My husband is not a Muslim.

alf2

Islam is a way of life
Assalamu alaykum brothers & sisters, may Allah (swt) be pleased with you all.

Let me make this as short as possible.

I reverted to Islam, alhamdulilah, shortly after my husband & I got married. I researched Islam for 3 years before reverting and he knew. His family is unconventional, so he had no religious upbringing, but he does believe in God.

I was raised very conservative Christian, I have always believed in God.

He is not reverting to Islam, I dont want to push him. But we do talk about it a lot. And..I dont know..I guess its like that saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" I'm leading him to water, but he wont budge :frown:

This is a big deal to me, since I want a Muslim family...but I know if Allah (swt) does not WILL him to Islam, its pointless.

Please, whatever you do say, PLEASE do not say "Divorce him" Because that will not happen. I love him, and insha'Allah I will die as his faithful wife.



If anyone has been in this situation, please let me know.
If anyone has advice, please feel free to post.
I'm quite lost right now..
.:girl3:
 

iloveislam78

Junior Member
salam sis

I tried to send you a private message but for some reason i cannot sis???

Sister it appears your already aware that you WILL have to leave your husband if he is unwilling to covert.

don't take my word for it sister check out this link and as again direct your questions to someone of knowledge

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/21380

I wish you the very best dear sister i here always if you ever need to talk or anything stay strong!!!
 

Aisya al-Humaira

الحمدلله على كل حال
Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I hope you are in the best of health and imaan always too. InshaAllaah.

Sister, did you two discussed on how the upbringing of the children will be? Since you want a Muslim family, did you tell him about it?

And another thing, what exactly does he believes in? Does he believes that there is only One True God, Allaah or he believes about Jesus etc?

I'm sorry for the loads of questions. Just feel that I want to understand things clearly without making any quick judgment or false assumptions.

In the meantime, you can still try your best by showing him how peaceful and content you are being a Muslimah. Who knows, with the will from Allaah, he will feel attracted to your akhlaaq (bahaviour) and decided to give a thought about reverting. Most important, have faith in Allaah that He has in store for the best to you. Don't lose hope and keep praying; try waking up in the middle of the night, pray sincerely to Allaah that may Allaah subhanahu wa Taa'la open your husband's heart to be inclined towards Islam. InshaAllaah.

In most occasions, people reverted to Islam at the time of Prophet Muhammad sallallahu a'laihi wa salam due to the beautiful and perfect akhlaaq that our Prophet sallallahu a'laihi wa salam possessed. They fell in love with his behaviour and immediately decided to announce their shahadah.

Many times, actions will bring a better effect than words. So be a role model and show him how beautiful, perfect and tranquil it is being a Muslimah, submitting your soul and heart to The Al-Mighty, Our Creator, Allaah subhanahu wa Ta'ala :)

Try to read the story of Sister Aminah Assilmi, inshaAllaah may it make you moved and give some strengths to you.

We will keep you in our dua'a. Take care.

Waalaykummusalam wa rahmatullah.
 

allah is with me

Rabana Wa laqal Hamd
Salamualaikum . I know sister that this is very tough for you . . But sister if you dont try to revert him then ,it will get more tough for you . . You have to pull him back to islam. He was born with true faith but shaitaan pushed him towards the worldly life , towards the fake religion. Now its your time to again pull him towards islam with the help of allah. . your not alone sis , allah is with you. .
 

arzafar

Junior Member
:salam2:

let me keep this short too; so brace yourself.
as soon as you reverted to islam you were not his wife anymore. You have been sinning for the past 3 years. Perhaps you didnt know this in which case you will be forgiven for your ignorance.

at the end of the day you have to make a choice. Who do you love more; your husband or islaam? i thank Allah i was born muslim; some of the sacrifices the reverts go through are extra ordinary. May Allah reward you for all the sacrifices you make for Him.
 

BigAk

Junior Member
:salam2:

let me keep this short too; so brace yourself.
as soon as you reverted to islam you were not his wife anymore. You have been sinning for the past 3 years. Perhaps you didnt know this in which case you will be forgiven for your ignorance.

Please back up your claim in red above by verses from the Qura'an and/or "authentic" hadith of the messenger of Allah (pbu).

.
 

BigAk

Junior Member
Assalamu alaykum brothers & sisters, may Allah (swt) be pleased with you all.

Let me make this as short as possible.

I reverted to Islam, alhamdulilah, shortly after my husband & I got married. I researched Islam for 3 years before reverting and he knew. His family is unconventional, so he had no religious upbringing, but he does believe in God.

I was raised very conservative Christian, I have always believed in God.

He is not reverting to Islam, I dont want to push him. But we do talk about it a lot. And..I dont know..I guess its like that saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" I'm leading him to water, but he wont budge :frown:

This is a big deal to me, since I want a Muslim family...but I know if Allah (swt) does not WILL him to Islam, its pointless.

Please, whatever you do say, PLEASE do not say "Divorce him" Because that will not happen. I love him, and insha'Allah I will die as his faithful wife.

My situation is just like yours but in reverse.. Be patient and lead by example.

.
 

alf2

Islam is a way of life
My situation is just like yours but in reverse.. Be patient and lead by example.

.

Yes, I was thinking that was the only option...I dont see why Muslims frown on divorce, but are so quick to tell me to divorce now..its like saying "Oh hes not a Muslim, time to divorce and marry a Muslim!" No, I wont give up like that. I love him, and when we took our vows I meant them all.

Insha'Allah he sees what Islam has done to change me and my habits, and it will happen to him too.
 

alf2

Islam is a way of life
Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I hope you are in the best of health and imaan always too. InshaAllaah.

Sister, did you two discussed on how the upbringing of the children will be? Since you want a Muslim family, did you tell him about it?

And another thing, what exactly does he believes in? Does he believes that there is only One True God, Allaah or he believes about Jesus etc?

I'm sorry for the loads of questions. Just feel that I want to understand things clearly without making any quick judgment or false assumptions.

In the meantime, you can still try your best by showing him how peaceful and content you are being a Muslimah. Who knows, with the will from Allaah, he will feel attracted to your akhlaaq (bahaviour) and decided to give a thought about reverting. Most important, have faith in Allaah that He has in store for the best to you. Don't lose hope and keep praying; try waking up in the middle of the night, pray sincerely to Allaah that may Allaah subhanahu wa Taa'la open your husband's heart to be inclined towards Islam. InshaAllaah.

In most occasions, people reverted to Islam at the time of Prophet Muhammad sallallahu a'laihi wa salam due to the beautiful and perfect akhlaaq that our Prophet sallallahu a'laihi wa salam possessed. They fell in love with his behaviour and immediately decided to announce their shahadah.

Many times, actions will bring a better effect than words. So be a role model and show him how beautiful, perfect and tranquil it is being a Muslimah, submitting your soul and heart to The Al-Mighty, Our Creator, Allaah subhanahu wa Ta'ala :)

Try to read the story of Sister Aminah Assilmi, inshaAllaah may it make you moved and give some strengths to you.

We will keep you in our dua'a. Take care.

Waalaykummusalam wa rahmatullah.

1) He will let me raise future kids, insha'Allah, as Muslims. And we will not celebrate Christian holidays.

2) He believes in one God, but he does not conform to "organized religion" Haha. Alhamdulilah he at least recognizes that. His mothers are Atheist but like to decorate their house in Pagan type items o_O

Right now we're apart, he's in Britain studying and I'm in the US working. So he has not seen the "full effect" of change Islam has done to me. Nor has he made any Muslim friends. I am in hopes it will change, his mind, as you said, how Muslims behave and such.

Thank you for respecting me and my requests in my first post.
 

stargazer

Clear Skies!
Yes, I was thinking that was the only option...I dont see why Muslims frown on divorce, but are so quick to tell me to divorce now..its like saying "Oh hes not a Muslim, time to divorce and marry a Muslim!" No, I wont give up like that. I love him, and when we took our vows I meant them all.

Insha'Allah he sees what Islam has done to change me and my habits, and it will happen to him too.


I hope that you would be successful. But you should know when to give up.

Because, whom so ever Allah guides no one can misguide him/her, and whom so ever Allah misguides, no one can guide him/her.

And finally it is certain, as long as he is an unbeliever, the ruling is clear: He can not remain as your husban.

:wasalam:
 

weakslave

Junior Member
Yes, I was thinking that was the only option...I dont see why Muslims frown on divorce, but are so quick to tell me to divorce now..its like saying "Oh hes not a Muslim, time to divorce and marry a Muslim!" No, I wont give up like that. I love him, and when we took our vows I meant them all.

Insha'Allah he sees what Islam has done to change me and my habits, and it will happen to him too.

Making a transition from something bad to something good usually requires a bit of sacrifice. You took the vows when you were a non-Muslim, and you weren't bound by Islamic laws. Right now you are in a difficult situation.

You have a man who will not revert (up to this point)
You want an Islamic family
You are in love with him

I won't make the decision for you, I know I would be torn if I had to make such a difficult decision. But if I could push my emotions aside, and realize that ultimately I live on this world for Allaah's sake... Think about it: if it wasn't for your emotions the decision would be so easy.

Divorce is the most hated lawful act to Allaah. That is, the divorce of a muslim husband and muslim wife.

I ask that Allaah give you the righteous Muslim husband that you deserve. Whether it is through guiding your current husband or otherwise.
 

revert2007

Love Fishing
She became Muslim but her family do not know and they want her to marry a non-Muslim
I embraced Islam about two or three years ago, Alhamdullilah. Actually, one guy in my university influenced me to Islam. We used to study together in the university. and we both started liking each other and we wanted to marry. since my parents are kafir, they disagreed at all with this relationship and his parents also disagreed with the relationship. Now, my parents don't know that I am muslim now, I follow it secretly. I want to marry this guy and follow islamic marriage life afterwards. I don't want to marry somebody from their caste (kafir!), and my parents wants me to go back home and marry somebody in their caste. Is it necessary for both of our parents to agree with our marriage. Can we marry each other without their knowlege or permission now and tell them later? I fear that they will die the day they hear that I am muslim too since they hate muslims. I don't know how to convince them. Do I have to convince them for the marriage or can I just go against their wish. Please tell me if there was any stories during sahaba's time and what was the solution. I relly need help.

Answer
Praise be to Allaah.

What you have said in your question about it being haraam for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir man is correct, and there is no doubt concerning that.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they believe” [al-Baqarah 2:221]


Al-Qurtubi said:

“ ‘And give not (your daughters) in marriage’ means, do not give Muslim women in marriage to Mushrik men. The ummah is agreed that a Mushrik should not marry a Muslim woman because this is like putting Islam in an inferior position. (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/72).

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]

Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Chapter: when a mushrik or Christian woman who is married to a dhimmi (non-Muslim living under Muslim rule) or a harbi (non-Muslim belonging to a people who are hostile towards Islam) becomes Muslim. ‘Abd al-Waarith said, narrating from Khaalid from ‘Ikrimah from Ibn ‘Abbaas: if a Christian woman becomes Muslim shortly before her husband, she is forbidden for him… Mujaahid said: if he becomes Muslim during the ‘iddah [waiting period following divorce], then he may (re)marry her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]. Al-Hasan and Qutaadah said concerning two Magians who became Muslim that their marriage was still valid. If one of them had become Muslim and the other had refused, the woman would have been divorced and he would no longer have any rights over her.

(Saheeh al-Bukhaari. See al-Fath, 9/421).

Examples of such women include:

Zaynab, the daughter of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). She was married to Abu’l-‘Aas ibn al-Rabee’ during the Jaahiliyyah, but when she became Muslim, their marriage was annulled, and she went and stayed with her father (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When her husband became Muslim, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent her back to him.

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1143; Abu Dawood, 2240; Ibn Maajah, 2009; classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, 1789. Al-Tirmidhi said, there is nothing wrong with its isnaad).

The correct view is that the husband can go back to her with no need to renew the marriage contract.

If the woman is still in her ‘iddah, he has more right (than anyone else) to marry her. If her ‘iddah has ended, she is free to choose whether to go back to him or not.

Al-Tirmidhi said:

On the basis of this hadeeth, the scholars said that if a woman becomes Muslim before her husband, then her husband becomes Muslim whilst she is still in her ‘iddah, then the husband has more right to her whilst she is still in her ‘iddah. This is the view of Maalik ibn Anas, al-Oozaa’i, al-Shaafa’i, Ahmad and Ishaaq.

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadeeth 1142).

Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said:

There is no dispute among the scholars concerning the fact that if a kaafir woman becomes Muslim then her ‘iddah ends, her husband has no rights concerning her if he has not become Muslim during her ‘iddah.

(Al-Tamheed, 12/23).

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

But what the ruling of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) indicates is that the marriage comes to a halt. If he becomes Muslim before the end of her ‘iddah, then she is (still) his wife, but if her ‘iddah ends, then she may marry whomever she wants. If she likes, she can wait for him, and if he becomes Muslim she is his wife and there is no need to renew the marriage contract.

(Zaad al-Ma’aad, 5/137, 138)

Al-Qurtubi said:

Talhah ibn ‘Ubayd-Allaah was married to Arwaa bint Rabee’ah ibn al-Haarith ibn ‘Abd al-Muttalib. They were separated by Islam, then in Islam Khaalid ibn Sa’eed ibn al-‘Aas married her. She was one of the [Muslim] wives of the kuffaar who fled to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) kept her in Madinah and married her to Khaalid.

(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/65, 66)

It was reported that Anas said: Abu Talhah married Umm Sulaym and the mahr between them was Islam. Umm Sulaym became Muslim before Abu Talhah. He proposed marriage to her and she said, “I have become Muslim. If you become Muslim I will marry you.” So he became Muslim and that was the mahr between them.

(Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 3340)

The daughter of al-Waleed ibn al-Magheerah, the wife of Safwaan ibn Umayyah, became Muslim before him, and the marriage was annulled. Then he became Muslim later on, and she went back to him. It was narrated by Maalik in al-Muwatta’, 1132. Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: I do not know of any unbroken saheeh isnaad for this hadeeth, but it is famous and well known to the scholars of seerah, Ibn Shihaab, the leader of the scholars of seerah, and al-Shu’bi. The fame of this hadeeth is stronger than its isnaad in sha Allaah.

(al-Tamheed, 12/19)

Umm Hakeem bint al-Haarith ibn Hishaam, the wife of ‘Ikrimah ibn Abi Jahl. Her marriage was annulled, then he became Muslim during her ‘iddah, so she went back to her husband.

(Narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah in al-Musannaf, 4/107)

And Allaah knows best.


source
 

wonnee3

Trying 2 plz ALLAH
As Salaamu Alaikhum sister, i was the male u, i married b4 i reverted 2 Islam, like urs, she had no real belief structure, she had 2 children from a previous relationship. as long as it was just me going 2 the Masjid all was fine... until i started taking the children with me, then the talks of up bringing came in, then the taking them 2 church started, which i felt was good, solely for them 2 c the major difference in the teachings of both and for the application of what is preached and what is practiced in both religions. Sadly as they moved towards Islam major problems started... 2 shorten this rant i talked 2 my Imam and was told that once i embraced Islam "I" became Muslim not my wife, if ALLAH blesses her 2 embrace Al Hamdulillah if not Al Hamdulillah, i am not allowed 2 force or coerce, threaten 2 leave or anything of the kind 2 make her embrace. I'm not sure, so ask ur Imam, but from my understanding, if had embraced b4 u married then u would have been obligated 2 marry a Muslim man, once again, talk 2 ur Imam concerning this. May ALLAH ease ur heart and make it easy 4 u. As Salaamu Alaikhum
 

arzafar

Junior Member
Please back up your claim in red above by verses from the Qura'an and/or "authentic" hadith of the messenger of Allah (pbu).

.

yes i forgot to mention the evidence but thank's to sister revert2007 i dont have to do that.
 

Ashima33

Junior Member
Salaam Sister,

I think you are very right to bring up the double standard of divorce and some muslims.

I'm a convert, and not married yet. I will marry a muslim because I want my rights as a muslim female preserved. But you are already married. As far as my knowledge of the Qur'an goes, it does not mention your specific case. It does talk about muslim women marrying muslim men... but nothing about "If you are convert and the man you already married isn't.... THEN DIVORCE!"

And as far as I'm concerned, the Qur'an is 1st and if it doesn't mention something specific... it's situational. Most importantly, pray to God and listen to your heart.
 

weakslave

Junior Member
Salaam Sister,

I think you are very right to bring up the double standard of divorce and some muslims.

I'm a convert, and not married yet. I will marry a muslim because I want my rights as a muslim female preserved. But you are already married. As far as my knowledge of the Qur'an goes, it does not mention your specific case. It does talk about muslim women marrying muslim men... but nothing about "If you are convert and the man you already married isn't.... THEN DIVORCE!"

And as far as I'm concerned, the Qur'an is 1st and if it doesn't mention something specific... it's situational. Most importantly, pray to God and listen to your heart.

Exactly why we ask the scholars for fatwas on these matters.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

First sister I want to praise you for your courage.

I live applied Islam. I am not going to give a sermon. I am not a scholar. I am a woman, an older woman, who has lived a lot of life. I say this as a reference point.

I can not judge you. I have enough on my shoulders to worry about. I pray Insha'Allah you will find comfort in my words.

I was married to a wonderful man. He reverted to Islam before we married. We had two beautiful sons together. We were the perfect family. Men would stop my husband and congratulate him on his family. We were together for over 15 years.
As time passed and I became more serious about my faith. I will be honest, when I became a mother the responsibility of raising Muslim childen hit me. I focused on my sons being raised totally Muslim. From the moment they were born that was the center of my focus. My thinking was Allah subhana talla had blessed me at an older age with sons. I had no options but to teach them the Truth.

As time passed my husband and I grew apart. He became disgruntled with my ways. Little things. And that is what I need to impart to you. It is the little things that break the relationship. As you grow into your faith..if your partner is not Muslim the wedge drifts the couple apart. Once again it is the little things. He did not practice anymore. I started living at the masjid. I dropped all my non-Believing friends. I had nothing in common with women who are not Muslim. The language that Muslim women use is very different from the kuffir. Seven years ago I started to cover. He told me I looked like a mad woman. He did not want to be seen with me.

He walked out of the door three years ago. My sons are Believers and are happy to live with me. Alhumdullila.

My words to you are simple. There is a reason why Allah subhana talla has told us to be married to Muslim men. He, the Author of Truth, tells us what He wants. The Muslim concept of Love differs from the definition of the world of ignorance.

Sister, I will do anything to help you. Please do not punish yourself, at this moment. Sometimes, I notice some of the responses are so santimonious. Bear in mind many of the writers are very very young. They have not had the experiences of life that mellows one out. Keep in mind, the sisters who have reverted to marry Muslim men, do not have an understanding of what you are going through. They are very easily accepted. And if they are white..it is very very easy to be accepted. You are in a ball park by yourself. Allow me to be your safety net.

Never feel like you are alone,

My love,
your aapa
 

Ashima33

Junior Member
Exactly why we ask the scholars for fatwas on these matters.

The scholars are humans as well and they all interpret things differently. I do not feel I need another human to tell us what God wants of us. That's why we have the Qur'an and are supposed to forever study it.
 

alf2

Islam is a way of life
The scholars are humans as well and they all interpret things differently. I do not feel I need another human to tell us what God wants of us. That's why we have the Qur'an and are supposed to forever study it.

I have to agree with you on this. Honestly, there is a fatwa about everything. Like my friend asked me if she should smoke, i told her no since it damaged the body. But after 10 minutes of searching the internet, she found a Fatwa from an accredited Scholar that smoking is okay.

If One looks hard enough, they will find a fatwa in their favour - no matter the opinion.
 

rickyraws

Junior Member
You guys have done well to try and advise our sister with this very difficult issue. One we probably won't fully understand unless we experience it or something like it. Never the less, everyone here, I recommend we make dua for our sister so that things turn out for the better.


Alf2, I may not know what to tell you as I'm not 100% sure it's best, but rest knowing you're in my duas, and insha Allah everyone's dua here as well.
 
Top