wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
La Hawlawala Quwwata Illa Billah
O my strong sister Aisha! Have patience, have patience, overcome your worries with patience and remembrance of Allah.
Life itself is a test. For the believers, the test is more difficult. Why? Because Allah (subuhaanahu wata'aala) tests whom He loves. For example: If a person do not join the school, she will not be tested by her teacher. If she joins and makes good results, she will be prompting to the higher grades in which she will be given harder tests. Likewise, Allah (subuhaanahu wata'aala) tests us according to the strength of our Iman.
"On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear........" (Quran 2:286)
Always try to remember that Prophets are those who are tested most severely. Because they are the most loved ones of Allah (subuhaanahu wata'aala). Younus ('alaihissalam) spent days and nights in darkness of the belly of the fish, which was in darkness in the Ocean, which was in darkness of night. Guess how the test will be. Likewise Ibrahim ('alaihissalam), Musa ('alaihissalam), Nooh ('alaihissalam), Muhammad (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) and all the prophets have been tested so hard. If we see Sahaba of Rasoolullah (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam), we can see lots and lots and lots of great examples.
Back to the point. As what I am having has a relation with your story, let me tell it very shortly hoping that you might benefit from it.
I have finished school and am working now. My dad has spent around a half of his income all these years for my studies, keeping me here in the Capital city. His younger children have no good opportunities of studies like what I had. When I finished studies, I knew that I can go for further studies to Madina inshaAllah by winning a scholarship from there. However, it will take another 6 year for me to finish my Degree. My father and family told me to apply and go. However, if I go, what will happen to the other children? Am I going to let them grow up without a proper education? Is that what I have to give to my family for what they have sacrificed for me? Wallahii NO.
Have utmost trust in Allah (subuhaanahu wata'aala) my dear sister Aisha. Everything will go accordingly then.
In your problem, you have a great hidden opportunity hidden there you know. Want to know? Okey it is very clearly mentioned in this Hadith of Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam).
It is narrated that a man came to the Prophet asking his permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet asked him, "Are your parents alive?" He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet said to him, "Then exert yourself in their service." (Bukhari 4.248).
You see, the reward of kindness to parents is so great that our beloved prophet Muhammad (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) recommended it in place of Jihad.
Also Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) said,
"Let him be humbled into dust; let him be humbled into dust. It was said: Allah's Messenger, who is he? He said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise (by neglecting his/her duties towards them)"”. (Muslim 6189)
Our mother, in particular, deserve more attention and care. It is narrated that a man came to Prophet and said,
"O Allah's Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father." (Bukhari 8.2)
So you see sister. You have a great opportunity here. InshaAllah He (subuhaanahu wata'ala) will replace this with something much better. We as believers, need to keep utmost trust in Him in ALL our affairs. Things will then go accordingly inshaAllah.
Cheer-up Ukhti. Get up from there, stop tears and make Wudu. Then do 2 Rak'ahs and ask Allah (subuhaanahu wata'aala). InshaAllah He will accept your Du'as.
We all are sinners. Who are not? Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) said,
"Every son of Adam makes mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent". (At-Tirmidhi)
"But whoever repents after his iniquity and reforms (himself), then surely Allah will turn to him (mercifully); surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (Quran 5.39)
"And most surely I am most Forgiving to him who repents and believes and does good, then continues to follow the right direction." (Quran 20.82)
I am very sorry for this very long reply sister. But seeing your situation, I just could not stop writing.
I will stop it with this Du'a.
"Our Lord! Send upon us Your mercy, and show us the solution to our problem in the right way." (The Quran 18:10)
Hope it helped you a little my respected sister.
wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
