the Waswasa) that, "I was ridiculed and humiliated just for calling to the way of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Rasul, and why did I do it? Because Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla told me that if I AM a true Muslim, then I MUST give Dawah about him and his Rasul (SAW), and not only that, but I knew that by giving dawah about Rasulallah (SAW) that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla would be pleased with me, and so even though this happened to me, I'm still happy, because maybe now since I have went through hadrships just because I wanted to obey Allah Subhannahu wa Ta Alla, he will be pleased with what I have done, just for his sake."
And so after that incident, and through deep thinking, I understood that I would personally NEVER be able to bring people into learning about or understanding Islam, because of how much those people have dostanced themselves from Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, and so I though to myself, is there any point in going back to highschool? A place where you want to call people into coming into Islam, but on the other hand, you have to struggle to fight to keep your Iman high all the time, and by the end of the school day, the Fitnah and the Waswasa go up SO HIGH that it is unbearable and difficult for you. It's like jumping into a dark thick lake full of poison, in order to get a bar of soap at the bottom (meaning that the school enviroment is so bad that going there just for the sake of doing Dawah cannot bear even a fruitbud off a dead tree except that it deteraiates your OWN self in your Iman and in your deen). So I came to the conclusion that these people in my school are Hedonists, people who just try to seek pleasure, and like what Sheikh Khalid Yasin (RA) said, "You have to be careful around these people, because of their sins and their twisted way of thinking, they have (themselves) distanced themselves from the reminder of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (and meaning that when they DO learn about Islam and Tawheed, they do NOT act upon this knowledge), and so it'll only detroy yourself in your deen. It's like trying to go to the bottom of Jahanam to try to give Dawah to a Shayatan (meaning that in the end, it is worthless and useless, and will ONLY bring harm upon yourself)."
And so I told me parents (first me mom, LoL I ALWAYS go to her first for a social problem that I have LoL ) that I want to go to this Madrasah In NY (Darul Uloom NY) instead of public school, and so when my mother asked why, I explained what I have said above, that there's no point in going to someplace where there's a 84% chance that I could slip off my Deen (it went up to 84% actually, last year it was a bit less than that, but unfortunately, female clothes trends change rapidly in a small amount of time, and also they change for the WORST), and so she understood, and so Alhamdulillah after some days of talking with my parents, I went to the school for admission. It would have been hard to get admitted too, because one of the staff there explained to this one brother (who he use to study with in that Madrasa before they became Muftis and teachers) that 90 students registered to get accepted into that Madrasah, the staff are only going to be able to allow 30 of the 90 to get admitted, (because of lack of space).
But Alhamdulillah, that the principal of the school knew me (because on my birthday my mother let me to invite any brothers over to my house to eat, and so I saw that a Jamaat came to the masjid (when I was looking for some brothers), and so I invited all of them to join, and LATER ON I actually found out they were the staff from Darul Uloom NY! And so the whole entire time inside my house the principal had his eye on me, and so he said to me (in another language), "Son, you could become a great Moulana (Alamiyah) one day." And I replied saying, "Inshallah," to which a large takbir arouse amongst the other 13 staff members (we were all eating at that time), and so after I said that, the principal started trying to convince me and my father that I go to that Madrassah in NY, as to which I only responded to him by sayinf that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla knows best, and that I MIGHT go. But anyway), he was happy that after those three motnhs from when we first met, that I walked inside his office a week before the Madrasah would open for school, and he KNEW exactly that what he wanted would happen: that I would come to his Madrassah (and the reason why he wanted me to go to his Madrassah was because he admired my personality (I understood thise from that first day I met him three motnhs ago), and from the way he understood it, I could become a person who can grow up and Inshallah help the Muslim Ummah, and so for that, he felt that I have what it takes to be a great Muslim), and he told my father that as SOON as I walked through that door, he felt like SO happy that I was going to come into school, and so immediatly I was admitted into the school without any hassle, Alhamdulillah. And now it's like three weeks that I'm over there, tryin to Inshallah, become a Hafiz in three years (Inshallah), and then when I become 18, go to Medinah University and study Islamic Shariah and get a Master's Degree (Inshallah).
But anyway, I'm sorry that I took a lot of your time away, but to summarize it all up, I'm sorry brothers and sisters that I took so long to return back on TTI, and I'm sincerely sorry for doing so, but Alhamdulillah I am just like SO happy that FINALLY I am back over here, back with my beloved family, whom I love DEARLY FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SUBHANAHU WA TA ALLA. It's hard over there in the Madrassah to tell you the truth, Alhamdulillah there's no Fitnah over there, but the only thing that I REALLY have to fight for over there is staying happy all the time, which is hard because the majority of the students (especially the Hifz ones) don't know you well and they treat you like trash (especially the kids that are like half your size! Mind you all, I'm 5 feet 7 inches, LoL :wink, and there were like SO many times that I would remember all of you brothers and sisters and the great and happy times that I would have with all of you, and Wallahi, there were so many nights when I felt my heart breaking and my eyes watering whenever I remember how much I love all of you brothers and sisters.
And so another thing I would like to say before I leave to do Zuhr (and finish my homework too!) is that I'm in school for almost the entire week and I don't come back home (back in P-Town I mean, LoL <:lol except on the weekends, but from NOW ON, Inshallah, I'll still be back on TTI and try my best to talk to all of you brothers and sisters after these two stressful months that you all have been waiting to hear from me.
And so anyway, the LAST thing that I wanted to just say before I leave is that I am REALLY sorry that I have kept all of you waiting for so long, and so PLEASE forgive me my dearest and beloved brothers adn sisters in Islam for letting these weeks pass by, and Wallahi, if none of you forgive me for this, and if any of you are still upset with me, then Wallahi it's going to destroy me. Wallahi brothers and sisters, I love you all so much, I DON'T want to see you all being so upset, especially if it's all my fault. But Inshallah, in the coming days things will be better for ALL of us, Inshallah. And all of you are still in my duas and in my heart, and may Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla perserve and beautify all of you brothers and sisters who I love for his sake, and may he make all of you to become like shining stars for our Ummah, and may he multiply and increase the Ajr, Piety, Ammal, and Ranks of all of you by the hundred thousands, Ameen Ya Zal Jalali wal Ekram!
And so that's all that I have to say for now brothers and sisters, but if Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla wills, then things will be better again, just like the way they use to be, or even better, Inshallah. And to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla belongs all Praise and Gratitude, Ameen.