Asalamo`Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Baaraakaatuh,
I read this quite a while ago, and meant to reply but I decided I'll do it a lil later. I've been reading all these posts and been waiting for you to answer, but I can't find in your answers, that which is your problem. You made this thread, you ask for help or advice or whatever. But you are hiding the roots of your problem. What is making practising Islam so hard for you ukht? Is it anything even close to what Bilaal and Summaiyya (May Allaah be pleased with them) went through? Or anything to likes of what Babar and 'Afia are going through - May Allaah protect us and help them.
What is that you are missing because of your Hijaab and 'Abaya? No, May Allaah preserve you, I don't mean it that you post it here. Ask yourself? That's more important. What do you have and what are you missing, take a pen and a paper and write it down. I'll tell you know what you have because of, say Hijaab (to take the example you mentioned): 1) You have Allaah pleased, 2) You are acting like the blessed people of jannah, 3) You have your dignity preserved, 4) You have your Haya maintained, 5) You are not like an unwrapped chocolated lying and inviting on the street, 6) You guarantee that you are doing atleast one thing similar to the Sahabiyaat, 7)You are identified as the follower of the blessed Prophet Muhammad
and believer in One Allaah with this, 8) have your parents' confidence, 9)You are acting upon atleast one thing that you recite in your prayers, 10)It also shows your prayers are valid enough and are being accepted because Allaah says in the Qur'aan:
"Verily, As-Salat (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahsha (ie great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse, etc) and Al-Munkar (ie disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed, etc) Surah al-Ankabut, 29:45
If you choose to do evil and bad stuff intentionally, thinking you'll keep up with the pillars. I'm afraid your pillars will not be standing upright because one of the most important of it - Salah - will not be showing it's effects. Which would mean your salah has a problem which also would imply that the act that differenciates you from a Kafir may as well not be in good health and quality to be accepted. If there is no difference between us and them, you know what'll happen? Anyway. . .
Now you write down the disadvantages of your hijaab against each of that and see how much you have and what you are missing.
You want to play with fire ukht? Play. It will not affect any of us for more than a second, a day, a week, a month or an year or two. I'm sorry to sound so offensive but this is the truth. I love you for the sake of Allaah and wish for you what I wish for myself. But changed places for a while. If I were to make a post saying I've decided to stop practising Islam except for the pillars - I seek refuge from Allaah - How much will it affect you? Reading my post will ache you heart, you may cry for a while over my poor thinking, you may pray, but for how long? Same goes for your family and friends IRL. They may cling along just a lil longer than us. What then?
It's always between us and Allaah only! This world we are living in, doesn't pay a damn to what we are and what we do. There are only two forces that are concerned. One: Allaah. And Two: Shaitan and his army, who damn cares after his job is done and we are strayed. Only Allaah cares for our well being and cares for what or where we may end up.
Allah tells us in the Qur'an :
"Nay, but you give preference to this life of this world, while the Hereafter is better and more lasting" [87:16-17]
It's the Duniya, it'll pass and if we don't go by the book we regret, deeply. How about we make sure we pass through it without having regrets later. What if for a drop or two, you miss the ocean. The Prophet of Allaah
said:
“The life of this world compared to the Hereafter is as if one of you were to put his finger in the ocean and take it out again then compare the water that remains on his finger to the water that remains in the ocean.” [Sahîh Muslim (2858)]
How much of your life is left anyway? A second, a minute three days, a year? What if you die when you intend not to do good. What if you die doing evil? You think you are missing something because your dress and act to prepare for an eternal happiness.
Today it's only about removing your hijaab, tommorrow it'll be leaving your prayers. If you let the minor black spot stick to your heart, it won't take long to grow into a major one. Unless Allaah wills that you do otherwise.
"By Al- 'Asr.
Verily man is at loss,
Except those who believe (in Islamic monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (i.e order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Mar'oof) which Allaah has ordained and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al - Munkar) which Allaah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience (for the sufferings, harms and injuries, which one may encounter in Allaah's cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad etc.)[Surah Al-'Asr :1-3]