Really Curious about Islam!

Hi Everybody,

As you can tell by the title of this thread and my username, I am very curious about Islam.

My friend sent me the link to this website and I have been a guest on here for a while, mainly viewing the vidoes on 'new muslims' which has really helped me get an idea of the approach to life which Islam takes. I am also reading 2 translated versions of the Quran and this website has helped me understand the teachings within them so far. However, I was wondering if other members could help me out with a teaching, which I just do not seem to be able to get my head around.

The part of the verse number 34 in Surah Al Nisa, which I am having trouble with, was translated as:
As to those women
On whose part ye fear
Disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first),
(Next) refuse to share thier beds,
(and last) spank them (lightly);'

The other translation I read said to 'beat them'.

As a person who believes in empathy and forgiveness, I find it hard to see that violence is the solution to any problem, particularly between people who have shared such intimacies with other each other. I know that what is written in the Holy Qur'an, to me, is as it is intended to be from God. But I cannot translate the words from Arabic for myself as I cannot read Arabic. I was wondering if anybody could give me some context on this teaching? Or any other interpretations which they may have found? Perhaps that the husband, as earthly protector of his wife, is saving her from a worser consequence to her behaviour?

I would be more than grateful for help on this issue that any members could provide.
Thank You :)
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
Hi and welcome to the Website.

Firstly let me mention that we here at TurnToIslam.Com are not Islamic scholars. But, will do our best to help you with any questions you may have. I will try to explain how the family unit works. The marriage process and the “Islamic culture” is one which is quite different from the Modern Western version. But, having said that it differs vastly from one Muslim region to another and from each and every family.

There is a lot of Domestic violence throughout the world. Particularly in our countries here in the West, especially with the influence of alcohol in our society here.

"Beating and domestic violence" should not be tolerated. Islam does not allow for husbands to beat up and abuse their family!!

The verse itself is often mistranslated and used by anti-Islam people as to state that Muslim men can go and beat their wives up.

Firstly the Verse is part of a series of verses in Surah an-Nisaa’ about Women and family.

Surah An Nisaa:

19. O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr[] you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allâh brings through it a great deal of good.

35. If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allâh will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allâh is Ever All*Knower, Well*Acquainted with all things.

36.
Worship Allâh and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masâkin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allâh does not like such as are proud and boastful;
In Islamic family, the husband and wife are both equal, however have different role in the family unit, which I shall come to later.


The Marriage Contract
Marriage in Islam is a contract! So both parties the husband and wife are equal in it. And both have the option of agreeing or disagreeing to the various stipulations set forth. The wife or husband can add, subtract whatever terms they wish. There is no marriage without both of them agreeing. Forced Marriages are forbidden in Islam. Marriage is undertaken with the agreement of the women’s guardian or “Wali”.


The Husband
The husband has the duty to work and provide for the wife and the family. To treat them with kindness, respect and to attend to all their needs. These are important stipulation of the marriage. Without which, the wife has the option of asking for divorce.
Also, he has duty to help his wife and family in the home. It is not seen as unmanly for him to help by cleaning the house, doing the dishes, cooking food, mending clothes etc. Infact, the Prophet Muhammad himself would help in the home. As well as this he should take active part in ensuring the education of children and giving them attention. There are hadith about the Prophet and how he would play with his grandchildren. So many of the Man’s duties are Obligatory. If he neglects his family he is sinful. If he neglects his wife’s various rights over him he is sinful.


The Wife
The wife has duties too. She is incharge of the house duties. Such as educating the children, doing household duties. She has the obligation of making sure her family is not neglected.

Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi, former President of the Islamic Society of North America, states:
One should not take part of the verse and use it to justify one's own misconduct. This verse neither permits violence nor condones it. It guides us to ways to handle delicate family situation with care and wisdom. The word "beating" is used in the verse, but it does not mean "physical abuse". The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained it "dharban ghayra mubarrih" which means "a light tap that leaves no mark". He further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the view that it is no more than a light touch by siwak, or toothbrush.
Generally, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to discourage his followers from taking even this measure. He never hit any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)

It is also important to note that even this "light strike" mentioned in the verse is not to be used to correct some minor problem, but it is permissible to resort to only in a situation of some serious moral misconduct when admonishing the wife fails, and avoiding from sleeping with her would not help. If this disciplinary action can correct a situation and save the marriage, then one should use it."

Muslim families are different and are influenced by much more than just Islam, such as their regional culture and background etc. Although, if any cultural belief goes against Islam, it shoud not be tolerated or followed. Typically the male is meant to be the head of the family. No two families are the same. All types of abuse and violence in the home are spoken against.

However, Islam has allowed for men to admonish their wife or children in a way that does not cause any sort of physical hurt or harm as a last resort, particularly if the marriage is under threat.

Here is an interesting discussion about it, where
http://www.understanding-islam.com/related/text.asp?type=discussion&did=139


Also, keep in mind that it is not something that is expected or encouraged. Rather, both the husband and wife are meant to keep cool heads and discuss thingsin good manner.

The Prophet Muhammad :saw: never hit or beat any of his family. Infact, it is something that was spoken against. And in light of all the sayings, it is obvious that it is best for any sort of physical violence that can cause hurt or injury should never be done.

As the following evidence shows.

The Prophet :saw: said>

"Do not beat the female servants of Allah;"

"Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands

(beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you;" and"[It is

not a shame that] one of you beats his wife like [an unscrupulous

person] beats a slave and maybe he sleeps with her at the end of the

day."
and also>

How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel

and then he may embrace (sleep with) her? (Sahih

Al-Bukhari


Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: "I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2139)"

Narrated Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah: "I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2138)"


At same time, Women were given various rights which, if you think about the time period, were not just revolutionary in Arabia 1400 years ago, but would have been in the early 20th Century, in many parts of the Western world too. Women had the right to own buy, sell and own property as well as right to choose her own husband, seek divorce and also work and keep her own money. She did not have to give her money to her husband. Forced marriages were forbidden.

If there are various abuses today by Muslim men, it is not because of Islam. Rather, it is due to their ignorance of Islam and their adoption of UnIslamic culture.

And the vast majority of people who are turning to Islam are women.

Here are some links with more information:

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1123996015828&pagename=IslamOnline-English-AAbout_Islam/AskAboutIslamE/AskAboutIslamE

http://www.understanding-islam.com/related/text.asp?type=question&qid=544
 
Thanks for the quick and in-depth response & the links to others - it has really helped clarify the matter and many more besides! I hope other people learn from the info too!
Thanks again
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
CuriousAboutIslam said:
Thanks for the quick and in-depth response & the links to others - it has really helped clarify the matter and many more besides! I hope other people learn from the info too!
Thanks again

you are welcome :)
 
CuriousAboutIslam said:
Hi Everybody,

As you can tell by the title of this thread and my username, I am very curious about Islam.

My friend sent me the link to this website and I have been a guest on here for a while, mainly viewing the vidoes on 'new muslims' which has really helped me get an idea of the approach to life which Islam takes. I am also reading 2 translated versions of the Quran and this website has helped me understand the teachings within them so far. However, I was wondering if other members could help me out with a teaching, which I just do not seem to be able to get my head around.

The part of the verse number 34 in Surah Al Nisa, which I am having trouble with, was translated as:
As to those women
On whose part ye fear
Disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first),
(Next) refuse to share thier beds,
(and last) spank them (lightly);'

The other translation I read said to 'beat them'.

As a person who believes in empathy and forgiveness, I find it hard to see that violence is the solution to any problem, particularly between people who have shared such intimacies with other each other. I know that what is written in the Holy Qur'an, to me, is as it is intended to be from God. But I cannot translate the words from Arabic for myself as I cannot read Arabic. I was wondering if anybody could give me some context on this teaching? Or any other interpretations which they may have found? Perhaps that the husband, as earthly protector of his wife, is saving her from a worser consequence to her behaviour?

I would be more than grateful for help on this issue that any members could provide.
Thank You :)

Thank you for your question
First i have to say that religion is honest.
This is the whole verse. Because taking one or two phrases is making the verse empthy of its true meaning. And even the verse must be understanding inside the whole Surate because this Surate An-Nisa' (name which has as translation women) explains in 176 verses relation between man and woman

"Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great."
Sourat An-Nisa' N°4 verse n°34

Brother Mabsoot explained very well the thing that you asked for it.
And be sure true muslim men doesn't even think about this, because as brother explained, the Prophet :saw: told us how man can lives in peace and harmony with his wife. And as the Quran says about the prophet :saw: :
"Nor does he ( Muhammed :saw: ) speaks out of desire. It is naught but revelation that is revealed, The Lord of Mighty Power has taught him...
in Sourat N°53 verse n° 3,4,5.
Thank you again for your question
 

mr. ok

Junior Member
Dear CuriousAboutIslam

Greetings. if you want to talk to real scholars (LIVE) you can go to www.islamchat.com

You have brought up a very interesting verse. a verse which i usually pondered upon myself. I hope this website helps you understand the verse more better (the word that is used for "beat") http://www.quran-islam.org/228.html. Take care and have a wonderful one. Wish you happiness and comfort.

Best Regards,

Mr. Ok
 

mr. ok

Junior Member
Dear CuriousAboutIslam

:bismillah:

Addition to what i wrote earlier. Here is something that should be taken in consideration. Keep in mind that translation is NOT the word of Allah. Therefore, it SHOULD not be taken literally. Translation is just what someone thinks the word of Allah means coming from his/her own perspective. In order to understand the Qu’ran one must learn Arabic Grammar first! It only makes sense to learn the language in which the Qur'an was revealed in.

The following verse were translated by Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan & Dr. Muhammad Taqi-ud-Din Hilali

إِنَّا أَنزَلْنَاهُ قُرْآنًا عَرَبِيًّا لَّعَلَّكُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ

^ Verily, We have sent it down as an Arabic Qur'an in order that you may understand.

By reading translation you are relying on the translator. Relying on translation is not only dangerous but impure. Translators make mistakes all the time! Do you know what is being translated? This is why it is important to know Arabic Grammar. DO NOT RELY ON TRANSLATORS! If you dont know what is being translated then i suggest you Learn Arabic Grammar. Learn what Allah is REALLY saying!

May Allah guide us all to the true path and keep us on that path. I hope this post was helpful. If you have any comments please come out and declare it. Do not hesitate. It would be highly appreciated!

Thank you for viewing my post.

barakAllah fik
 

quailey

New Member
Assalamu alaikum!!! F
irst i want to tell you that im not an islamic scholar...
I just want to share you something that might help you...

Before you make conclusion know everything first...

Try to connect every ayat(verse) in the surah that you are reading...
try to link each and every verse in that surah in order for you to get the real meaning..

And then try also to understand the deeper meaning of everyword of everyverse of every surah..

Wassalam!!!!
 
:salam2:


Question and Answer Details


Name of Questioner Rany - Morocco
Title “Beat” Them Lightly?
Date 06/Jun/2005
Question As-salamu `alaykum, brothers and sisters in Islam.

First of all, thank you for your wonderful site. May God bless you, in sha’ Allah. I’d like some explanation of surat 4, verse 34, and also the part that means “beat them (lightly).” Does the Qur’an allow us to beat women? Please, I’d like to know more about it. Thank you very much. As-salamu `alaykum.

The verse in question, says what means:
*{… As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them [first]. [Next], refuse to share their beds, [And last] beat them [lightly]; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, Great [Above you all].}* (Surat An-Nisaa’ 4:34)

Topic Women's life
Name of Counsellor Sahar El-Nadi






Answer




Salam, Rany.

Thank you, brother, for your question. It shows how you care for deepening the understanding of Islam in your heart, and we’re honored you chose us to offer you this support. We hope this answer will provide you with a logical explanation from many angles of the issue.

First, let’s remember that domestic violence is a universal issue. Despite the universality of domestic violence, Muslim men involved in wife abuse have attracted more attention than others. Their stories are highlighted in the media, giving the impression that this is an inherent part of Islam supported by the Qur’an, which of course is not true.
“How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” This question was asked by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) more than 1,400 years ago. It is applicable today to all people of all faiths and cultures, considering the rates of domestic violence all over the world.

So before we elaborate, let us begin by agreeing on some important points:

There is a distinction between Islam and the behavior of individual Muslims. As in any law, creed, or faith, it is unfair to hold each and every Muslim as an official representative of the faith, perceiving his or her behavior as a reflection of Islamic teachings and assuming it is supported by the Qur’an. Individual behavior is nothing but a reflection of a human individual, who could be right or wrong, gentle or violent, pious or otherwise. If some individuals who happen to be Muslims misbehave, then this is their personal problem of bad manners or misinterpretation of the rules of their faith. It is not fair to allow their aggression to tarnish the image of a major world religion and all its millions of followers.

Islam honors and respects women. In fact, abundant evidence in the Qur’an and Sunnah assert the rights of women in words and deeds, giving them rights that promote and preserve their human dignity in all aspects of life and worship, so it is not logical that such a humane religion would encourage physical or psychological abuse of any sort against Muslims of either gender and of any age, race, or social status, much less against women.

Marriage in Islam is a sacred bond. In Islam, the marriage of a man and a woman is not just a financial and physical arrangement of living together, but a sacred contract, a gift from Allah, to lead a happy, enjoyable life and continue the human race. The relationship between the spouses as described in the Qur’an reflects equal rights and responsibilities, and it should be based on tranquility, love, and mercy. It is the duty of both husband and wife to be a source of comfort and tranquility for each other.

Allah says what means:
*{And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.}* (Ar-Rum 30:21)
The Qur’an urges husbands to treat their wives with kindness. In the event of a family dispute, the Qur’an asks the husband to treat his wife kindly and not to overlook her positive aspects. Allah says what means:
*{Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.}* (An-Nisaa’ 4:19)
Islam is also against emotional abuse, not just physical abuse. Emotional abuse includes name calling, belittling, using threat of divorce as a weapon to manipulate the other, threatening with a real weapon (even with no intention of using it). Even frequent teasing, though it might start as fun, may become a type of abuse if it takes the form of sarcasm or demeaning remarks.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised us to control our anger, not to call each other names, not to use vulgar language, and not to point a weapon at another person. This advice was general for all, but it should be taken even more seriously within a marriage.

Considering these main points, let’s now take a closer look at the particular verse you mentioned.

This verse has been greatly misconceived. Many people take it to allow wife beating, but this is not a correct interpretation of the verse. Islam is a whole system, so you cannot isolate one point without considering all other related issues. When the setting is not taken into account, it distorts and falsifies the original meaning. We should also keep in mind that the original Arabic wording of the Qur’an is the only authentic source of meaning. If one relies on the translation alone, one is likely to misunderstand it.

The Arabic verb daraba is better understood as “hit” rather than “beat” (which means repeated hard hitting, usually with something). The one verse in the Qur’an that mentions this—Surah 4:34—has to be read in its entirety and understood in Arabic.

Islam actually prohibits men from hitting women, except in one very limited case when the wife is continuously rebellious and disobedient—not when she disobeys one request—and only as a last resort after all else fails. The husband should first admonish her, then abandon her bed if she continues to be rebellious, and only if those steps have failed then he may hit, not beat, her. The earliest commentators understood that the hitting was to be light enough not to leave a mark and should be done with nothing bigger than a miswak (tooth stick).

Also, Muslims are instructed to follow the exemplary model of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), who was known to have never hit his wives, servants, or even an animal. Consequently, a Muslim husband does not have the right to beat his wife!

What is the definition of “rebellious” and disobedient”?

In Islam, while men and women have equal rights, those rights are not always identical. Islam intends the spouses to be complementary, not in rivalry, so there is a clear set of rights and responsibilities for each within the contract that rules the relationship. Islam stresses the importance of respecting contracts, most of all the marriage contract, which is described in the Qur’an as “mithaqan ghalithan” (a firm pledge).

Furthermore, there is no tyranny in an Islamic marriage. We are all told to conduct our affairs by mutual consultation, as the Qur’an states what means:
*{And those who respond to their Lord and keep up prayer, and their rule is to take counsel among themselves, and who spend out of what We have given them.}* (As-Shura 42:38)
So in marriage, the man is named responsible for protecting, decision-making, and breadwinning; in return he has a right to have a quiet, orderly home and a loving wife to come home to who doesn’t make his life difficult with constant bad temper, nagging, or aggressive attitude.

The woman is named skilled homemaker, loving mother, and faithful counselor; in return she has a right to be provided for fully by a caring, faithful, protective husband who honors her and respects her individuality. Both should be equally supportive, loving, and caring. Both merit respect and support from their partner.

As in any other contract, signing means that both parties agree to the terms and intend to adhere to the rules. So failing to fulfill one’s responsibilities is a breach of the contract and merits limiting or temporarily withholding a corresponding right until that one gets back within the boundaries of the contract, or else the contract is nullified.

So, for example, a wife who repeatedly and intentionally refuses to consult her husband and does things that damage the well-being of the family, or one who fails to do what they had agreed upon after consultation for no logical reason other than rebellion, or one who intentionally does what her husband hates just to make him angry, is certainly a type of woman who should be disciplined in order to preserve the peace and harmony of the Muslim home and the family members within it. This is, of course, assuming that the husband is continuously fulfilling his responsibility towards his wife and family but is not getting his fair rights in return, and that all other peaceful methods of resolving the dispute have failed.

Commenting on this issue, Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi, former president of the Islamic Society of North America, states:
While it is important that a wife recognizes the authority of her husband as the head of the household, the husband should also use his authority with respect and kindness towards his wife. If there arises any disagreement or dispute between them, then it should be resolved in a peaceful manner. Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and other respectable family members and friends to patch up the rift and solve the differences.

However, in some cases a husband may use some light disciplinary action in order to correct the moral infraction of his wife, but this is only applicable in extreme cases and it should be resorted to if one is sure it would improve the situation. However, if there is a fear that it might worsen the relationship or may wreak havoc on him or the family, then he should avoid it completely.

The Qur’an is very clear on this issue. Almighty Allah says what means:
*{Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you all). If you fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation; for Allah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things. }* (An-Nisaa’ 4:34-35)
It is important to read the section fully. One should not take part of the verse and use it to justify one’s own misconduct. This verse neither permits violence nor condones it. It guides us to ways to handle delicate family situations with care and wisdom. The word “beating” is used in the verse, but it does not mean physical abuse. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained it “dharban ghayra mubarrih,” which means “a light tap that leaves no mark.” He further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the view that it is no more than a light touch by siwak or toothbrush.

Generally, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to discourage his followers from taking even this measure. He never hit any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43).

It is also important to note that even this “light strike” mentioned in the verse is not to be used to correct some minor problem, but it is permissible to resort to only in a situation of some serious moral misconduct when admonishing the wife fails, and avoiding sleeping with her would not help. If this disciplinary action can correct a situation and save the marriage, then one should use it.
Dr. Jamal Badawi, professor at Saint Mary’s University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, and a cross-appointed faculty member in the Departments of Religious Studies and Management, adds this:
If the problem relates to the wife’s behavior, the husband may exhort her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be sufficient. In cases where the problem persists, the husband may express his displeasure in another peaceful manner, by sleeping in a separate bed from hers. There are cases, however, in which a wife persists in bad habits and shows contempt of her husband and disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases. Such a measure is more accurately described as a gentle tap on the body, but never on the face, making it more of a symbolic measure than a punitive one.

The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness of continued refraction does not imply its desirability. In several hadiths, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) discouraged this measure. Here are some of his sayings in this regard:

“Do not beat the female servants of Allah.”

“Some [women] visited my family complaining about their husbands [beating them]. These [husbands] are not the best of you.”
I hope this answer has addressed your concerns. Please let us know if you need more information, and please stay in touch. May Allah guide us all to what’s best.

Thank you and salam.

Source :
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/...sh-AAbout_Islam/AskAboutIslamE/AskAboutIslamE
 
Top