Muslim man would like to marry non-muslim

Mohammed-Hamdan

Junior Member
Asalaamu alaikum brothers and sisters,

I am young muslim man and have been thinking of this for a while. I haven't been able to speak to a sheikh as I am unsure of what to do. I have been with my non-muslim girlfriend for a while and have discussed with her the idea. She is from a Christian family but has not been christened. I believe Islam has opened her eyes and she appreciates my religion and would like to learn more.

The issue I'm facing is as follows. Her family enjoy celebrating Christmas as a family gathering where they come together at that time of year but not for the real reasons behind Christmas. Her family isn't really religious and have welcomed me into their family without a problem.

My question is, am I able to accommodate for her and celebrate this as a once a year holiday or is it not permissible in Islam. It seems that there are too many factors to consider and is worrying me on how to allow her to have her traditions. She is going to convert but doesn't want to not be able to celebrate Christmas.

Greatly Appreciated,
Mohammed
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

You are asking for some sticky solutions.

First many are not going to respond to your question because of the boyfriend-girlfriend thing.

Secondly, many feel it is haram to celebrate a non-Muslim feast.

As she is willing to revert to Islam after the marriage give her time to learn about the faith.

Many do not understand that Christian families get together for Christmas dinner and there is nothing religious about the dinner. Some do not even say grace.

Check with an imam.
 

Perseveranze

Junior Member
Hard to say, think you have to ask an Iman. I know for sure though, celebrating Christmas is forbidden in Islam, it is an innovation that the Prophet(pbuh) told us not to do.

On top of that, no one knows when Jesus(pbuh) was even born or when he was crucified, they just attributed a date for the sake of it.
 

Kakorot

Junior Member
:wasalam:

Celebrating Christmas is haraam because it's shirk, not bid'ah. Bid'ah is made-up worship/practices within the deen, not outside it.

Brother, is your GF going to revert because she wants to marry you or because she believes in Islam? Would she still revert even if you don't marry her? Just askin'...
 

JenGiove

Junior Member
:salam2: Brother Mohammad-Hamden

Aapa's points are sound. Check with an Imam. I would not recommend accomidation of the feasts for yourself, since it is shirk but I'd be curious as to what the members feel in regards to allowing her permission to go to the feast alone, should they wed and should she NOT revert. I know that the husband is the one responsible for the spiritual wellbeing of his mate so I'm just curious...

If she doesn't revert but they wed, could permission to allow his wife to join her family on those days, alone, be given?

ahmed_indian said:
brother, i wanted to ask that whether she wants to accept Islam for Almighty God or just to marry you?

A VERY important question. To revert to Islam for any other reason other than Allah is doing no justice to yourself or to Allah or to the Ummah.


kakorot said:
Celebrating Christmas is haraam because it's shirk, not bid'ah. Bid'ah is made-up worship/practices within the deen, not outside it.

Thanks for the clarification! I've seen the word but for some reason, just haven't gotten around to finding out the true definition!! Thank you so much!!
 

Mohammed-Hamdan

Junior Member
Me and her met with not your typical boyfriend-girlfriend situation and she understands as my grandfather explained to her that we cannot commit anything haram while around each other. I have also been thinking about an agreement between her family and mine to agree on us marrying. I am not exactly sure what the technical term is.

Secondly she wanted to revert before we discussed getting married. Her family isn't religious at all and she felt that Islam made sense to her in a way. @Perseveranze I have already said that it is celebrated as a feast and purely no religion or grace is considered. As the families are apart its the only time that brings them together. Also it is not always celebrated as a feast, they usually go on a holiday to celebrate a break if you like.

Just trying to demonstrate how minor Christmas is amongst them but it is still recognised.
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Assalamu'alaykum Aapa,

Aapa said:
Secondly, many feel it is haram to celebrate a non-Muslim feast.

Feelings (and therefore emotions) have little to do with legislating halaal and haraam. It is forbidden for Muslims to celebrate non-Muslim (in this case a Pagan) holiday, or even congratulate them, on what is essentially an indulgence of shirk.

As for the thread starter, I think this thread is relevant to what is posted.

Wa-salaam
 

thariq2005

Praise be to Allah!
If she doesn't revert but they wed, could permission to allow his wife to join her family on those days, alone, be given?

It is not permissible, refer to the fatwa:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a Muslim to allow his wife from among the People of the Book to celebrate her festivals in his home, for the man is in charge of that woman and she does not have the right to openly celebrate her festivals in his home, because of the resulting effects of corruption, forbidden things and display of the symbols of kufr in his home. He should keep his children from taking part in those innovated festivals, because the children belong to the father and he should keep them away from these forbidden celebrations. At the same time he should direct them towards what will benefit them, even if that affects his relationship with his wife. The aims of sharee’ah and protecting one’s religion – which is one of the most important aims of sharee’ah – take priority over everything else.

Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal was asked about a man who had a Christian wife – could he let her go out to join in the Christian festivals or to go to the church? He said, no.

In al-Mughni (1/21), Ibn Qudaamah says: “(Treatment of women): If his wife is a dhimmiyyah [a Jew or Christian living under Islamic rule], he can prevent her from going to the church, because that is not an act of obedience to Allaah.”

If these scholars said that the husband should stop a Christian wife from going to church, then what do you think is the case with regard to her celebrating these innovated festivals in the house of her Muslim husband? Especially when we know the harm that results from these festivals, which is far worse than her merely going to the church. And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
 

UnitedUmmah

New Member
:salam2: Brother,

Firstly as others mentioned dating is forbidden and frowned upon in Islam. There are strict rules called Mahram and Non-Mahram, to learn more about them please refer to Surah 24, Ayah 31, of the Quran.

Following are excerpts from http://www.jannah.org/sisters/intermarriage.html

"CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM: There are several passages and
verses in The Holy Qur'an regarding marriage and family that encourage Muslims to be married, if possible.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has even said that when a Muslim
marries, he has fulfilled half of the religious devotion and
duties and then he should take care of other half by being
God-minded and aware of his obligations.

Marriage is considered a religious duty in Islam and is enjoined
upon all believers who can afford it. It provides a moral
safeguard and legal means to develop relationship with the
opposite sex and to extend the family. It is both solemn and
sacred above physical terms. It is not only a contract between
two persons committing themselves to each other but it is a
contract to which God Almighty is made the first Witness. It is
made with every intention of making it permanent to the eternal
success. Celibacy is NOT recommended either for Muslim men or
women.

- Woman should be chosen on the basis of their permanent values,
such as, high morals, religious devotion, and not merely on her
attractiveness or other mundane wealth"

To sum all this up, both parties must be doing it for the sake of Allah Subhanahu Wa ta'ala.

Brother my advise would be ask for forgiveness from Allah for dating and if your intentions are Good, get the Nikkah done as soon as possible, but before that make sure she is willing to become a Muslim for the sake of Allah and not for you.

May Allah guide us all to the path that leads to Jannah. Ameen
:wasalam:
 

queenislam

★★★I LOVE ALLAH★★★
~May Allah help and guide you~Amin!

Asalaamu alaikum brothers and sisters,

I am young muslim man and have been thinking of this for a while. I haven't been able to speak to a sheikh as I am unsure of what to do. I have been with my non-muslim girlfriend for a while and have discussed with her the idea. She is from a Christian family but has not been christened. I believe Islam has opened her eyes and she appreciates my religion and would like to learn more.

The issue I'm facing is as follows. Her family enjoy celebrating Christmas as a family gathering where they come together at that time of year but not for the real reasons behind Christmas. Her family isn't really religious and have welcomed me into their family without a problem.

My question is, am I able to accommodate for her and celebrate this as a once a year holiday or is it not permissible in Islam. It seems that there are too many factors to consider and is worrying me on how to allow her to have her traditions. She is going to convert but doesn't want to not be able to celebrate Christmas.

Greatly Appreciated,
Mohammed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:bismillah:
:salam2:



:bismillah:
“And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (non muslim) till they believe (worship Allah swt Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (non muslim), even though she pleases you”

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

Dear brother
The above surah to explain that Allah swt did not allow A muslim to marry other that that of among the muslim ONLY and if you have the intention embrace them to Islam first!


And since the woman of your choice had since agree to marry you but will like to still celebrate Christmas because as her parent still does .
This could be her intention as to pay visit and respect them and their believe and that she still be allow but please clearly explain to her that her intention should stick only to paying her respect to them as that of their celebration and not in the intention of worship and embrace in their religion festival itself as Christmas is strictly not in a part of Islamic.
Strictly for respect and visiting only!

Brother,
You can get her to enrol some Islamic classes for guide at The Islamic religious council where her putting.So she become a good muslim and are ready to guide your children in future insya'allah!
Please do help and assist her.
If you may have further question you may consult the Islamic religious council near you .

~May Allah help and guide you~Amin!

All The Best!
Take Care!
~Wassalam :)
 

Mohammed-Hamdan

Junior Member
Alhamdulilah

The response I was waiting for sister queenislam. She understands that Christmas and the religion is not allowed in Islam and it is purely to pay respects to her family as she can not simply not acknowledge the background she is from and the tradition she has had for many years. That was the term I was after as well, Me and her are not dating but we have performed the Nikkah.

Also I am looking to see if I can get her to go to a muslim community group to learn more Inshallah. I simply wanted to know if she can visit her family at Christmas as there is no aspect of worship or religious embrace among the family whatsoever.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

OK...here it goes.

What usually happens to most reverts is quite simple. In the earlier stages of conversion there is much culture shock. It takes a lot of time to adopt. The more a person is connected to a Muslim community the easier it becomes to make the transition. If you are younger it is easier.

In the beginning many will respect the traditions of their families. However, with the passage of time and an increase in the practice of Islam the bond of adhering to family customs that are not accepted in Islam weakens.

The more a person practices the faith the more there is a need to be faithful to the practice of a faith. It takes time. It can not be forced. It has to come from the heart.
 

UmmIsaiah

New Member
Bismillah

Assalamu alaikum
Brother you have gotten many responces and I am sure even if they all say something totaly different there will be one among them that will fit with your desires but that does not mean it is correct. For something this important you should not ask here you should seek those of knowledge. Because marriage not only affects you and her but the children that may come of it and the community as a whole. There is a site called 'onewaytoparadie' that has articles and videos about this matter and they give PROOF for all they advise. You can email them and ask them specifically you can look up their videos they are even on youtube now or they have a link to another website that has fatawa on most any thing you can imagine. Please do not take the advise of well meaning brothers and sisters giving you their interpertation of Islam seek those who are qualified.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

And that is what each member has been doing from the moment of the posting. Each has suggested to seek guidance with those with exact knowledge.
 
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