aless
Junior Member
:shymuslima1: :shymuslima1:
:salam2: dear sisters and brothers,
I hope this post find u well and in the best of imaan
I hope you can help me insh'Allah I have a bit of a serious problem.
Please read carefully insh'Allah
When I first reverted to Islam, I thought I could not interact, that is, be in contact with any non-mahram men. My teacher at the Madrasah Islamiyyah told me though the following words:
"Islam is Simple, if you meet a non-mahram man that you like you are allowed to talk to him in a public place to get to know each other then you come to me and I will act as you wali."
Now I found out that:
1. being in direct contact with a non-mahram whether over the phone or in public space is prohibited
see
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/84089
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/20949
2. a wali can be only a knowledgeable muslim man and my teacher is a woman.
Now, in principle, I would have no problem with the standard procedures of meeting a brother for marriage puposes with a wali (except the fact that I would have to meet him with the wali present for a LONG LONG TIME before actually agreeing to marry the man).
But also another Quran teacher has told me that after the first meeting with a brother and my wali, we can exchange email addresses and telephone numbers with the potential husband in order to get to know each other better. PLUS a respected Imaam asked me if I wanted the email address of a brother that was looking to get married so we could email each other and ask each other questions before actually arranging to meet together with my wali.
I see a lot of differences/ discrepancies of opinion about the matter, as some sisters keep saying that meeting in public is allowed to discuss marriage while others say that it is not allowed at all, they seem to interpret the sources differently.
Now to my practical problem. I met this brother a few months ago. We like each other and get on well. He does not want to marry now, he actually cannot marry me because he has some health issues that won't allow him to be able to take a decision right now (i don't want to go too much in detail, but I can tell that this is in fact true, he should not take such an important decision in his mental state, he is not crazy or anything but I agree, and I would prefer if he'd sort himself out before making such a life changing decision). I guess the whole situation brings him to be unsure about it. And to be honest right now I would not be able to take a decision as well because of the same reason.
The problem is we keep in contact on the phone, and we saw each other a few times in public, me with the hijhab on and everything, we talked, always in public.
Now I am reading that I am not even allowed to keep in touch over the phone. which I have to say hurts me a lot. It is true that we are keeping this "friendship" in the uncertainty that in one year two years time we may or may not actually get married.
I do want to keep in touch with him cos we support and advice each other a lot and he says that I have helped him a lot to sort out some of his issues, he says he only talks to me about his issues and that I help him with them. He said he would respect my decision to cut any contact with him, but I cannot find the strength to do that, just the idea makes me upset.
I would like to know your ideas about this and insh'Allah
also in order to increase my Islamic knowledge insh'Allah
I would like to know if under Islamic law, there would be a punishment/penalty for what we are doing (talking on the phone, seeing each other once in a while in public places) and if yes what would the punishment be (with references insh'Allah) ? and whether keeping in contact at least over the phone until we can both make a decision is actually haraam?
Jazakallauh Khair
:salam2:
:salam2: dear sisters and brothers,
I hope this post find u well and in the best of imaan
I hope you can help me insh'Allah I have a bit of a serious problem.
Please read carefully insh'Allah
When I first reverted to Islam, I thought I could not interact, that is, be in contact with any non-mahram men. My teacher at the Madrasah Islamiyyah told me though the following words:
"Islam is Simple, if you meet a non-mahram man that you like you are allowed to talk to him in a public place to get to know each other then you come to me and I will act as you wali."
Now I found out that:
1. being in direct contact with a non-mahram whether over the phone or in public space is prohibited
see
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/84089
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/20949
2. a wali can be only a knowledgeable muslim man and my teacher is a woman.
Now, in principle, I would have no problem with the standard procedures of meeting a brother for marriage puposes with a wali (except the fact that I would have to meet him with the wali present for a LONG LONG TIME before actually agreeing to marry the man).
But also another Quran teacher has told me that after the first meeting with a brother and my wali, we can exchange email addresses and telephone numbers with the potential husband in order to get to know each other better. PLUS a respected Imaam asked me if I wanted the email address of a brother that was looking to get married so we could email each other and ask each other questions before actually arranging to meet together with my wali.
I see a lot of differences/ discrepancies of opinion about the matter, as some sisters keep saying that meeting in public is allowed to discuss marriage while others say that it is not allowed at all, they seem to interpret the sources differently.
Now to my practical problem. I met this brother a few months ago. We like each other and get on well. He does not want to marry now, he actually cannot marry me because he has some health issues that won't allow him to be able to take a decision right now (i don't want to go too much in detail, but I can tell that this is in fact true, he should not take such an important decision in his mental state, he is not crazy or anything but I agree, and I would prefer if he'd sort himself out before making such a life changing decision). I guess the whole situation brings him to be unsure about it. And to be honest right now I would not be able to take a decision as well because of the same reason.
The problem is we keep in contact on the phone, and we saw each other a few times in public, me with the hijhab on and everything, we talked, always in public.
Now I am reading that I am not even allowed to keep in touch over the phone. which I have to say hurts me a lot. It is true that we are keeping this "friendship" in the uncertainty that in one year two years time we may or may not actually get married.
I do want to keep in touch with him cos we support and advice each other a lot and he says that I have helped him a lot to sort out some of his issues, he says he only talks to me about his issues and that I help him with them. He said he would respect my decision to cut any contact with him, but I cannot find the strength to do that, just the idea makes me upset.
I would like to know your ideas about this and insh'Allah
also in order to increase my Islamic knowledge insh'Allah
I would like to know if under Islamic law, there would be a punishment/penalty for what we are doing (talking on the phone, seeing each other once in a while in public places) and if yes what would the punishment be (with references insh'Allah) ? and whether keeping in contact at least over the phone until we can both make a decision is actually haraam?
Jazakallauh Khair
:salam2:
