hurting!

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vonnie1999

New Member
what can i do about my husband who doesn't respect me and beats me? i have children from another marriage and they get beat as well! i am pregnant, due in early march and i don't know what to do! i am disabled, and i have to do all of the work in the house while he plays video games. i want him to spend time with me but he says that he needs to let off stress and doesn't like being told what to do. i don't tell him to do anything, only suggest. as a new convert i am just so lost! he has told me not to discuss our problems b/c it will only be worse for me. i have to support the family on my income, and have felt the only thing to do is pray to allah. we have discussed separating, and i mentioned that i just want to be alone with the children. he said that is not from the sunnah and that he will take our unborn child from me because that is his right! somebody, please help!!!
 

MutlekM

Junior Member
what can i do about my husband who doesn't respect me and beats me? i have children from another marriage and they get beat as well! i am pregnant, due in early march and i don't know what to do! i am disabled, and i have to do all of the work in the house while he plays video games. i want him to spend time with me but he says that he needs to let off stress and doesn't like being told what to do. i don't tell him to do anything, only suggest. as a new convert i am just so lost! he has told me not to discuss our problems b/c it will only be worse for me. i have to support the family on my income, and have felt the only thing to do is pray to allah. we have discussed separating, and i mentioned that i just want to be alone with the children. he said that is not from the sunnah and that he will take our unborn child from me because that is his right! somebody, please help!!!

:salam2:
Well isnt your husband muslim??
:wasalam:
 

Artemis

Banned
what can i do about my husband who doesn't respect me and beats me? i have children from another marriage and they get beat as well! i am pregnant, due in early march and i don't know what to do! i am disabled, and i have to do all of the work in the house while he plays video games. i want him to spend time with me but he says that he needs to let off stress and doesn't like being told what to do. i don't tell him to do anything, only suggest. as a new convert i am just so lost! he has told me not to discuss our problems b/c it will only be worse for me. i have to support the family on my income, and have felt the only thing to do is pray to allah. we have discussed separating, and i mentioned that i just want to be alone with the children. he said that is not from the sunnah and that he will take our unborn child from me because that is his right! somebody, please help!!!

Whereabouts do you live? I need to know what laws you live under before I can offer advice, but if it is the UK then the Shaaria only applies if you both want it to and if he is behaving badly you can nail him and he cannot take your child.
 

rightpath_357

Junior Member
Sis!!!!!! That's JUST HORRIBLE!!!!!! Get divorced, he's obviouly not treating you right :angryred:.
I hope you don't have a bad impression on Muslims sis:(- it's fobidden to beat your wife and not respect her in Islam.

He will not be able to take ANY of your children if you say he doesn't treat you right. I strongly encourage you to get a divorce sis, but also pray to Allah(SW), and I'll make du'aa for you too.

:hearts: :hearts: :hearts:

By the way sis- where are your parents? Do you have any other family nearby? If so, inform them of it and ask then for help. They should know that they're daughter\sister\neice etc. is getting treated like this and will be outraged- and Insha'Allah they will help you.


May Allah help you. Ameen.
Also sis- inform us of what your're doing and what happens, incase you need any more help.

Lots of love sis!!!!!!:SMILY252:

Salam:D
 

Julie1134

Junior Member
:girl3:
what can i do about my husband who doesn't respect me and beats me? i have children from another marriage and they get beat as well! i am pregnant, due in early march and i don't know what to do! i am disabled, and i have to do all of the work in the house while he plays video games. i want him to spend time with me but he says that he needs to let off stress and doesn't like being told what to do. i don't tell him to do anything, only suggest. as a new convert i am just so lost! he has told me not to discuss our problems b/c it will only be worse for me. i have to support the family on my income, and have felt the only thing to do is pray to allah. we have discussed separating, and i mentioned that i just want to be alone with the children. he said that is not from the sunnah and that he will take our unborn child from me because that is his right! somebody, please help!!!

:salam2:

This must be so hard for you I can not even imagine. Is your husband a convert as well? There are womens shelters that will take you and your kids in and keep you safe. He will not know where you are and they can even come pick you up if you do not have a way. Please check into that and look in your phone book for the number. It should be with the government pages. Do it for the sake of your children and your unborn child. I grew up in a home where my mother was abused. My mother never left, but I used to dream of escaping that situation and I was always scared. May Allah help you and your family Insh'Allah.

:girl3:
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
He says it's not from the Sunnah, eh? Well he needs a refresher course on that the sunnah describes as the proper treatment of a wife. He is supposed to be financially supporting you (completely), he is supposed to NEVER raise a hand to you, and instead of behaving like a child and playing video games he is supposed to be actively involved in educating and raising the children under his roof. Period.

You need to see a local imam asap and get counseled on this. You need a third party mediator that knows what your rights are as a Muslim wife and someone to call him to task for his unacceptable behavior. No man can be called a man if he beats a woman, nonetheless a pregnant woman. Sister, why did you marry this man? He does not support you financially, emotionally, or in any basic sense. Bring in a mediator and if he persists in this unacceptable behavior then it is halaal to divorce.
 

vonnie1999

New Member
i live in the u.s. and i am sorry but i don't know what the meaning of Shaaria MutlekM. and rightpath_357, i have REALLY been praying to allah b/c he did give me a bad taste about muslims. he is the one who showed me about islam and now acts like this! i am sooooo longing to meet a good muslim sister to confide in! i went to juma yesterday, but found it hard to open up. the masjid was extremely segregated! he also says that he will devorce me or get another wife if i don't have many children. (he say's about 10) in our marriage contract i asked to be his only wife. he agreed but now states that i am a kaffer b/c i am against something that allah loves! i do have family, but won't talk b/c he says allah will be mad at me for dishonoring him when he says talk to nobody about what goes on! i really at this point feel like giving up, no wearing my hijab, no salat, no anything! he has forced all of this upon me and i am now so confused! AHHHHHH!
 

vonnie1999

New Member
and for anyone wondering, i married him after i found out i was pregnant. he said he wuld not stick around or have anything to do with the child if i did not convert a.s.a.p. i converted, believed in and loved being muslim, just didn't like his forceful ways. i feel so lost! we have talked about the day of judgment and i am afraid, especially b/c he says i need to be because of what i have done and continue to do!!!
 

Al-Kashmiri

Well-Known Member
Staff member
As-salaamu `alaykum

I must say, I am seriously disheartened upon reading this and find it such a shame. This man has presented to you nothing but his desires, beating a disabled, pregnant woman and children, playing video games and calling you a disbeliever. He is someone who of course, doesn't give a damn and does and says what he wants, at the pleasure of himself and anger of Allaah. What he is saying is a whole load of rubbish, it sounds like he's afraid of his embarrassing situation leaving the household. From what you have said, he seems like an obvious danger and yes, you need to see a just, wise Imam who can resolve the matter. Generally speaking, the custody of children is with the mother but things can get more complicated, so you should speak to someone knowledgeable about the topic. Inshaa' Allaah, we are hear to support you in anyway, and we pray for your relief. If you can let us know which city you reside in, maybe we can refer you to someone?
 

vonnie1999

New Member
i am in orange park, fl! can't stop crying but won't stop seeking the help of allah the most merciful. may allah bless you for your help, insha'allah!
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
assalamu alaykum, im sorry to hear about this, its important that you find a good trustworthy Imam from the masjid and discuss these issues. You do need help, and Islam is on your side sister.

Although, perhaps unfair to write any answer without knowing both sides of the story, from what is written it is evident that this man is using Islam for his own selfish reasons. He also sounds quite childish (with the video game playing and demand for 10 children).

If a man is violent, of course women can get divorced. This is actually something good to do, in such situation for your safety and that of your children. He can not say it is "not from the sunnah" for you to live on your own with your kids. Divorce is something legislated in the Qur'an and it is not obligatory for people to get married nor is it bad for you to live on your own with your children.

Put your trust in Allah subhana wa ta'ala sister, if this situation carries on you may find yourself getting weaker and weaker in the Deen. You need time to learn more and grow strong in knowledge and iman.

Objecting to a second wife etc, is normal, im sure you understand that this is something allowed in Islam, but that does not mean that because you do not like it for yourself that you do not accept the concept. So, this is a common form of emotional-blackmail where a lot of men use the Deen to put across their ideas, rather than to have patience and look at long-term situation for the whole family unit.


Also, it seems that he is unable to support you properly or take care of you, especially with his violent ways. He said you are a kafr, its also a major sin, to call a Muslim a Kafr, no God fearing person would resort to that.

This is not the type of man who should be rushing into getting married again. Rather, he has to be humble enough to accept his mistakes and make efforts in rectifying his behaviour. This is an obligation upon him.

Sister, it is extremely important that you seek out help and advice from your Muslim community. To see the Imams, call them up, make appointments discuss with them, discuss with the senior sisters in the community. Do Not be Shy. This is your life, the life of your children, your future. Islam has given you rights, take them, these are the rights that Allah has given to you. Nobody can take those away, no man or woman.

I will close this thread because a public forum is not the best place to get help in such matters. inshaAllah you know what to do for your next step, as outlined in this post and some of the posts above .

assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
 

Al-Kashmiri

Well-Known Member
Staff member
May Allaah bless you too. If there is anything that you need, please do inform us and keep yourself safe...
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
Assalamu alaykum Vonnie1999, sister ShyHijabi is from the same city as you, she wants to help you. She has sent you an email. inshaAllah you will see it..
 
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