online marriage sites
I feel like I am one of the oldest member on this site
Reading the different postings, it seems that way. Ok back to the topic.....
I was married to someone my family knows very well, in fact he was a distant cousin who lived about 20 minutes away from us. His mother and my mother were the closest of friends and so were our fathers. We ultimately became very close and decided to get married. He was starting a new business, practised Islam in a manner that was more than the average man that I have seen (including my own father!!
) and even volunteered at the local muslims converts association; teaching reverts every weekend. He attended regular relgious classes to expand his knowledge. During family functions he would usually be the one to make dua as he has memorised many beneficial dua.
Why did I divorce him? Since you don't know me hence you will not know who he is, it will not amount to "gossip" which is despised by Islam.
I was not given "nafkah" or money to maintain the normal standard of living of food, housing, clothing during the entire time we were married and very minimally to the children. He did not teach his own children the quran, prayers etc.
As time went by, he gradually started missing his subh(dawn prayers). When I asked him about this, he says "it is Allah's mercy to allow him to continue to sleep!!"
I then tried to follow the example of Khadijah and started a new business and asked him to assist but he was too lazy.
It was ironic that his Islamic way of life was only on the surface, only for public consumption, so to speak. In private, he was a different man.
There were other reasons too but not important enough to mention.
Now I am a single mother of 4 children whom I have to look after almost entirely by myself physically, spiritually and financially, it is indeed a challenge. Because living in a big city, and with no option of moving to the country or living in a less expensive location...stretches my iman sometimes.
Some have said I am better off staying with my ex husband, at least I have someone with me. I tried for many years until it came to a point where I could not conduct myself in a manner prescibed by Islam as his wife. That meant accumulating sins unto myself; hence my decision for the divorce. Islam's emphasis towards obeying and attending to your husband should never be trivialised.
I share this experience with my fellow brothers and sisters because it is important to note that although we might follow the recommendations set forth in Islam, there could still be problems. Why? Only Allah SWT knows. My conviction towards Islam tells me that all that I have had to go through is Allah SWT's mercy towards me. A humbling experience that only reminds me of the greatness and supremacy of Allah swt and that I have no one else to turn to but HIM. Without this experience I might have been lax in my practise, forgetful, proud even.
I am all for the institution of marriage and would encourage my brothers and sisters to look forward to it with zealous. Don't let what you have heard, read and seen discourage you. Marriage is a wonderful institution......I would go right back in, the moment opportunity presents itself.
Why? Because it would please my Creator.
Only Allah SWT knows and may HE forgive me if I have erred.
3assal said:
:salam2:
My father always used to say, that if I were to marry let him be someone who the whole family knows. This way my family will know if they come from a good or bad family, and if the man had a good character, deen and what his intentions are. I think this is the best way to find marriage.
I know of two brothers who married women they met online. As to where they met I am not sure, but they came to an agreement and got married. One of the brothers had 4 children. He gave his wife everything, yet she was not pleased, and they ended up in a divorce. Well, she threw him out of the house :astag:. The other brother, married in 2004. He is very happy with his wife. They have a beautiful baby girl.
Its pure luck that you would find someone good/bad. You never know what you will get. A person may seem nice and handsome/pretty, but you dont know any personal information about them and what their true intentions are.
This is my humble opinion, I am not trying to make anyone agree with me. I'm just expressing my point of view in the subject. Astagfurallah if I am wrong for thinking this way.
with that clear,
3assal