dowry???

[dianek]

Salaam,

Thank you sister Gazkour & sister Diane for the useful information. It enlightened my limited knowledge.

I'm curious -sister Diane, as a Muslim since you've experienced and paid for the weddings, would you prefer a small or big wedding if you were not married and your husband was willing to pay for it?

Sister Diane just be careful when you say that it seems prostitutional. Some young people might take your message the wrong way. It's your God given right as a Muslim woman. It's a favor & blessing given to you by Allah swt. BTW, diamond rings don't buy love, it's all cultural!

Salaam! My western dialect and mindset shining through there...didn't mean disrespect but that as a western woman to me, it is like being bought.....if that makes sense.

I was not Muslim when I married....my first marriage was in an art gallery over a restaurant/bar in the city with a sit down dinner for about 14 people (cost was like $1500 total including my dress etc.).....after that for my "reception" we went to night club for dancing........

My second marriage, to my muslim husband, we were married by a woman minister in her home, just the 2 of us and then we did a "reception" a few days later on a Friday evening with a pasta bar and wet bar (funny now to look back at that as most of those in attendance were muslims but they sure knocked back the drinks.) and that was only like $500.....

What I regret was not having (at that time) my big church wedding and reception but spending all that $$$$ makes no sense when you have so much other stuff it could be better spent on (housing etc.).......what I didn't really have either time was a real HONEYMOON!!!!!! So I am still waiting for my hubby to take me to the Bahamas!!!!!! (I have been but with my girlfriends).

About the ring......just so you know, it does not buy love, my engagement ring from Imed was bought on ebay, I picked it out because I was afraid to seem like I wanted too much and that would shame me, we bought it for $129.00..........since then I have received a new wedding set of rings that are much nicer........love first but it is nice to have a beautiful ring to show he cares......

 

[dianek]

LOL.....I guess you could call me a cheap date!

 

[*Saniyah*]

:salam2:

I love the Islaam and Islamic nikkah as it can be so simple. No need for big 3 day celebrations, borrowing and spending lots of money, planning honeymoons (again waste of money) and all that kind of stuff.
I'm very simple, I'm used to small things and throughout my life I didn't have much but alhamdulillaah.
I was a Christian still when I got married and my mahr was just symbolic. Alhamdulillaah, I'm blessed with very pious Muslim.

 

[dianek]

:salam2:

I love the Islaam and Islamic nikkah as it can be so simple. No need for big 3 day celebrations, borrowing and spending lots of money, planning honeymoons (again waste of money) and all that kind of stuff.
I'm very simple, I'm used to small things and throughout my life I didn't have much but alhamdulillaah.
I was a Christian still when I got married and my mahr was just symbolic. Alhamdulillaah, I'm blessed with very pious Muslim.

According to my husband, in Tunisia, men can't afford to get married because they do like 7 days of parties and dinners......and they are supposed to be muslim country. Very fancy affair.

 

[*Saniyah*]

According to my husband, in Tunisia, men can't afford to get married because they do like 7 days of parties and dinners......and they are supposed to be muslim country. Very fancy affair.

Salaam sis.

They are just following their culture. Also Tunisia has hijab restrictions and it's supposed to be a muslim country.

It is not a must to make a wedding party and that's why Islaam is so beautiful and logical, even two very poor people can get married without worrying about feeding over 500 guests and wedding trip. It's enough even to know one Surah by heart as a dowry.

 

[Bluegazer]

Assalamu Alaikum sister dianek,


You wrote:

Salaam! My western dialect and mindset shining through there...didn't mean disrespect but that as a western woman to me, it is like being bought.....if that makes sense.

I understand that a Western mindset might cause you feel that way. However, as a Muslim, you should rank the words of Allah and the words of His prophet [peace be upon him] above all other considerations.


Allah the Almighty said:

All others are lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) from your property, desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed.

[an-Nisaa’ 4:24]


Just like you always hear that there are cultural ideas and practices in the Muslim world that are against Islam, there are also some Western ideas and practices that are also against Islam. And one of these ideas is that the dowry a man should pay to his wife makes her feel "like being bought.....".


I'm not against everything Western. There are excellent ideas and practices in the West, such as respecting appointments, valuing hard work and a culture of scientific research. We -as Muslims- just have to rid ourselves of those cultural biases that go against Islam, whether these stem from the West, East, North or South.


I hope you don't see my comments as an attack or as being disrespectful. If my comments did come across as being an attack or being disrespectful, then I apologize for not finding a better way to explain myself.


Regards,

Bluegazer

Wassalamu Alaikum

 

[dianek]

Assalamu Alaikum sister dianek,


You wrote:




I understand that a Western mindset might cause you feel that way. However, as a Muslim, you should rank the words of Allah and the words of His prophet [peace be upon him] above all other considerations.


Allah the Almighty said:



[an-Nisaa’ 4:24]


Just like you always hear that there are cultural ideas and practices in the Muslim world that are against Islam, there are also some Western ideas and practices that are also against Islam. And one of these ideas is that the dowry a man should pay to his wife makes her feel "like being bought.....".


I'm not against everything Western. There are excellent ideas and practices in the West, such as respecting appointments, valuing hard work and a culture of scientific research. We -as Muslims- just have to rid ourselves of those cultural biases that go against Islam, whether these stem from the West, East, North or South.


I hope you don't see my comments as an attack or as being disrespectful. If my comments did come across as being an attack or being disrespectful, then I apologize for not finding a better way to explain myself.


Regards,

Bluegazer

Wassalamu Alaikum

I meant my words to pick at my inability to get my "western way of thinking" out of my head.....was all meant light heartedly.

 

[Bluegazer]

Insha'Allah [God willing] you will be able to get rid of the bad parts of the "western way of thinking", and I sure do hope you'll hold on to the good parts of the "western way of thinking".


All Muslims [myself included] have to wage a daily battle with cultural influences that push us in a direction against Islam, and I ask Allah the Almighty to help us all.


Thank you for your kind response.


By the way, I know this has nothing to do with this topic, but I'm wondering if you saw the videos of Baba Ali?


He was raised in the U.S. since he was a very young boy, and I hope you'll have fun and learn from watching his videos. They are really targeted at Muslims living in the West and at Western audiences. Click on the following two links to view two seasons of the "Reminder Series":

http://www.ummahfilms.com/season1.html
http://www.ummahfilms.com/season2.html


Regards,

Bluegazer

 

[TheHumbleWun]

LOL.....I guess you could call me a cheap date!

Salaam sister Diane,

I don't think your are "cheap." Cheap does not necessarily have to be a financial enigma. Some people are cheap in knowledge, some people are cheap emotionally, or the classic expression 'even talk is cheap.' I believe you are trying to live a frugal life!

You said:

My second marriage, to my muslim husband, we were married by a woman minister in her home

You didn't have a Islamic wedding!??

 

[blackivy393]

Salaam Oh Humble Wun!!! No dowry is given in Christianity either way....but it is a custom that the brides family pays for the wedding and the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner. But I believe that is just cultural and not religious. And now adays, I believe that most people pay for their own weddings. I have been married twice and paid for both the weddings by MYSELF......so I kept it very small and informal....my parents could not afford to pay for it and I would not have asked. I believe though that dowry is given to secure a woman incase of a husband's death or divorce, so that she has a safety net. But it does kind of seem prostitutional.....buying yourself a wife.......to me, a fat diamond ring would work!

yea i know for a fact me and my husband (God willing) is going to have pay for the wedding. my mother already told me "im not helping you", even if i was way older. because she thinks well if you want to get married you need pay for it, almost like hey thats your own burden

 

[blackivy393]

Insha'Allah [God willing] you will be able to get rid of the bad parts of the "western way of thinking", and I sure do hope you'll hold on to the good parts of the "western way of thinking".


All Muslims [myself included] have to wage a daily battle with cultural influences that push us in a direction against Islam, and I ask Allah the Almighty to help us all.


Thank you for your kind response.


By the way, I know this has nothing to do with this topic, but I'm wondering if you saw the videos of Baba Ali?


He was raised in the U.S. since he was a very young boy, and I hope you'll have fun and learn from watching his videos. They are really targeted at Muslims living in the West and at Western audiences. Click on the following two links to view two seasons of the "Reminder Series":

http://www.ummahfilms.com/season1.html
http://www.ummahfilms.com/season2.html


Regards,

Bluegazer

oh yea i have seen them all, theyre really funny. he has one in which he talks about the lik 40,000$ wedding lol

 

[dianek]

Salaam sister Diane,

I don't think your are "cheap." Cheap does not necessarily have to be a financial enigma. Some people are cheap in knowledge, some people are cheap emotionally, or the classic expression 'even talk is cheap.' I believe you are trying to live a frugal life!

You said:



You didn't have a Islamic wedding!??

Salaam HumbleWun! Well not frugal just depend on myself for stuff because I don't want to burden others and feel terrible to ask for help. And as such, my husband(s) have benefited in that because I don't ask for stuff, they don't spend money on me......Oh well.....guess we teach people how to treat us so it is my own fault!

Nope, no islamic wedding!!! My husband wasn't really a practicing muslim then........we just did the minister and he just asked her not to say anything worshipping Jesus, and I asked her to leave the word "OBEY" out of the equation as well. Even at our reception we read from Corinthians in the Bible...."The two shall become one"..........

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Salaam sister Diane,

I believe you should consult your local imam and seek his advice. Marriage in Islam is different than the one you previously had with your Muslim husband. You don't have to throw a party, you just need 2 witnesses. I'm not sure if your marriage is Islamically valid. I pray for you the best.

wasalaam

 

[dianek]

Salaam sister Diane,

I believe you should consult your local imam and seek his advice. Marriage in Islam is different than the one you previously had with your Muslim husband. You don't have to throw a party, you just need 2 witnesses. I'm not sure if your marriage is Islamically valid. I pray for you the best.

wasalaam

REALLY!!! WOOHOO!!!!!! Then I don't have any obligations to him then !!!!!! YES..............

 

[hussain.mahammed]

As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu

I read a true story of a couple where the wife asked for a red rose as dowry. Masha Allah !!!! Just imagine.
It was posted somewhere on TTI but I am not being able to find it.
May Allah Subhanahu wa Taala bless us with righteous and pious spouse.

wa/salam

 

[TheHumbleWun]

REALLY!!! WOOHOO!!!!!! Then I don't have any obligations to him then !!!!!! YES..............

Salaam,

What types of obligations are you talking about?

 

[dianek]

Salaam,

What types of obligations are you talking about?

Any and all........

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Salaam,

Are you trying to seek divorce from your Muslim husband? I pray that you do not go this route and make it your last resort.

All I'm trying to say is that, you could be living in sin if you do not have proper nikaah (Islamic wedding). Check with your local imam.

 

[TheHumbleWun]

As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu

I read a true story of a couple where the wife asked for a red rose as dowry. Masha Allah !!!! Just imagine.
It was posted somewhere on TTI but I am not being able to find it.
May Allah Subhanahu wa Taala bless us with righteous and pious spouse.

wa/salam

Salaam brother,

I believe this is what you were looking for:

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28689

 

[dianek]

Salaam,

Are you trying to seek divorce from your Muslim husband? I pray that you do not go this route and make it your last resort.

All I'm trying to say is that, you could be living in sin if you do not have proper nikaah (Islamic wedding). Check with your local imam.

Thanks for the advice.....we did a contract with the imam about 4 years ago I guess, didn't feel like a "wedding" just rec'd a certificate.