Reminders While in a Gathering -- Talking

samiha

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Staff member
Bismillah.

:salam2:

I've had this saved on my computer a looong time... I've been reading it over, and it hurt, you know? I mean we all say backbiting is bad... shouldn't do it, but is it as easy when it comes to it? HOW many people keep away from this dreadful act?

Is it any wonder that tongues lead to the Hellfire?

Ya Allah… may we be saved from this dreadful talk! Ameen. :(

Reminders while Gathering...

If any of us hear gossip about one of our brothers, we are enjoined to oppose it, and correct the speaker- gently, politely, and with wisdom. This is in accordance with the various ways of changing a bad deed which were described by the Messenger of Allah (SAAS)

1, which we should try to do to the best of our ability. The least of these is opposing the wrong deed in our hearts, which in this case should make us leave the gathering where the gossip is taking place.
Let us think about the words of Allah (SWT):
"When you see men engaged in vain discourse about Our Signs, turn away from them unless they turn to a different theme. If Satan ever makes you forget, then after recollection, do not sit in the company of those who do wrong." [al-An'am 6:68]

Let those who relish gossip beware! The Messenger of Allah (SAAS) ordered those who hear gossip to reject it, but they are accepting it with pleasure! Woe to you! Are you not thinking about where you will end up? It is as if you think you were created only for fooling about and committing sins!

The Hadith reads: "Whoever of you sees an evil deed should change it with his hand [by acting], or if he cannot do that, then with his tongue [by speaking out], or if he cannot do that, then with his heart - and that is the weakest of faith." Reported by Muslim (Kitab al-lman, No. 49).

A Muslim needs to pay attention before he raises any doubt and before he accepts and believes in any accusation is to give priority to having a good opinion over having a bad opinion of his Muslim brothers.

He should look for excuses and justifications that will excuse them and clear them of blame, especially when the accusation is directed towards callers to Allah and the righteous.

This is the practice of the righteous, people of understanding and wise men from among Muslims who fear their Lord and desire victory and predominance for Allah's Deen.

Had it been the other way around - had having a bad opinion of people been given a priority over having a good opinion, then no scholar would have been left without being maligned, no nobleman without faults found in him, and Muslims would be deprived from good examples.

That is a methodology that is accepted neither by the Islamic Law nor by any logic.
“The basic principle in this rule is the saying of Allah `azza wa jall: “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” [Al-Hujurat 49:12]

Allah `azza wa jall ordered avoiding much of the suspicion because some of it is sin, and He followed this order with the prohibition of spying, pointing out that spying in most cases does not occur except due to bad assumptions.
The way of the Muslim – the general rule - is hiding others' faults and having a good opinion of others. This is why Allah `azza wa jall ordered believers to have a good opinion of people when they hear slanders of their Muslim brothers.

Dr. Mustafa as-Siba'i said, “Because having a good opinion and then regretting is better than having a bad opinion and then regretting.” [as-Sibai, Hakadha `allamatni al Hayat, al Maktab al Islami, Beirut, 1984, vol. 1, p. 42]

Al-Ihsaan is the opposite of behaving badly, and it means that a person strives to do what is good and to repel harmful things.

So he strives to benefit the servants of Allaah through his wealth, position, knowledge and his person. So as for the case of doing good with ones wealth, then he spends and gives in charity, and pays the zakaat, and the best of the types of doing good through wealth is the zakaat since it is one of the pillars of Islaam, and one of its great foundations. A person's Islaam will not be complete without it. It is the charity most loved by Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic, and that is followed by that which it is obligatory upon a person to spend upon his wife, mother, father, children, brothers, children of his brothers, sisters, paternal uncles, paternal aunts, maternal aunts, and so on. Then by charity given to the poor and to the rest of those deserving of charity - such as students of knowledge for example.

As for the case of doing good by means of ones position, then it is that people are found in different levels. Some of them have status with someone in authority and so strive to benefit the people by means of his position. So if a man comes to him and requests that he should intercede for him with the one in authority then he does so, either to repel some harm from him or to attain some good for him,

As for doing good by means of his knowledge, then it is that he strives to pass on his knowledge to Allaah's servants, in open and private gatherings and assemblies. Even if people sit socially, to drink coffee, then it pertains to good and fine behaviour that he should teach the people. Even if you are in a public gathering it is from what is good that you teach the people. However wisdom is to be used in this matter.

So you should not weary the people making it a habit that every single time you sit in a gathering you admonish and address the people, since the Prophet used to give them admonition now and then, and not too frequently. This is because the souls become weary and bored. When they become bored they become languid and weak and may even come to dislike what is good merely because of the frequency with which the per son stands and addresses them.

As for seeking to benefit the people with ones person, then the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam said: "... that you help a man to mount and ride his riding beast, or you lift up his luggage on to it for him, is a charity" [Reported by al-Bukhaaree (Eng. Transl. 4/90-94/no. 161) and Muslim (Eng. transl. 2/483-484/ no. 2204)]. So you help this man to carry his luggage, or you guide him to the correct road to take and so on, all of this pertains to ihsaan. So this is with regard to striving to do good to the servants of Allaah.

As for ihsaan in the worship of Allaah, then it is that you worship Allaah as if you were seeing Him, as the Prophet ( said. So worship done in this way, that a person worships his Lord as if he were actually seeing Him is worship that is accompanied by yearning and seeking. So a person will find that his soul encourages him upon worship done in this way, since he is yearning for the one he loves. Therefore he worships Him as if he were seeing Him, and he directs his heart to Him and turns to Him and seeks to draw near to Him, He the One free of all imperfections and the Most High.

"Then even though you do not see Him, then He certainly sees you." This part shows worship done whilst fleeing and fearing, and is therefore the second level of ihsaan. So if you do not worship Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic, as if you are seeing Him and seeking Him and your soul is encouraging you towards Him, then worship Him keeping in mind that He sees you. So you will then worship Him as one who fears Him and seeks to flee from His retribution and punishment.

This level is held by those having knowledge of these affairs to be lower than the first level. Worship of Allaah, the Perfect and Most High, is, as Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullaah, said: 'Worship of the Most Merciful is utmost love of Him, along with the worshippers submission and humility, they are its two pillars.' So worship is built upon these two matters: utmost love, and utmost humility and submission. Love causes one to desire and seek, and humility causes one to fear and flee. This is ihsaan in the worship of Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic. If a person worships Allaah in this manner, then he will become one who is pure and sincere in his worship of Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic. He will not desire with his worship that he is seen by the people, or heard of, nor will he desire their praise. It will be the same to him whether the people notice him or do not notice him.

He will worship with ihsaan in every condition. Indeed part of the completion of purity and sincerity of worship (al-ikhlaas) is that a person should seek not to be seen by the people when he worships, and that his worship should be a secret between him and his Lord.

That is unless there is some benefit for the Muslims or for Islaam in his performing it openly, for example if he is a person who is followed and taken as an example and he wishes to manifest his worship to the people so that they should take it as an example to follow; or that he manifests his worship so that his companions, friends and associates should follow his example, then this is good. This benefit which he takes account of may be more excellent and greater than the benefit of keeping it hidden.

Therefore, Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic, has praised those who spend of their wealth in charity secretly and openly. So whenever performing it secretly is better and more beneficial for the heart, and causes one to be more humble and submissive, and to turn to Allaah more attentively, then they give in secret. But when performing it openly produces benefit for Islaam, due to manifestation of its prescribed practices, and will mean that the people follow this persons example, then they do this openly. The Believer looks to what is most appropriate. So whatever is most appropriate and most beneficial in worship, then it will be what is most complete and most excellent.

Shaikhul-Islam Ibn Taimiyyah said that there are those from the people that backbite or listen to backbiting, and they do so to please the company they keep, with the awareness that the victim is likely to be innocent of some of the things that are uttered about him. Often such offenders feel that if they were to attempt to end such conversation in a gathering, their presence might become unwelcome or burdensome.

There are many methods and guises that are employed when one mentions another in a negative way.

Under the pretense of being informative, one could say that it is not one's habit to mention others, except for the sake of relating another's condition to someone.

Or one could state that by Allah, indeed so-and-so is one to be pitied, thereby showing superiority over one who is to be rejected.
Another method might be to say that so-and-so is a good person; however, he has such and such qualities. Again, one is justified in revealing another's faults.

One could also simply state that we should forget so-and-so, and make supplication for their forgiveness as well as our own, intending only to belittle the one that was mentioned.​

In reality, all these tactics are designed to try to deceive Allah (the Exalted) and to please the creation; and in reality, the many that follow these methods only serve to deceive themselves.

Then there are those that backbite to raise their own status.

When they hear of someone's error, they employ words like, "Had I prayed for so-and-so last night in my prayer, the news of their sin would not have reached my ears."

Again, when a person states of another that he lacks understanding in a matter, the implication is personal superiority for the one that mentions the other's shortcoming.

There are also those that couple jealousy with backbiting - the act of being critical or belittling to those that are praised in the company of others.

Some people also backbite for the sake of humor, playfulness and lightheartedness. A person finds a certain amount of satisfaction from being appreciated for his story-telling abilities; speaking ill of someone in a humorous fashion adds flavor to a tale.

Others engage in backbiting by showing surprise and amazement at another's actions: "'How is it that someone could do such a thing?"

Yet others mention people and their actions with the pretense of sympathy for their actions or misfortunes. In reality, the one who backbites actually finds contentment and satisfaction at the mention of others and their misdeeds.

Another form of backbiting is relating someone's misfortune to their enemies, so that they, too, may find pleasure in putting them down.

From these examples, one can surmise that backbiting pertains to a disease of the heart... May Allah save us from this most evil of actions and protect us from its temptations.​
AMEEN!!


1 - It is reported from al-Hasan al-Basri (may Allah have mercy on him) that a man said to him: "You have gossiped about me. He (al-Hasan) said: "You have not reached such a position that you can control my Hasanat!" [Translator's Note: The Islamic teaching is that the Hasanat (rewards) of the one who gossips will be awarded to the victim.]
2 - Someone was told: "So-and-so has gossiped about you" - so he sent him a dish of dates, with the message: "I heard that you had given me your Hasanat as a gift, and I want to return the favour; please excuse me for not being able to pay back in full."
3 - It was reported from Ibn Mubarak (may Allah have mercy on him) that he said: "If I were to gossip about anyone, I would gossip about my parents, for they have more right to my Hasanat."
4 - Ghibah is the hospitality of the wrongdoer.
5 - From Amr ibn al-As (radhiallahu `anhu); He passed by a dead mule, and said to some of his companions: "It would be better for a man to eat his fill from the meat of this than from the flesh of his fellow-Muslims." [Sahih al-Targhib at-Tarhib]
6 - A man mentioned something bad about another to his friend. His friend said to him: "Do you go out and fight against the Romans?" He said, "No." His friend asked: "Do you go out and fight against the Turks?" He said, "No." The friend said: "The Romans are safe from you, and the Turks are safe from you, but your Muslim brothers are not safe from you!"
7 - If you are unable to do three things, then you must do three (other) things: if you cannot do good, then stop doing evil; if you cannot benefit people, then do not harm them; if you cannot fast, then do not eat the flesh of the people.
8 - The poet said:
"If a man is wise and fears Allah,
This will keep him too busy to concern himself with the faults of others,
Just as the weak and sick person is concerned with his own pain
To think of the pain of others."

From Abu'l-Darda' (RA): The Messenger of Allah (SAAS) said: "Whoever defends the honour of his brother, this will be a protection for him from the Fire." [Al-Khara'iti, Makarim al-Akhlaq; Ibn 'Asakir. There is nothing wrong with its Isnad as there is corroborating evidence. See Ghayah al-Maram (below Hadith No. 431).]

From Asma' bint Yazid (RA), who said: The Prophet (SAAS) said: "Whoever defends his brother's honour in his absence, will be entitled to Allah's protection from the Fire." [Ahmad et al. It is Sahih because of corroborating and similar reports. See Ghayah al-Maram (431).]

The Prophet (SAAS) said: "Whoever defends his brother's honour, Allah will protect his face from the Fire of the Day of Resurrection."[Narrated and classed as Hasan by al-Tirmidhi. Classed as Hasan by al-Albani, Ghayah al-Maram (below Hadith 431).]

From Mu'adh ibn Anas al-Juhani: The Prophet (SAAS) said: "Whoever protects a Muslim from a hypocrite, (probably he said:) Allah will send an angel to protect his flesh from the Fire of Hell; and whoever accuses a Muslim of something, seeking to disgrace him, Allah will detain him on the bridge of Hell until he has been fully punished for what he said." [Abu Dawud: Sahih Sunan Ab iDawud (4086); Ibn Abi Dunya. See also al-Albani, Sahih al-Targhib wa'l-Tarhib.]


Just take some time to think that over....

Wassalam.
 

sky_012

Junior Member
Jazak Allah Khair sister for this great article
you are right we should read it several times and take some time to think about these really important points you gave us
i've only read the second part of the article yet but it's really an important thing to remember
Jazak Allah Khair for increasing my knowledge and making me aware of these facts may Allah SWT rewards you Ameen
 
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