dowry???

blackivy393

Junior Member
well im talking to this guy in the possible interest of marriage, so he asked me what i would want for dowry? which is a question i would never get in a million years, i knew all about the wali part but not dowry? so what do people think about dowry? has anyone done this while getting married? and how much you suppose to ask for and is it money or jewlery ?
 

IslamIsLight

Islam is my life
Staff member
The minimum amount of mahr has been explained in the report in al-Saheeh (no. 1425) narrated from Sahl ibn Sa’d al-Saa’idi, who said: “A woman came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I have come to give myself (in marriage) to you.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) looked at her and looked her up and down, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) lowered his head and paused. When the woman saw that he had not made a decision about her, she sat down. A man from among the Sahaabah said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, if you are not interested in her, then marry her to me.’ He said, ‘Do you have anything?’ He said, ‘No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah.’ He said, ‘Go to your people and see if you can find anything.’ So the man went, then he came back and said, ‘No, by Allaah, I could not find anything.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Look and see (if you can find anything), even if it is only an iron ring which you can give.’ So he went, then came back, and said, ‘No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, not even an iron ring. But (I have) this izaar (garment) of mine, she can have half of it.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘What can she do with your izaar? If you are wearing it she will have nothing of it.’ The man sat down, then after a long time had passed, he got up (to leave). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw him leaving and called him. When he came, he said, ‘What do you know of the Qur’aan?’ He said, ‘Soorah Such-and-such and Soorah Such-and-such.’ He said, ‘Do you know them by heart?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then go, you are married to her by what you know of the Qur’aan.’”

This hadeeth shows that it is permissible for the mahr to be a little or a lot of whatever is considered to be wealth, if both partners agree,
 

jabba

Salafi Dawah is the best
:salam2:
Getting a mahr (dowry) is a right Islam has given to women, you can ask for anything, money, gold ect. The amount you ask for should not be too much that it should cause a financial burden on your husband. It should be agreeded upon before getting married
:wasalam:
 

q8penpals

Junior Member
Salam

Yes, the dowry should not over burden the husband to be, but also, do not make it so low that it looks like you do not think you are worth anything. Be honest about what you think you want - if you agree, he doesn't have to pay it all at once. I asked for the equivalent of 2 months of my husband's salary, to be paid over 6 months (and it even took him a bit longer, but that was ok). My husband was very proud to be able to give me a nice dowry. He said that no woman should "undervalue" herself, and I agree. Now that we have been married and he gives me gifts and such more frequently, he has never begrudged my dowry. In Kuwait, the dowrys are registered, and frequently are about the $50,000US (!!!!!) mark or above for actual Kuwaiti women marrying Kuwaiti men. I didn't ask for anywhere near that, but my husband's sister got $25,000!

Lana
 

alkathiri

As-Shafaa'i(Brother)
Salam

Yes, the dowry should not over burden the husband to be, but also, do not make it so low that it looks like you do not think you are worth anything. Be honest about what you think you want - if you agree, he doesn't have to pay it all at once.

:SMILY126::SMILY126::SMILY126:

Choose any amount you want but be realistic....
 

dianek

Junior Member
well im talking to this guy in the possible interest of marriage, so he asked me what i would want for dowry? which is a question i would never get in a million years, i knew all about the wali part but not dowry? so what do people think about dowry? has anyone done this while getting married? and how much you suppose to ask for and is it money or jewlery ?


Salam Blackivy.....quick question.....aren't you still Christian? If so, why are you concerned about that, it isn't a christian practice is it?
 
Salaam,

I don't understand how dowry works. If couples are marrying each other, then what purpose does giving your OWN wife money, jewelry, etc serve? She is your wife! Whatever you own she owns, whatever she owns you own or am I wrong?

When the husband pays for the whole wedding (guests, food, etc), can that be considered dowry?

Does her family keep the dowry? If so, then wouldn't that be considered greedy?

I've heard that in Christianity, the woman pays dowry to her husband? Can someone verify this for me. Or maybe it's the woman who pays for the wedding...I dunno
 

gazkour

Junior Member
assalamo alikom wa rahmato Allah wa barakato

Salaam,

I don't understand how dowry works. If couples are marrying each other, then what purpose does giving your OWN wife money, jewelry, etc serve? She is your wife! Whatever you own she owns, whatever she owns you own or am I wrong?

When the husband pays for the whole wedding (guests, food, etc), can that be considered dowry?

Does her family keep the dowry? If so, then wouldn't that be considered greedy?

I've heard that in Christianity, the woman pays dowry to her husband? Can someone verify this for me. Or maybe it's the woman who pays for the wedding...I dunno

I understand your point completely. However remember that islamically the woman's money is just for her( if she wants to share it, that's up to her); so the dowry is a right that has been given to her. She can use it anyway she wants. It is also a kind of 'guarantee' to know that the man is serious about the marriage and also in case they get divorce, she would have some money or possesion to 'rely' on. Basically is for our own protection Alhamdulillah for that.

In Christianity traditonally is the woman's father whos pays everything concerning the marriage celebration (party, food, etc,etc). The man is the one who normally pays the honeymoon. I have never heard personally of a 'dowry' being paid in the Christian tradition, but I'm sure, all this practices even vary from country to country and from church to church.

Allah knows best

Assalamo alikom wa rahmato Allah wa barakato
 

blackivy393

Junior Member
Salam

Yes, the dowry should not over burden the husband to be, but also, do not make it so low that it looks like you do not think you are worth anything. Be honest about what you think you want - if you agree, he doesn't have to pay it all at once. I asked for the equivalent of 2 months of my husband's salary, to be paid over 6 months (and it even took him a bit longer, but that was ok). My husband was very proud to be able to give me a nice dowry. He said that no woman should "undervalue" herself, and I agree. Now that we have been married and he gives me gifts and such more frequently, he has never begrudged my dowry. In Kuwait, the dowrys are registered, and frequently are about the $50,000US (!!!!!) mark or above for actual Kuwaiti women marrying Kuwaiti men. I didn't ask for anywhere near that, but my husband's sister got $25,000!

Lana

wow thats a lot lol
 

rtbour

american muslima
oh yea im christian, but the guy still wants to do dowry
I was christian too, when I got married to my husband, and I didn't know about dowery. So.... I didn't ask for anything, and he never told me about dowery. I found out about it after we were married when I started looking into Islam. I really got jipped. That's okay, though, because I got what I wanted, which is my husband. As far as I know, if you don't care about the dowery, you can tell him not to worry about it. If you do decide to ask for something, I have no guidance for you! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage, though! =)
 

blackivy393

Junior Member
I was christian too, when I got married to my husband, and I didn't know about dowery. So.... I didn't ask for anything, and he never told me about dowery. I found out about it after we were married when I started looking into Islam. I really got jipped. That's okay, though, because I got what I wanted, which is my husband. As far as I know, if you don't care about the dowery, you can tell him not to worry about it. If you do decide to ask for something, I have no guidance for you! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage, though! =)

thats what i want to say oh dont worry about lol. cuz idk i would just seem really akward lol saying oh give me this much $$$ for my dowry.
 

Bluegazer

Junior Member
Hello Elizabeth [blackivy393],


The following is a religious opinion [fatwa] posted on the website supervised by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid. It's an answer to question no. 69843 [If the dowry (mahr) is not stipulated, then the wife should have a dowry like that of her peers]. Please take special note of the part I set in bold type, like so:

Question:

I have a brother who got married to my uncle’s daughter. When my uncle agreed to the dowry that my brother would pay, he refused to stipulate the amount that my brother should pay, but my brother decided how much he would pay. But my uncle asked him to add up the cost of his marriage and the cost of my cousin’s marriage when he wants to get married, and to share the expenses between them. What is the ruling on that? Please note that my uncle phrased this as a request for help.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The dowry (mahr) is an obligatory part of the marriage contract, as stipulated in the verse (interpretation of the meaning):

“All others are lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) from your property, desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed”

[al-Nisa’ 4:24]


It is Sunnah to stipulate the dowry in the marriage contract, but if it is not stipulated, the marriage is still valid and the wife should be given a dowry like that of other women like her, who share the same characteristics according to which the rates of dowries may differ.

Secondly:

The dowry should be known; if they agree to an unspecified dowry, that is not valid, and the wife should be given a dowry like that of her peers.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: No dowry is valid unless it is specified. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i. End quote from al-Mughni, 7/168

It says in Ma’oonat Ooli al-Nuha (9/192): It is essential that the dowry be known. Then he said: That applies to everything of which the value is unknown and the way of obtaining it is unknown; it is not valid as a dowry, and there is no difference of scholarly opinion on this point. End quote.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

If he gives her something unknown as a dowry, that is not permissible, and she should have a dowry like that of her peers. End quote from al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 5/302

What is mentioned in the question about the uncle refusing to stipulate a dowry and asking for the wedding expenses of his nephew to be combined with those of his son, then shared equally, makes the dowry unknown, because it is not known how much his son’s wedding expenses will be.

Based on this, this wife should be given a dowry like that of other women who are like her, if the marriage contract has been done as you describe. If the marriage contract has not yet been done, then a dowry should be specified for her, and it is not permissible to do what your uncle is asking, because that will lead to the dowry being unknown.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Source: http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=69843&ln=eng


And since the "dowry (mahr) is an obligatory part of the marriage contract" -as stated in the opinion above-, I advise you to accept this offer of your potential husband. If you don't want to burden him, then you could ask for a small amount.


There's also the fact that many Muslim men are proud of the fact they fulfill their duties towards women. So, it might be kind of offensive if you refuse. I know you don't mean that in an offensive way, but it might come across like that.


I hope all goes well and that it'll be a happy marriage.


Regards,

Bluegazer
 

jabba

Salafi Dawah is the best
:salam2:
i was a Chriatian when I married my husband, but I still got my mahr, it's his obligation to give it. I mean if he didn't I might have felt like I'm not worth it just because I was Christian.:wasalam:
 

dianek

Junior Member
Salaam,

I don't understand how dowry works. If couples are marrying each other, then what purpose does giving your OWN wife money, jewelry, etc serve? She is your wife! Whatever you own she owns, whatever she owns you own or am I wrong?

When the husband pays for the whole wedding (guests, food, etc), can that be considered dowry?

Does her family keep the dowry? If so, then wouldn't that be considered greedy?

I've heard that in Christianity, the woman pays dowry to her husband? Can someone verify this for me. Or maybe it's the woman who pays for the wedding...I dunno


Salaam Oh Humble Wun!!! No dowry is given in Christianity either way....but it is a custom that the brides family pays for the wedding and the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner. But I believe that is just cultural and not religious. And now adays, I believe that most people pay for their own weddings. I have been married twice and paid for both the weddings by MYSELF......so I kept it very small and informal....my parents could not afford to pay for it and I would not have asked. I believe though that dowry is given to secure a woman incase of a husband's death or divorce, so that she has a safety net. But it does kind of seem prostitutional.....buying yourself a wife.......to me, a fat diamond ring would work!
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
Asalaamu Alaikum

My son just got married last year to a Christian and the dowry was part of the marriage contract and they were married in a mosque. A dowry is a gift..its not a payment or a way to purchase someone. I haven't seen anywhere in the quran or hadith that the dowry is insurance in case of divorce or death. I think people made that up so that they could keep deferring the dowry. I am not impressed either with hearing about foreign men coming here and getting a woman for cheap or free as they call it and thinking they got a great bargain. The dowry is the wife's islamic right and she should be told about it if she is not muslim or a convert..I've seen lots of converts even getting ripped off and she should be able to ask for just as much as a foreign woman does..there is no cap on the amount. Woman in the west have been so beat down for so long they feel shy to ask for even one morsel from their husbands. This should not be taken advantage of. Muslim men should reinstate women's rights here in the west just as the women have them in the east.
 
Salaam,

Thank you sister Gazkour & sister Diane for the useful information. It enlightened my limited knowledge.

I'm curious -sister Diane, as a Muslim since you've experienced and paid for the weddings, would you prefer a small or big wedding if you were not married and your husband was willing to pay for it?

Sister Diane just be careful when you say that it seems prostitutional. Some young people might take your message the wrong way. It's your God given right as a Muslim woman. It's a favor & blessing given to you by Allah swt. BTW, diamond rings don't buy love, it's all cultural! :SMILY259:
 

muhsinah

Junior Member
But the dowry can be anything. It's a gift from the husband so if you want it to be a diamond ring, then that's your dowry (of course, you might reconsider that given all the controversy about "blood diamonds" and the oppression involved). If you want it to be $100, than that's it! If you want $25 000, it's also not prostitution. It doesn't have to be monetary; it could be property/clothes/shoes/jewelry/precious stones/ character change/ knowledge....etc.
Come to think of it, I'd like to include some books as part of my dowry when I get married (this is the first time I'm personally thinking about dowry).
 
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