Nothing ever goes my way

[Member100]

As salaam wa rahmathullah
The real reason why I opened this site was to get help. I alo don't understand where to post this so sorry if i posted in the wrong section.
I don’t want to sound like an annoying brat but I’m not. I feel like I’ve failed at everything miserably. My friends all have stable life while I’m still stuck at a community college (5years). I have nothing going for me. Ever since I’ve been placed on academic probation I felt like I’ve been behind in school. Finical Aid used to pay for my classes but since I was placed on probation, they took it away from me. The college wanted me to take 2 classes at time per semester until my gpa got up to 2.0! I’m the oldest in my family whose supposed to be setting a good example for my siblings but instead they all have their sh..t together while I don’t. My younger sister is graduating before me next semester (Mashallah)
My siblings and I all attend an Islamic Quran school and we go there to learn and memorize the words of Allah. And sadly their all ahead of me in Quran and inshallah I think 2 of them will finish this year. But me I’m sooo behind and I just feel like quitting because I’m the oldest in that Islamic Quran School and was there for many years and not getting anywhere. My dream was to become a hafiz but it looks like I will never become a hafiz. My parents are also making it worse for me by pressuring me to finish quickly. My younger sister the one that’s graduating before me is also finishing the Quran before me. My parents tell me all the time that I’m useless and will never accomplish anything and I think their right ;(
I work at a retail job and I hate it so much. I want to work at an office job or do work-study but I always end up at fast-food and retail jobs. I applied to soo many jobs but no luck on anything. I’m also losing most of my friends because they have all graduated or either got married or moved away and some transferred to a university and me nothing. I’m so depressed with my life and my parents make it worse for me.
Another major problem is my family. My mother likes to control every aspect of our life including my dad. She is so annoying and I have kept my mouth shut, never disrespected her. But as the years goes by, she irritates me so baldy. My mother doesn’t want to do anything and she believes she shouldn’t have to plus she carries this really bad culture (and I hate it). She wants me to work fulltime and hand her all my money to her, wants me to become a hafiz so her friends could be like omg your such wonderful mother, she also expects me and my other sister to take care of my little sibling. While my father works. What’s her role in her life… nothing but to dictate everyone else in our family? She doesn’t work or do the chores around the house because that’s our job, she doesn’t go to school and recently attend a Islamic Quran class for adults and they only meet up once a week! Yet she complains about how we do our job..how we don’t make enough…how we don’t treat her right.
My parents fight every day in front of the kids they say the worst things to us and to each other. There has been even when they both got physical and the little ones were crying. My mother tends to curse everyday like “I wish you were dead or I wish..” I don’t even want to say some of things because it’s sooo bad. My dad is sick and tired of her. My younger sister is planning to escape by finishing her college than walking out the door. Me I can’t cause I’m behind and I think my younger littler brother who repels so baldy will one day run way. She thinks were the problem and not her. We’ve all tried to talk to her but she doesn’t want to listen. She doesn’t appreciate what her daughters do but instead wants more. Every sing day and I mean it theirs a problem in our family. I feel like were cursed and the cure to the curse is separate us to different countries.
I’ve thought about suicide but never and will never have the courage to do it! Friends and people always tell me to never give up hope but I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I have no control in anything and nothing. I feel so hopeless and I stopped caring for myself. I lost so much weight due to depressing and loss of sleep. People tell me every day at work or down street if I was anorexia. My parent’s pressure me way too much and it’s reaching the breaking point. No one ever wants to listens to me. My escape would have been marriage but after going through all of this with my parents’ marriage became a nightmare. I used to love kids and wanted to have 5-6 but now I’m lucky if I have one. I also feel unattractive to men and sometimes despise them.
My health is getting worse although I work and make the most in my family. I don’t have any money or insurance for dental and I have three cavities that are rotten. I can’t sleep at night without waking up like 4-5 times and I weigh 107 for a person whose 5’7talk, a normal healthy weight would be 140 and no where am I close. My skin is too dry and my bones are fragile. I’m very weak. The last time I’ve been to a doctor was like three years ago and last summer I was hospitalized for stomach virus. My money goes to her and no bills are ever paid on time or we end up paying so many charges due to late bills. I don’t get it? My sister, my dad, older brother and I all work and the government help us pay rent. Yet we don’t know what happens to the money. When we ask her what happens to the money she gets very angry starts screaming start saying you think I spend the money on myself?? I can even save my own money; she gets angry if I don’t give it to her and her excuse are we have to pay for gas. I work to darn hard with my job and if I’m lucky I get 50-100 dollars out of my paycheck. I spend those 50-100 dollars on food for the next two weeks or products because I’m girls and I need some stuff plus I pay for gas.
I feel like I wasted my teenage years taking care of my parents, working and stressing over the bills at a young age that now I just want life to be done with! I can’t stand anything anymore even the littlest stuff bothers me. I want to run away so baldy. I’ve dream of being in island where no one exists not even creators. I hate myself, my family, job, college and everything else. I feel like I’m being punished for something but I can’t think of anything. I do believe in Allah and his prophets. Please I want real answers not because “Allah is testing you”.

 

[Hajjerr]

Salam aleykum

Welcome on this forum dear sister.

Sister, you are right and i believe you, we suffer when the family situation is bad, when the financial situation is bad, school problems, work problems..and the list goes on..sadly. We have the ability to do our best but up to a certain limit, there are things that we can not control and here comes our prayers and our dua to Allah.
You will finnish your college inshallah and you and your brothers will become grown-ups who can stand on their own feet, despite of what your mom may or may not do, with help of Allah.

There are troubles that are meant to make us stronger, to teach us mercy and piety or to show us that we are not in control of this life, but only Allah is, He is the Merciful and the most kind.... we are not promised that we will be completely happy in this life, but we are promised that we will have our justice done and our prayers listened.


“Do you think that you will enter Paradise before Allaah tests those of you who fought (in His Cause) and (also) tests those who are As-Saabiroon (the patient)?”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:142]

No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah's decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere it will never come your way but if it is yours by destiny from you it cannot flee. (Umar Ibn al-Khattab Radiyallahu Anhu)

Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "On the Day of Resurrection, when people who have suffered affliction are given their reward, those who are healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world."(Al-Tirmidhi #1570)

The best that we can do for you is hear your posts and advice you to hang in there because times flies away and situations change, they dont remain the same forever, inshallah.
“Indeed Allah is with those who are patient.”

I am sorry if i can not give you better solutions..

:salam2:

 

[strive-may-i]

Assalaamu Alaikum,

First what i want you to know is, at any given moment, many children are born. The second you were born, many many others were born around world. Even in your own city. The day you were born 100s of kids were born in your city or country. You dont see most of them, hence you dont know them and most of them dont know you. Your life has been bestowed with perfections and your path has been sprinkled with difficulties. Even their life has been bestowed with perfections and their life has been sprinkled with difficulties. Just pause... Give it a thought.

You did not say you are stressed because you wanted to be millionaire or you wanted to become famous. Right? You wanted to become hafiz you say, but you realized you are going to take more time, there is a delay, not a denial. Understand that. Alhamdulillah. your needs are simple. So the way to achieve this must also be simple, and it is by sidestepping the difficulties using your perfections.

Listen. Look at yourself. Your abilities. Count. No dont look around. Dont look at the house, dont look at the job, look at you. What are your perfections and what are your weakness? you can count atleast one. How can you use your perfections to overcome the difficulties? This and only this should be your thought. There are a zillion ways to fail, dont look at the paths that take you to that obvious failure. refuse to go down there. There are easier ways to succeed. One step at a time. Right now

Give this a thought.
Look around you. Look at the people who are happy, who are sad. Among them, there will be some, who will be happy even in situations where most others would have been sad. If you asked, the happy people whats going right for them, they would go on and on and on and bore you would wish being in their house. But, if you did visit their house, you would be stunned, they too will have problems, but they dont let these problems rule them. You will realize they had sidestepped the difficulties with the perfections they nurtured. They nurtured it in their mind, in their spirits and it turned into actions. So how does thoughts influence life?

Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazzali in his book says [Ilyaa Uloom al-Deen 6/17] -- "If the first inward thought is not warded off, it will generate a desire,then his desire will generate a wish, and the wish will generate an intention, and the intention will generate an action, and the action will result in ruin and divine wrath. So evil must be cut off at its root, which is when its is simply a thought that crosses the mind, from which other things follow on."

So whats evil?
Think of an Asthma patient - "who has everything else going perfect in his body, getting depressed, because he stays in a city which has pollution. He loves his job, he loves his freedom, and he cannot quit the job and go to another job in another city, because for him career is most important. The person stays in city, does not care for health and slowlly starts getting depressed, unable to accept Asthama in an otherwise perfect life. Getting depressed soo much that he skips the medicines and spoils the health permanently." Okay so that would be a person - "who let one small glitch in an otherwise perfect life, spoil the life." , Right?

Now in your case, you had a good health. To stop caring for a health, which was blessed, is really now a good sign, sister. Just because the person did not care , the house has become a bit more difficult to bear, I agree. You know you take a little more time to clear the exams, so maybe you are a slow tortoise and not a hurrying hare. A slow tortoise is wise, it has a protective shell unlike a Hare and in water it swims like a fish and people know it will not run away and will trust it more! Accept the real you and start working from there!



Give it a thought and answer these.
But is it right on your part to stop caring for your health? Isnt your father tolerating your mother? Why are you thinking much about a silly sisters plan to run away. Girls don't usually run away, they might move to an independent house and start an own family.?
( And am not overlooking the other things you mentioned, every house has a bit of these every now and then, but there are ways to overcome it. There are easy ways to turn a house into a loving home, its a matter of turning ourself to these ways. But first thing first, you have to remain healthy.)
And be here, you will benefit, Insha Allah

 

[a_stranger]

Assalmu alaikim dear young sister:

First I like to tell you something , you are in my prayers, I pray to Allah subhanahu wa taaala to make things easy for you. Dear our life is not a peace of Janna .......it is dunya .......didn't you read the stories of the prophets in Quran , didn't you know that our prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam was orphan since an early age.....then he lost his loving grandfather then uncle ........when he tried to to people about the message of Islam most of them accused him that he is a liar , insane , hurted him..........made his life very difcuilt ........then he lost his sons , his loving wife Kadiga radia Allah anha.........three daugter ......he suffered from hunger, poverty, illness...........still we know he is the most beloved by Allah . Dear I am trying to memorize Quran since a very long time but still I am not hafiz , but I am happy as long as I am reciting Quran and trying to understand and memorize. Nothing is perfect in this life, not ourselves , not our families ...........but we should think about those who are less gifted than us , those who are blind, or deaf or disabled .........or suffering from cancer, wars.....disasters .........then we shall see that we are immereshed with bounties from Allah subhanahu wa taaala .......
Dear try to concentrate on your prayers , study , work .............think of the things you have ....imagine if you loose something now you are gifted with .........but you don't feel it , you very much used to.

I am sure this trouble need patienc , and satisfaction ....which will make a better person ....in the future when you have your own family you can be a better mother .......you know what hurts children .

I pray that Allah .....give me , you all people sincere faith, patience , and rida( satisfaction).

 

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

I make dua to you that Allah ease your life. If you like to talk with older sister about your life (I am 46), I am here. You can send pm to me if you like.

*hugs to my sister*

 

[strive-may-i]

Here read this : http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70218

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamua`alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,

Sister, I hope you are taking care of yourself and taking your food at the required time. If you can't eat much or frequently, make sure you take a balanced, healthy meal. Taking supplements would help too, inshaa Allaah.

As much as you feel the obligation to provide for your family (or actually to your mother), ensuring that you are well taken care of is equally important. You still have the blessing that many don't possess anymore. You still have a mother and a father, you have a family. Despite that it isn't an ideal, Islaamic family that everyone would dream of, you still have a family. Alhamdulillaah for that, sister.

As Brother Strive mentioned, do not compare yourself with the others. Do not compare yourself with your siblings. Everyone is at their very own pace in life. Some have graduated, some had married and have kids, some have traveled all around the world, but we are still here. At the same old town we grow up. But that's OK. Because when the right time in His Wisdom comes, it will happens. You will finish your studies and become a haafidhah, you will get married and have children and you will become a successful person, Inshaa Allaahu Ta`alaa.

Just like every happiness in this world that is only for a short time, the pain and sufferings that you feel right now will pass you by. Have faith in Allaah, sister. That He is capable to change your condition to become better. Think good of Allaah and that whatever that He is testing you is in *your* best interest. Not Allaah. I see your tests as Allaah's way of making you close to Him. So that everytime when you feel sad, lethargic, worn out and just feel like giving up in life, He wants you to make dua` sincerely and beg to Him. His Way of calling you to Him.

The money you gain from working, I suggest you divide it into half, if possible. Give half to your mother and another half for yourself. Use the money to see a dentist about your cavity and maybe a physician to seek advice on healty lifestyle to regain your weight. Actually, even if you are the eldest daughter in the family, your father is still alive and it is not your responsibility to provide for the family. But alhamdulilaah even though you *had* to, may Allaah make is as a provision for you. A provision that you are treating your parents with goodness, Ameen.

I hope Allaah takes away the stress that you feel within your heart and replace it with contentment and peacefulness. Even if you may not have what you wishes or desires right now, you are still gifted with so many blessings. Among them is being able to memorize the words of Allaah [regardless how long you take!]. Some took 6 years, some took 10 years, so don't ever feel you are slow as long as you are making the efforts with ikhlaas intention, Allaah will reward your hard work, inshaa Allaah. He is The Most Just and The Most Compassionate, thus do not feel depressed.

I am glad you came here to your brothers and sisters for help. Please know that those who read this will keep you in their prayers. Don't lose hope that Allaah can change your condition to a better one. Inshaa Allaah.

Everything is easy for Allaah

[25] وكل أمر عليه يسير‏.

[25] And every affair is easy for Him (Allaah).

The Explanation – Point [25]

His Affair, if He wills something, is just that He says to it, "Be!" and it is!

(Soorah YaaSeen (36), aayah 82)


So He gives life and gives death, and He creates and gives provision, and He gives and He withholds and He gives life to the dead after they have passed away; and that is easy for Him, He the Perfect and Most High. Nothing is a burden for Him and nothing is difficult for Him, contrary to the creation; because things are a hardship (for the people) and some things he will be incapable of doing. As for Allaah, then nothing is difficult for Him.

The creation of you all and the resurrection of you all, is just like that of a single soul.

(Soorah Luqmaan (31), aayah 28)[1]



[1] Translator’s side point: In explanation of this aayah, the famous mufassir from the Taabi`een, Mujaahid rahimahullaah, said, “It is just that Allaah says, ‘Be!’and it is! whether it is something (which is) a small amount or a great amount.”

Wa`alaykum as-salaam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh.

 

[Islam!!yay]

Salam

Sister! Dont kill yourself, Its against Islam.

And Allah SWT Will answer your prayers. I to was going through hardship. I was going to be separated from my parents because of Immigration Issues but I made Dua and Dua and Allah SWT answered it in the most Beautiful Way and now I am reunited with my family Al Hamdulilah Allahu Akbar and its all Thanks To Allah SWT. Just wait and hold on and Keep making Dua. If it is not a Test from Allah SWT , then what could it be ?I believe what you are going through is a Test and we all go through It. Stay Strong Sis We are all here

 

[strive-may-i]

Assalaamu Alaikum,

Hope you are making progress, positive one.

Please read Fluctuations of Life

 

[Men of Allah]

Assalamualaikum, Dear Sis.

First of all, I knew life that we went through sometimes can be overwhelming. But, remember My dear, this life wasn't meant to be easy and that ur final return is to Allah. U will be judged on every single action u do in this life. Start to slowly change ur ways.. and trust me u will see a big change Inshallah. This life is only a test and its extremely short. After u pass away ur eternity will be decided either suffering in the dangerously hot hellfire or eternal happiness. What would u rather have? My Sis, change ur ways before its too late. Remember Allah guides who he wills and Inshallah you are one of them. If you have a slight of bad deeds, you probably need to change and repent. Pray to Allah (swt) to make things easier for u, remember he never gets tired of hearing from us! Make du'a and don't give up. it's a Demon(Satan) THAT conquer OURSELF !! I know We are true believer were destined to be Stronger umah in this World ! We the MUSLIM Are the most Righteous people, so there's no doubt.! Believe me..!! DO ZIKR ASMAUL HUSNA. Good Luck and God bless. May Allah(swt) guide us all on the straight path and give us a place in jannat. Ameen ya Rabbal Alamin.