Evil Mother

Kakorot

Junior Member
Assalam alaikum.

Well I guess I'm the only one that thinks that it wasn't that bad. A cold shower is more irritating than painful and she made him spit out the chilli sauce. And at least it's food (and tasty if you're actually planning to eat it).

A lot of kids cry when they are told they can't play or if they receive any form of punishment (eg. "no more cartoons for a week").... I still think this is a lot better than kids from the subcontinent that get severe physical beatings as a punishment.

Also, if this really was abuse that bad, she wouldn't allow Dr. Phil's camera crew to come into her house and film it. Anyways, that's my opinion.

Assalam alaikum.

:wasalam: wr wb,

By having cold showers he can get a cold. And she didn't make him spit the hot sauce out, she was making him eat it.

Children are different, so when stuff is happening to them you can't expect them to react in the same way. It's natural for children to be naughty and misbehave. It's all part of childhood.

Children from Africa or Asia may be used to harsh discipline. They may see it as part of their culture and think they deserve it because of their misbehaviour. But children in the West are different because harsh discipline is not the norm.

There are even laws that prevent the parents from smacking their kids. They can even be sent to jail if they do so. That's why it is such a shock for many of us and also because of the stupid methods she used. She could of made him sit on a corner for five minutes and taken away his favourite toy for a bit but not physically harm him. What's that gna do? Increase the love for his mum? I highly doubt it. He's just gna learn to fear her and not respect her because she's not teaching him on how respect is gained. He's just going to hate her.
 

Idris16

Junior Member
No need to beat oh cultural people - idris16

Question: "The teacher may sometimes turn to hitting in order to discipline is student. Firstly, is it permissible to hit the student? Secondly, is it permissible to hit him in the face?"

Author: Sheikh Muhammad Naasir Ad-Deen Al-Albaani

Answer: "As far as hitting in the face, this is not permissible due to the statement of the Prophet, (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam),

"Do not hit the face and do not defigure."
Regarding the second part, is it permissible to hit the student in general as a means of discipline; the answer must make mention of the statement of the Prophet,

"Command your children to pray when they reach the age of seven and hit them if they leave it off when they reach the age of ten and separate them from each other in the beds."

"In this hadeeth is a proof that for the student, rather the child, whether he is a student or not, it is not permissible for the one in charge of him to hit him due to his deficiency in obeying the commands until he reaches the age of ten. Command your children to pray when they reach the age of seven and hit them if they leave it off when they reach the age of ten and separate them from each other in the beds. Without a doubt, the Hukm (ruling) or Ahimiyah (importance) of whatever knowledge any teacher wants to present to his students will not be equal to the importance of prayer. Therefore, if the Prophet himself prohibits the father from hitting his child due to not praying, until he reaches the age of ten, then with all the more reason, it is not permissible for other than the father (from those in charge) to hit the children for something other than leaving off the salah (prayer) until he reaches the age of ten.

Thus, it is not permissible for the teacher to hit the child even if he did not obey him regarding the salah. What else exists from the other affairs that are as important as the Salah. "In this connection, I would like to also add that the age of puberty for girls and boys differs tremendously from country to country. I know that in general, in countries of warm climate, the hormones may mature at a faster rate; thus the age of takleef (duty: obligation to observe precepts of religion) would be reached at an earlier age than it would in a colder climate. Then this rule should not be taken in a general way but rather each country should study the children or it should be done in a more detailed way. For example one would find out whether this particular child reached the age of puberty or is he still in childhood? So whatever seems to predominate from this study, the hukm (ruling) would be decided."

He was then asked: "With regards to hitting, if the child had bad banners and hit.." Sheikh Al-Albaani began saying:

"There is no hitting, no hitting at all. Rather there is directing, advising and speech. Sometimes words have a greater affect on people than hitting. In addition, hitting with some people does not help at all, rather it makes them continue on what their upon more and more. What is important is that the best of all guidance is the guidance of Muhammad, may peace and blessings be upon him. Thus the child is not to be hit so long that he did not reach the age of puberty.

"On this note, I understand from the gradual teaching of the Prophet that was previously mentioned in the hadith, 'Command your children to pray' to the end of the hadeeth, I understand from this hadeeth that it is wrong what I see take place with many fathers. He commands his child to pray before reaching the age of seven. This is opposition to the commandment of the Prophet, may peace and blessings be upon him. 'Command your children to pray when they reach the age of seven.' That is why it is not appropriate for the Muslim to put the commandment in effect before what the Prophet defined initially. It is ok for the father to permit his child to come along with him to pray with him in the masjid. But as far as him telling him, "Come here, get up, go make wudoo' and pray." and the child has not yet reached the age of seven, this is opposition to this hadith, so I just wanted to remind you all of that."
 

ShahnazZ

Striving2BeAStranger
I haven't seen the video yet but based on all the responses I'm guessing this woman gave her child a shower in freezing water.

My mother is an angel on earth and she also gave me a freezing shower when I was a child. I do remember screaming in pain but I also remember the fact that I had a dangerous fever and after that shower, my fever broke. I also think my mother was in more pain than I was but alhamdulillah we lived happily ever after :)

I have no idea why this woman did what she did to her child but like I said, I haven't seen the video yet. Just wanted to respond to mommies giving their kids cold showers.
 

samiha

---------
Staff member
Wow, where did you all grow up?

Isn't a cold shower a lot better than getting a physical beat-down? A friend of mine from Oman said if his younger brothers would get smart to their mother, the father would give them a good smack..same story with my friend from Tonga.

I myself remember having my ear twisted by my mum once when I was little (must have been around 6 years old) because I was being naughty. That's about it. Still.

Assalam alaikum.

wa 'alaykum salaam wa rahmatullaah

The thing is for me, more than the intended punishment itself - was the way it was given out. Like I said, there's a difference between discipline and plain out anger. What she did was out of anger and frustration, she didn't know how to discipline him so she resorted to these measures. And if you looked at the previous video before that she'd have him do jumping jacks until he no longer could - and wall sits (which even I hate) until he could no longer hold them.

The point comes across that yes he is a troublesome child properly - but is the way she is educating and 'disciplining' him correct? I don't think so. Children know when things are serious, and they can understand concepts of being 'in trouble', however shouting in that manner and pushing him through these measures in such a military-like fashion is abuse.

Being the first born child, I bore the brunt of spankings in the family, and ear twists when it came to math, but during none of these episodes did my parents verbally just scream at me. Of course I cried, but I came out of it with a lesson. Not saying that I'd employ similar methods, but like I said this is entirely different - the way she is directing her anger and speech, and the way she's dealing with the child is not like a child at all. It's an entire fit of rage and to what end? If a child just gets used to you being angry all the time for 'card pulls' it will eventually as he ages desensitize him from such outbursts and in some cases he may no longer even care about consequences.

A lot of kids cry when they are told they can't play or if they receive any form of punishment (eg. "no more cartoons for a week").... I still think this is a lot better than kids from the subcontinent that get severe physical beatings as a punishment.

Also, if this really was abuse that bad, she wouldn't allow Dr. Phil's camera crew to come into her house and film it. Anyways, that's my opinion.

I'm not condoning severe beatings as punishments ever, but I dont think it's fair to draw that sort of comparison in saying since that's bad this isn't really all that bad. The thing is the effect on the child, because although each and every person can change once their older, the foundation of childhood is a very strong one. Abuse and putting a child as an outlet for rage is never a solution, regardless of the method used.

Also, I don't like Dr. Phil and it will always astound me as to the reasons why some people will come out with their personal lives on public television. And I think instead of just hating on this woman, if we bring away a lesson it would draw a better conclusion.

None of us are, or will be free of mistakes in the difficult job of child rearing, so maybe the best we can do is contineously find out better ways of doing things - and this obviously isn't one of them.

May Allaah guide all of them.
 

xAllahKnowsBestx

Junior Member
:( It's not like he did something really bad. He's probably only like 5 or 6, and he obviously doesn't deserve THAT for getting 4 yellow cards at school. [How did he even manage to get that many? o.0] Anyway, my parents used to beat me up as well, but that was because I was a reaaaaaally bad kid, and I can say I did deserve the "belt shots", and learned not to be like that anymore. :p ^__^


I mean, she could've given him some other punishment... A spanking or whatever... He's a little kid for God's sake. :( He'd probably grow up hating her for what she's doing. She's clearly taking her anger out on the kid doing this a lot, and who knows, he could even develop psychological problems later on. God forbid. :|
 

Nm_17

New Member
Every mother is different especially in the way they discipline, but it is shocking to see that and it's happening everywhere :(. What is the world coming to?
May Allah (swt) give us the right guidance
 

Valerie

Junior Member
:salam2:

I won't even watch it, sorry folks. Just from the responses, I don't want to see a mother treating their own child badly. It just makes me want to go hug my son (in fact, I'm going to go do that here in a minute).

I had to take cold baths when I was younger when I had a fever, too, but it was to make me better... Well, they felt cold, but my temperature made it feel worse I think.

Parents who hurt their own children should have their ability to procreate removed... (I'm not saying this as a Muslim, I'm saying this as a mother).
 

abu'muhammad

Junior Member
Also subcontinent parents and their children tend to be quite close from what I see compared to British families or other cultures, assuming thats even with the apparent beatings the kids got when they were growing up?

Assalamu alaykum,

I suppose that is right ! The sub-continental parents expect one of their child or the only child,( in case) to take care of them and live with them in later age.They bring them up,look after them in a way so that later they keep up their family consideration and its priorities.This is kept in practice whether by becoming bit hard over them or by not succumbing or submitting to that which goes beyond their understanding of a desired family.The children are expected to prefer living in a joint family instead of an isolated one, perhaps its the case for most of the families.They believe a joint family provides a sort of security and care in an environment where men are generally supposed to earn and women to be doing the house-hold care.
 

sis khadidja

proud to be muslim
:salam2: that's just plain child abuse for the love of god it's your own kid woman what's the matter with her she should have her kids taken away from her she deserves that! i am just so mad right now.... poor kid.....i mean twisting your ears gettin a smack once in your life dosen't do harm but HOT SAUCE and COLD SHOWRES the kid could get seriously ill !! well i just hope she snaps out of what she is doing and change her ways cause there goin to take away her kids for sure:girl3:
 

fatima1994

ƒ3!RY $p!r!T
sub continent parents? :p hey news flash so are mine :D lolz
and i never saw em hitting me or my other siblings words are more effective and the way ov speech... we can learn alot from that ......
 

dna1987

Muslim Guy
wa 'alaykum salaam wa rahmatullaah

The thing is for me, more than the intended punishment itself - was the way it was given out. Like I said, there's a difference between discipline and plain out anger. What she did was out of anger and frustration, she didn't know how to discipline him so she resorted to these measures. And if you looked at the previous video before that she'd have him do jumping jacks until he no longer could - and wall sits (which even I hate) until he could no longer hold them.

The point comes across that yes he is a troublesome child properly - but is the way she is educating and 'disciplining' him correct? I don't think so. Children know when things are serious, and they can understand concepts of being 'in trouble', however shouting in that manner and pushing him through these measures in such a military-like fashion is abuse.
Asssalam alaikum. Yes, there is a difference between discipline and plain anger. In this case, I would say it's closer to discipline than anger. She kept asking her child how many rules he broke ("cards"? :S) and apparently he broke three of them. Every opinion you've mentioned is very subjective.

Being the first born child, I bore the brunt of spankings in the family, and ear twists when it came to math, but during none of these episodes did my parents verbally just scream at me. Of course I cried, but I came out of it with a lesson. Not saying that I'd employ similar methods, but like I said this is entirely different - the way she is directing her anger and speech, and the way she's dealing with the child is not like a child at all. It's an entire fit of rage and to what end? If a child just gets used to you being angry all the time for 'card pulls' it will eventually as he ages desensitize him from such outbursts and in some cases he may no longer even care about consequences.
So..you're saying your parents never shouted at you when you were in trouble? Oh, I got a lot more of those than the ear twist I remember. Your parents gave you spankings and ear twists, but they never told you off or shouted? (On a side note, the lady in the video didn't shout).

About the "military-like fashion" punishment you mentioned, I'll reply to you with a short story about my grandfather. He was in the Pakistani military, and one of the ways he'd discipline is eight daughters and one son was to make them stand on one leg until they could no longer stand. Everything in my mum's house was lived through a military-like fashion. They were organised and timely with all their activities. All of my aunts and mum were very close to their dad. My mum still says how that was real discipline.

I'm not condoning severe beatings as punishments ever, but I dont think it's fair to draw that sort of comparison in saying since that's bad this isn't really all that bad. The thing is the effect on the child, because although each and every person can change once their older, the foundation of childhood is a very strong one. Abuse and putting a child as an outlet for rage is never a solution, regardless of the method used.
I think it's very fair to make a comparison here ("cold showers are better than getting severe physical beatings"). The world isn't black and white with clear cut situations and results. Some cases of child abuse is much worse than others.

Also, I don't like Dr. Phil and it will always astound me as to the reasons why some people will come out with their personal lives on public television. And I think instead of just hating on this woman, if we bring away a lesson it would draw a better conclusion.

None of us are, or will be free of mistakes in the difficult job of child rearing, so maybe the best we can do is contineously find out better ways of doing things - and this obviously isn't one of them.

May Allaah guide all of them.
Most of the posts I quoted in my first post had responses like "this is torture", and things like how the kid should be taken away from her mum. Do you know what's more psychologically damaging? If the kid has his mother taken away over this and has to grow up the rest of his life telling people his mother wasn't fit to look after him. This is torture like business studies classes were torture in early high school (i.e., not really torture).

I think its the way the poor child screams in the shower? Anyone who hears that and doesn't hate the mother for it.. theres something wrong with you simple as. Also, the poor child is absolutely petrified and hardly gets his words out..maybe because its been so long since Ive seen a child get told off I find it shocking?

Assalam alaikum. I don't hate the mother.

Last time I disciplined a kid ..my 5 year old cousin; I took her arm and looked her in the eyes and said 'NO Haleemah' really quietly, deadly one might say? It worked like a dream, she stopped immediately and gave no further hassle! MashaAllaah.
Not all kids are the same.

Why have sub continent parents been given a bad lable here? My own parents and parents of friends are generally ok and the values they instil in their kids are good, sound ones (for the most part!)..I think we're getting confused with sub continent Qur'aan teachers? The latter are a generically abusive specie. Audhbillaah.
About the subcontinent parents, I mentioned them specifically because I've heard stories on how my grandfather used to discipline my mum and her sisters. (And they are all fine and dandy). But I didn't mention other groups specifically, but I meant Polynesian, Arab, and Chinese people too - - - countries with a substantial poor population.

Also subcontinent parents and their children tend to be quite close from what I see compared to British families or other cultures, assuming thats even with the apparent beatings the kids got when they were growing up? A cold shower has much more negative psychological impact on a person than a smack.
I think subcontinental parents have a closer tie because of all the disciplining and regulation the children had to go throw as they were growing up. You see a lot of young brats in the West growing up with parents that let them to anything - and the moment the parent suggests something or hands out a punishment, the child starts shouting at their parents!

As for beatings go, I stand by what I said - cold showers are better than physical beatings. Parents that actually smack, I'm sure they shout a heck of a lot too.

Anyways, my response was to the many overly-exaggerated responses with so much hate and anger. There are really evil mothers (and fathers) out there, worse than this.
 

JenGiove

Junior Member
:salam2:

I hope everyone is well this holy month. I just heard on the news that this mom HAS BEEN convicted of chiild abuse!!!...and the funny thing is the fact that her taping of her actions are what caused her to get convicted! HAHAHA!

http://news.yahoo.com/video/health-...und-guilty-for-spicy-punishment-26405354.html

Unfortunatly, she only faces a year jail time, a hefty fine and she strill gets to keep the children. The boy that she saused....an adopted child from Russia....

UNREAL!
 

hayat84

I'm not what you believe
:salam2:
it's a real abuse,poor child,he does not know many things of the world and his mother should teach to him everything before to come at that bad point.I teach to my daughters not to lie at me,many things I try to do at home with them to make them realize that honesty is the best way,but if a child lies for fear,well there is the fear of punition and in that case the child will get traumatisez and scared from his mother for everything he will do,and when he'll grow up he maybe will say many and many lies.I remember that when I was 4 years old I slept all night long standin up in front of a wall as punition of my father.but I also know that many times I told lies with awareness and because of the fanatism of my father,I payed for my mistake with the belt or the stick...sometimes I made my mum angry and she washed my head in the sink with cold water( I still remember it).but it's been a step of my life and now I have no intention to make the same thing to my children because I know what a painful and sad childhood i had.I still cry when I remember some bad facts that has passed over my skin,but this is life.maybe it was a project of Allah to make me what I am now.
 

Wannabemuslim

Junior Member
i saw this on tv at my friends house, to anyone wondering what "pulling a card is", its him getting in trouble at school and getting a red card for talking in class,
 
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