Asssalam alaikum. Yes, there is a difference between discipline and plain anger. In this case, I would say it's closer to discipline than anger. She kept asking her child how many rules he broke ("cards"? :S) and apparently he broke three of them. Every opinion you've mentioned is very subjective.
Being the first born child, I bore the brunt of spankings in the family, and ear twists when it came to math, but during none of these episodes did my parents verbally just scream at me. Of course I cried, but I came out of it with a lesson. Not saying that I'd employ similar methods, but like I said this is entirely different - the way she is directing her anger and speech, and the way she's dealing with the child is not like a child at all. It's an entire fit of rage and to what end? If a child just gets used to you being angry all the time for 'card pulls' it will eventually as he ages desensitize him from such outbursts and in some cases he may no longer even care about consequences.
So..you're saying your parents never shouted at you when you were in trouble? Oh, I got a lot more of those than the ear twist I remember. Your parents gave you spankings and ear twists, but they never told you off or shouted? (On a side note, the lady in the video didn't shout).
About the "military-like fashion" punishment you mentioned, I'll reply to you with a short story about my grandfather. He was
in the Pakistani military, and one of the ways he'd discipline is eight daughters and one son was to make them stand on one leg until they could no longer stand. Everything in my mum's house was lived through a military-like fashion. They were organised and timely with all their activities. All of my aunts and mum were very close to their dad. My mum still says how that was real discipline.
I'm not condoning severe beatings as punishments ever, but I dont think it's fair to draw that sort of comparison in saying since that's bad this isn't really all that bad. The thing is the effect on the child, because although each and every person can change once their older, the foundation of childhood is a very strong one. Abuse and putting a child as an outlet for rage is never a solution, regardless of the method used.
I think it's very fair to make a comparison here ("cold showers are better than getting severe physical beatings"). The world isn't black and white with clear cut situations and results. Some cases of child abuse is much worse than others.
Also, I don't like Dr. Phil and it will always astound me as to the reasons why some people will come out with their personal lives on public television. And I think instead of just hating on this woman, if we bring away a lesson it would draw a better conclusion.
None of us are, or will be free of mistakes in the difficult job of child rearing, so maybe the best we can do is contineously find out better ways of doing things - and this obviously isn't one of them.
May Allaah guide all of them.
Most of the posts I quoted in my first post had responses like "this is torture", and things like how the kid should be taken away from her mum. Do you know what's more psychologically damaging? If the kid has his mother taken away over this and has to grow up the rest of his life telling people his mother wasn't fit to look after him. This is torture like business studies classes were torture in early high school (i.e., not really torture).
I think its the way the poor child screams in the shower? Anyone who hears that and doesn't hate the mother for it.. theres something wrong with you simple as. Also, the poor child is absolutely petrified and hardly gets his words out..maybe because its been so long since Ive seen a child get told off I find it shocking?
Assalam alaikum. I don't hate the mother.
Last time I disciplined a kid ..my 5 year old cousin; I took her arm and looked her in the eyes and said 'NO Haleemah' really quietly, deadly one might say? It worked like a dream, she stopped immediately and gave no further hassle! MashaAllaah.
Not all kids are the same.
Why have sub continent parents been given a bad lable here? My own parents and parents of friends are generally ok and the values they instil in their kids are good, sound ones (for the most part!)..I think we're getting confused with sub continent Qur'aan teachers? The latter are a generically abusive specie. Audhbillaah.
About the subcontinent parents, I mentioned them specifically because I've heard stories on how my grandfather used to discipline my mum and her sisters. (And they are all fine and dandy). But I didn't mention other groups specifically, but I meant Polynesian, Arab, and Chinese people too - - - countries with a substantial poor population.
Also subcontinent parents and their children tend to be quite close from what I see compared to British families or other cultures, assuming thats even with the apparent beatings the kids got when they were growing up? A cold shower has much more negative psychological impact on a person than a smack.
I think subcontinental parents have a closer tie because of all the disciplining and regulation the children had to go throw as they were growing up. You see a lot of young brats in the West growing up with parents that let them to anything - and the moment the parent suggests something or hands out a punishment, the child starts shouting at their parents!
As for beatings go, I stand by what I said - cold showers are better than physical beatings. Parents that actually smack, I'm sure they shout a heck of a lot too.
Anyways, my response was to the many overly-exaggerated responses with so much hate and anger. There are really evil mothers (and fathers) out there, worse than this.