Polygamy In Islam - Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips & Jameelah Jones

[Al-Kashmiri]

Sister Shaheedah,

We get upset at times but alhamdulillaah I'm not offended and of course I forgive you.

Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd, said in a book on knowledge and etiquettes, to make sure you understand the speech of someone fully, before replying to them. Wallaahi I only read this i belive 2 fridays ago, so I'm just trying to encourage the same advice to everyone so that we as Muslims can attain success. I can see why you understand it to be selfish and a not so good excuse to justify polygamy, however the scholars are the inheritors of the Prophets, and their speech contains much wisdom in most cases, which is why I relayed their speech.

It doesn't mean everyone carries out that wisdom correctly, or that everyone understands. But like I said I'm just relaying what the scholars have said. But seriously, I only mentioned what I did that so people can refer back to his book lol. Why becuase sometimes one book on a subject isn't sufficient, we agree right?

Anyway, I don't think I have much to say, Diane I'm sorry but I can't imagine it right now. Likewise there is nothing wrong with desire but its not nice when your mum says all men are blah blah, cos I did such-and-such action which she didn't agree with (but wasn't haraam), when Im like her favourite child lol. If I have offended anyone, then I ask you all to forgive me. And I will close to remind eachother to be nice and discuss objectively. My purpose was to convey, and inshaa' Allaah I have conveyed what I was suppose to.

Wa`alaykum us-salaam warahmatullaah.

 

[dianek]

You can't imagine it because it would enrage you, yes? It would disgust you, yes? I like to think that my husband shares his full embodiment and self with me......things sacred between us. Aside from physical connection with other women, it would drive me nuts knowing that he could be having that closeness with another.......it is just a bad situation now a days. Forgive me if I too am harsh but this is just something that I have very STRONG opinions about.....May God forgive me but he knows my intentions behind my thoughts.

 

[Al-Kashmiri]

I can't imagine it cos I have a headache and coursework ... Cor Blimey lol!

Ameen.

A brother has reminded, me may Allaah reward him, that we need to focus on the core fundamentals of Islaam as oppose to these issues. The brother who started this thread posted a book, so let people comment on the book inshaa' Allaah and concentrate on issues that are more central to our lives, such as rectifying acts that will be agaisnt us in hereafter.

wa`alaykum us-salaam.

 

[junaid hasan]

So please tell me, about the woman whose husband is paralyzed and can't provide for her.....what is a woman in this position supposed to do? She is forced to be celibate by her circumstances.

In such cases people can ask mufti or scholar, is there any chance to get divorce because of this reason. If she get divorce then she can marry any other person.

i have heard a story, its not obligatory to believe in such stories, because it is not from hadith are other reliable sources. If someone accept this story can learn something from this, and if anybody doesn´t want to accept it then no harm.

Once upon time some people worked in a graveyard, and dugging another grave for a new death person. Suddenly they smell parfume from a near grave.Then they search whose grave was this one. THey search and asked a very old man , he said its my wifes grave. Then they ask what kind of deeds she did so that we can smell parfume from her grave. He told that i was not a perfect man and was also not able to fullfill my wifes physical needs. But she never said something wrong and also didn´t said to others. She was allways patient and died.

WEll allah rewards everyperson fo rtheir special deeds.

 

[dianek]

My point in that scenario was that a woman will be patient and forego her "needs" to care for her husband. How cold would a woman be to leave a husband who could not provide for her due to illness.....but if a woman can do this why can't men?

 

[kayleigh]

:salam2:

Polygamy is something I would never engage in, under any circumstances. I'm guessing most, or at least a very large number of Muslim woman do not feel comfortable with being in a polygamous relationship. I think it's actually quite easy to acknowledge the wisdom of polygamy in certain situations, and acknowledge the fact that some people do choose to engage in it, and leave it at that. If you don't like it, don't do it! You can accept it without engaging in it. It seems simple to me. (This, of course, pertains only to polygamous relationships that are consensual all around.)

I have my own personal opinions on the matter, but since I'll never be forced to be one of many wives, there's no point in spending too much time thinking about it or worrying, or getting angry about it. The law will never change, and Allah (swt) knows better, so don't waste your time arguing it.

 

[junaid hasan]

Well why cant sacrifice a man? hmmmm.

Its also a subject from one of those topics where mu´minin and mu´minat can get a lot of rewards from allah. If i were a woman it would be also hard for me to accept, but those who accept it for only allah they gor something special. In islam polygamy allow , but now a days we muslim think we can marry more or should marry more then one. Nothing is written that we should marry more then one(correct me if i am wrong.) . But you can find a lot of hadiths where it says that we should be careful the rights of our wives. a husband should distribute all the things equelly. And if not in yawmal qiyamah he will got very hard punishment. And belive me that time he would say why i married even only one? Because right of a wife is very high things. Whenever i read the hadiths regarding the right of wife, i say i will not marry even one! Because my iman is not enough to give all the rights of a wife.

ANd if any sister face this situation then allah is always there, do dua to him. He can do everything. And dont give husbands chance even think about other marriege. Dua is the weapon of mu´minin

 

[A.Shadia]

Sister Shaheedah,

We get upset at times but alhamdulillaah I'm not offended and of course I forgive you.

Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd, said in a book on knowledge and etiquettes, to make sure you understand the speech of someone fully, before replying to them. Wallaahi I only read this i belive 2 fridays ago, so I'm just trying to encourage the same advice to everyone so that we as Muslims can attain success.

Wa`alaykum us-salaam warahmatullaah.

Thank you for not getting upset. I understand your reasoning and appreciate your advice.

May Allah swt bless you!

 

[tngkazlan]

Morning..

Assalam Mu'alaikum,

I'm from Singapore, I've read all the comments and opinions about this Polygamy issue. It sad to hear that we are discussing this issue and some even have strong disagreement. Islam Law is not about my opinion or your opinion my friends, it is base on Al-Quran and Hadith (only sahih). Isn't there a verse in the Quran which says :-

"And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls then marry (other) women of your choise, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice." An-Nisa :3

My friends, this is KALAM ALLAH (firman). Allah created Man and Woman. Allah knows what is best for them, and Rasullulah has picture us nearer to Kiamat there will be more women than men (50 to 1).

Islam solves every problems there is in our daily lives. Some ladies and men may not like the idea of Poligamy but please bare in mind there are ladies and men out there who are willing and able to deal justly. If every ladies and men were to have one to one marriage. What will happen to the rest of the 49 ladies?? To my shock, some even ask question what if the tables were turn around and women were to marry 4 husband. This is very sad.

My question back to you, if you marry 4 husband, who's child will you be carryying?? Please, if something you dislike in Islam which is already clear in Quran and Hadith (Sunnah), please do not disagree and do not talk about it. Not realising, you have already go against the Quran and Hadith.

Allah Knows Best. We are his obidient slaves. For those who's not comfortable with polygamy, pray and do'a that Allah don't put you through that test.

Waula Hu'alam...

 

[dianek]

I brought up the question of a woman who marries another aside from her first husband in the situation where she loves her husband but he is handicapped and unable to give her affection or a child. She doesn't want to divorce him but she really wants her own child....why not? If the mans justification is their desires or women wanting children, why would this not be permissible? And like another sister mentioned.....if it were a case where men were going out and marrying older, widowed women to provide care for them, that is one thing.....it isn't "competition" for his first wife, but charity and that's it. But a man can do this for widows etc without marrying them just DONATE money! I don't think that plural marriages have a place in the world today even if it was permitted 1400 years ago by God. I am not going against his word just stating that times change and situations change and there would really have to be a very compelling arguement made to me that we allow me to even imagine such a situation. Alhumdulilallah, I was discussing this with my husband last night and he said that he chooses only one woman for him and that is me and that he is "fidel", his way of saying he is loyal to me. AND that I am more than he can handle sometimes so how could he even begin to put himself in a bigger situation like plural marriage. Thank God I will never be in this position. However, I did tell him that when I am 50 and he is looking at younger women.....he better not renig on his statement.....if they are his desire I told him that he must divorce me then because I won't share him. And he said "You see, where can I find a woman that loves me as much as you?" He has his good moments!

 

[Happy 2BA Muslim]

Alhumdulilallah, I was discussing this with my husband last night and he said that he chooses only one woman for him and that is me and that he is "fidel", his way of saying he is loyal to me. AND that I am more than he can handle sometimes so how could he even begin to put himself in a bigger situation like plural marriage. Thank God I will never be in this position. However, I did tell him that when I am 50 and he is looking at younger women.....he better not renig on his statement.....if they are his desire I told him that he must divorce me then because I won't share him. And he said "You see, where can I find a woman that loves me as much as you?" He has his good moments!

:salam2:

Subhan Allah! The same scenario goes on when my wife and I get into this dangerous discussion. I think all women think alike (almost). Except you would ask for a divorce, she would probably :fighta:. Just kidding!

My wife also has strong opinions on polygamy, but she never said anything to displease Allah SWT. I wouldn`t bear the heartbreaking effect it would have on my wife, or children. But that`s just me.

There are many reasons why a woman should not be allowed to have more than one husband, even though a man could be allowed to have more than one wife.

First: Polygamy was not innovated by Islam. It was known in Judaism and other religions. Many of the Prophets (peace be upon them) were polygamous, such as Abraham and Sulayman, as mentioned in the Torah.

Second: With respect to polygamy, women cannot be compared with men, since comparison implies similarity with regard to the matter in question, which is not the case here. There are major differences between men and women:

· Women have menstrual cycles for quite a long period of their lives, while men do not.

· Fertility for men usually lasts longer than it does for women. Normally, women stop being fertile before 50, while most men continue to be fertile for a while longer.

·Women go through pregnancy, delivery, and post-natal bleeding while men do not.

· Men can sire children several times in one year with multiple partners while women cannot do so. No matter how many partners she has, she can only carry the child of one at a time.

Women have more affection than men and in most cases cannot behave unemotionally. The strong and concentrated affection women have does not allow them to cope in a relationship with many men and at the same time. Her nature prevents her from satisfying two men at one time.

If two men should approach one woman, it would cause cause confusion in genealogical relations.

Men are the ones commanded in Islam to protect and maintain women. They are obligated to spend on the family while women are not.

For one woman to have more than one husband, there are many disadvantages. It is practically impossible for it to work. But more than one woman for one man is lawful in Islam for the following reasons:

1. Polygamy preserves the stability of families, for example if the first wife is barren or afflicted by some illness, polygamy will offer her a chance that can save her from divorce or living alone.

2. The nature of a man makes polygamy something of dire necessity, for their sexual desires can often not be fulfilled by one woman who goes through menses, pregnancy, post-natal bleeding, and sickness, all of which are barriers to sex, or due to the frequent need of men to travel. Polygamy is far better than adultery which is widespread in the West. Polygamy is also better than divorce.

3. Polygamy benefits women. The second wife accepts it for her benefit to save her from staying alone; taking into account that she was not forced into it.

4. It is the best solution to save women from being lonely. Women live longer than men, they are more numerous than men, and in many cases men are facing danger and death more than women.

5. Islam has set conditions and controls that secure the woman’s rights. A man cannot have more than four wives. He has to treat all of his wives justly in living expenses, the time he spends with them, and in all matters under his power. Anyone incapable of being just will not be allowed to engage in polygamy. Allah says: “But if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one.”

We as Muslims believe that what Allah has made lawful is full of wisdom and justice and has been prescribed for the benefit of all mankind, whether we know the reasons for it or not. We should keep in mind that Allah did not even make it obligatory for us to marry in the first place. He encourages people to get married and allows polygamy for people who are capable of being just.

May Allah guide us all.

:salam2:

 

[dianek]

Well AGAIN, if she is not barren but her partner can't provide, why does she have to SETTLE for no children if she still loves her hubby and doesn't want a divorce............Invitro fertilization?

I think men should just wait for their wives in the circumstances you outlined. They are things that a woman can do for her husband outside of intercourse while she is post-partum or mensing! It doesn't require another WIFE!

Like I said, I would seek divorce.....divorce is easier for me to handle than sharing my husband. Atleast then, I too could move on!

 

[shaikh_moin1]

Dear Sister Dianek.

I read almost complete discussion. I want to make some conclusive points because it seems that this discussion is going in wrong direction. Its a waste of our time & energy that we are fighting to prove our opinions right / wrong infront of Allah's decision. Allah mentions the quality of believers in the Qur'an in Surah Baqra verse 283 :-- وقالوا سمعنا وأطعنا غفرانك ربنا وإليك المصير
And they say: "We hear, and we obey: (We seek) Thy forgiveness, our Lord, and to Thee is the end of all journeys." on the other hand allah mentions the quality of jews قالوا سمعنا وعصينا They said:" We hear, and we disobey. We also heard about the decision of Allah and we should lower our gaze and accept the truth whether it goes under our throat or not, whether we understand it or not , because Allah is "Aleem" & "Khabeer" i.e all knower. Allah Also says in qur'an :-- "وعسى أن تكرهوا شيئا وهو خير لكم وعسى أن تحبوا شيئا وهو شر لكم والله يعلم وأنتم لا تعل" But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not. ( 2 : 216 )
Mentioning all above, I try to say we should not think that any decision of Allah in not valid or not necessary in this times. Being a Muslim we should believe that whatever allah chooses is better than that we choose. And we should lower our gaze and accept the commandment of Allah, whether we understand it or not?

Now coming to your questions . Firstly Islam permits polygamy, its not obligatory. Allah clrearly says in Qur'an :

وإن خفتم ألا تقسطوا في اليتامى فانكحوا ما طاب لكم من النساء مثنى وثلاث ورباع فإن خفتم
ألا تعدلوا فواحدة أو ما ملكت أيمانكم ذلك أدنى ألا تعولوا
If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.
(Surah Nisa 4 : 3)
Qur'an is the only major religious book on the face of the Earth which is having a statement " mary only one ". So it is crystal clear that if any man can not do justice between more wives he should mary only one.
2. You mentioned about equality in love. Then think ,parents have many children , but their love for them is different because of the qualities of their children. but they treat them equally eg if they gift a bike to one of their son ,they do the same for another son. So love and justice are two different terms. Love is matter of heart. Some people who are having one wife do not love their wife , same is with womens , but they still live with each other. What will you say about them?
3. You made a statement that one should spend in charity for widows and other women and there is no need to make them wife. Now , think as per your claim a woman need love from man more than anything else. So charity may help her to eat and live, but can this charity give her love , support , security for her children. No , a man can not provide her all these without marying her.
4. You asked for a lady whose husband is ill and cannot satisfy her physical needs. Then why she has to sacrifice? . Answer to this query is, if her husband is unable to satisfy her needs , she should consult to "Islamic Court" or in non-islamic nations she should consult to scholars and can take divorce with consent of Islamic Court.
5. Now about your hypothesis " woman , incapable husband , she loves him and do not want to divorce, still she want a child". I will say that your question is impracticle. In general this can not be the case. And suppose in exception it is for anyone, then Allah's rule doesnot change. Being a Muslim she has to accept Islam and follow it.

I think I have tried much to explain islamic view. I donot want to go into debate. If you accept it , it is good for you & if you won't its up to you. Because Allah says :
ا علينا إلا البلاغ المبين
And our duty is only to convey plainly (36 : 17 )

I pray Allah that he may forgive us and show us the righteous path in our life and reward with Jannat-al-firdaus in the hereafter. Ameen

( I am leaving this room now. if you have any queries pls feel free to contact me on my e-mail id : shaikh_moin1*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!)

 

[dianek]

Well, again never said I am challenging God......just that this is not going to ever be permitted in my life with this Husband or another........Does the Qu'ran or Hadiths state anything about the mental welfare of the plural wives? That if your first wife cannot adjust or handle, what for her then? And in these situations it seems that men just take second, 3rd or 4th wives for younger and beauty not out of concern for the welfare of elderly or widowed women and children..........anyway I pray for the poor women who SUFFER this HORRIBLE situation! Thank GOD I will never have this in my life. And I conclude that men should concern themselves more with the welfare of the woman who loved him first!

 

[halah]

Dear Sister Dianek.

I read almost complete discussion. I want to make some conclusive points because it seems that this discussion is going in wrong direction. Its a waste of our time & energy that we are fighting to prove our opinions right / wrong infront of Allah's decision. Allah mentions the quality of believers in the Qur'an in Surah Baqra verse 283 :-- وقالوا سمعنا وأطعنا غفرانك ربنا وإليك المصير
And they say: "We hear, and we obey: (We seek) Thy forgiveness, our Lord, and to Thee is the end of all journeys." on the other hand allah mentions the quality of jews قالوا سمعنا وعصينا They said:" We hear, and we disobey. We also heard about the decision of Allah and we should lower our gaze and accept the truth whether it goes under our throat or not, whether we understand it or not , because Allah is "Aleem" & "Khabeer" i.e all knower. Allah Also says in qur'an :-- "وعسى أن تكرهوا شيئا وهو خير لكم وعسى أن تحبوا شيئا وهو شر لكم والله يعلم وأنتم لا تعل" But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not. ( 2 : 216 )
Mentioning all above, I try to say we should not think that any decision of Allah in not valid or not necessary in this times. Being a Muslim we should believe that whatever allah chooses is better than that we choose. And we should lower our gaze and accept the commandment of Allah, whether we understand it or not?

Now coming to your questions . Firstly Islam permits polygamy, its not obligatory. Allah clrearly says in Qur'an :

وإن خفتم ألا تقسطوا في اليتامى فانكحوا ما طاب لكم من النساء مثنى وثلاث ورباع فإن خفتم
ألا تعدلوا فواحدة أو ما ملكت أيمانكم ذلك أدنى ألا تعولوا
If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.
(Surah Nisa 4 : 3)
Qur'an is the only major religious book on the face of the Earth which is having a statement " mary only one ". So it is crystal clear that if any man can not do justice between more wives he should mary only one.
2. You mentioned about equality in love. Then think ,parents have many children , but their love for them is different because of the qualities of their children. but they treat them equally eg if they gift a bike to one of their son ,they do the same for another son. So love and justice are two different terms. Love is matter of heart. Some people who are having one wife do not love their wife , same is with womens , but they still live with each other. What will you say about them?
3. You made a statement that one should spend in charity for widows and other women and there is no need to make them wife. Now , think as per your claim a woman need love from man more than anything else. So charity may help her to eat and live, but can this charity give her love , support , security for her children. No , a man can not provide her all these without marying her.
4. You asked for a lady whose husband is ill and cannot satisfy her physical needs. Then why she has to sacrifice? . Answer to this query is, if her husband is unable to satisfy her needs , she should consult to "Islamic Court" or in non-islamic nations she should consult to scholars and can take divorce with consent of Islamic Court.
5. Now about your hypothesis " woman , incapable husband , she loves him and do not want to divorce, still she want a child". I will say that your question is impracticle. In general this can not be the case. And suppose in exception it is for anyone, then Allah's rule doesnot change. Being a Muslim she has to accept Islam and follow it.

I think I have tried much to explain islamic view. I donot want to go into debate. If you accept it , it is good for you & if you won't its up to you. Because Allah says :
ا علينا إلا البلاغ المبين
And our duty is only to convey plainly (36 : 17 )

I pray Allah that he may forgive us and show us the righteous path in our life and reward with Jannat-al-firdaus in the hereafter. Ameen

( I am leaving this room now. if you have any queries pls feel free to contact me on my e-mail id : shaikh_moin1*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!)

:salam2:


Masha'Allah well said shaikh moin1,I also read all the disscution , and I just have a question, if all the human being don't accept plygamy will it gonna be haram or unpermissable????????????????

Allah, the Exalted, says:

"But no, by your Rubb, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad (PBUH)) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.'' (4:65)

"The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are called to Allah (His Words, the Qur'an) and His Messenger (PBUH), to judge between them, is that they say: `We hear and we obey.' And such are the successful (who will live forever in Jannah).'' (24:51)

I don't have more to say.

 

[dianek]

Some info on effects of Polygany, Plural marriages on women.

"Most of the women who had experience with polygamy reported that they or their mothers entered polygamous marriages unwillingly, some likening it to "legalized adultery" (Hassouneh-Phillips 2001: 740). The arrival of new wives in the family was described by the women as a traumatic experience for the senior wives and their children. The issue of inequitable treatment of wives by their husbands was a major concern. Women looked to their husbands to be fair and supportive, and to maintain healthy relations between wives, as required by the Koran, but in actuality the husbands treated the wives unequally, and often abusively. However, despite their discomfort and feelings of disempowerment, these women adhered to the cultural value of preserving the family unit (as is the case for Fundamentalist Mormon wives) to avoid shame and embarrassment. Hassouneh-Phillips' research ultimately suggests that although these women did not perceive polygamy itself to be abusive (especially given its religious justification), they believe that their experiences were a misuse of it. "
Cited from:
Polygamy in Canada: Legal and Social Implications for Women and Children – A Collection of Policy Research Reports

An International Review of Polygamy:
Legal and Policy Implications for Canada

 

[dianek]

continuing of previous article:

Owuamanam argued that as a result of there being fewer children requiring attention, monogamous homes provide more intimate contact with significant others than in polygamous homes, despite being smaller in size. In terms of effects on academic achievement, Cherian (1990) found that mean achievement scores were significantly lower for children of polygamous versus monogamous families, speculating that the conflict, anxiety and stress resulting from co-wife and step-sibling rivalry impedes academic progress. Further, children have less contact with their father, and consequently, less security.

One theme is that relationships between husbands and wives are defined by the difficulties inherent in plural marriage by patriarchal norms. Polygamy is practised among groups that have strongly patriarchal values, and may not believe in gender equality. While competition between wives for economic benefits, status and affection is at the root of many of the problems that exist in polygamous marriages, the subordination of women also defines the relationship between the husband and each wife (Altman 1993; Elbedour et al. 2002; Al-Krenawi and Graham 1999; Agadjanian and Ezeh 2000). Even in cultures where conflict among wives and children is limited and polygamy is strongly encouraged by the community, unequal treatment of wives, mistreatment of women and jealousy are consistently identified as the difficulties experienced in polygamous families (Madhavan 2002; Altman and Ginat 1996).

Research across cultures consistently reveals that women in polygamous families experience greater emotional and mental health difficulties than women in monogamous relations, while the children of polygamous families are more likely to have limited educational achievement and experience emotional difficulties (Committee on Polygamous Issues 1993; Al-Krenawi 2001; Al-Krenawi and Lightman 2000; Al-Krenawi and Graham 1999; Al-Krenawi et al. 1997). However, the effects of polygamy are mediated by such factors as socio-economic status, level of education, community support, cultural acceptance, size of the family, co-wife co-operation and conflict resolution mechanisms (Elbedour et al. 2002; Al-Krenawi et al. 2002; Madhavan 2002; Gwanfogbe et al. 1997).

There is also consensus internationally that teachers, social workers and community organizations require increased awareness of the needs and experiences of women and children living in polygamous families (Al-Krenawi et al. 2002; Elbedour 2002). An appreciation of the stigma that members of plural families face in the broader community is also necessary. The members of polygamous families often experience rejection and ridicule from the wider community, which is a source of stress and discomfort. As Altman and Ginat (1996: 438) identified, members of these communities often feel "isolated, rejected, misunderstood, and even threatened" by society, thereby contributing to the secrecy and protectionism that pervades polygamous communities, particularly in North America. Members of polygamous families in North America must constantly negotiate the demands of their immediate family unit and their religious community against the pressures from the broader society which rejects their way of life.

 

[abou haytam]

I am being open minded and am reading this book, but it seems to me that that emotional wellbeing a woman in a marriage like this is not accounted for. She is expected to just DEAL with it. And why do they tout that women have all these sexual desires and HAVE To have a man in their lives? Forgive me if I am speaking out of line, but as a female......Sex is not a desire that we just have to have, it isn't our motivation for relationships....our motivation for relationships is the desire to feel loved and respected and connected to someone.....sex follows but isn't something that one has to have. Let me ask this....If a woman was married to a man that had an accident and was paralyzed and could not perform sexually for her, how come she hasn't the right to marry another IF INDEED sex is so important to women? She isn't allowed to which means women DON'T NEED it to be happy and so to me the arguement that marriage is to satisfy that desire in women is ludicrous! A woman can remain abstinent and is just fine with that so therefore, if being abstinent works for a woman, what reason is there for her to AGREE to sharing her husband with another woman.

Examples of acceptable reasons for asking one’s husband for khula’[female-instigated divorce]​

Question:

Is it possible for the wife to get a khula[female-instigated divorce] even if the husband will not agree to it? Can you mention some reasons ?.
Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

I put this question to our Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen, and he answered as follows:

If a woman dislikes her husband’s treatment of her – for example, he is over-strict, hot-tempered or easily-provoked, or gets angry a lot, or criticizes her and rebukes her for the slightest mistake or shortcoming, then she has the right of khula’ [female-instigated divorce].

If she dislikes his physical appearance because of some deformity or ugliness, or because one of his faculties is missing, she has the right of khula’.

If he is lacking in religious commitment – for example, he doesn’t pray, or neglects to pray in jamaa’ah, or does not fast in Ramadaan without a proper excuse, or he goes to parties where haraam things are done, such as fornication, drinking alcohol and listening to singing and musical instruments, etc. – she has the right of khula’.

If he deprives of her of her rights of spending on her maintenance, clothing and other essential needs, when he is able to provide these things, then she has the right to ask for khula’.

If he does not give her her conjugal rights and thus keep her chaste because he is impotent (i.e. unable to have intercourse), or because he does not like her, or he prefers someone else, or he is unfair in the division of his time [i.e., among co-wives], then she has the right to ask for khula’.
And Allaah knows best.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen

source:

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=1859&ln=eng&txt=الخلع

 

[halah]

:salam2:

Dear sister Diana we are not going to take a vote on something that Allah made it halal or permissable so all what you've mentioned will not change anything

 

[dianek]

Examples of acceptable reasons for asking one’s husband for khula’[female-instigated divorce]​

Question:

Is it possible for the wife to get a khula[female-instigated divorce] even if the husband will not agree to it? Can you mention some reasons ?.
Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

I put this question to our Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen, and he answered as follows:

If a woman dislikes her husband’s treatment of her – for example, he is over-strict, hot-tempered or easily-provoked, or gets angry a lot, or criticizes her and rebukes her for the slightest mistake or shortcoming, then she has the right of khula’ [female-instigated divorce].

If she dislikes his physical appearance because of some deformity or ugliness, or because one of his faculties is missing, she has the right of khula’.

If he is lacking in religious commitment – for example, he doesn’t pray, or neglects to pray in jamaa’ah, or does not fast in Ramadaan without a proper excuse, or he goes to parties where haraam things are done, such as fornication, drinking alcohol and listening to singing and musical instruments, etc. – she has the right of khula’.

If he deprives of her of her rights of spending on her maintenance, clothing and other essential needs, when he is able to provide these things, then she has the right to ask for khula’.

If he does not give her her conjugal rights and thus keep her chaste because he is impotent (i.e. unable to have intercourse), or because he does not like her, or he prefers someone else, or he is unfair in the division of his time [i.e., among co-wives], then she has the right to ask for khula’.
And Allaah knows best.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen

source:

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=1859&ln=eng&txt=الخلع

You are still saying to me that she can divorce such a man but I am saying what if she truly loves and wants to care for this man all her days and divorce is not a step she wishes to make but she wants children as well......
Is invitro or sergacy haram for her since she apparently can't have relations??? What provisions are there for someone in her place?