Need advice regarding brother

Kakorot

Junior Member
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saifkhan

abd-Allah
as salam alaykum warahamtu-llahi wa abrakatuhu

wa-llahi sister, I dont know what to say. i only used to think that my family or or some others i know are inflicted with great calamities, but comparing with your case, my family prob is nothing, literally nothing, subha Allah. i mean alhmduli Allah some are solved, yet, i mean the things u have described are unbearable.

the most thing which is bothering us about our beloved, are dying in a path of shirk, biggest sins and disobedience.
wa-llahi sister i dont have words to advice you. another sad part is about our siblings not caring about Islam, subhan Allah.

may Allah keep safe your father and may He bless him with hayat at tayyibah.
i fear if your father dies (may Allah make it easy on you all) what then will happen, may Allah show you a path before that.

and if there is no dash of khair, may Allah depart your brother from your family, whatever way possible, but may Allah doesnt make the situation happened with curse towards him, may Allah give him understanding, who knows if Allah wills he may flip just 180 degree where he is.

other advice just depends on where do you live or where are you from, you may discuss knowledgeable sisters for that.

may Allah make it easy on you and your family
may Allah guide your siblings

I am sorry i couldnt help you that much, but except with my prayers

barak Allahu feeke

wassalamun alayka
 

Abd_Al_Hadi

لبيك يا الله
Sister, it seems like there is no hope for your brother. I feel bad for your family to live with someone like this. If you live in the US, be patient until he's 18, then have your father kick him out and file for a restraining order against him. OR you can talk to your parents and a doctor about using chemical castration to permanently make him less violent. Usually it's reserved for criminals, and I don't know if its allowed in Islam...Inshallah some brother or sister who knows more about this would shed some light
 

mohammadyunus

Junior Member
is there any maulana in your area whom you know to be very pious ? Just a little time spent with people whose hearts are filled with love of Allah will bring a wholesome change in your brother.
If you dont know such a person than contact your nearest masjid and get to know such a allahwallah. Change will happen only when the heart is purified of sins and reformed.

DONT WORRY.HAVE FAITH IN ALLAH. Allahwallahs have the noor of taqwa in their hearts and one look from them will be sufficient to start the process of reformation in your brother.
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
Dear sister
I don't know what to say but your brother is young and under the pressure of many bad things, try to give him some care and love ....be patient , talk with him ....try to understand his feelings .........give him another chance......who knows may be he is missing something since his childhood . Try to surround him with some good members of your family........I shall make duaa for you and your family .....may Allah protect you all.
 

Hajjerr

He is Dhul-Jalali Wal-Ikram
wa aleikum salam wa rahmatulahy wa barakatuh

Dear sister, what you and your family are going thru is so hard and sad. I am moved and feel sorry especially for your father, he is old and clearly thinks about how Allah is puting him on test...i have seen characters similar with the one of your brother on someone i knew in my neighbourhood...only when he reached 20+ years he came into some senses...one time a priest (they are christians) had a big talk with him and he almost reach tears...that calmed him for a short period....maybe you can call a strong figure, one imam who is willing to have serious talks and shake him to reallity ? More then once. Then a doctor can prescribe a treatment but i dont know how will you make your brother listen to all that.
I pray Allah will show you the way and make things better. Ameen.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam alaikum,

Sister,

There is hope. What your family is experiencing is the lack of community support. This is where Muslim men are invisible. This is where the immigrant community has ignored the youth. Your brother is hurting. He is lost. We do not know the pain he is in. The Muslim community has chosen to be blind. I have implored and begged our imams to work with the youth. I have suggested that they have activities so the youth can be busy. Where are our men..let me guess drinking tea.
Young Muslim men are going to continue to be in trouble and cause trouble because the Muslim community has been hypocritical. We provide no skills for our youth. Everyone is supposed to go to college and become a doctor or engineer. And the immigrant communities have parents that have never really stepped into the world of their children. They remain strangers in a strange land.

The children do not. And the children pay the price for the decisions of the parents. Often, the immigrant parents and their social network is riddled with cultural ignorance. Yes, they remain ignorant. I am not surprised by the responses. They reflect the blindness that I have described. I see the youth and talk to them.

Your family can join a support group to cope with your brother. Our masjids have failed us here. They have closed their eyes to the problems facing the youth. So you will need to join a non-Muslim group unless you join a Western majority masjid who is understanding of the issues that the immigrant families remain ignorant to by choice.

From an Islamic perspective..you have to show your brother love. You have to touch him gently. He is in pain. You have to recite the ayats of the Quran and touch him. You have to always tell him that you love him. It is with gentleness that you can help him heal.

He is not bad..he is reflecting what is going on in society. Muslims you better wake up.
 

daud

goodly tree
I am very sad to hear of your tragic situation. The only thought i can come with are
1) The father's dua is is really powerful. Maybe he should use to help his son and him self
2) Maybe the broblem is not him but the environmnet of the house. house is the Salah, Quarn etc. I know that good and bad can be together in one place.
I pray for your success and satisfaction in this world and the hereafter.
 

strive-may-i

Junior Member
Walaikum Ssalaam Sister,

Thats not good. Hope some ways have been figured to improve the situation at your house. May Allah calm your brother, and show him ways to alter himself from deep within. May he turn to be a pillar of support for your father in his old age .... Ameen.
I have heard of many bullying , physical, violent while kids/teenage , and one fine day they realize there are better ways to get things done, And that changes them for the better. May such a transformation set in your brother too... Ameen


What caused your brother to be thus? Was he always like this? Does he have frustration, disappointment and reasons for getting angry, and is he using violence to solve it? Sometimes situations can make a person go bad. Does he have health problems? Any addiction? Bad company Or is he being stubborn/stupid? Does he talk, exchange views, opinions?

Some sense has to go into his head. Somebody has to drive sense into him, [Insha Allah lets hope mere words would be sufficient]. He has to understand, there is no point in being angry/Violent. I have seen classmates, who when mixed with calm strict students changed their ways. Maybe he should be given some guidance and direction, anger management, new goals in life etc. It takes effort from both sides, no doubt.

You might need the help of someone who is skilled enough to understand your brother and figure the right course of action. I would like to finish saying not all is lost, there is hope for your brother, get the right help... Insha Allah, he will change for better.
 

Kakorot

Junior Member
Wa'alaykum salam

It's true, maybe there is something that is bothering him, which makes him express himself through rebellion. Maybe there is no solution to this and one day when he's older, he will realize that he was in the wrong and change.

Jazakumullahu khayran for all the du'as and suggestions.
 
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