Is love before marriage better?

[saffanah]

Is love before marriage better? ​

What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.
The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (sal’lallaahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another, than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah: The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”

But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.

Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her. So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate. Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.

With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (sal’lallaahu alaihi wa sallam) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (sal’lallaahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)

But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable. And Allaah knows best.

***
an article from: islamicknowledge.co.uk

 

[Fran]

I sort of agree with this, but what if they marry without love and one of them meets someone they are more drawn too and fall in love, won't regret set in? Won't that person begin to regret their decision. Also, aren't more than one wives allowed or is that discontinued ^_^ Aside from that, everyone has habits. I think it important to really, really know who your getting married too. Not everyone in Islam are going to have the exact level of beliefs. Don't end up marrying someone that will pray once a week or only fast a week during ramadan.

 

[path to jannah]

assalamu alikum.can any one clear my doubt?//
if a marriage is fixed..... n;;;; is it allaowed in islam to have fone cals between them?????????ie before marriage???

 

[a_muslimah86]

assalamu alikum.can any one clear my doubt?//
if a marriage is fixed..... n;;;; is it allaowed in islam to have fone cals between them?????????ie before marriage???

If the couple have performed *nikah*..they are allowed to speak to each on the phone as they are considered *husband and wife* though they have not been *wedded* to each other..however if nikah has not been performed..then the only time a couple can speak to each other is when a mahram of the sister is present..if a mahram is a present..then surely they can speak to each other for as long as they want and as often as they need

 

[yakubpasha]

If the couple have performed *nikah*..they are allowed to speak to each on the phone as they are considered *husband and wife* though they have not been *wedded* to each other..however if nikah has not been performed..then the only time a couple can speak to each other is when a mahram of the sister is present..if a mahram is a present..then surely they can speak to each other for as long as they want and as often as they need

not sure about the as often as we want and as long as we want part. I agree with the part before it.

 

[revert2007]

The Noble Qur'an - An-Nur 24:30-31

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allâh is All-Aware of what they do.​

 

[Suhaila1]

With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (sal’lallaahu alaihi wa sallam) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (sal’lallaahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)

But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable. And Allaah knows best.[/B][/COLOR]

***
an article from: islamicknowledge.co.uk

Why does the wife need to be beautiful?

And why does only the husband's opinion mean anything?

 

[a_muslimah86]

not sure about the as often as we want and as long as we want part. I agree with the part before it.

You're entitled to hold *personal perspectives* which you may practice in *your* life according to *your personal level of comfort*..Islamically however..there's *nothing* against an "engaged" couple to meet so long the sister keeps her hijab appropriate (a point I forgot to mention earlier) and a mahram is present with her and her fiance *throughout* any and all meetings they may have together!..if they meet once..thrice..10 times or a 100..due to *their needs and wants*..then they are only exercising *a right* given to them by *their deen* without any *stipulations* aside from those of Sharia (i.e. presence of a mahram, hijab, etc.)

Please read the following:


Meeting one’s fiancée to discuss wedding details

I have proposed marriage to a girl and she and her wali (guardian) have accepted. Is it permissible for me to meet her in her house, in the presence of her mother and sisters but without her mahram, to discuss some of the details of the wedding and to decide on the mahr (dowry)?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Islam allows the man to look at his fiancée and speak to her about necessary matters to do with the marriage, and the man is encouraged to look at his fiancée when thinking of proposing, because that will bring their hearts closer together and generate the love and compassion that are the aim of the marriage.

It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Look at her, for that will help bring your hearts together.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087); he said: this is a hasan hadeeth.

What it means is that it helps to create love and harmony between you, because if you marry her after having gotten to know her, in most cases there will be no regrets.

See: Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi.

There is no sin on you if you sit with your fiancée in order to work out some details of the wedding, but you should not be alone with her, so one of her mahrams or her mother should sit with you, and there is nothing wrong with that in sha Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked the following question in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (20/429):

I love a girl very much and she also loves me. I have seen her only once, and I started to speak to her by phone within respectable limits, and we agreed to get married. Most of my conversations with her have to do with married life and the mutual understanding between spouses that is necessary, and how a wife should treat her husband and look after his house, and so on. Is it permissible for me to speak to her if she calls me, or is that not permissible?

He (may Allaah have mercy on him) replied:

If a man wants to propose marriage to a woman, it is permissible for him to speak with her and look at her without being alone. When a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to ask his opinion, he said: “Have you looked at her?” He said: No. He said: “Go and look at her.” And he said: “When one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, let him do so.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (1783).

Looking is more serious than speaking, so if the conversation has to do with the marriage and where they will live, and how married life should be so that he will know whether she is familiar with these issues, there is nothing wrong with that if he wants to propose marriage to her. But if he does not want to propose marriage to her, then he has no right to do that. So long as he wants to marry her, it is permissible for him to talk to her about the engagement and about that which will encourage him to marry her, and she may do likewise, so long as they are not alone together; rather it should be done from a distance and in the presence of her father, brother or mother etc. End quote.

See also question no. 36807.

And Allaah knows best.
​

Islam Q&A

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/77236/المخطوبة



​

 

[allah is with me]

thanks for sharing..

 

[kayleigh]

Why does the wife need to be beautiful?

And why does only the husband's opinion mean anything?

Haha, yeah, really, that's kind of the start of an unstable marriage already. But she is right, in a way - both spouses need to be attracted to each other. This doesn't mean either has to look like a super model. If that were the standard, we'd all be single.

 

[yakubpasha]

You're entitled to hold *personal perspectives* which you may practice in *your* life according to *your personal level of comfort*..Islamically however..there's *nothing* against an "engaged" couple to meet so long the sister keeps her hijab appropriate (a point I forgot to mention earlier) and a mahram is present with her and her fiance *throughout* any and all meetings they may have together!..if they meet once..thrice..10 times or a 100..due to *their needs and wants*..then they are only exercising *a right* given to them by *their deen* without any *stipulations* aside from those of Sharia (i.e. presence of a mahram, hijab, etc.)

Please read the following:


Meeting one’s fiancée to discuss wedding details

I have proposed marriage to a girl and she and her wali (guardian) have accepted. Is it permissible for me to meet her in her house, in the presence of her mother and sisters but without her mahram, to discuss some of the details of the wedding and to decide on the mahr (dowry)?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Islam allows the man to look at his fiancée and speak to her about necessary matters to do with the marriage, and the man is encouraged to look at his fiancée when thinking of proposing, because that will bring their hearts closer together and generate the love and compassion that are the aim of the marriage.

It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Look at her, for that will help bring your hearts together.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087); he said: this is a hasan hadeeth.

What it means is that it helps to create love and harmony between you, because if you marry her after having gotten to know her, in most cases there will be no regrets.

See: Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi.

There is no sin on you if you sit with your fiancée in order to work out some details of the wedding, but you should not be alone with her, so one of her mahrams or her mother should sit with you, and there is nothing wrong with that in sha Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked the following question in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (20/429):

I love a girl very much and she also loves me. I have seen her only once, and I started to speak to her by phone within respectable limits, and we agreed to get married. Most of my conversations with her have to do with married life and the mutual understanding between spouses that is necessary, and how a wife should treat her husband and look after his house, and so on. Is it permissible for me to speak to her if she calls me, or is that not permissible?

He (may Allaah have mercy on him) replied:

If a man wants to propose marriage to a woman, it is permissible for him to speak with her and look at her without being alone. When a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to ask his opinion, he said: “Have you looked at her?” He said: No. He said: “Go and look at her.” And he said: “When one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, let him do so.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (1783).

Looking is more serious than speaking, so if the conversation has to do with the marriage and where they will live, and how married life should be so that he will know whether she is familiar with these issues, there is nothing wrong with that if he wants to propose marriage to her. But if he does not want to propose marriage to her, then he has no right to do that. So long as he wants to marry her, it is permissible for him to talk to her about the engagement and about that which will encourage him to marry her, and she may do likewise, so long as they are not alone together; rather it should be done from a distance and in the presence of her father, brother or mother etc. End quote.

See also question no. 36807.

And Allaah knows best.
​

Islam Q&A

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/77236/المخطوبة



​

Thank you sister... I read differently( please see below) read entire fatwah on this topic

http://al-inaam.com/fataawa/marriage_crisis_wedding.htm... Anyways in the question above, it is mentioned that we can meet to discuss important matters. Does that take 100 meetings? - Note: Marriage is supposed to be very simple in Islam, nowadays even the most pious people adopt practices of non muslims and have lavish weddings

After having found a suitable girl, the boy could either tell the womenfolk in the family to look at the girl and tell him how she is, or the boy could personally look at the face and hands of the girl. However, it will be permissible for him to look at her only once before marriage and on condition that he really has the intention of marrying her.

(Dars-e-Tirmizhi Vol.3 Pg.350/1 – Maktabah Darul ‘Uloom Karachi)

After having found a partner, we should hasten in conducting the Nikah.

Premarital relationships: Delaying of Nikah is discouraged in Islam; hence, Nikah should be held as quickly as possible after the engagement.

t has become a habit in some cultures to prolong the Nikah after the engagement; thus, the boy and the girl start meeting each other, or talking to each other on the phone, or chatting online. All of these are not permissible, as an engagement is only a promise to marry and the boy and girl still remain non-mahram (strangers) to each other.

(Apke Masail aur Unka Hal Vol.5 Pg.34 – Maktabah Bayyinat)

Gifts are exchanged between the two parties before Nikah. The exchanging of such gifts (especially on the day of Eid, birthday, when one party is travelling overseas, etc.) is regarded compulsory. This is compulsion of what is not obligatory which is prohibited in Shari’ah, as explained above; hence, will not be permissible.

Moreover, If these gifts are received by the girl’s party from the boy, they will be regarded as bribery as explained above.

Wedding cards: Thousands are spent in the printing of wedding cards with the latest designs and best quality. This will be considered extravagance and will not be permissible according to Shari’ah. If there is a real need to print wedding cards so as to inform people of the wedding, it will be permissible to do so, on condition that the wedding cards are simple and moderate. However, it has been noticed that many a time a guest is invited personally or over the phone and thereafter a card is also sent to him. This will not be regarded as permissible as it is apparent that there was no need for the card.