Hmmmm......This is a serious situation sister! I guess......hmmmmm...Oh yes! I know EXACTLY what can heply you sister!
Well you know that Rasullah (SAW) said that a women will be in Jannah with the LAST man that she amrries in the Duniyah, right? So I was gonna think about the fact that you can ask Allah Ta Alla for death and that I'll go and do the many Ammals for you sister (aw, how sweet of your baby brother
), but another thing is that in Jannah, a Muslim man and his wife who are in Jannah shall have the same status, and if either one has more status and Ajr than the other, than the one with less will catch up and they shall be on the same level.
So sister Albint Al Muslimah, maybe it'll be easier if you're dead too, and ask Allah Ta Alla to make you his wife and companion. So you can be one (and remember, I said ONE, becuase he obviously has more, ouch) of his wives in Jannah, his Hurl Ayn, LoL. Wanna feel happy and lustfull with your love for eternity? LoL.
So I don't know sister, but this is the only thing I know what you can do. But, it might kill you to think about being married with a man who has other wives too (mroe thna 4 also), but a person shall be cured from ALL diseases (and I mean, ALL LoL). Like maybe in your heart, and it might not be a disease either, jsut something natural, but here are the things:
A person shal lhave all the hate taken from their heart,
All their feligns of vengence in their heart,
all their sadness in thier heart,
and anything negative (and naturally negative) in thier heart, but don't worry sister, becuase it's differant than being like a robot though, becuase you'll have choices to make.
But if you do this sister, then PLEASE don't hoep to die soon, becuase I'm gonan miss you if you're gone. HMmm...how about making a Niyat in another 4 years? I mean, I might have to get off of TTI in 2-3 years (do to life changes), and so if you die, thna I won't start balling about it on and on, becuase I know that I'd feel upset if I never had you around, one of my older sisters who sue to be on TTI before and who was the best one ever feels like she's gone t ome, and I wouldn't want another one to die or not be around to talk to me anymore, would I?
Assalamu Alykum sister. May Allah Ta Alla give you what HE feels is best, whether it should be Abu Bakr (RA) or someone else. Ameen.