PRAISE GOD!!!!!!

[a_brother]

Ha!
Shopping.....I hate shopping. HE is the one that loves to go shopping and on the event that I end up being DRAGGED KICKING AND SCREAMING along, I walk around in a blank stare wondering "Is it over YET?"

My husband prefers my hair short thank you! I have very thick hair and it just gets in the way if long.

19. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.-----------and that is why you are never on time for anything.....However, I am a walking map and NEVER get myself somewhere that I can't find my way out of....it's a gift!

:salam2: sister Diane

LOL, i only copied and pasted, so no hard feelings sister, lol... ... just kidding :lol:

 

[a_brother]

Asalamo Alaikom

couple more "copy and past".... i love the net ....:lol:

Women Jokes
The Rules by which females are governed


The FEMALE always makes the rules.

The RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification...by the FEMALE.

No MALE can possibly know all the RULES.

If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the RULES, she must immediately change some or all of them.

The FEMALE is never wrong.

If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

The MALE must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstandings.

The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.

The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE.

The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.

The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

The Male is expected to "mind read" at all times.

 

[dianek]

No hard feelings at all! I was just trying to set the record straight! LOL!!! Men are babies who go from mommy to wifey mommy......yet they get all the glory from the world for their accomplishments, but they were never their accomplishments but their wives. For many reason....the wife makes sure they have clothes cleaned, they get out of bed on time, they brush their teeth, clean the fingernails, fix their lunches........without us men would be.....well vagrant felines crawling around in trashcans trying to figure out what to do next......LOL!!!! No offense intended, all in good humor.

 

[dianek]

Asalamo Alaikom

couple more "copy and past".... i love the net ....:lol:

[/COLOR]

All valid points! We have to have it that way to keep you all from getting bored and complacent! You don't like to watch a soccer game where it is all predictable do you? We have to keep your interest and keep you guessing.....

And our reasons for changing our minds and rules are always good ones.

 

[a_brother]

:salam2:

another one... this one "cracked me up"..."lol:

Drive Through ATM Procedures

Please note that Banks are installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

MALE PROCEDURE

* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.

* 2 Put down your car window.

* 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

* 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

* 6 Put window up.

* 7 Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE

* 1 Drive up to cash machine.

* 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.

* 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down.

* 4 Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.

* 5 Turn the radio down.

* 6 Attempt to insert card into machine.

* 7 Attempt to insert card into machine.

* 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

* 9 Insert card.

* 10 Re-insert card the right side up

* 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

* 12 Enter PIN.

* 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

* 14 Enter amount of cash required.

* 15 Check make up in rear view mirror.

* 16 Retrieve cash and receipt.

* 17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

* 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook.

* 19 Re-check make-up again.

* 20 Drive forwards 2 feet.

* 21 Reverse back to cash machine.

* 22 Retrieve card.

* 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

* 24 *deleted*

* 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off.

* 26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

* 27 Release Parking Brake.

 

[dianek]

LOL!!!! You keep describing my husband when you refer to the woman.......I think I should be worried!!!!!

 

[a_brother]

LOL!!!! You keep describing my husband when you refer to the woman.......I think I should be worried!!!!!

:salam2:

i start becoming worried to, lol.... i guess you guys complete each other , MashaAllah

 

[dianek]

HMM....well I don't think HE completes anything about me........still trying figure out his purpose other than driving me to the brink of committing myself into a mental institution somewhere......LOL!!!

 

[Almaas]

LOL!!!! You keep describing my husband when you refer to the woman.......I think I should be worried!!!!!

HMM....well I don't think HE completes anything about me........still trying figure out his purpose other than driving me to the brink of committing myself into a mental institution somewhere......LOL!!!

:lol::lol::lol:

Sister you're hillarious :jumpclap:

 

[a_brother]

Asalamo Alaikom

lol... there is no perfect person... one may only know what he/she has when he/she lose that person...

(1) O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.
( سورة النساء , An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #19)

i think the highlighted part applies to both parties... and Allah knows best

you may want to share this website with your partner... http://www.java-man.com/Pages/Marriage/Marriage.html

Rights of the Wife Over the Husband.. http://www.java-man.com/Pages/Marriage/Marriage08a.html
Rights of the Husband Over the Wife.. http://www.java-man.com/Pages/Marriage/Marriage08b.html

Wasalamo alaikom

 

[dianek]

:lol::lol::lol:

Sister you're hillarious :jumpclap:

Glad somone thinks so!!!! LOL!!!!! Thanks!

 

[a_brother]

:salam2:

"Chemical analysis of human elements"

Element name: WOMAN.
Symbol: WO.

Atomic weight: 'Don't even go there'.
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns
slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

 

[dianek]

:salam2:

"Chemical analysis of human elements"

Dear Heart, you are treading on thin ice!!!!!!! You don't want to feel the wrath of a women scorned, DO YOU?????????????

 

[a_brother]

Dear Heart, you are treading on thin ice!!!!!!! You don't want to feel the wrath of a women scorned, DO YOU?????????????

Asalamo Alaikom

LOL, i know... again, i am only coping and pasting, lol... not my words

can't afford a sister's bad duaa, please don't... this thread is full of humor, so just laugh

wasalamo alaikom

 

[dianek]

QUOTE=a_brother;249044]Asalamo Alaikom

LOL, i know... again, i am only coping and pasting, lol... not my words

can't afford a sister's bad duaa, please don't... this thread is full of humor, so just laugh

wasalamo alaikom[/QUOTE]


Okay, okay, I will put away my voodoo doll for now, but I'm warning you......Heeheee!!! (completely sarcastic!) [

 

[hussain.mahammed]

As salamu alaikum dear a_brother

The game is really over. Do you remember bashing from your sister when you were a kid? I really do remember when my sister (younger than me) started hitting me up like a football. Many years back...LOL

Dont want to repeat the same mistakes out here....:lol:

The thread is getting funnier.

Sister dianek, you dont like shopping. I still remember when I went shopping for the last time with my mom and aunties. That was way 8 years ago. For the whole day they were shopping. I mean it the whole day. I swore that day, I would never ever go for shopping with women.

wa/salam

 

[a_brother]

As salamu alaikum dear a_brother

The game is really over. Do you remember bashing from your sister when you were a kid? I really do remember when my sister (younger than me) started hitting me up like a football. Many years back...LOL

Dont want to repeat the same mistakes out here....:lol:

The thread is getting funnier.

Sister dianek, you dont like shopping. I still remember when I went shopping for the last time with my mom and aunties. That was way 8 years ago. For the whole day they were shopping. I mean it the whole day. I swore that day, I would never ever go for shopping with women.

wa/salam

brother hussain.mahammed

LOL, yeah i remember... i have an older sister who used to bash me and my younger brother when we were kids... when i go back home, i get her bad, lol, she would run to my mom and hide, lol... she has kids of her own, mashaAllah... even my mom (in her mid 60s), i would make her tired by making her laugh a lot until she pierce me with her fingers, lol... i miss them now as i think about them

 

[a_brother]

Okay, okay, I will put away my voodoo doll for now, but I'm warning you......Heeheee!!! (completely sarcastic!) [

:salam2:

LOL, thank you sister

wasalamo alaikom

 

[dianek]

It's true! I hate shopping with a passion. I shop only at Targets or JC Penny's and only when I absolutely HAVE to. I wear flip flops all summer and the same pair of shoes all winter. Shopping leaves me feeling inferior to other women (because I am not a size 2 and can't wear those cute little jeans) and because I don't have the $$$ to spend the way others do I find myself going over and over things before I buy them and often walk out with nothing out of frustration.....And did I mention my 3 youngest kids screaming and fighting and running around hiding in the clothes rack.....NO I despise shopping with a passion!!!!!!!! I also don't indulge in makeup, pedicures, manicures or otherwise. I am the complete antithesis of what your idea of a woman is. I would rather be out in a 4x4 somewhere in the country mud bogging with the guys! Just easier and simpler that way.

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Okay, okay, I will put away my voodoo doll for now, but I'm warning you......Heeheee!!! (completely sarcastic!) [

:lol:

I don't have the $$$ to spend the way others do I find myself going over and over things before I buy them and often walk out with nothing out of frustration

I'm glad your husband hasn't introduced you to the invention of credit cards LOL. I assume going shopping is like going to a museum for you...you just look LOL.