Old parents - who takes care of them?

[Precious Star]

My elderly father is sick. He had a stroke and is having surgery on his carotid soon. He is very demanding so my mother has been quite tired, trying to meet his needs. I help as best I can. For example, when he was in the hospital I drove my mother in there in the mornings and brought her home in the evenings. I visit and help her understand my dads medications. Tomorrow morning he is going to the hospital again for surgery so I will drive him early in the morning. Etc.

My questions:

1. I am unmarried. Does that mean I have a duty to make things easy on my brothers so their family life is not affected?
2. I work in order to support myself. I have taken some time off work here and there but it is getting harder to keep doing that. Do I have a duty to keep taking time off? Of course, I would never leave my parents in an emergency, but generally can I still go to work?
3. As my parents are old and my dad is now unwell, do I have an Islamic duty to stop thinking about my own dreams for the future (my father wants me to send more time taking care of them, he has never really tried to help me get married)? Even though I am old, I still would like to get married if I can (but I can't tell my parents this now, they will think I am selfish)
4. I have a job opportunity in another city. I will have to move. It will pay a higher salary, which means my life will be a bit more comfortable and if I am prudent I may be able to stop working when I am 60 or 65. But it means I won't be around to take care of my parents. Am I being selfish in trying to secure myself financially? Why can't my brothers step in and take more responsibility?
5. Do my brothers wives have a duty to help? For example, I am not a good cook, and I work longer hours than my brothers (sometimes I barely have time to cook dinner for myself, and just grab some toast or fruit). Their wives cook a hot fresh dinner every night. They do not bring any food for my parents so the burden is on me, and my father is very fussy. Why can't my brothers ask their wives to cook a bit extra for my parents? Is that wrong? I feel this would help my mother too. My brothers do not wish to impose on their wives, but I don't think that is fair. My parents paid for their weddings and helped them take care of their children. Isn't it now my brothers turn to give back to my parents?

I'm trying not to feel guilty about certain matters. Please let me know what you thnk from an Islamic perspective.

 

[lifeisislam]

My elderly father is sick. He had a stroke and is having surgery on his carotid soon. He is very demanding so my mother has been quite tired, trying to meet his needs. I help as best I can. For example, when he was in the hospital I drove my mother in there in the mornings and brought her home in the evenings. I visit and help her understand my dads medications. Tomorrow morning he is going to the hospital again for surgery so I will drive him early in the morning. Etc.

My questions:

1. I am unmarried. Does that mean I have a duty to make things easy on my brothers so their family life is not affected?
2. I work in order to support myself. I have taken some time off work here and there but it is getting harder to keep doing that. Do I have a duty to keep taking time off? Of course, I would never leave my parents in an emergency, but generally can I still go to work?
3. As my parents are old and my dad is now unwell, do I have an Islamic duty to stop thinking about my own dreams for the future (my father wants me to send more time taking care of them, he has never really tried to help me get married)? Even though I am old, I still would like to get married if I can (but I can't tell my parents this now, they will think I am selfish)
4. I have a job opportunity in another city. I will have to move. It will pay a higher salary, which means my life will be a bit more comfortable and if I am prudent I may be able to stop working when I am 60 or 65. But it means I won't be around to take care of my parents. Am I being selfish in trying to secure myself financially? Why can't my brothers step in and take more responsibility?
5. Do my brothers wives have a duty to help? For example, I am not a good cook, and I work longer hours than my brothers (sometimes I barely have time to cook dinner for myself, and just grab some toast or fruit). Their wives cook a hot fresh dinner every night. They do not bring any food for my parents so the burden is on me, and my father is very fussy. Why can't my brothers ask their wives to cook a bit extra for my parents? Is that wrong? I feel this would help my mother too. My brothers do not wish to impose on their wives, but I don't think that is fair. My parents paid for their weddings and helped them take care of their children. Isn't it now my brothers turn to give back to my parents?

I'm trying not to feel guilty about certain matters. Please let me know what you thnk from an Islamic perspective.

assalamualikum sis ,

First and foremost would like to make dua for your dad may allah swt make is health better soon and may allah swt make things easy on you and your mother ameen summa ameen , i would like to answer your questions according to what i feel ,
1. As a muslim its our duty to help any one who needs our help and as far as your brothers family is concerned i dont think that need help infact they should be kind enough to help you and your mother in taking care of your father ,

2. Its really tough to take time from your work and give time to your family and support them in every way possible and its ur duty too as a daughter so is the duty of your brothers in fact more as they are guys , but the thing is that you too have to work as your brothers are not that supportive and if you dont work it would be difficult i guess ? and your trying to giving time to your parents ,

3.its really sad to know that your parents specially your father havent thought about ur marriage cos its really needed in ones life to have a partner to whom we can rest on , i feel you should express your feeling of getting married to your parents may not now , but surely you should some time soon ,

4. about this opportunity i feel at this time its better for you to stay with your mother and father and once your father is well you can do one thing that you can take them with you if you can and take care of them ,

5. yes its more of your brothers responsibility to take care of your father , if they are married it doesnt mean that that dont have any responsibility yes they have responsiblities towards there wifes and children , but they should also think about you and mother and father ,

i just want to pray from my heart for you that may allah swt makes things easy in your life and may allah swt give you a husband who will be ur support in everything you do ameen summa ameen .

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

InshaAllah, your father will be well.

Now...go get that job. Take care of yourself.

Let your brothers and their wives take care of your parents for a while. Besides, there are programs where the nurse or a CNA can come in and help your parents. Your brothers and their wives can cook. If things are so bad sign up for Meals on Wheels.

 

[strive-may-i]

My elderly father is sick. He had a stroke and is having surgery on his carotid soon. He is very demanding so my mother has been quite tired, trying to meet his needs. I help as best I can. For example, when he was in the hospital I drove my mother in there in the mornings and brought her home in the evenings. I visit and help her understand my dads medications. Tomorrow morning he is going to the hospital again for surgery so I will drive him early in the morning. Etc.

My questions:

1. I am unmarried. Does that mean I have a duty to make things easy on my brothers so their family life is not affected?
2. I work in order to support myself. I have taken some time off work here and there but it is getting harder to keep doing that. Do I have a duty to keep taking time off? Of course, I would never leave my parents in an emergency, but generally can I still go to work?
3. As my parents are old and my dad is now unwell, do I have an Islamic duty to stop thinking about my own dreams for the future (my father wants me to send more time taking care of them, he has never really tried to help me get married)? Even though I am old, I still would like to get married if I can (but I can't tell my parents this now, they will think I am selfish)
4. I have a job opportunity in another city. I will have to move. It will pay a higher salary, which means my life will be a bit more comfortable and if I am prudent I may be able to stop working when I am 60 or 65. But it means I won't be around to take care of my parents. Am I being selfish in trying to secure myself financially? Why can't my brothers step in and take more responsibility?
5. Do my brothers wives have a duty to help? For example, I am not a good cook, and I work longer hours than my brothers (sometimes I barely have time to cook dinner for myself, and just grab some toast or fruit). Their wives cook a hot fresh dinner every night. They do not bring any food for my parents so the burden is on me, and my father is very fussy. Why can't my brothers ask their wives to cook a bit extra for my parents? Is that wrong? I feel this would help my mother too. My brothers do not wish to impose on their wives, but I don't think that is fair. My parents paid for their weddings and helped them take care of their children. Isn't it now my brothers turn to give back to my parents?

I'm trying not to feel guilty about certain matters. Please let me know what you thnk from an Islamic perspective.

Walaikum Ssalaam,

One thing stands out
- You are the one who needs help. Your siblings (brothers), are definitely a blessing to your parents. And your parents a blessing to them.

Your parents and siblings should work out the differences and make matters easier for you. You could extend help to your brothers to bridge the differences once. Talk to their sense, take help of family or friends whom your parents and brothers counsel.

And you should definitely seek help from willing understanding extended family or 'close friends whom you know from many years'. May Allah make matters easier for you... Ameen.

 

[a_stranger]

Assalamu alaikim wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh

Dear sister I like to remind myself , you and your brothers what the prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam said:

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to them)".

 

[a_stranger]

Now doors of Janna are opened for you by serving your parents , you should feel happy and proud that Allah subhanahu wa taaala chose you to do such a noble work. This does not mean that your brothers are not responsible . They should help you and support you. Open your heart to them tell them abouth their duties. I think you should never leave your parents when they need you . May Allah make everything easy and joyful for you.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

Sister a Stranger,

Thanks to you I changed my life around today. May Allah reward you.

 

[a_stranger]

Wa alaikim alsalam dear sister,Islam turns the duties and responsibilities to blessings when our faith: Eman is awakened . Faith make all the difficulties of life joy if we remember Allah and the day of judgment. Being close to Allah subhanahu wa taaala is a true success with no loss at all.

- - - Updated - - -

Wa alaikim alsalam dear sister,Islam turns the duties and responsibilities to blessings when our faith: Eman is awakened . Faith make all the difficulties of life joy if we remember Allah and the day of judgment. Being close to Allah subhanahu wa taaala is a true success with no loss at all.

 

[Precious Star]

Now doors of Janna are opened for you by serving your parents , you should feel happy and proud that Allah subhanahu wa taaala chose you to do such a noble work. This does not mean that your brothers are not responsible . They should help you and support you. Open your heart to them tell them abouth their duties. I think you should never leave your parents when they need you . May Allah make everything easy and joyful for you.

So what you are saying is, my brothers and their children and wives do not have to fill my space if I leave the city to secure a better future for myself? I am doing this because I do not wish to work until I am old -- but do I owe that to my patents? If my brothers and parents take no steps at all to help me get married, aren't I left with no choice?

I am not arguing with you or disagreeing with you. I am just trying to understand completely what my choices are. I say this, because it appears that everyone believes the brothers and their wives should have ease, whereas I must always have responsibility. Does Islam really adore the male progeny tht much? No one has suggested that my brothers move in with my parents or pay for a housekeeper for them. Everyone has suggested that it is my responsibility.

While most girls were getting married, having children and setting up their homes, I worked 12 hours a day. I was only 30 when my father was hospitalized the first time. Nthen a few years later, my mother had surgery and long recovery, and I took care of her and my father. A few years after that, she was back in the hospital for more surgery and I took time off work to take care of her. And, a few yes later, my father...and here we are.

My brothers came around but that's it. In terms of Islamic duty, no one ever said that I should get married and my brothers should take over the caregiving. I mean, I was young.

Does Islam say the daughters sacrifice their own shot at family life and financial security for their parents? So if I need money what are my options? If I need protection what are my options?

I'm just interested to know.

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamua`alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,

Sister Precious Star, how about looking at it from a different perspective?

How about doing everything for Allaah's sake without expecting anything in return from human beings? It'll save you a lot from the hurt, disappointment and resentment that you have towards your brothers, their wives and your parents. Give more, expect less.

I know, that it is "Easier said than done"; just like many other hardships and sacrification. But know that you will never feel true happiness so long that you hope from the creations. You made dua` to Allaah for so many years but how come He does not answer the prayers even until now?

Only when you're able to grasp a full understanding of this statement you'll attain peace even if you're lacking in so many of your wishes/desires in this life: The moment we understand that Allah's decision is always in our best interest, everything will start to make sense.

A true story shared about a sister who has been serving her mother for her whole life. When people said to her that she will get rewards from Allaah for her noble deeds towards her mother, her answer was: "I never thought of it that way. Because what I'm doing is the least I can do for her".

Yeah, not everyone may have reached to that stage and you'd probably say that her parents are unlikely like yours. But that's a huge lesson for everyone of us who still have parents in this world.

Does Islam really adore the male progeny tht much? No one has suggested that my brothers move in with my parents or pay for a housekeeper for them. Everyone has suggested that it is my responsibility.

No, Islaam is not biased on either gender but in contrast, Islaam is the only religion that has given so much privilege and honor to the women. Your suggestions are true but its actually *the least* that your brothers can do but knowing that they are irresponsible Muslims (from your previous stories), do you think they will even do that? Truth is, the real responsibilities of taking care of your parents lie *solely* on your brothers' shoulder even after they're married. They abandoned your parents but you wouldn't want to do the same, right?

Happiness, my sister, doesn't come from the creations. It comes for Allaah to those who are sincere.

"And We will surely test you until We make evident those who strive among you [for the cause of Allah] and the patient, and We will test your affairs." [47:31]

Sister, may I ask you an honest question without any bad intention, inshaa Allaah?

Are you tired of everything and have lose hope in Allaah? If no, alhamdulillaah. If yes, then don't. Because sometimes, the only one thing you need is to have faith in Allaah and think good of Him; and that's when He opens the doors for you.

We all aim for one destination. Jannah. And it is only out of His Mercies that whomever Allaah wishes will enter Jannah. We may never know which among our deeds that is done for the sake of Allaah alone, are the very deed that Allaah will grant us Jannah.

And we may never know that maybe this deed of yours to serve your parents for His Sake even if they have wronged you for so long, is that pathway that will lead you to Jannaah. Ameen.

I pray Allaah ease your affairs, sister, make your heart in peace and make a way out for you from this hardships that you face for many years as Allaah is capable of doing anything that He Wishes, in a blink of an eye.

Wa`alaykum as-salaam.

 

[IHearIslam]

Assalaamu alaykum,
bravo! Masha'Allah, tabarakallah...well said sister.
I pray that everything goes well for sister precious. Hang in there habibti, Allah will NEVER abandon you. Thats a promise.

Assalamua`alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,

Sister Precious Star, how about looking at it from a different perspective?

How about doing everything for Allaah's sake without expecting anything in return from human beings? It'll save you a lot from the hurt, disappointment and resentment that you have towards your brothers, their wives and your parents. Give more, expect less.

I know, that it is "Easier said than done"; just like many other hardships and sacrification. But know that you will never feel true happiness so long that you hope from the creations. You made dua` to Allaah for so many years but how come He does not answer the prayers even until now?

Only when you're able to grasp a full understanding of this statement you'll attain peace even if you're lacking in so many of your wishes/desires in this life: The moment we understand that Allah's decision is always in our best interest, everything will start to make sense.

A true story shared about a sister who has been serving her mother for her whole life. When people said to her that she will get rewards from Allaah for her noble deeds towards her mother, her answer was: "I never thought of it that way. Because what I'm doing is the least I can do for her".

Yeah, not everyone may have reached to that stage and you'd probably say that her parents are unlikely like yours. But that's a huge lesson for everyone of us who still have parents in this world.



No, Islaam is not biased on either gender but in contrast, Islaam is the only religion that has given so much privilege and honor to the women. Your suggestions are true but its actually *the least* that your brothers can do but knowing that they are irresponsible Muslims (from your previous stories), do you think they will even do that? Truth is, the real responsibilities of taking care of your parents lie *solely* on your brothers' shoulder even after they're married. They abandoned your parents but you wouldn't want to do the same, right?

Happiness, my sister, doesn't come from the creations. It comes for Allaah to those who are sincere.

"And We will surely test you until We make evident those who strive among you [for the cause of Allah] and the patient, and We will test your affairs." [47:31]

Sister, may I ask you an honest question without any bad intention, inshaa Allaah?

Are you tired of everything and have lose hope in Allaah? If no, alhamdulillaah. If yes, then don't. Because sometimes, the only one thing you need is to have faith in Allaah and think good of Him; and that's when He opens the doors for you.

We all aim for one destination. Jannah. And it is only out of His Mercies that whomever Allaah wishes will enter Jannah. We may never know which among our deeds that is done for the sake of Allaah alone, are the very deed that Allaah will grant us Jannah.

And we may never know that maybe this deed of yours to serve your parents for His Sake even if they have wronged you for so long, is that pathway that will lead you to Jannaah. Ameen.

I pray Allaah ease your affairs, sister, make your heart in peace and make a way out for you from this hardships that you face for many years as Allaah is capable of doing anything that He Wishes, in a blink of an eye.

Wa`alaykum as-salaam.

 

[IHearIslam]

oh I forgot to make a quick suggestion. Please read Reclaim your heart by Yasmin Mogahed! It will change your life. She writes about struggles and changing our perspectives in the situation we're in. I would of mailed it to you, if I had any idea of where you lived. Nonetheless, I will tell you that it is currently on amazon for like $14.99! It will also arrive within few days. I promise you that when you read it, your problems will seem trivial and if you and I are so lucky, we might view that as a blessing in disguise. Never think that Allah is favoring your brothers, that he will never answer your duas and that he has abandoned you---on the contrary actually, He might be paving the path of Al-firdos al'ala for you! imagine, eternal bliss and the reward of seeing Allah's majestic face as you dwell in Jannah??? Think about this for a second dear sister.

 

[IHearIslam]

uh, so sorry to troll this thread--:/
but here is a book description of Reclaim your heart:

Reclaim Your Heart is not just a self-help book. It is a manual about the journey of the heart in and out of the ocean of this life. It is a book about how to keep your heart from sinking to the depths of that ocean, and what to do when it does. It is a book about redemption, about hope, about renewal. Every heart can heal, and each moment is created to bring us closer to that transformative return. Reclaim Your Heart is about finding that moment when everything stops and suddenly looks different. It is about finding your own awakening. And then returning to the better, truer, and freer version of yourself. Many of us live our lives, entrapped by the same repeated patterns of heartbreak and disappointment. Many of us have no idea why this happens. Reclaim Your Heart is about freeing the heart from this slavery. It is about the journey in an out of life's most deceptive traps. This book was written to awaken the heart and provide a new perspective on love, loss, happiness, and pain. Providing a manual of sorts, Reclaim Your Heart will teach readers how to live in this life without allowing life to own you. It is a manual of how to protect your most prized possession: the heart.

and the link to amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Reclaim-Your-Heart-Yasmin-Mogahed/dp/0985751207

 

[Precious Star]

Well, I wrote a reply but it got lost!

All I can say is, I'm trying to help. This weekend my brothers are out of town at sporting events involving their daughters. My dads blood pressure is very high, and I'm trying to keep track of it so I can get medical attention for him if it escalates. He just had surgery a few days ago.

He has always been nasty to me and very nice to my brothers, even when my mother is sick and I'm taking care of her. So right now it's no different, but i'm trying to stay strong. Anyway, long story short, he says he does not want to keep track of his bp, so I say thats no problem, I will write every thing down for him in a chart. He takes his bp while I'm not in the room, so when I return I ask him what the reading was and he throws the bp machine at me.

By this time it is late at night, so I just say I won't write it down if you dont want me to, but then I run out of the room crying.

Do you understand now what it is like for me? My mother says "why do you ask so many questions", and I said to her, well are any of your other children here asking questions? It's true that i am always asking about him. He is post-operation and his wounds need to be checked, his blood pressure must be checked, his pain levels must be kept under control, etc. But when my mom or one of my brothers ask him anything, he is all sweet and sugar, but when I ask he tells me to shut up. Literally. "oh shut up, wont you?". And if I am making a meal for him and my mom, putting food on the table, etc, he will tun to my mother if he needs anything -- for example "do you mind getting me a glass of water the next time you are up", even though I am sitting there making sure they eat (I did not even eat anything myself).

I don't know why I'm the villain. It's hard enough to be alone in the world but to also try your best but still everyone treats me with such hatred...

 

[a_stranger]

Assalmu alaikim dear sister :

He treats you in this way because he knows that you love him , you care about his health , you are doing your best to him and he think he can vent and shout and you will continue to love, care about him . This is his feelings , he is open with you . I know this hurts , but it is your sacrifice , your noble care , you patience that made him feel that you will continue to be the loving caring daughter ......he is wrong , he is hurting you but he don't feel that way .............. Dear I am sure this work is very great in your scales.......you are doing a noble Islamic job ..but to be fair.....your brothers are responsible just as you ......they should all of them do the same job with your parents........being males doesn't mean that it is not their duty to serve parents and take care of them .........somebody should try to make them understand their Islamic duties. I believe you can leave your parents after you know that somebody will take care of them in the same manner as you......believe you are the winner

 

[strive-may-i]

Walaikum Ssalaam,

Well, I wrote a reply but it got lost!

All I can say is, I'm trying to help. This weekend my brothers are out of town at sporting events involving their daughters. My dads blood pressure is very high, and I'm trying to keep track of it so I can get medical attention for him if it escalates. He just had surgery a few days ago.

He has always been nasty to me and very nice to my brothers, even when my mother is sick and I'm taking care of her. So right now it's no different, but i'm trying to stay strong. Anyway, long story short, he says he does not want to keep track of his bp, so I say thats no problem, I will write every thing down for him in a chart. He takes his bp while I'm not in the room, so when I return I ask him what the reading was and he throws the bp machine at me.

By this time it is late at night, so I just say I won't write it down if you dont want me to, but then I run out of the room crying.

Do you understand now what it is like for me? My mother says "why do you ask so many questions", and I said to her, well are any of your other children here asking questions? It's true that i am always asking about him. He is post-operation and his wounds need to be checked, his blood pressure must be checked, his pain levels must be kept under control, etc. But when my mom or one of my brothers ask him anything, he is all sweet and sugar, but when I ask he tells me to shut up. Literally. "oh shut up, wont you?". And if I am making a meal for him and my mom, putting food on the table, etc, he will tun to my mother if he needs anything -- for example "do you mind getting me a glass of water the next time you are up", even though I am sitting there making sure they eat (I did not even eat anything myself).

I don't know why I'm the villain. It's hard enough to be alone in the world but to also try your best but still everyone treats me with such hatred...

Sorry to hear that. In old age many elders do that. Elders don't like any reminders about their sickness or medicine. The one's taking care of their health, reminding them of the medicine's are ignored. It becomes difficult. No you are not the villain. Its not hatred. Can your mother do this?

I have seen it. A classmate's father was such, then another classmate had to go talk sense to his friends father!

I repeat what I said before - you should ask relatives, family friends or even doctor to talk sense to your parents and brothers.

 

[Precious Star]

Walaikum Ssalaam,


Sorry to hear that. In old age many elders do that. Elders don't like any reminders about their sickness or medicine. The one's taking care of their health, reminding them of the medicine's are ignored. It becomes difficult. No you are not the villain. Its not hatred. Can your mother do this?

I have seen it. A classmate's father was such, then another classmate had to go talk sense to his friends father!

I repeat what I said before - you should ask relatives, family friends or even doctor to talk sense to your parents and brothers.

Dear brother Strive May I,

If someone spoke to my father, he would disown me. I am 42. He is 79. Do you really think after all these years he is going to be convinced it is not proper to throw an object at your daughter?

And this morning, he did not even acknowledge my presence. I said Salaam and he didn't answer. I asked him how he is feeling and he did not answer. Later this evening he tells my niece how angry I make him and that I don't care about him or my mother! I spent the whole day there, cooking, trying to give my mom a break, and he complains to my niece that I don't care about anyone! He kept asking my niece, "who is going to take care of us? ". Even my niece was shocked, she said to me later "but auntie you are there all the time! "

I forget to mention...today after lunch, I even apologized to my father for crying last night! Even though I was crying because he threw the blood pressure machine at me, but still, I apologized, but it did not make a difference.

 

[Tabassum07]

Dear brother Strive May I,

If someone spoke to my father, he would disown me. I am 42. He is 79. Do you really think after all these years he is going to be convinced it is not proper to throw an object at your daughter?

And this morning, he did not even acknowledge my presence. I said Salaam and he didn't answer. I asked him how he is feeling and he did not answer. Later this evening he tells my niece how angry I make him and that I don't care about him or my mother! I spent the whole day there, cooking, trying to give my mom a break, and he complains to my niece that I don't care about anyone! He kept asking my niece, "who is going to take care of us? ". Even my niece was shocked, she said to me later "but auntie you are there all the time! "

I forget to mention...today after lunch, I even apologized to my father for crying last night! Even though I was crying because he threw the blood pressure machine at me, but still, I apologized, but it did not make a difference.

:salam2:

"Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allah knows all that before putting them to test)." (Al-Ankabut)

Sister, this is the very difficult test which Allah has given you, to test you - so just hang in there, even when its tough, because your reward will come not from your parents, or from anyone of creation, but from Allah. And sister, just remember... our parents will not always be with us. Consider yourself very fortunate that you have the opportunity to look after your parents and to serve them. There are many people in the world who aren't able to do this much, and then they regret it later. But every single tiny effort you're making is being recorded in your book of deeds, and when you're presented with this book of deeds where you served your paretns so much, I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

I think we can all learn a lot from this thread. When we're doing something and not seeing any result in the dunya, and then we get disappointed, we're probably looking at it from the wrong perspective. So let's do everything from the point of view of our Akhirah, and not looking for immediate worldly results.

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamua`laykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

I agree wholeheartedly with Sister Tabassum.

Cry your heart out to Allaah. Complain to Allaah. He is All-Aware of what you are going through. It may seems that Allaah withhold a lot of things from you right now, but Allaah will surely replace it with something even better.

Sister Precious Star, it seems to me something is wrong. Are you the only daughter and rest you have brothers, correct? Was his treatment to you like this since you were a kid? Is it possible that he just don't honor women like how the jahiliyah people use to degrade women (May your father isn't like that) since he treats your mother not as kind, either? Did your father had a bad mother (Again, hope this isn't the case)? How are his treatment to your sisters in laws?

Don't wish to fall into judgment but it's best to figure out the root of the problem and solve it from there, inshaa Allaah.

 

[Abd_Al_Hadi]

This is sad. I hate it when parents are hurtful towards their children. Especially daughters. He should be spoiling you and hugging you. Was he always like this? I heard some age-related illnesses could change one's behavior and personality. If you think it could be that, then don't take it personally. Maybe his medical problems are making him feel incompetent, and thus depressed and perhaps there's a correlation between depression and mood changes? I do not know.

But I do know you're a strong woman for coping with this. What do you think about nursing homes?