Polygamy In Islam - Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips & Jameelah Jones

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yaqubkhan

THE STRANGER
Polygamy In Islam
Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips & Jameelah Jones

:salam2:

'Polygamy is the Muslim practice most frequently and severely maligned by Westerners and modernist Muslims. This book can be read with profit by all unprejudiced readers who wish to know its justification and rationale.

One of the greatest contrasts between Islam and the West is their conflicting concepts of relations between the sexes. Indeed, the very first question a Muslim convert is confronted with by an American or European is ‘Why does Islam allow four wives?’ This book...replies straightforwardly to that question and much more.

The authors describe all the most important characteristics of marriage in Islam, pointing out that the Western notions of sex equality and romantic premarital ‘love’ are not necessary in Islamic marriage based on piety and the commitment on the part of both parents to win the pleasure of Almighty Allah.'

This book contains basic guides for anyone interested in understanding the rights and obligations of males and females in Islamic plural marriage. The guidelines have been drawn from the Quran, Hadith and opinions of Islamic scholars.

Link Removed, please upload the file as an attachment.

WASSALLAM
 

khadeejaq8

Junior Member
salam alaikum

Polygamy exists all over the world, but in Islam the second/third/fourth woman is treatet with respect and is called a wife. In the western countries they are called girlfriends or mistresses, and have no rights upon the man or their children!
 

dianek

Junior Member
I am being open minded and am reading this book, but it seems to me that that emotional wellbeing a woman in a marriage like this is not accounted for. She is expected to just DEAL with it. And why do they tout that women have all these sexual desires and HAVE To have a man in their lives? Forgive me if I am speaking out of line, but as a female......Sex is not a desire that we just have to have, it isn't our motivation for relationships....our motivation for relationships is the desire to feel loved and respected and connected to someone.....sex follows but isn't something that one has to have. Let me ask this....If a woman was married to a man that had an accident and was paralyzed and could not perform sexually for her, how come she hasn't the right to marry another IF INDEED sex is so important to women? She isn't allowed to which means women DON'T NEED it to be happy and so to me the arguement that marriage is to satisfy that desire in women is ludicrous! A woman can remain abstinent and is just fine with that so therefore, if being abstinent works for a woman, what reason is there for her to AGREE to sharing her husband with another woman.
 

khadeejaq8

Junior Member
I think every person has different desires! Some woman like this some likes another things but it doesnt change the fact that there are much more women on earth than men! And what should these woman do? How they can have children if the only halal way is to get married?Should they stay without marriage without the opportunity to have a family? Not every woman wants to share a husband, and not every husband wants alot wives! But Islam provides the solution for the whole mankind! And this is just the Dunya- in the Paradise there will be no jelousy, we will all live there peacefully with eachother- inshallah! And here we should live as travellers-the final life is there!
 

dianek

Junior Member
So please tell me, about the woman whose husband is paralyzed and can't provide for her.....what is a woman in this position supposed to do? She is forced to be celibate by her circumstances.
 

Al-Kashmiri

Well-Known Member
Staff member
As-salaamu `alaykum.

I read a book by Shaykh `Uthaymeen on marriage, and when talking about the reasons and wisdom for plural marriage, I didn't come across him saying that from its wisdom is that ALL women need sex. Of course many of them do, be it for children or desire, hence marriage is the halaal solution. But if you are saying that the book above is pushing the idea that women HAVE to have sex, thereby justifying plural marriage then I myself don't see the validity of the point. When talking about the man, then it is known that his desire is far greater than that of a woman's, that is clearly acceptable!

Anyway there are many other benefits and reasons justifying polygamy, so we need not to focus on one point that may seem "bad" or unacceptable (except to seek explanation... from the scholars!), since Allaah legislated polygamy it in His Book. As Muslims we accept it, having no hate for Allaah or his Messenger's decisions. For indeed, hating them negates our eemaan/faith, as Allaah said in the Qur'aan,

"But No by your Lord! They can have no faith until they make you (O Muhammad) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept them with full submission"
[Soorah An-Nisaa' 4:65]

"And it is not for a believer, male of female that when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a command, that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, so indeed he has strayed in plain error."
[Soorah Al-Ahzaab 33:36]

I'm not saying that sinning negates eemaan/faith!!! But denying or having hate for a command or prohibition is what the aayaat are referring to. Anyway, despite this book, may Allaah reward the authors I'm sure there are better ones available from the scholars of Islaam. Muhammad Al-Jibaly's collection on marriage discusses polygamy nicely. Sister Diane about the situation you described, why don't you see what the scholars have to say, on that issue? If anything she would have a choice to remain patient and receive reward or be divorced in which case you cannot exactly blame her, but like I said I think it's more important that the issue is referred back to the scholars and not for us laymen to give our own answers.

Allaah knows best.
 

American Muslim

Just Another Slave
Assalamu alaikum,

I've been away for awhile, but I see we are still dicussing important issues. alhamdallah! Polygamy is allowed by the Holy Qu'aran. Period.

This is something that many westerners and many reverts take exception to. As a muslim, you accect the Almighty's book completely. Period. It has not changed since it was revealed and will not change even after time is ended. Period.

Is it a widely practiced thing? Not in the west, no. Do I know brothers right here in the good ole US of A doing it? Yes.

Once again, I must point out that the modern western ideal of love really is out of joint with reality. How many lonely kuffar women are out there on dating websites looking for the "one , true love of my life, someone who will complete me" ?

Marriage is about deen. Marriage is about duty. Marriage is about obligation. In the West, we generally have a roof over our head. We have food in our bellies. Our children attend school. Our problems are generally beyond mere survival. In much of the so called 'third world' this is not the case.

As I understand it, polygamy is most often practiced as a way to provide a life for the subsequent wives. We are talking about places where women might not be able to go out, attend university, or even find employment due to cultural or even legal situations.

We, as western muslims, have to move beyond this Disneyland/ fairy tale idea of finding our true love and riding into the sunset.
 

dianek

Junior Member
I am not trying to say that I am disagreeing with God's wisdom, but that somethings are typical to a time period and really have no need or place in current times. But I do have a right to say that this option would not work for me and would not be acceptable in my life. Why would a man even want more than one wife? (aside from war torn areas etc.) In the west, why would you do this? Purely self-satisfaction with no regards for the emotional welfare of your wife(wives).
 

Al-Kashmiri

Well-Known Member
Staff member
As-salaamu `alaykum,

There is nothing wrong with you having an opinion and not being happy in a plural marriage. That is perfectly acceptable. However, for men with strong desire who fear they will fall into zinaa, especially those who have left their wives for some time due to work in a foreign land etc, there is nothing wrong with them in remarrying. It is not greed, selfishness or self-satisfication. It's fearing Allaah with regards to your private parts, and obeying him in his commands, and it's a mercy of Allaah that he has allowed such an individual the option to remarry whilst not being blameworthy of any vices.

P.S. I wasn't accusing you of denying Allaah's wisdom, I just thought it be benefical to mention what I did.
 

dianek

Junior Member
As-salaamu `alaykum,

There is nothing wrong with you having an opinion and not being happy in a plural marriage. That is perfectly acceptable. However, for men with strong desire who fear they will fall into zinaa, especially those who have left their wives for some time due to work in a foreign land etc, there is nothing wrong with them in remarrying. It is not greed, selfishness or self-satisfication. It's fearing Allaah with regards to your private parts, and obeying him in his commands, and it's a mercy of Allaah that he has allowed such an individual the option to remarry whilst not being blameworthy of any vices.

Well, a husband working oversea's away from his wife, if he marries another, he will fail in respects to his first wife. Men are incapable of loving 2, 3 or 4......so while they may love one, the others are just "vices" to use your term. Everyone keeps saying that western ideas of "love" have no place in islam. Well have any of you EVER been IN LOVE with someone, whole mind body and soul? Where every breath you breathe is of them and you ache for them throughout your being? This love is very real.....and I can't see where you could feel such closeness to more than one person.
 

Al-Kashmiri

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Well, a husband working oversea's away from his wife, if he marries another, he will fail in respects to his first wife. Men are incapable of loving 2, 3 or 4......so while they may love one, the others are just "vices" to use your term. Everyone keeps saying that western ideas of "love" have no place in islam. Well have any of you EVER been IN LOVE with someone, whole mind body and soul? Where every breath you breathe is of them and you ache for them throughout your being? This love is very real.....and I can't see where you could feel such closeness to more than one person.

As-salaamu `alaykum

I don't say that Western love is totally outside of Islaam, nor do I say that the cultural, 3rd world idea of marriage is what Islaam says, rather marriage in Islaam is the moderate path, and yes is one of love and not pure subjugation! So you find that some aspects of western love you are talking about agree with Islaam whilst others don't, and the same goes for the 3rd world idea of marriage i.e. what we see in Pakistan, India etc.

As for your statement that the others are just vices, I totally disagree as a vice is an evil and if you are saying that having 2,3 or 4 wives is something evil then you are speaking contrary to the revelation of the Book and the Sunnah. I believe I understand the point you are making, but a man may remarry for various reasons other than the shortage of men in war-torn lands!!! Examples include what I just stated, as well as joining families together in unity, for this is one of the reasons that the Messenger of Allaah married more than once.

Of course man can love more than 1 woman, saying they are incapable only comes from someone who has failed to understand men. However it must be said that the vast majority of men we see now are incapable, except those with taqwa, and Allaah Himself stated in Soorah An-Nisaa to marry 2,3,4 with the precondition that you can deal with them justly. But sadly many can't deal justly.

Lastly to everyone, I don't want this thread to pave to another discussion about polygamy with no direction, denying Qur'aan and Sunnah, which are already rife, so readers beware (cos I have the "keys" to the thread :))!!! Let's keep it within legislated limits, which as many of us are adults, we should be able to do.

Wa`alaykum us-salaam
 

dianek

Junior Member
I see what you are saying but I don't believe that a man has the capability to truly love and connect with more than one person. I am sorry and this will cause some fire I am sure....but in general men are just aren't that deep. They don't have the ability to "love" in the true sense of the word and have the accompanying emotions and need more than 1. Sure they can fulfill responsibilities to all financially, physically but in the heart and mind there is one who is has his heart not multiple. Men are just shallow! Vain creatures. Sorry, but in my experience this is true.
 

A.Shadia

New Member
Given the words of your last line.."I have the keys to the thread" ..show me that you are not willing to give any merit to someone else's pint of view or questions.

You must understand that someone coming into Islam as a convert does not fully understand and may not fully agree with the idea of Polygamy. They have been taught otherwise their whole lives.

I must say that I am on the same page as Diank...I see the reasoning behind plural marriages for the sake of humanity...but just for the sake of a man falling into sin s basically hard for me to swallow.

You are saying that a man may fear falling into sin while being away from his wife...so therefore, he should has a right to marry out of fear of the repercussions from Allah....If this is so, then explain to me please how this can be justified. Is this type of marriage to better humanity? To help a divorcee or a widow? NO...it is purely to satisfy a man while he is away from his current wife. This is what I read...so please forgive me for sounding harsh..

Also I would like to add that...although plural marriage is accepted in Islam..I personally cannot for the life of me see how people can use the right to plural marriage based on the sexual desires of a man. Everyone ALWAYS ALWASY says that it is true a man's sexual desire is stronger than a woman's so therefore Islam allows a man to have more than one wife to help him so that he may not fall into sin....WELL...IN MY PERSONAL OPINION...if this were true..then why hasn't my father, who has been married to my mother for more than 30 years ever contemplated another wife? Why has my grandfather who has been married to my grandmother for going on 63 years NEVER felt the need to marry another because of his "sexual desires not being fullfilled and feared falling into sin"...and he is VERY religious and does not go against anything...also, my husbands parents whom have been married forever as well....ALL THESE MEN who have been satisfied by one wife!!!???

So the idea that a man is SO WEAK that he needs to marry again so that he "won't fall into sin"...is so disgusting to me that I cannot even express in words what I really think. It tells me one thing and only one thing...that plural marriage which is allowed in Islam, is taken to a whole different level!
Instead of using it to benefit humanity and to help divorced and widowed women, to help marriages where the woman is barren and man wants children has been turned around into something purely physical on the man's part. It has instead been used to "suppress the so called SEVERE SEXUAL URGE" of a man. So that he may not fall into sin...well, how sad that men cannot control their own desires..that they have to use this as an excuse.
How sad. My father, my grandfather, my father in law and all the men who have remained faithful to one wife should be commended then. They should be commended for quppressing this evil intense URGE that they were born with. They should be commended for staying with ONE WIFE all this time when they could have easily married another to satisfy themselves while they were away working, while they were away at war, while they were ...well, while they were just plain "in the mood for more"...

I know this will probably deleted...I don't care though...because it will just show the intoloerance that some have towards another's opinion. You cannot honestly look at things from a different perspective and see where someone is coming from. Istead...there will just continue to be replies that say..."it is sunnah...it is allowed...it is for mankind...and lets not forget...it is because of the strong sexual urge in men...."

I totally agree with what Islam has for us. I am a Muslim...born Muslim...but I totally disagree when people take bits and pieces and change them to conform to their thoughts and ideas.

I simple refuse to sit back and watch people try to justify certain things by using rediculous excuses like..."a man is weak and desires more than a woman"...
 

Al-Kashmiri

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Lol. Listen Diane, I understand your points but I disagree, and I know you disagree with me. Not all of us are shallow.

However a statement comes to mind, the Prophet, sal-Allaahu `alayhi wasallam said that many men attained the level perfection but very few from the women. He then mentions 4 righteous women, `Aasiyah the wife of Pharoah, Faatimah the daughter of the Messenger, Maryam the Mother of `Eesaa and Khadeejah the first wife of the Prophet. Shaykh Al-Albaanee has said this narration is authentic and it has been reported in At-Tirmidhee by way of Anas Ibn Maalik.

Anyway, evidence shows that the tables are in actual fact the other way round. Despite the modern man in the who is known for his ills, his stupidity, contrary to the manliness Islaam that teaches us, there are still far more men who have attained such a level of piety and justice uncomparable to women. This is why the Messenger, sal-Allaahu `alayhi wasallam uttered this clause. I think the negative vibe on men has grown out of control. Many women use it as an excuse to justify their selfish desires, the "men are this cos he didn't do that!" attitude.

Sister do you believe that the Messenger of Allaah, sal-Allaahu `alayhi wasallam fell short and didn't love more than one of his wives? If you mean to say that it is difficult and that a total, perfect balance cannot be maintained, then that would be more acceptable. But negating the ability to love 2,3 or 4 women in totality is clearly errorneous.

Listen yeah, I ain't here to start a gender war, if anything your statement (Diane) already started it, my response is to maintain the balance before we see some chaos!!!! And of course, it (my statement) being an authentic hadeeth and yours being opinion; mines fact and hence truth and yours... opinion. The saying of the salaf goes, that nothing comes after the truth except falsehood. Hehehe...

wa`alaykum us-salaam
 

dianek

Junior Member
I am not well-versed in islam yet. But this is something that all the knowledge and education in the world won't allow me to accept for myself. And so in your words, you have just negated women as being pious in their faith except for very few.......never mind that we are the ones who birth, raise and teach the next generation of men.......we created their future piousness and we sacrificed ourselves for them to succeed. It isn't being selfish to want the man you love to solely desire and want you as that is what a husband expects. To be the center of the others universe.
 

Al-Kashmiri

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Given the words of your last line.."I have the keys to the thread" ..show me that you are not willing to give any merit to someone else's pint of view or questions.

You must understand that someone coming into Islam as a convert does not fully understand and may not fully agree with the idea of Polygamy. They have been taught otherwise their whole lives.

I must say that I am on the same page as Diank...I see the reasoning behind plural marriages for the sake of humanity...but just for the sake of a man falling into sin s basically hard for me to swallow.

You are saying that a man may fear falling into sin while being away from his wife...so therefore, he should has a right to marry out of fear of the repercussions from Allah....If this is so, then explain to me please how this can be justified. Is this type of marriage to better humanity? To help a divorcee or a widow? NO...it is purely to satisfy a man while he is away from his current wife. This is what I read...so please forgive me for sounding harsh..

Also I would like to add that...although plural marriage is accepted in Islam..I personally cannot for the life of me see how people can use the right to plural marriage based on the sexual desires of a man. Everyone ALWAYS ALWASY says that it is true a man's sexual desire is stronger than a woman's so therefore Islam allows a man to have more than one wife to help him so that he may not fall into sin....WELL...IN MY PERSONAL OPINION...if this were true..then why hasn't my father, who has been married to my mother for more than 30 years ever contemplated another wife? Why has my grandfather who has been married to my grandmother for going on 63 years NEVER felt the need to marry another because of his "sexual desires not being fullfilled and feared falling into sin"...and he is VERY religious and does not go against anything...also, my husbands parents whom have been married forever as well....ALL THESE MEN who have been satisfied by one wife!!!???

So the idea that a man is SO WEAK that he needs to marry again so that he "won't fall into sin"...is so disgusting to me that I cannot even express in words what I really think. It tells me one thing and only one thing...that plural marriage which is allowed in Islam, is taken to a whole different level!
Instead of using it to benefit humanity and to help divorced and widowed women, to help marriages where the woman is barren and man wants children has been turned around into something purely physical on the man's part. It has instead been used to "suppress the so called SEVERE SEXUAL URGE" of a man. So that he may not fall into sin...well, how sad that men cannot control their own desires..that they have to use this as an excuse.
How sad. My father, my grandfather, my father in law and all the men who have remained faithful to one wife should be commended then. They should be commended for quppressing this evil intense URGE that they were born with. They should be commended for staying with ONE WIFE all this time when they could have easily married another to satisfy themselves while they were away working, while they were away at war, while they were ...well, while they were just plain "in the mood for more"...

I know this will probably deleted...I don't care though...because it will just show the intoloerance that some have towards another's opinion. You cannot honestly look at things from a different perspective and see where someone is coming from. Istead...there will just continue to be replies that say..."it is sunnah...it is allowed...it is for mankind...and lets not forget...it is because of the strong sexual urge in men...."

I totally agree with what Islam has for us. I am a Muslim...born Muslim...but I totally disagree when people take bits and pieces and change them to conform to their thoughts and ideas.

I simple refuse to sit back and watch people try to justify certain things by using rediculous excuses like..."a man is weak and desires more than a woman"...

As-salaamu `alaykum

You failed to understand the meaning of the key, please use the search function for the old threads and see WHY they were shut. So before throwing accusations please research the matter.

I understand her position perfectly, I am not trying to force nothing on anyone, but jazaakillaah khayr for the reminder. However I am just trying to explain some examples where polygamy is befitting and allowed. These are not my opinions but rather the opinions of the Islamic scholars throughout time, I haven't spoken on the issue except by looking into their books and statements.

Using the example of your male relatives is futile. A few men don't account for the rest of mankind. Even then, just because many men only have one wife, it does not mean that they do not have desire, it's more likely that they or us, do not possess the eemaan to deal justly, or even lack the need to marrying again. However, that doesn't negate their desire.

You have your opinion, that is fine, but most of what you wrote I don't agree with since it seems more revolved around your opinions and preconceptions as oppose to wisdom and revelation. And like I said, these are not my own opinions that I'm quickly throwing to defend Islaam, and justify polygamy so fear Allaah with your speech and ask before assuming?! If you have a problem with what I have said then please see what the scholars have said, research the matter and see what has been written by the well known Imams of this Ummah on this sensitive subject, from the time of the companions.

It is not your opinion's that cause threads to be closed, it is the attitude behind them. It's the inability to ask and discuss nicely with other users that posts are removed. Accusations, incorrect information and simple attacks also lead to deleted posts, so please yet again I say it is better to ask then to assume. And of course posts are deleted due to them opposing the Qur'aan and Sunnah. Another reason is the development of a useless argument.

wa`alaykum us-salaam.
 

Al-Kashmiri

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I am not well-versed in islam yet. But this is something that all the knowledge and education in the world won't allow me to accept for myself. And so in your words, you have just negated women as being pious in their faith except for very few.......never mind that we are the ones who birth, raise and teach the next generation of men.......we created their future piousness and we sacrificed ourselves for them to succeed. It isn't being selfish to want the man you love to solely desire and want you as that is what a husband expects. To be the center of the others universe.

Lol no I didn't. I said that more men attain it, I didn't negate it for women sister, that would contradict the very hadeeth I quoted don't you think. Sister, none of us are truely well-versed so dont worry, just do what you can inshaa' Allaah. In the last part of my post, I was just making a joke out of it, I wasn't puffing myself up thinking "YES!!!!" lol. By selfish desires I mean that some women ciriticise men because their partner didn't do one silly thing for them, or forgot to. That is what I mean, not desire in the more specific sense.

I hate to say but I have seen many of my female relatives criticise men on account of the most petty things you could imagine. Alhamdulillaah its not common though, but this is what I was referring to.

I hope it clarifies sister.
 

A.Shadia

New Member
Duly Noted!

I appreciate your response and yes...I may only be noting my opinion without facts...but I still stand by my position.

I also agree with you that action of three men cannot speak for the whole but, again...if these men were stronger and feared Allah more, then they would not fall prey to their urges so easily...even though they have the right too.

I will refrain from posting anything else on the matter..since everything is personal opinion.

Thank you though for enlightening me! May Allah bless you for your efforts.

May I be forgiven for my strong views and opinions that may not be correct or valid or ignorant.
 

dianek

Junior Member
I wonder how men would feel IF the tables were reversed and they were left to sit at home to stew over their wife's relations with another husband.......how sick it would make him......imagine the position this puts women in to "like it or lump it"....
 

dianek

Junior Member
And a desire is just that a desire.....doesn't mean you have to skirt around acting on it. Do men think women don't sometimes "desire" as well? I know I am totally unislamic in my stating that, but it is in some women's minds. I am now muslim and sometimes I desire to go drink some liquor etc....but I don't do it! I refrain!
 
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