am i responsible for this?

ya allah madad

0mm3afnan
assalamualaikum
brothers and sisters i miss my tti very much.gone are the days when i would spend hours reading this and that on tti.now i cant if i want to because i have my own world to look after.lets come to the point brother and sisters
i and my sister in law are good friends(at least i think). i would share alot of things with her.i would tell her wherever i would go with my husband and what my husband would do for me(i could not say anything bad about my husband)
she started fighting with her husband .now it was their every day routine that they would fight and sometimes the brother beat her up.but this time the matter was very serious.the sister was pragnent and she saw a camisole with the brother( according to my mother in law it was her camisole Allah Aalim) and they had a very serious fight.the brother hit her in face and she got bruises on her face.because of the truma she went into labour pain.my in laws got her to the hospital and after a very painful labour she gave birth to a baby boy.when the hospital crew saw her bruises( according to her that she didnt told the nurses or anyone but my MiL says that she actually had told the doctor before that Allah aalim) the police put the brother in jail and took away her other son with them.she never came home from the hospital. the gov has given her a house and they have kept the kids in their custody and the sister is like a care taker to them.now, the sister wants to come back and wants a patch up with her husband but the gov is not letting her to do so.the brother cant see his kids for one year and he is on bail.the gov is not letting her to meet the family,even not letting her hire a legal advisor.
i feel so guilty for all of that what happened to her.i feel like i am resposible for all of that.but believe me i had not the slightest idea about their relationship to be that bad( i live in a separate house).now she dont know how to get her children back and she wants to resolve everything with the brother but she dont know any way out.please brothers and sisters any advise?
and am i responsible?
 

strive-may-i

Junior Member
Walaikum Ssalaam,

A new born-child and its mother, in custody care, is really not good. May Allah, soothe the aching heart, and show ways to get out of this mess... Ameen

Your question, are you responsible?
No, you are not responsible for present situation. Can you and your husband be of some help? Yes (am sure you would have figured it out). She would need emotional support, and your visiting her often might help. Make dua for her. Ask her to pray, it will help her too.


If you are feeling 'By sharing stories of the nice things your husband (her brother) did for you' could have impacted her thoughts negatively?
Its a sorry feeling, in you, right now, about not asking her about her marriage. You were just sharing your happiness. Maybe,you forgot to ask her, about her marriage. Your opportunity is now, give her your ears and be there for her, whenever you can. Its common, newly weds to go overboard and share story with whoever is willing to listen, even the wall would do. Avoiding the exaggeration, is always good.

Are you wondering if all that sharing 'made her jealous or made her fight with her husband demanding the same'?
For all you know, she might have felt positive and happy that her brother is taking good care of his wife ie you.


The legal aspects of her situation and marriage?
I would say reach out to more experienced sisters, brothers, who could advice you in this matter.
You sister in law is under emotional stress, and is finding comfort in the few happy moments she had with her husband. And maybe, the emotional stress of the situation is making her desire a patch up. She needs time to reflect and she will make a good decision, haste will not solve the problem. She has to process her heartache and assess thoroughly, before taking any step further, but that can be done later, not under haste, but deliberation and dialogue.
If fault is in husband/husbands family, they would have to show serious commitment, and correct their ways (a 180 degree flip), in case they want your sister-in-law back. Otherwise your Sister-In-Law would be subjected to more abuse, and that's not a good future. The state (gov) will have their reason for taking charge of the situation. Unless she can present a good alternative arrangement, which guarantees the well-being of the children and your sister-in-law, state might not agree. She urgently needs help. Her brothers and parents(if alive), are the best hope for her right now, in taking her out from this bad phase of her life.

Just my thoughts, hope this helps
 

ya allah madad

0mm3afnan
jazakallah brother for your reply.
she is my brother in law's wife and her family is in pakistan.i have two kids and its been ages since i got married mashallah. few days ago i went to see her and the kids, but she was quite happy and sort of independent ,i dont know why i felt like that. i tried to convice her and apparently, she too wants to come back ,but i dont know she was keeping something from me.
Allah knows best
 

alf2

Islam is a way of life
1) No it is not your fault

2) Why would she go to a man who beats her? He's only going to keep doing it. I mean, we should not expect perfect lives and perfect husbands but at least they dont need to beat us. Rasool Allah (sws) never raised a hand to his wives.
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
Assalamu alaikim
The worst man who beats his wife, I think before she return to him he must be taught how to act as a muslem and a human being , at the same time this sister should think how to avoid troubles and try to be a good wife.
 

ya allah madad

0mm3afnan
one hand cant make a clap.divorce is much painful than living like this, and they have two adorable kids now.she took back all the charges and released the brother from them, but the state making things difficult for them to be resolved, and she dont know any way out?
i feel so sorry for them and i want them to be happily toghether again but dont know how?
the state is not providing her with legal advisor and postponing their case in the court.
she cant meet her husband , nor she can go to her parents.the brother is ashmed of what he hs done and he is ready to pay any price to get his family back , but neither him nor the sister know any way out of all this mess.
please any advise?
 

strive-may-i

Junior Member
Assalaamu Alaikum,

Some pardon as much as they love. Its good to forgive. But, its more important to exert and ensure the past does not repeat. May Allah bring bliss and harmony in their marriage... Ameen

The lawyers guild survive on court cases. From my little exposure in divorce related forums, there are some lawyers and judges , who are specialists in divorce cases. They are frustrated, when couples reconcile. Let them show patience, and find some one to guide them, is all I can say.


one hand cant make a clap.divorce is much painful than living like this, and they have two adorable kids now.she took back all the charges and released the brother from them, but the state making things difficult for them to be resolved, and she dont know any way out?
i feel so sorry for them and i want them to be happily toghether again but dont know how?
the state is not providing her with legal advisor and postponding their case in the court.
she cant meet her husband , nor she can go to her parents.the brother is ashmed of what he hs done and he is ready to pay any price to get his family back , but neither him nor the sister know any way out of all this mess.
please any advise?
 
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