Question: Pakistani "Muslim" Weddings?

HirraJaved

Junior Member
I know that in Islamic weddings the woman is not supposed to reveal her beauty because the laws of modesty still apply. There's no exception. There's also not supposed to be music and dancing and the like but as some of you might know, Pakistani weddings have all of that. I do not want that at my wedding but I already had my mehndi and nikkah it was very lowkeye not a lot of people were there just mine and his family and 2of his friends on the nikkah day taking pictures and making a video. Still there was music and beautification (makeup, fancy dress, heels, etc). So after that I started practicing hijab and abaya regularly. We still have the walima to do which we couldn't do already due to some difficulties. Anyways, they said its gonna be a big event and a lot of people are gonna be invited. There's gonna be one in Pakistan and then one in America. They're gonna have all that stuff even dancing most likely. My friend was talking to me about it nonstop about my makeup what color I'm gonna wear, if we're gonna have a DJ, etc and I just don't know what to tell her or my family or husband. Every time I try to say that this is Gunnah they say I'm overdoing it, my dad calls me a molbi which means some extremely religious person. To them this is how a wedding is supposed to be yet I know this is wrong. They've adopted these customs from the Hindus as you can tell our ceremonies are very similar except for the nikkah. It's imitating kaafirs which I don't want to do and I wish other Muslims didn't do but I'm stuck. I don't know how to convince anyone of these things.
 

queenislam

★★★I LOVE ALLAH★★★
Assalamu alaikum!
Congratulations !
Dear sis,
MashaAllah!
Stop being worry surely your parent know what they are doing .
May Allah swt help and protect your wedding~Amin!

Wassalam ☺
 

HirraJaved

Junior Member
Assalamu alaikum!
Congratulations !
Dear sis,
MashaAllah!
Stop being worry surely your parent know what they are doing .
May Allah swt help and protect your wedding~Amin!

Wassalam ☺
Thank you. I remember I told my husband that I want to wear an abaya and I don't want any music playing and he said okay but I don't know how much that is gonna happen. My mom is like me, she doesn't like music either but she does follow her tradition about dressing up on the wedding day which I don't agree with. After all, your beauty is only supposed to be for your husband. And if I did do any of that I'm sure people will laugh at me but I have heard that marriage is half your Deen and you have to do it right. If you forget your religion on that night, forget covering up, start playing the music of shaytan, you will never be happy in your house. You won't have the barakah and there will always be fights. I get so scared of this and I think this is why Pakistani families fight a lot and there's never peace in their houses. If there is, it's not for long. And when they have children, their children sin a lot. Anyways I don't think my parents know what they are doing. They're rooted in their own traditions. But thank you for the duas sister, Ameen!
 

massi_686

Junior Member
Music during wedding is ok from my point of view , dancing or makeup and heels should be with no mix with men. otherwise , it's not allowed ! Allah knows the best
 

HirraJaved

Junior Member
Music during wedding is ok from my point of view , dancing or makeup and heels should be with no mix with men. otherwise , it's not allowed ! Allah knows the best
Ya they wanna do it mixed which is why I'm so frustrated and music is okay if it's just women singing with each other, no men around and with a duff like the way they used to do it but now even in Muslim weddings there's DJs that play all sorts of music and men and women are seated together and dancing isn't good I don't think and the type of music they play is forbidden to hear
 

happilyeverhereafter

Not a perfect Muslim but a striving one! :)
Assalamu Alaikum wa rahamatallahi, sis! Oh, the infamous Desi weddings! I can totally understand as I'm half Bengali & our weddings are like that to. I've only been to one wedding in my life so far & that was my uncle's wedding. You're absolutely right that a lot of the customs are taken from the Hindus. Subhanna'Allah, it's so sad that the day which is supposed to be full of barakah is a time full of sinning! It's hard though because parents can't seem to get rid of these cultural/traditional customs. Islam doesn't make anything hard but people who have a hard time accepting Islam for what it is, make it so difficult upon themselves & others. It can be frustrating! I feel sometimes Desi weddings are about competition & how you're always supposed to have a better, BIGGER wedding than so-and-so. And it's just they have become so extravagant!

I feel the same way as you, masha'Allah! I'm not married, but I do dream of my nikah being so simple & Islamic (no free-mixing, music). If anything, all I want at my nikah is a Quran reciter. I too want to just wear a simple yet elegant abaya nothing too fancy. I figure when I go home with my future husband, I can dress all fancy as I want. So why should I expose my beauty at a wedding for all to see & take pics of?!

Also, I've heard of Muslims in America, they say they're married Islamically but engaged in the American sense of the word. So they're married, did an Islamic wedding but won't have an "official" American wedding until they're married in the American way. I find it so strange & confusing! Also, how people have like two weddings- one back home & in the country they are now living in (my aunt had her wedding like that). Not sure if that's Islamic or not because I feel you can only have one nikah & one walimah. Perhaps a person can have a nikah back home & a walimah in this country or vice versa. Though I can understand how maybe it's hard to get family & friends from another country to come here, etc.

Anywho, sis, excuse me for my rant! I had to let that out of my system, lol. May Allah bless your marriage & may Allah make your husband the coolness of your eyes. May Allah make it easy on you & your family, ameen.

It's really good to see you want to take it upon yourself to do this walimah the right, Islamic way & I pray you are able to fulfill that! <3 This is your test from Allah & I know it's not always easy. My dad use to think I too had an extremely religious view (as I use to not be practicing before as well) simply because I tend to remove the customs that are haram. I know it's not easy for them to remove these customs as they have been practicing them for perhaps years & years, but I hope that Allah can open their hearts to follow Islam fully & not let their desires get in the way (such as thinking you must follow a certain custom, etc). Perhaps you can try showing them Islamic lectures that deal with this matter.
 

HirraJaved

Junior Member
Assalamu Alaikum wa rahamatallahi, sis! Oh, the infamous Desi weddings! I can totally understand as I'm half Bengali & our weddings are like that to. I've only been to one wedding in my life so far & that was my uncle's wedding. You're absolutely right that a lot of the customs are taken from the Hindus. Subhanna'Allah, it's so sad that the day which is supposed to be full of barakah is a time full of sinning! It's hard though because parents can't seem to get rid of these cultural/traditional customs. Islam doesn't make anything hard but people who have a hard time accepting Islam for what it is, make it so difficult upon themselves & others. It can be frustrating! I feel sometimes Desi weddings are about competition & how you're always supposed to have a better, BIGGER wedding than so-and-so. And it's just they have become so extravagant!

I feel the same way as you, masha'Allah! I'm not married, but I do dream of my nikah being so simple & Islamic (no free-mixing, music). If anything, all I want at my nikah is a Quran reciter. I too want to just wear a simple yet elegant abaya nothing too fancy. I figure when I go home with my future husband, I can dress all fancy as I want. So why should I expose my beauty at a wedding for all to see & take pics of?!

Also, I've heard of Muslims in America, they say they're married Islamically but engaged in the American sense of the word. So they're married, did an Islamic wedding but won't have an "official" American wedding until they're married in the American way. I find it so strange & confusing! Also, how people have like two weddings- one back home & in the country they are now living in (my aunt had her wedding like that). Not sure if that's Islamic or not because I feel you can only have one nikah & one walimah. Perhaps a person can have a nikah back home & a walimah in this country or vice versa. Though I can understand how maybe it's hard to get family & friends from another country to come here, etc.

Anywho, sis, excuse me for my rant! I had to let that out of my system, lol. May Allah bless your marriage & may Allah make your husband the coolness of your eyes. May Allah make it easy on you & your family, ameen.

It's really good to see you want to take it upon yourself to do this walimah the right, Islamic way & I pray you are able to fulfill that! <3 This is your test from Allah & I know it's not always easy. My dad use to think I too had an extremely religious view (as I use to not be practicing before as well) simply because I tend to remove the customs that are haram. I know it's not easy for them to remove these customs as they have been practicing them for perhaps years & years, but I hope that Allah can open their hearts to follow Islam fully & not let their desires get in the way (such as thinking you must follow a certain custom, etc). Perhaps you can try showing them Islamic lectures that deal with this matter.
Thank you sis! I appreciated this, and I don't mind :") we have the same views lol Alhamdulillah someone finally understands where I'm coming from! I will try my best to convince them In Sha Allah. I hope your wedding (whenever it may be) is free from haram as well. Since we only have the walimah left and we did the nikkah and mehndi in paki already, I wanted the walimah to happen here in America, where I live and all of my friends and cousins and family who I'm close with are. They didn't get to see the nikkah and were so upset! My dad wants the walimah to happen in Pakistan too, hes very stuck on that. I don't want my friends and cousins and all to feel like they're left out since they missed the nikkah so my dad said fine we'll have a function here and a function in Pakistan. I don't agree with that but that's the only compromise he's willing to make. I feel like it would be a waste of money, too much unnecessary spending but that's also why simpler weddings are better, they cost less. I hope if I bring this point up, that will convince them! And I also hope it's not haram to have two separate walimah functions because my dad really badly wants to have the walimah in Pakistan and my friends and family here won't all go to paki so they will feel left out and it would be unfair.
 

happilyeverhereafter

Not a perfect Muslim but a striving one! :)
You're welcome, sis! Haha, alhamduiliah :) When I first responded to your post, I got so excited even though you were looking for advice, I was like omg she has the same views as me. Alhamduiliah, it was so nice to see that. Aww, thank you- I hope so too!

Ohh, that makes total sense though! You just want to be fair to both sides of the family. But I guess because you had your nikah & mehndi in Pakistan, they got to experience those celebrations with you whereas in America, they haven't yet had that opportunity. Haha, yeah perhaps that reason of it costing less will convince your dad otherwise!! Either way, insha'Allah, I pray it will all work out for the best. You seem to have good intentions & trying your best to do everything right. masha'Allah! <3 May Allah bless you.
 

HirraJaved

Junior Member
You're welcome, sis! Haha, alhamduiliah :) When I first responded to your post, I got so excited even though you were looking for advice, I was like omg she has the same views as me. Alhamduiliah, it was so nice to see that. Aww, thank you- I hope so too!

Ohh, that makes total sense though! You just want to be fair to both sides of the family. But I guess because you had your nikah & mehndi in Pakistan, they got to experience those celebrations with you whereas in America, they haven't yet had that opportunity. Haha, yeah perhaps that reason of it costing less will convince your dad otherwise!! Either way, insha'Allah, I pray it will all work out for the best. You seem to have good intentions & trying your best to do everything right. masha'Allah! <3 May Allah bless you.
Ameen may Allah bless you as well sis <3
 
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