Converts & Christmas

[q8penpals]

Salam

Ok, I need some CONCRETE serious advice for the holiday season.

My entire family and friend circle back home is Christian (although not all staunch practicers). I will receive Christmas cards and gifts no matter what (my family suspects I am Muslim, but they do not bring it up, so I do not either, just to keep peace). My husband gets them too, and they KNOW he is Muslim.

How do you deal without alienating your family or causing them to hate Islam? I see people posting here that they will not say "Merry Christmas" or even "Happy Holidays" because "it is like saying 'Happy Going to Hell'" or some such nonsense. It is a lot easier to say that when it is just your co-workers or fellow students, but when you ENTIRE family doesn't understand ("because we don't go to church on christmas anyway") ?

Personally, I do not go out of my way, other than sending gifts (I like to give gifts in general) and sending general Seasons Greetings cards to close family, like my 86 year old grandmother who would probably die on the spot if I told her I am Muslim.

And the thing is, I miss the "Christmas" that my family celebrates - not the religious Christmas. I miss decorating the house in pretty lights, making all sorts of cookies and sweets with my mother, wrapping gifts in pretty bows and ribbons, and the music of the season, especially the cutsie, traditional songs of Bing Crosby and the like.

Oh sure, some people will comment, well, do all the same things but do them for Eid - yeah, and with who? All by myself? I have no one other than my husband, and he doesn't like to bake, doesn't care about decorating the house (although he tells me I am free to decorate however and whenever I want), and I have no one to give Eid gifts to, other than my husband. And of course, their are no "Happy Eid" songs to play while deocrating.

It is not like I am doubting my religious beliefs, I guess I just have the blues right now. My home in the states (and even my apartment in Kuwait before becoming muslim) was always decorated for every single holiday (even green for St. Patrick's Day, and I am not Irish!) just because it made my house feel home-y. I loved having friends and family over, but even now, the friends I have in Kuwait are nearly all Christian (some way more Christian than I ever was) so they all go to Christmas parties.

My hsuband's family is so disjointed and dysfunctional (they put the "fun" in dysFUNctional! LOL!) and I don't speak Arabic, and most of them don't speak English, so there is nothing going on there. I am liked by all his family and get along fine with them, but no one ever just calls and asks me to come over or go shopping or anything like that - like what real friends or family would do.

oK, i am almost crying now sitting here, so I will stop.

Lsna

 

[Mairo]

Salaam Aleikum sister. Although I do not have any great concrete advice for you, I wanted to respond so that you know you are not alone in struggling with this. I am an American Muslim and find it very difficult trying to create a new cultural identity for myself. I too associate Christmas time in my youth as you described, and I definitely feel a sadness in having lost that. I do feel it is important to create new Islamic traditions that will bring me a similar kind of joy. But I still feel like a stranger to Islam in many ways, and sometimes have a hard time knowing how to proceed with practicing my religion in the world. I love Islam and am eternally grateful for it. But embracing Islam as an American is for many, including myself, a choice that brings a lot of solitude and alienation.

Take heart and turn all your cares over to God. He is the Guide of those who believe into a right path.

Salam and best wishes to you

 

[alkathiri]

Salam


My hsuband's family is so disjointed and dysfunctional (they put the "fun" in dysFUNctional! LOL!)

oK, i am almost crying now sitting here, so I will stop.

Lsna

Sister Lana , good joke....

Sorry not much of help

 

[Sa'diyah]

asaalam alaikum sister

well to begin, I perfectly understand where you are coming from, my family is christian and in my home we practice Islam. For the holidays we give greeting cards and end of the year cards, we also give gifts to the family. I honestly do not see anything wrong with that. Can't we put religion to the side for a moment. We have to learn how to get along with each other regardless of race, religion, culture etc.

Christians, as you know celebrate Christmas, because when Jesus (pbuh) was born, everyone brought gifts to him. Thats all. All this santa claus, and rudolph the red nosed reindeer is all man made; pagan. I do not think that there is anything pagan about believing that gifts were given to Jesus (pbuh). CHRISTIANS do it as a remembrance. Everyone else does it as a celebration to drink alcohol, go partying all night, santa claus and frosty the snowman. They do not even know what is the real meaning behind Christ-mas.

So if you look at it in that perspective, I think you will have a better point of view.

 

[Joanna-Aisha]

Assalamu alykoum wa rahmatu Allahu wa barakato!

Dear Sister!

I read ur message, and I think I know what u feel, parcially I'm just a beginner in Islam, and I hope to be as good as I can (in shaa Allah). But my point is....

I'm living in Poland. Here you can't find any Muslims, except of one who I know and he is my Arabic teacher, and his Polish wife who converted to Islam elhamdollellah. They are so lucky, cuz they are togehter, and I am alone, cuz all my family is Christian Catholic, so I know what u can feel....None of my friends is Muslim either, and except of my close best friends, and my Muslim friends, nobody knows that I'm Muslim. Actually I didn;t say Shahada in front of anybody, but i said it so many times to Allah (swt), that I hope it's ok I have even to hide when I wanna pray, and I can;'t pray as Allah wants (I can't do woodu 5 times), cuz simply all the time someone is at my room, or I'm at university, and there is no place...So u can imagine how my heart hurts me, when I hear Athan (on my computer) calling to pray....It's extremely painfull.

But I know what u mean about decorations TRully, it's nice, this Christmas tree, present, even some carols..Yeah, I agree...And atmosphere is great I was talking about it with my Muslim friend living in Egypt...and I think that when u don;t believe that Jesus (PBUH) is God, and u only celebrate his birth as a Prophet sent from Allah (swt), it's ok. I mean it's nothing bad to tell ur Christian friends:"Happy Christmas", czu (as u know) we are all faithfull to the same God! And I think it's not bad to put some decorations...If u do it with honesty to ur heart and Islam

Actually, I don;tlike Christmas much because of being always in hurry, and thinking about presents. That makes me angry sometimes. So this year will be the first year, when I'm not gonna celebrate it as my family, but of course, I'll help my Mom with cleaning, with preparing house for this, things like this...cuz (I read it somewhere), it's not good to separate yourself from ur family! Cuz it's UR Family!

I can imagine how it hurts when u don;t know the language, and they hardly speak English...It's a problem,but maybe u need to make a firts step, cuz some ppl are not aware of things, ot they just don;t think in the way u r thinking. Maybe try to involve ur Husband into this, i.e He can help u to arrange meeting, or once he can gowith u. Tell him in good way how u feel, and try him to imagine himself in a such situation, it helps
And for sure maybe it's a sign to start learning Arabic, and maybe his family can try to learn English Can u believe how this can make u more close to each other...
I know that there exist some cultural differences, but we/you have to struggle with this I'm telling u, everything is sent from Allah (swt)for reason Just think about it.
I hope u can find some answers in my message. If u have any questions, or u just want to talk with me from time to time, just write me message I think we r in very similar situation, and somehow Christmas time is hard for us...

Take care
Maa el salama!
Joanna (Aisha)

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam sister,

I know exactly how you feel. I have spent the 16 months away from the States on a Caribbean island that is purely Christian. The one good thing is that it's not as commercialized and decorated like it is in the States so part of me can just pretend it's not the holidays.

However I will be returning to the States on Dec 23rd permanently. (inshallah) Though I was raised Jewish I still thoroughly enjoyed the holiday season in the States..it was addicting in it's cheer. This time I will not have anyone to spend the holidays with as my family disowned me upon conversion...it's quite depressing when I think about it actually.

I honestly have no advise as I am still trying to muddle through how I am going to deal with it but I wanted you to know you are not alone. If I were there I would go all out and decorate your house to ridiculous lengths for the Eids. I will pray that Allah swt makes it easier for you and me. hugz.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[maria_hajjaj]

my dear sister.. you open a subject wich is in my mind and my heart also(and for most of the convert people). I've never find an answer...I've only found justifications why it's Ok to say <happy holidays> to your famely and your friends, to put lights in your house... They said for us <happy holidays> and they are not muslims...becaming a muslim it doesn't meen that we'll give up to them.A muslim duty is to share and speak about Islam. How we'll suppose to do that if we cut the relasion with them?! And a relation it meens more than <hallo> and <good buy>.I know also what meens to have to hide (at least for a wile) that you are muslim. Ooooh, I feel so many things in this moment, but I just can't expres my self, I'm to much emotional envolved!
Anyhow, I'm happy that these years the holidays are in the same period,and it's a little bit easyer. So,< KULLU WA ANTUM BHER> for all of us, and may Allah (swt) to help us all and to guide us only for best.

P.S. I"m waiting also for somebody who can answer to us!
salamu alaycum wa rahmatulahi wa rabaracatu!

 

[saira1984]

Salam

Ok, I need some CONCRETE serious advice for the holiday season.

My entire family and friend circle back home is Christian (although not all staunch practicers). I will receive Christmas cards and gifts no matter what (my family suspects I am Muslim, but they do not bring it up, so I do not either, just to keep peace). My husband gets them too, and they KNOW he is Muslim.

How do you deal without alienating your family or causing them to hate Islam? I see people posting here that they will not say "Merry Christmas" or even "Happy Holidays" because "it is like saying 'Happy Going to Hell'" or some such nonsense. It is a lot easier to say that when it is just your co-workers or fellow students, but when you ENTIRE family doesn't understand ("because we don't go to church on christmas anyway") ?

Personally, I do not go out of my way, other than sending gifts (I like to give gifts in general) and sending general Seasons Greetings cards to close family, like my 86 year old grandmother who would probably die on the spot if I told her I am Muslim.

And the thing is, I miss the "Christmas" that my family celebrates - not the religious Christmas. I miss decorating the house in pretty lights, making all sorts of cookies and sweets with my mother, wrapping gifts in pretty bows and ribbons, and the music of the season, especially the cutsie, traditional songs of Bing Crosby and the like.

Oh sure, some people will comment, well, do all the same things but do them for Eid - yeah, and with who? All by myself? I have no one other than my husband, and he doesn't like to bake, doesn't care about decorating the house (although he tells me I am free to decorate however and whenever I want), and I have no one to give Eid gifts to, other than my husband. And of course, their are no "Happy Eid" songs to play while deocrating.

It is not like I am doubting my religious beliefs, I guess I just have the blues right now. My home in the states (and even my apartment in Kuwait before becoming muslim) was always decorated for every single holiday (even green for St. Patrick's Day, and I am not Irish!) just because it made my house feel home-y. I loved having friends and family over, but even now, the friends I have in Kuwait are nearly all Christian (some way more Christian than I ever was) so they all go to Christmas parties.

My hsuband's family is so disjointed and dysfunctional (they put the "fun" in dysFUNctional! LOL!) and I don't speak Arabic, and most of them don't speak English, so there is nothing going on there. I am liked by all his family and get along fine with them, but no one ever just calls and asks me to come over or go shopping or anything like that - like what real friends or family would do.

oK, i am almost crying now sitting here, so I will stop.

Lsna

What you wrote is excatly how I have been feeling...

I live in Uk and live in London with my hubby and my family live about 200 miles away in sheffield and although they have accepted the fact that I am muslim and are very supportive they want me to do all the chrismassy things with them especially as it is my 6 month old niece's 1st christmas.
What I have told my family is that I will not celebrate christmas with them but we can have our own day where we spend time together as a family giving pressies having a laugh and just having like you said a traditional family christmas (not religious).

So this is going to be my first christmas where it will just be me and my hubby and I am dreading it.

I'm so glad that Eid is just before christmas so we can have our celebration then, again just as you said it will most problery be just me and my hubby coz he only has extended family here and none of them speak English and the ones which do - well lets just say it causes too many problems seeing them!

The point i'm trying to make is that I can't tell you the right thing to do as I'm still getting to grips with things but there are ways round this, prehaps just explain to your family that you have reverted to islam you neva know they may be able to accept it and then you could have an arrangement with them?

I hope this works and insha allah things will work in your favour, alway try speaking to ur husband prehaps he may be able to suggest how you can get round this.

Good luck

Saira x
:tti_sister:

 

[nyerekareem]

when i am confronted with someone saying merry christmas. i just nod and smile. they aren't really sure when i do that and at the same time i haven't offended anyone. when people ask me what i'm doing for christmas, i am clear in saying that i don't celebrate christmas, of course not saying why muslims do not celebrate the holiday. it's a fine line that we have to walk, because we as muslims know that every religion outside of islam is kufr. it would be wrong for us to encourage kufr. i'm not as extreme as some of these scholars have become on the matter as to trash the holiday altogether, i just don't celebrate christmas because we have our 2 eids.

 

[Rosheen]

Christmas is a good holiday for practising christians. There has been a lot of debate in the papers here in London about christmas. It seems people think it is over commercialised, and i would agree. However if its celebrated correctly...eg..going to church (as I did growing up) and being taught what the day is about and the meaning of it then it is nice. As one person wrote those who celebrate and party but do not understand the meaning are hypocrites.

On a more personal note, as a revert this is my first non-christmas. I have found it incredibly hard and have cried about it. My mother is not speaking to me at present. I feel alienated from my peers who are enjoying the party season and are exchanging gifts. However.....I will not give up on Islam because the UK goes potty for 2 months in preparation for 1 day of the year.

I have decided maybe i need to find new friends that have more in common with me. Obviously as a hijabi my partying friends are kind of redundant! I also need to spend the new year making a concerted effort to integrate into the Islamic community.

I will also try and distance myself from christmas more next year. Sadly i attended a lunch and spent the time bemoaning the fact i was eating the vegetarian option and not able to eat the alcohol soaked pudding :astag: I think that was stupid thing to do and i managed to alienate myself from even more people.

Sorry if i have written an essay here! I have been through a bit this year with christmas....Inshallah next year it will not bother me.

 

[abou haytam]

salam o alikom

dear brothers and sisters i am not revert and i am bron in islam hamdo lillah. when i read your post i see exactly the same strugles that have the compagnion of our prophet (pbuh)....guess what?.. the companions were revert too. you are lucky to share this statu with those great men and women. they struge the same way....even worst.

trun to our prophet and his companions history and incha allah it will inspire you and give more power.

allaho almostaan والله المستعان

 

[Optimist]

I read these stories and feel really sorry for all of you our revert brothers and sisters ... I did not imagine it can be that hard. I can only imagine what it is like to be disowned by the family & having to turn your back on your entire life & childhood. May Allah help you all ....

 

[saira1984]

Christmas is a good holiday for practising christians. There has been a lot of debate in the papers here in London about christmas. It seems people think it is over commercialised, and i would agree. However if its celebrated correctly...eg..going to church (as I did growing up) and being taught what the day is about and the meaning of it then it is nice. As one person wrote those who celebrate and party but do not understand the meaning are hypocrites.

On a more personal note, as a revert this is my first non-christmas. I have found it incredibly hard and have cried about it. My mother is not speaking to me at present. I feel alienated from my peers who are enjoying the party season and are exchanging gifts. However.....I will not give up on Islam because the UK goes potty for 2 months in preparation for 1 day of the year.

I have decided maybe i need to find new friends that have more in common with me. Obviously as a hijabi my partying friends are kind of redundant! I also need to spend the new year making a concerted effort to integrate into the Islamic community.

I will also try and distance myself from christmas more next year. Sadly i attended a lunch and spent the time bemoaning the fact i was eating the vegetarian option and not able to eat the alcohol soaked pudding :astag: I think that was stupid thing to do and i managed to alienate myself from even more people.

Sorry if i have written an essay here! I have been through a bit this year with christmas....Inshallah next year it will not bother me.

Salam,

I feel the same I also live in Lodnon with my hubby and his family and I do reallly get on its not that we dont like one another its just that they are somalian and dont speak english, also my family dont live in london the live in sheffield.

So the point i'm making is this will also be my first non-christmas and the thouht of spending the day by myself for the first time in my life is pretty scary.... I also want to meet more people and would like to make some hijabi friends to learn from and to teach? If you eva feel like meeting or chatting sometime send me a pm.

Keep smiling

Saira xx

:tti_sister:

 

[Wulf]

A'salaamu 'aleikom

For myself, the December celebrations have been a non event for many years. That is the religious side of things. As for the other side, I would give 'Seasons Greetings", omitting the words that reffered to anything religious. But I should point out that I had come to a conclusion that religion per se' was just a money making industry and that God was just a guilt trip forced on the vulger and superstitious. Of course things have changed somewhat.

When it comes to the giving of gifts, I give two weeks before the holiday. As for the cooking and etc, I do that every day anyway, so nothing is different. I remain polite to those who hold different beliefs to myself. If anyone questioned my observances of the day, I would just say that i am religious and practice at home.
However in saying this, I have realised that when I say the Shehada every day, the words "Ash hadu", I bear witness, have taken on a new meaning, and now I am starting to do just that by saying, "I am Muslim and Christmas is not a part of my Religion". Most are accepting, some want to know more, while some are quite hostile.

Yes it can be a bit trying to be different to everyone else in your street or town, but I see you and your Husband as being the example that others may, one day, see and follow.

So I suppose the answer to your question might be, that you do whatever makes you feel comfortable and put your trust in Allah, Subhanna wa ta'ala, that he will guide you in the right way.

W'salaam
Ibrahim