I called 911 on my abusive dad, now what should I do?

[Sakeena]

Asalam alaikum wa ramathulllahi wa barakatou brothers and sisters. I hope everyone is in good health and iman this blessed Friday InshaAllah. I called 911 on my dad this morning, about an hour ago because I'm sick and tired of tne way he treats me and mentaly and verbally abuses me. The policeman said to call them back if I have to but my dad has threatened to take my cell phone and is very angry at me and says that there's nothing wrong with him yelling/humilating me. He also called my Muslim friend here and taked to her and he said that I'm lying for attention and that if I call 911 again, he'll have me put in jail. Please help! I am not doing this out of spite but only for my safety/protection! He's threatening that if I don't do what he says exactly the way he wants then he get rid of me.

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

Calm down dear sister , if you can move to any relative or friend house for two or three days then Let someone wise talk with your father and explain to him that he can't force you to do something you don't like. I am sure that your father loves you........you need to let him show his love....

 

[ShyHijabi]

:salam2:

There is really no law he breaking if he is yelling at your or verbally abusing you. The police can only interfere is he actually hits you. If I recall you are the age of majority so you can move out on your own, correct? I was on my own at 17 and though it was hard, I managed to make it. I was working two part time jobs and going to college. Looking back now it was a good life lesson in growing up.

 

[hayat84]

:salam2:
sister Sakeena,don't say a word to the policeman,it's your father.listen to me:I spent my whole life being psichologically,vebally,physically abused from my father.I always was scared from him,I wished him to be dead for the suffrance he made me have.but even if I've hated him very much,I've never thought to call the police or to talk with somebody of my bad life,because he was my father and I loved him,even if he was aggressive.after many years,when I decided to leave my home,it wasn't because of my desperation to go away with the first guy I met,but because I was in love and in that moment I was sure that my father would have changed his behaviour with me,because(as he said me lately)we are so similar in our characters,that many times we couldn't tolerate the each other's presence.but now we are more friends than in the past.
it's your father,it's better a bad word from a father,than a good lie from an unknown one

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister, how are you. Funny how life works. When it rains it pours. And you have had your share of storms. But there is always ease after the storm. And sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.

What you need to do is become invisible. I have done that at times. Lay low. Get your thought together. What are your short term plans..what are your long term plans.

Concentrate on the necessary. Are you still studying.

It is hard on your father as well. You can not change him. Let him be.

Count your blessings. Why don't you do some volunteer work. Find something. It will give you a feeling of self-worth. And a social life..think of the cookies the little old ladies will bake.

 

[Sakeena]

I just wish I could die now. He has no right to treaat me like thi...

 

[ShyHijabi]

I just wish I could die now. He has no right to treaat me like thi...

Don't talk like that. Can you move out?

 

[serena77]

sister sakeema
i've read the others replies and i have to agree w/ them. Especially a couple of them in particular. one. why are you still there? Things do not seem good between the two of you. It does seem to be his house... correct? why put you both through the continued stress? You don't like the stress you don't want it to continue and yet you called an emergency number when it doesn't sound like you were in physical danger. If you are thats always another story. Sadly, to some degree. You do live under his roof. whether you are or aren't paying rent to him, why stay there??? why not get on your feet elsewhere? why continue to make yourselves both miserable??
Maybe this is Allahs test, maybe its his way of nudging you to be somewhere else... i dunno his plan, and no matter what, he knows best. maybe its time to really reflect and pray to see if that is still a situation you should be in.

my father was an alcoholic I lived w/ him for some of my adult life. No matter what i loved him, and i dealt w/ the hand that his alcoholism had helped provide... then when i knew i should i moved on.
Serena

 

[islamerica]

Everyone here doesn't know the whole history behind your suffering. If you can stay with a friend for a short while that would be best and then follow shyhijabi's footsteps and work towards living on your own as an independent person. It will be scary at first but it will get better inshallah, just ask her!

 

[aisha16]

That sounds really bad...i agree with everyone else...get your own place...your dad doesn't seem well...are you a convert?

 

[inquizator]

Wa Alykum Salam Sister.

Have you or can you turn the table and see things from your Father's view.
Perhaps you too are abusing him as he is you. You are in his house and you must know that he has his ways and they are unlikely to change.
You only have power over yourself by Free choice, not over your Father.
As others have said, it's probably time to get your own place and you both may know a little peace. To continue on the same path will only yield the same results and are you happy with how things are going now.
Take a big deep breath, pray and I believe a solution will soon follow.
Remember that all bad things that happen to us are the sole creation of our own hands.
I wish you the very best.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Pull it together, girl.

Put your faith in Allah. Where do you think strenght comes from...sabr.
Dhikr and dua...be active in faith sister. Be active in seeking Allah subhana wa taala.

You do not wish to die..how silly...come on sister...Muslim women are strong. Let's talk about good things.

InshaAllah is such a potent word...

InshaAllah, you and I will meet.
InshaAllah,Allah grant you a good husband.
InshaAllah, you will pass your exams.
InshaAllah,you will ask for forgiveness for being downright silly.
InshaAllah, your faith will grow ten-fold..

I am always here for you.

my love,

Your aapa

 

[Sakeena]

thanks everyone..no I'm not abusing my father. I respect him but he's hard to be aroud... yes ShyHijabi please tell me more of your experiece please? I believe I did the right thing.

 

[ShyHijabi]

:salam2:

I did not have a choice when it came to being on my own, my mother basically moved away and left me high and dry. So I worked loading trucks in the morning, took some college classes during the day and then worked nights at a video store. On average I slept about 5 hours a night for 2 years. I was constantly exhausted but there was no other choice if I wanted to survive.

You are an adult and therefore it is time to make adult choices. Your father has as much control as you give him. The quickest method of taking control is to move out and support yourself. Wallowing in self pity and wishing death on yourself hurts no one but you, not to mention it is haram. Women are incredibly strong and we don't give ourselves as much credit as we should. Underneath our soft exteriors we are made of steel, we have to be in order to raise children in this dunya.

Bare minimum try to find some friends who wouldn't mind splitting rent and find a place to live. You will have to live very frugally and learn how to stretch a dollar. But it is possible, you just need to trust in Allah and tie your camel.

 

[Sakeena]

why does it feel like everyone is upset with me? did I make a mistake? I thought I did the right thing. Physical or emotional/menntal, its still abuse.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Nobody is upset, sweetie.

It's just that it was kinda sorta dumb...

Ok..you are not independent yet. You have no knowledge of the law. You may see him as mean but that is not the legalize of it. The law has different definitions.
Once you made the call you have him on the defensive. He is scared and upset. He may not have been aware of how he came across.

Sabr...you have to talk to him. The two of you have to communicate as to the definition of rules in your home. What are his expectations and what are you willing to do as long as you live under his roof.

You need to expand your world. You are young and can absorb knowledge like a sponge. Enjoy it.
Everyone is wishing you well and InshaAllah, everything will turn out fine.

 

[Sakeena]

great. It seems like no matter what I do, I still screw up!

 

[islamerica]

great. It seems like no matter what I do, I still screw up!

Don't listen to them sweety, you did the right thing. They don't know half of what you are going through and they are just singing the same old tune of turning the other cheek. Listen to shyhijabi and find yourself a safer place till you are on your feet.

As for rest of you, she grew up with her mother in another state and just moved in with her father in the summer. He is an alcoholic abusive islamophobe that she does not need to deal with. The Quran says do not throw yourself in harm's way. Her safety and well being comes before everything else, including being all love dovey and forgiving with abusive anti-islam daddy dear.

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

Dear sister , it is not easy for people from different generations to understand each other, even among members of muslem family. Most girls don't like the attitude of their fathers and mothers........but believe me no father hates his children , so try to find the love in your father. You are muslema it is your duty to forgive and forget.......at the same time try to prepare yourself to live independently ....but have saber And have a good plan for your future......and do a lot of prayers.

 

[a_stranger]

Don't listen to them sweety, you did the right thing. They don't know half of what you are going through and they are just singing the same old tune of turning the other cheek. Listen to shyhijabi and find yourself a safer place till you are on your feet.

As for rest of you, she grew up with her mother in another state and just moved in with her father in the summer. He is an alcoholic abusive islamophobe that she does not need to deal with. The Quran says do not throw yourself in harm's way. Her safety and well being comes before everything else, including being all love dovey and forgiving with abusive anti-islam daddy dear.

:salam2:

In this case you are right. We don't know the details.