Marrying a convert with Children and not a simple past?

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
:salam2:

With all respect to those who've advised before me, I thought I would give my story. I am a convert and had some of the same issues before marrying my husband. I had been previously married but did not have children. His family went into apoplectic shock when they realized he wanted to marry a white convert. They said every one would look at his family in shame and that they would die from illness because they were very sick. (somewhat true but severely exaggerated for guilt) His mom even suggested the two wives thing but my husband is not interested in polygyny and does not feel he could deal equally with multiple wives. (and since the Qur'an speaks very strongly on this matter he made it clear to his mother that polygyny was not an option for him)

He waited 3 years for his parents to soften and come around. But they care more for their cultural norms than that of Islam. Finally he went against them and married me. Now they treat me as if I am family and in the meantime, the marriage they arranged for their other child (someone from the same culture, city, etc.,) has ended in divorce. It just goes to show that nothing based on dunya will end in happiness.

If you have prayed istikarah and received a positive sign then I think you have your answer. have your parents met this woman? Does she have a wali that could represent her? I would see if the imam could meet with her and then speak to your parents and get to the heart of the matter. It is a sad world we live in when Muslim parents reject a convert because their own prejudices and opinions.
 

Bawar

Struggling2Surrender
:salam2: brother

I see several sides to the situation you are in:

1- Your Islamically charged emotional responsibility towards a reverted sister who sacrificed so much for Islam and deserves to be treated better

2- Your own feelings for the sister

3- Hurting your parents' feelings/ loosing them

4- Lack of consideration/urgency from your parents to find you a wife

5- A possibility that the sister may leave after all the sacrifices

After considering all the above, I believe that you should get married to the sister. Your parents have lived their share of life and you have the right to choose how to live yours. They should have trust in your judgement. They have the right to disagree, but they should at least respect your wishes too as you will be the one living the life. After all, you are doing this for the right reasons and intentions.

By postponing your marriage, your parents are exposing you to the danger of committing sin which Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has warned the parents against. More often than not, we see our elders more concerned with upholding the culture rather than Islam and considering the pleasure of the community rather than the happiness of their children. With all due respect, their priorities are wrong.

The life of this world is one chance and it is nice to live it the way you want it, within the boundaries of Islam.
 
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