My family won't even come to my wedding


Junior Member
Asalaamu alaikum...

I am so sad right now that I want to cry, but I will not allow that to happen. I just got off the phone with my older brother. I asked him if I were to invite him to my wedding if he would come, and he said "no". I try to talk to my mother about the woman I'm planning on marrying and she changes the subject. Won't even listen. I told my sister and her reply was "Hope that works out for ya".

I guess it was easier for them to accept me as a God-hating homosexual than it is for them to accept that I've given all that up for ALLAH. My wife to be (inshallah) is 100% aware of my past and has accepted me how I am, alhamdulillah, warts and all. This is why I don't want the small matter of a dog (see my previous post) to interfere.

But my brother said my family thinks I've taken Islam to "extremes". This isn't because of MY behavior, but because of the behavior of my fellow Muslims.

I have a full lehya (beard) and we all know that very few men grow it. Most shave. That means that to the rest of the world *I* am the one who stands out. I wear a thobe to the mosque (and to other places, I admit) when my brothers from the mosque are all wearing tight jeans, t-shirts with a tennis shoe company logo, or a hoodie. I wear a thobe because when I lift my arms my shirt exposes my belly. Or when I go into sujood my shirt lifts up in the back and shows worse than the belly...

But...I'm the convert who when I stand among all my born Muslim friends I'm the only beard, the only non-tight jeans... so I'm the "extremist".

Sorry I'm very upset, subhanuAllah.


Assalaam walaikum,

Dearest brother forgive me for the language I am going to use.

Baby baby's ok. If you remember on your dog post I was begging for a slice of wedding cake. So there..I will be there is spirit.

Your wedding service ( nika ) will have the angels of Allah. All the brothers and sisters on this forum will be making dua for you.

Yes, it hurts like crazy. And when you hold dear to your faith you lose many. ( Trust the old one, here. I lost a husband because I was too embarrassing to be seen with in hijab. Oh well.)

You are on a path that most do not wish to follow. It just means you have a lot of us with you. You have met the one for you. Your faith will increase and may Allah grant you all that you heart desires.

( tell you wife to throw the bouquet my way..)


Smile for Allah

"Islam began as something strange, and it shall return to being something strange, so give glad tidings to the strangers."

Taken from:

Many times in many situations the people that follow the religion of Allah feel a sense of not belonging, of being out of place, of not fitting in, and, in other words, of being strange. This feeling could occur in a gathering of non-Muslims, but, unfortunately, this feeling sometimes also occurs when one is with his fellow Muslims.


Why Have They Been Called "Strangers"?

Allah says in the Qur’an, "If only there had been, in the generations preceding you, people having wisdom, prohibiting others from evil in the earth; except a few of those whom we have saved from among them." (Hud 116).

This verse speaks of the few people on earth, the "strangers", who prohibit mankind from evil. These are the same people the Prophet (peace be upon him) spoke about when he said, "Islam began as something strange, and it shall return to being something strange, so give glad tidings [ar. Tooba. This is a tree in Paradise. So the Prophet (peace be upon him) is giving the good news of Paradise to these strangers.] to the strangers." It was asked, "Who are those strangers, O Messenger of Allah?" He replied, "Those that correct the people when they become corrupt." [Reported by Abu Amr al-Dani, from the hadith of ibn Masoud. It is authentic according to al-Albani. Another narration says, "Those that correct my sunnah which has been corrupted by the people after me."] In another narration he said in response to the same question, "They are a small group of people among a large evil population. Those who oppose them are more than those who follow them." [Reported by ibn Asaakir. It is authentic according to al-Albani.]

These praiseworthy people are called strangers since they are a small minority among mankind. Thus, Muslims are strangers among mankind; the true believers are strangers among Muslims; and the scholars are strangers among the true believers. And the followers of the Sunnah, those that clear themselves from all peoples of innovation, are likewise strangers.

In reality, however, their strangeness is only because they are the minority and it is not because their actions and beliefs are strange. This is what Allah says in surah al-Anaam, "And if you obey most of the people on Earth, they will lead you astray" (al-Anaam 116). Allah also says, "And most of mankind will not believe, even if you (O Muhammad) desire it eagerly" (Yusuf 103); "And truly, most of mankind are rebellious and disobedient (to Allah)." (al-Maidah 49); "But nay, most of mankind are ungrateful" (Yusuf 38). Therefore, Allah, the all-Knowing Creator, knows the most of mankind will not follow the truth. Instead, only a small group of people will be set apart that truly and correctly believe in Him, the strangers from among mankind.


The Various Types of Strangeness

You should know, may Allah have mercy upon you, that strangeness is of three types:

The first type of strangeness is the strangeness of the "People of Allah and the People of His Messenger" (peace be upon him), which we mentioned previously. This strangeness is a praiseworthy strangeness, as it has been praised by Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him). Therefore, this kind of strangeness should be sought and its people must be supported. This strangeness occurs in different times, in different places, and among different peoples. These strangers, then, are the true "People of Allah" for they do not worship ought save Him, and they do not take support from any path except the path of the Prophet (peace be upon him), and they do not call to anything except that which has been brought by the Prophet (peace be upon him). These are the people who left mankind when they (the strangers) were in need of them the most. For, on the Day of Judgment, when all other groups will go with that which they used to worship, they will stay in their places. It will be said to them, "Will you not go as the other people have gone?" They will answer, "We had abandoned the people (in this life), and we were more in need of them then we are today, and we will wait for our Lord whom we used to worship." [Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Thus it is apparent that this strangeness does not cause its bearer any discontent. Rather it is a comforting strangeness, a solace to the believers. This is because he knows that his helpers are Allah, His Messenger and those who believe [This is a reference to verse 55 of surah al-Maidah], even if all of mankind left and abandoned him. These strangers are again described in a hadith narrated by Anas ibn Malik, in which the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "It is possible that a disheveled, dusty person, with not many belongings [Literally, "with two headdresses"], who is not noticed among the people, if he asks of Allah, Allah will fulfill his prayer." [Reported by at-Tirmidhi and al-Hakim. Al-Albani said it is authentic.] Al-Hasan al-Basri [a very famous Follower – tabi` - known for his piety, asceticism and knowledge] said, "A believer is a stranger in this world, he is never afraid of its humiliation, and he never competes for its glory. The people are in one situation and he is in a different situation. The people are content with him, yet he is in turmoil [Literally, "tired"] with himself."

From the characteristics of these strangers that the Prophet (peace be upon him) described is the holding on to the sunnah of the Messenger (peace be upon him), even if the people abandon it. They, the strangers, leave all the innovations that their people invent, even if such practices should be common among them. They also stick to tawheed, even if the people corrupt it with shirk. They do not ascribe themselves to anything besides Allah and His Prophet (peace be upon him); they do not, that is, ascribe themselves to a shaikh, tariqah, particular madhhab or a group of people. They are dedicated only to Allah, with their sincere worship of Him and Him alone, and to His Prophet (peace be upon him), by following the path that he followed. These are the people who grasp the glowing hot embers [A reference to the hadith that is to follow], even though most of mankind - nay, all of them - blame them for this. This is the meaning of the statements of the Prophet (peace be upon him) alluding to the fact that they stick to his sunnah, even if the people corrupt it.


.......the group whose goal is to achieve the pleasure of Allah by following the path of His Messenger (peace be upon him) will be the strange one among all of the other groups.

This is why the true Muslims - those that adamantly cling to the Sunnah - will have the reward of fifty Companions. When the Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked about the verse, "O you who believe! Take care of your own selves. If you follow right guidance, no harm can come to you from those who err" (al-Maidah 105), he said, "Nay indeed, order good and forbid evil until you see stinginess being obeyed, and desires being followed, and this world preferred [over the next], and each person being deluded by his own opinions. Then take care of yourself and leave the common people. For indeed, after you there will be days of patience, where patience will be like holding on to glowing embers. Whoever is able to do this will have the reward of fifty people that do like him." They asked, "O Messenger of Allah, the reward of fifty of them?" He replied, "The reward of fifty of you" [Recorded by al-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud with a weak chain but it has supporting evidence. Al-Albani calls it sahih. See al-Sahiha, #957]. This reward is due to his strangeness among the people.

So, if the believer whom Allah has blessed with wisdom and knowledge wants to tread upon this path, the path of Allah, then let him be prepared to resign himself to the life of a stranger among his people, just like his predecessors who accepted Islam were treated by the people. For indeed, he will be a stranger in his beliefs, because his people have corrupted their beliefs. He will be a stranger in his religion, due to what the people have done to it. He will be a stranger in his manner of praying, because the people are ignorant of the prayer of the Prophet (peace be upon him). He will be a stranger in his ordering of good and prohibiting evil, for the people have taken what is evil as good and they have abandoned what is good as evil. In short, then, he will be a stranger in all his matters of this world and the Hereafter, calling to the path of Allah and withstanding the harm of all those that go against him.


Glorified be your Lord, the Lord of Honor and Power! (He is free) from what they attribute to Him And Peace be on the Messengers. And all Praise and thanks be to the Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.

Don't be upset, akhi. All I can say is - you are indeed a true stranger, so glad tidings to you!

I wish you all the very best for your upcoming marriage! Allah is sufficient for us. Don't be upset, and tell us how it all goes.

A lot of us here know what it means to be the stranger - even amongst believers. And I won't say it doesn't hurt and that its not difficult, because it is enough to make you want to cry and not get out of bed in the morning. But hold hope, akhi. And pray for the best - because we think we're going through tremendous hardship and trouble, but when its finally all over, we'll know how each of that difficulty was actually for our very best.

sister herb

Official TTI Chef

May Allah make you strong when life feels hard and may angels dry your tears.

You are in my duas.



Junior Member

May Allah make things easier for you and your wife. Every Muslim faces hardships and Allah is with those who are patient. If you are not 'modern' they call you extremist when you are simply following the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet :saw:.


Junior Member
I am not surprised by your family's behaviour.There are many more like you who.Even my family did it.You know you are on the right path then you don't need to listen to others.


Junior Member
Asalamualikum brother;

Don't worry brother.The way you have described how you look and how you dress i can just say subhanallah and i can just say allah guides whom he wills.Dont worry about the fact that the guys you are hanging arround with are doing or dressing or whatever.Belive me brother the guys hanging arround with you are may be dying of shame which is not visible to we humans but only allah knows that.
The point where you differ with those brothers is that you are muslim by choice and you know its choice which always matters because choice is dear to every one not as that of chance.Born to muslim parents is the chance given by allah to know and utlize the chance and value the chance which many of us born muslims forget.Really some times i feel that people(i.e muslim by chance) think they have any discount or priority in the followings islam.But i love you for the way you are following brother like SO IT WAS SAID BY ALLAH,SO IT WAS DONE BY MESSENGER(PEACE BE UPON HIM) AND SO IT SHOULD BE DONE.
Brother don't be sad because sadness prevents one from actions instead compelling one towards it.
My brother i supplicate to allah, may allah give you patience and hlep you in solving your problems,may allah soften your familys hearts and guide them to attend your wedding. Take care.

Abdul Haseeb


Striving for Paradise
Asalaamu alaikum...

I am so sad right now that I want to cry, but I will not allow that to happen. I just got off the phone with my older brother. I asked him if I were to invite him to my wedding if he would come, and he said "no". I try to talk to my mother about the woman I'm planning on marrying and she changes the subject. Won't even listen. I told my sister and her reply was "Hope that works out for ya".

Brother, if you could hear the chiching sound of your cash register which is getting loaded by the second because you chose to follow Islam and Sunnah, you would not mind any of these sad things in your life. I wish I could come to your wedding, but you live too far away from where I live. Anyways, I am with you brother Danyal.

I guess it was easier for them to accept me as a God-hating homosexual than it is for them to accept that I've given all that up for ALLAH.
Isn't it amazing... This same thing is also in one of the TurnToIslam video from Belgium, the revert sister has a younger sister who was a lesbian. Her parents had no objection or shame on their lesbian daughter, but felt embarrassed and ashamed on their revert daughter because she wears hijab. Totally upside down thinking and logic.

One question though: I also wear thobe, but it never shows my belly when I lift my hand or back in sujood. Is your thobe a bit too short? Normally the thobe goes up to your ankle, but even if it is a few inches above ankle it shouldn't show the belly or the back.

My heartiest Congratulations to you in advance to your marriage. May Allah (SWT) always always keep both of you in his Amaan and instill in your hearts great love for each other and give you a wonderful fulfilling life. Ameen !



Junior Member
brother its 4 o clock in the morning in my place and i havent slept! and i was closing the pc when i remebered TTI so came for a glance wasnt even logged in...

but decided to log in and write to you
to say.
MASHALLAH its GR8 u r marrying!!!.

i know its been hard on you but subhanallahwe all love you!.
and u remember me n ur prayers we'll meet in paradise.
they say that the dua of good people is pls....
may Allah make it superb for u:)


Islam is a way of life
Gosh Akhi that is so sad...I really didnt know how much you had given up for the sake of Allah (swt) until now...Masha Allah. That is quite amazing in this hedonistic society.

Insha'Allah you and your *wife to be* will spend many many happy decades together in peace and love :)

I have to say I can relate on a certain level, since my family are Christians and I think they'd rather me be gay than a Muslim. The way my family sees it is: The "saviour" Jesus (pbuh) can forgive any sin of a Christian, except not admitting he is the "Saviour"

Being gay = can be forgiven
Being Muslim = cannot


May Allah Forgive us

Sister Alf, it is like this, that if you do shirk then it is okay for them but if you do not do shirk then it is not okay.

And brother Danny, I know it is hard for you. But our prayers are with you. Even beards in a so called muslim society like mine is taken as extremism. I still wear jeans and all, but InshAllah I will be changing to thobes. Here if youngsters have lehya then they are extremists. According to this society, only married and old people should have lehya. Funny and saddening. Youth here are subjected to huge pressure, if they become practicing from being ignorant muslims. We pray for you brother, do not be sad. These are tests from Allah, do not grieve, be patient and persevere in your righteous deeds.


Used to be active here!
wa alaykkum assalaam wa rahmathullahi wa barakatuhu.
may Allah help you through your difficulties akhi. I am very happy for you that you are going to get married. may be that Allah shower you with even sweeter thing through this marriage that you are going through hard times before it. and have patience with a belief that you will be rewarded for it.

wa salaam


Slave of Allah (swt)
aslam o alaikum

brother, SubhanAllah honestly if i was near your area i would attend your wedding, and SubhanAllah having a full beard and wearing thobe ur just amazing May Allah (swt) bless your wedding and ur wife is very lucky mashAllah :)


Subhana Allah!
Asalamu alaykum

It's pretty sad to hear that all of your family members turned you down but it's pretty exciting to read all of the sweet replies you've got from this big family. So hopefully by now you are smiling and happy. As sister Aapa said, the Angels shall be the good comapny to witness that pure moment of yours. And masha Allah! You have scrificed a lot just to follow the sunnah. May Almight Allah help you and strengthen your iman Aamin.



Junior Member
Assalamu Alaikum brother Danyal,

Congratulations on your wedding! I hope you have a wonderful life with your prospective wife.

My Allah ease these hardships for you, and I wish you all the best.

Take care.