Importance of Past? (Marriage)Hmm

[Pocahontas]

Alsalamu 'aleekum wa ra7matAllah wa Barakatuh

I have been thinking of something for a long time, but I've never really had the chance to ask anyone.. So I think this site is perfect as we can be "anonymous" 7amdella.

Something has bothered me, when it comes to marriage..
Why do so many brothers think if a reverted muslimah has a past she's not proud of, that it's no big deal, because she wasn't raised by muslim parents. and if a muslimah born by (non-religious) muslim parents has the exactly same past she's not proud of either, It's a big deal. Then it's suddenly so important to them..? A jahil is a jahil.

It's something between the person and Allah. If Allah subhanahu wa ta3ala forgives. why does it the past mean anything at all to many brothers.. (ps. I'm not saying all.. ) and if someone thinks there is a difference then please explain why there is.

w:salam2:

 

[Amir_of_spain]

salam wailkium. Umm to put it bluntly coming from a brother... some of us we would like a marriage partner who has a similar past history ie that is complementary with our own, eg if we have a clean past in terms of having no previous intimate relationships, then many of us would also like a partner who has that same history. Its different with reverts because we see reverts as literally being born again, being a new person, different mentality/charactor and they've come a long way which is admired/respected. Unless the born muslima is equally on that level of religious change, then some bros may be put off.

 

[msaeed]

WealikumasSalaamwerahmetAllaahebarkatuh,

I understand what you're saying however I would like to point out that a lot of reverts never even HEARD of Islam before or had much of a clue about the religion whereas a born Muslimah with non religious parents USUALLY at least knows that she is a Muslim. Just knowing that there is such a thing as Islam might account for those differences. If a Muslim knows that they are Muslim, or knows that they are 'supposed' to be following Islam properly, then they have the obligation to learn about their deen once they reach an appropriate age-seeking knowledge is compulsory. Compare that with a revert who didnt even know it existed and you may understand it better. However, Im sure there many Muslims that are brought up into completely un-Islamic homes and may not even know they are Muslim or of Islam. In this regard, I completely understand and dont think its fair for people to personally discriminate in such situations.

SalaamualikumwerahmetAllaahebarakatuh.

 

[a_brother]

:salam2: sister

this is an interesting topic!!!!

i think both should be the same...
however,
if two females dress "half naked"
the muslim one did something wrong while she knew it was wrong
the revert one did something wrong while it was okay for her to do
the difference here is muslim female disobeyed while the revert did not

a brother would be worried that the muslim female would disobey Allah again...this could be one reason

 

[Pocahontas]

"a brother would be worried that the muslim female would disobey Allah again...this could be one reason"

Okay so you're saying that a reverted muslimah will never disobey Allah again but there is chance that a muslim born muslimah will do it? Sorry but I totally disagree... Theres no difference..

Allah do forgive the past of a muslim (born by muslim parents) if the slave truly repents and make vows never to do it again... the same as to the reverts...

 

[Mabsoot]

:salam2:

Something has bothered me, when it comes to marriage..
Why do so many brothers think if a reverted muslimah has a past she's not proud of, that it's no big deal, because she wasn't raised by muslim parents. and if a muslimah born by (non-religious) muslim parents has the exactly same past she's not proud of either, It's a big deal. Then it's suddenly so important to them..? A jahil is a jahil.

It's something between the person and Allah. If Allah subhanahu wa ta3ala forgives. why does it the past mean anything at all to many brothers.. (ps. I'm not saying all.. ) and if someone thinks there is a difference then please explain why there is.

Allah forgives all sins and there is no reason why one can not marry someone with a past, whatever that was. It is all personal preference and nobody can stop that. As long as the person asked Allah for forgiveness it is Okay.

Nobody is perfect and anyone can make mistakes. Therefore, Islamically there is no reason not to marry someone who is a believing Muslim, who does their obligations and fears Allah.

I think people should be Weary of personal opinions on this subject. This is Islamic issue. Whatever is a personal feeling, should remain that, no need to express it in public and try to influence others on that. Imagine, how it would effect such a person if they read your reply?

We should always remain humble and ask Allah to keep us on the Straight path and thank Allah for being Muslims.

However, I have feeling this will be ignored and people will write nonsense! No wonder our Ummah is in such a mess.

wasalamu alaykum.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Our faith emphasis the present and thereafter. If we look to the past it does us little good. Nothing can change the past. We need to understand that marriage is a gift from Allah subhana talla as are all the innumerable gifts we have in this world. When we dwell on the past it also conjures up our misfortunes. We need to remember when we pray we are forgiven and we move on. Our brother is correct.

 

[a_brother]

"a brother would be worried that the muslim female would disobey Allah again...this could be one reason"

Okay so you're saying that a reverted muslimah will never disobey Allah again but there is chance that a muslim born muslimah will do it? Sorry but I totally disagree... Theres no difference..

Allah do forgive the past of a muslim (born by muslim parents) if the slave truly repents and make vows never to do it again... the same as to the reverts...

:salam2: sister

as i stated, i don't see any difference between a muslim female who was born with a muslim parents or reverted....

what i stated after is trying to think of a reason to your question... how those brothers in your question could have taught of...

Why do so many brothers think if a reverted muslimah has a past she's not proud of, that it's no big deal, because she wasn't raised by muslim parents. and if a muslimah born by (non-religious) muslim parents has the exactly same past she's not proud of either, It's a big deal. Then it's suddenly so important to them..?

as brother mabsoot said, this topic is touchy...
sorry, if you understood me wrong or hurt your feelings in any way :shake:

 

[reaz2000]

As'Salam Alaikum:

It is an important issue that has unfortunately become a common cause for concern in the ummah. Sister Pocahontas being cautious it is not always jahl. It is Jahl for the one who approaches things without knowledge just based on Dhunn (suspicion and doubt). But for the one who approaches issues based on the quran and sunnah is a path of enlightened guidance and piety.

When a person reverts from another religion then ALLAH AlGhafururRahim guarantees that all his/her past sins are forgiven. They are NOT REQUIRED to "repent" any further for their past sins rather their acceptance of islam is sufficient for their forgiveness. We the muslims are forbidden to hold their past sins against them as Allah has forgiven them.

A sinner who is a muslim IS REQUIRED to repent with a sincere repentance. No such guarantees apply that their repentance is accepted rather such person must continue to strive to keep themselves away from falling into such errors again. The changes in ones life and behavior are usually indicative of whether one has repented or not.

Marriage is a very important decision in their life. The Prophet SallAllahuAlihiWaSallam taught us be very prudent in making marriage decisions. It is some thing that not only affects the two partners for life but also impacts the iman and taqwa of their next generations.


See surah Mumtahinah ayah10. Although the ayah is for a different issue, none the less because of some similarities with our discussion, we may gain some understanding. Allah Subhanahu WaTaala describes for us a scenario of Muminaat (believing women) Muhajiraat (ones who have done hijrah i.e immigration ) come from the kuffar to the muslims. Our lord ordered us to "test" their faith. Hijrah! SubhanAllah, yet Allah orders us to test their faith! He ordered that the muslims act according to what they have found out about their faith. And if they find out these women are "muminaat" (believers) then the muslims may marry them........

So you see Sister Pocahontas being cautious it is not always jahl. The brothers who take a careless approach without knowledge are the ones acting on Jahl and risk failure for themselves and their future generations. A sister who has a past that she has truly repented and is now on the path of quran and sunnah should be cautious of accepting proposals from the brothers who do not pay attention due to these matters!

Also all of the above also goes the other way round for a sister evaluating a brother who has something unmentionable in his past.

May Allah guide us all

Was'Salamu Alaikum

 

[Pocahontas]

:salam2:
a brother: No you didn't akhy. Sorry if I sounded that way but It's also alittle diffcult via. internet.

reaz: I think you misunderstood me. I never said that being cautious it is always jahl.. I was saying that a jahil person is a jahil. that an european and a middle eastern both can be jahil even though both are raised up differently..
but khayr in shaa Allah.