Should I have done something?

[~Ali_]

Assalamualaikum - I hope this post greets everyone in the best of health and imaan.

There has been a incident which has been bugging me for a while...

I was at the bus stop a couple of weeks back and there was this couple fighting...well it was more like.. the guy was um... "man-handling" the poor thing and she was all like

"help!,help!, get away from me, i dont love you anymore" ..lol...

and first they were at a distance then they came closer to the bus stop... where there was at least 20 people so.. they were bickering and arguing and this girl was trying to wriggle free... and it just didnt seem RIGHT you know... everyone watched on.. while this girl was truly being abused... and I was shocked at how these other people could just stand and watch it happening like a meter away from them...

now im confused.. should I have stepped in and said something?

(I remembered the hadith that if you see something bad you should change it with your hand, if not your tongue, if not then feel bad about it) + aren't we muslims meant to stand up to injustice?

or should I have minded my own business and kept silent...which i did ...

and now nearly a month later I still feel like rubbish - so my question is.

If there is injustice occurring in front of you - do you:

a) mind your own business
b) or try to set it straight?

 

[FreedomFighter]

:salam2:

you still feel bad about it? now maybe that you posted it, you wont feel so bad about it . ya you are right, when we see something wrong, we should try to stop it in the order that you mentioned. but i think, it depends on whether you could have handled the situation. if you thought that if you had interfered, the man would look strange at you and tell you to mind your own business and shouts to you to stay out of it, and there's nothing much you could do, then dont blame yourself, you have faith when you feel bad about it. but if you think you can handle the situation, watever that could be done, and you can stop it, ask Allah to help you, and go for it, though sometimes its hard to do it, i think people may call you busybody although your trying to help. dont think about it too much brother. you didnt know what might have happened if you did step in, but you know you feel bad about it. may Allah reward you for being concern.

 

[ahmed_indian]

yes, agree with FreedomFighter. it depends on the situation:

if you can reduce the evil, you step in. but if you think that it may increase the evil, you may need to remain outside.

btw, had this type of thing happened in India, you might have found at least 10 persons comnig to help the woman.

 

[~Ali_]

jazakAllah khair for the kind responses FreedomFighter and ahmed_indian

 

[Abdul Hasib]

Rasulallah (SAW)'s Teachings of Conduct to Women, and the Sword of Fighting Fitnah



Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaathuh brother Ali. Wallahi brother, by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and his Power, Might, and Justice, you WERE supposed to do something.
Alhamdulillah for me, I understood that when I was getting back onto my deen, and Wallahi, I LOVE NOTHING MORE than helping someone out for the Sake of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla.

Like let me tell you a situation:

There's this one girl in my class, who has a bit of an EXTREMELY modern Japanese look into her face, she has light skin, brown hair, does her eyebrows, (blah blah blah) and so at the begining, I would look down whenever I saw her (I couldn't stand looking at her face), but after I talked to her at times, I started to lose those evil Waswasa and feelings in my head, and so Alhamdulillah, I could start talking, laughing, and getting into a conversation with her (and her other friends) without having to worry about getting any impure thoughts or feelings (it's what they call, having a DEAD nafs, that when you see a girl or women (that attracts some male's eyes), then your feelinsg stay the same, like that you don't get those impure thoughts and feelings, Alhamdulillah! ), because THAT is the time when I don't usually like talking to females (unless I see that they need help).

And so anyway, there's this one (and ONE out of the many other) "pimps" (as they call it), and he already HAS a girl, but he would go to that girl in my class, and try to talk to her, and "hug" her, and he would notice her appearance when she was in class.

So anyway, I remember one time when it was close to the end of the class (and school dismissal, my GA class is last before school's out ), and so her and some friends were getting up to leave, and so when she got up that boy went up to her and blocked her way, and stopping her from walking past him. He towered over her and told her to give him a hug, which she wasn't going to do. From that, I UNDERSTOOD that she didn't want to hug him, and I was getting PISSED OFF when I saw that boy mistreating her like that, so I walked up behind that boy and was like, "Debrah, is this guy giving you a problem?" And so that boy (he was built, a kid who fights on the streets) turned around and was like "What the hell?" and was all shocked that I just came out of no where and talked to him like that, and so he started the other classmates about what I just did, and everyone (including him) was smiling about it (or laughing to death), and when he got distracted, ALHAMDULILLAH that girl was able to walk past him without stopping him.

ANOTHER incident, is with ANOTHER "pimp" in my class (these boys EITHER: cheat, play, do Zinah, and other womenizing stuff with girls; or they PRETEND that girls go after them), and it was the SAME girl.

One day, I was bored in GA class (I couldn't continue with my GA project because I needed to get some more material from my house in order to continue), so I went ALL the way to the back of the room (and my room is like 50-60 feet long), and I sat by the window, and that girl was actually there with her friends (and my friend was also there), so I sat next to them (and TRUST me brothers and sisters, I do NOT like her, LoL. Wallahi, I lost my taste in those kind of females, mainly because of seeing the qualities and characteristics of our Pious Muslim Sisters made me understand what TRUE beauty is, and that is in Piety and Personality).

Then two ("pimpy") boys came over, and were seated around her ( like the way they sat was like this: The 1st boy is here, the girl here between them, and the 2nd one at her other side), and so they started getting into a conversation, to which I just sat and listened to them.

Then things started making matters get heated up (in my head), when those two boys started staring STRAIGHT at her torso (INFRONT of her!), and then one of them (the "bigger pimp" that girls are after, and has a LOT of curly hair) was like to her (while staring at her torso, and a SPECIFIC place, I don't like saying this word, so I'm not going to tell you WHERE, just know by your own understandings), "Hey, what if I touch you there," and he was all grining, and his hands looked like they were READY to touch her right there, and this time, I REALLY BLEW MY PEAK OFF!

When I saw what it looked like he was about to do (touch her somewhere that I'll let YOU to try to figue out where), I got out of my seat (I was sitting across from the three of them), grabbed his (muscled) forearm, and was like, "YO SERIOUSLY, STOP PLAYING AROUND," to which him and his friend resented that I was stopping them from doing something to her (but the kid that I thought was about to touch her just grinned and laughed a bit after I did that), and I told that girl to run away BEFORE he touches her (there's a special part that I'll explain towards the end of this), and so she DIDN'T move, but their attention went away from her, Alhamdulillah.

And so, the "special part" that I wanted to say is this: whenever I see (or know) a boy is staring at a girl or teacher's body (and one that I KNOW doesn't like that type of disrespect), I stand in their way so that they can't look at my teacher when her back is facing to them, or when a girl is stretching, because it PISSES ME OFF when females get that type of disrespect. And WHEN it got to the point that boy puts his hand on a girl's behind (and this happened, *thinking* a few times actually), I shove him away and I'm like, "Who the heck are you touching like that?" even though I seem like a Pacifist person, but Alhamdulillah, those boys stop after I shove them (into the wall, or even once, into a metal file cabinet).

And so anyway brother 'Ali, KNOW that it is NOT recomended for a Beleving man to protect women. It is an OBLIGATION for a Beleiving man to protect women, because Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla says in Surah an Nisa, Ayet 34:

"(Beleiving) men (are appointed) protect and help the women, because Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta Alla) has given one STRENGTH OVER THE OTHER."

And Rasulallah (SAW) said in a Sahih Hadith, from Sheikh Ahmed ibn Hanbal (RA)'s Musnad:

"The best of you are those who show the best of conduct (politeness and good chracter) towards others and are the best to (treating repectfully, politly, and kindly to) women (especially when it comes to your family members or your wife)."


And WALLAHI brother, Rasulallah (SAW) would NEVER tolerate mistreatment of anyone, so THAT is why I've made an oath (if Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, from his Grace, wills) to make SURE that I show compassion to the children, mentally disabled, poor, weak, sinners, enemies, and females. These are the type of people that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla raised their status in Islam, and who Rasulallah (SAW) supported and helped in his life. And to me, I feel that I MUST help someone out, EVEN if it means death, because IF I don't help somebody out (and even if it means that I must sacrifice my life), then I'll feel so HORRIBLE that I might even FEEL like killing myself for not doing so! And especially when I imagine that a person has died, and (to what I know) went to Jahanam, because they didn't accept Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla in their life, and I will feel bad that I as a MUSLIM did NOT care to even help them out!
Wallahi it SCARES me when I think of something evil happening to a person, and that I DON'T do anything about it!

After summer time started kicking in, I (live in a suburban neighborhood, and I) would at night (like around 10-11) hear teenage boys and girls on the street around their friend's house, (TALKING LOUDLY, LoL), but at times when I hear a female talking really loudly I just start feeling scared about what if one of those boys or some guy tries to sexually abuse her, and that I DON'T even help her out?! That is why I ALWAYS (try my best to) remember, that when a girl/women is in need, do NOT even think about anything, and just RUN over to help them (if it's not serious, and if you feel that Fitnah might occur, then it's better that after her help her, just try not looking at her face (because I can TELL that that's were most of the Fitnah exists, right? LoL ), and then go back to what you were doing), ESPECIALLY when they are being attacked!

And this is one thing that you should know brother, that if Rasulallah (SAW) was in the same situation as YOU were, then he would NOT stand around and let some helpless person be attacked, he WOULD go over and help that female.

When people see how zealous I am about being polite and caring about females, they start wondering why (these people are either not Muslims, or they are NOT Mumins/practicing Muslims), and I tell them (this actually goes with what I say whenever I help anyone out) that my religion teaches me this, in my religion, the Prophet Muhamamd (SAW) taught to help someone in need, to try to make sure that you remove something that would cause difficulty upon people, to be kind, polite, protective, and mainting of women, and to be compassionate, to EVERYONE.

THIS is what you should ALWAYS remember brother, that UNLESS you are pinned down to the floor, and CAN'T get up even if you try with all your strength, then you MUST help a female out, Wallahi when I do it, it becomes a way of Dawah; either: they learn about Islam and start liking it, or: they atleast know that Muslim men aren't supposed to be evil and rude with others (especially to women). And remember brother, that it is ALWAYS important no matter WHAT, that you show good manners, either that you do it because you care about giving Dawah to them about Islam, OR, that you show good manners in fear that by not doing so, you are giving a BAD exampe of Islam, and disoebying Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla.

And remember brother, I even at times, do not feel all enthusiastic about helping someone out (like with females), but even though, I KNOW that I MUST do it to Please Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, so brother, remember that even if you don't feel enthusiastic about helping someone out (especially when it comes to females), then you STILL must help them out, because it IS a GREAT Sunnah of Rasulallah (SAW), to not only help your brothers and sisters in Islam, but to the WORLD.

And another thing (just incase some of you don't know), Wallahi I am NOT telling all of you all of my stories and feelings because I want people to look at me as an example, Wallahi, by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, I feel that I am the LEAST person that someone should look up to, and if ONLY I could think of a good way of humiliating myself (without telling my sins and shortcomings) infront of everyone, I would LOVE to do so (especially if they are people that might listen to my talks, because I'm starting to give small talks and lectures now, Alhamdulillah). And so for ANY brothers and sisters, PLEASE do NOT think that I'm trying to "tell my virtues to people," Wallahi I would LOVE to hide them, but Wallahi, even though I want to, I CAN'T hide my own deeds and ideas about what I did in a situation, because at times I MUST use personal examples in order to teach advise others about what they should do (or MIGHT want to do).


And another thing, brother Ali, I remember some time ago on my thread you talked about this one Brunette haired teacher of yours (you know, the one that you're terrified of her because of her appearance that attracts your nafs, and starts building up impure desires and feelings)? Well brother, I've ACTUALLY got a way to fight those feelings off.
^Alhamdulillh!

But let me tell you a personal story (make sure you get cozy to hear this one! LoL ).

I remember about how as my eighth grade year was reaching it's final months, about how ALHAMDULILLAH, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla was guiding me back to his Deen, and how I SHOULD worship him, in trying to obey him, be a good Muslim and slave of his, and get away from all the bad stuff that I was in before. It turned out to be close to being successful (if it WASN'T summertime! And I mean people's impure feelings get stronger, and then the Haraam stuff just strengthening around you to the point that you feel like tearing your head off and run down the street like a beheaded chicken).

But Alhamdulillah, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla brought me into highschool wearing a Kufi and trying my best to be a good Muslim (which I give all credit to him, except, I actually take all the credit of the times that I screwed things up).

I remember the first day, scary, being in a new school and stuff. But anyway, my story below has a bit in common with your story.

I walked into the room of my English class. After the bell rang, the teacher walked inside. Light skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, and everything that can come into a guy's mind (for me, I obviously wasn't thinking of impure things). Wallahi once I looked at my teacher (and especially when it comes to her face!), I shook and trembled, and a feeling of terror pulsed through me. Oh no! I wanted to LEAVE that life of doing bad things, and NOW, the bad thing (NOT my teacher, but the chance of doing something Haram) was RIGHT infront of me! Wallahi I HATED the life I lived before, to the point that I would even WISH that I was killed, I would just IMAGINE pulling a trigger to my head ( doing that, slitting my throat, or jumping off the roof and splitting my head open on the pavement) during those times when I was being a bad person, and WALLAHI, I NEVER felt any happier than when Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla brought me back to him (it took a lot of tears and begging for him to take me back to him) and when I would just stand in Salat, listen to Quran, or imagine myself acheiving my dreams, looking like and being a REAL Muslim, a Mumin.

Wallahi I tried to do something, looking down? Nah, I had to copy notes from the board. Put my hand infront of my eyes, to not see her body? No, wouldn't work, because I could still see her face (and if I tried to COMPLETELY cover my eyes with my hand, people would get the wrong impression that I look like I'm playing peekaboo....). Look only at her forehead? (because she HAD to get the feeling that I'm paying attention to her or else she'll get annoyed with me, and I remember two years ago, I tried not looking at another teacher (who's appearance was Haram) for a year, and then she became bitter with me because I wouldn't look at the board when she's teaching, even though I DIDNT WANT to look at the board because SHE was at the board, in her Haram clothes and Wallahi, EVERYONE in my class KNEW that she ALWAYS tries acting seductive all the time (especially since I HATED when she would do that)! < THAT is why I was happy that I left my other school.) No, because if I try "only" looking at her forehead, I can STILL see her face, which terrified me the most (because of the impure thoughts and Waswasa that would come to my mind from that).

Wallahi brother Ali, I felt terrified, sad, and scared, scared because I WANTED to leave that former life behind, and I felt that this might be the WORST obstacle that I would face in order to be obedient to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (and especially, I was at a BEAUTIFUL TIME, when my Iman would feel SO strong and high that I would literally spend forty minutes making four Rak'ah because of the amount of ENJOYMENT and EASE that I felt in my heart when I would do Namaaz/Salaat), and so the idea that I would go back to my former self made me want to break into tears, Wallahi, when I looked at my English teacher for the first time, I felt like crying.

And so my heart was in a desperate situation, because I WANTED to be a good Muslim and be obedient to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (because it gave me the Serenity and Happiness in my heart that I've been searching for in my entire life since I was a child), but I felt that I might fall in my Deen because of this one female infront of me (who's appearance attracts your Nafs and feelings, whether you like it or NOT. And also, I remember when I looked at my teacher for the first time, YEAH I was feeling terrified for my Eman, and YEAH it WAS kinda because of her, but when I looked at my teacher (and to me, looking in the face really let's me know what kind of person someone is), I just couldn't stop feeling a sense of how innocent that she looks. That Wallahi, to me I felt that it wasn't HER fault, it was my fault that my Nafs would be like that (from it's nature), and so THAT is what made me see her as being a poor innocent human being, that has this bad thing about her (her appearance), but it's not her fault she's like that, and ESPECIALLY when I could understand the way that men and boys treat her, which is what lead me to wanting to give Dawah to my teacher about Islam, which I've been making dua for her that she does, and I KNOW that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla WILL accept my dua with OUT any doubts, because I KNOW and am CERTAIN in my heart that he CAN do anything, because he HAS done everything that I asked him for).

And so what I did is that I my face in my hands (but I made it look like I was just rubbing my eyes), and I felt like that I was about to break into tears, and when I felt that special connection with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, that he IS listening to me, and that I AM talking to him, then I pleaded for him to protect me from the evils in my teacher, to protect me from the evil of her appearance, from the evil impure thoughts, feelings, and Waswasa that would result from her appearance, and I asked Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla to make it be that my Nafs would get to the point of being DEAD whenever I looked at my teacher (my teacher's FACE), when I talked to her, when she was around me, when I heard her voice, and when I accidentally saw something that I did NOT want to see, and you know what? It worked! Wallahi after making that dua, I felt SO confident that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla had accepted my dua, because I KNEW in my heart and had NO DOUBT that IF he wants to, he WILL make something happen, and so Alhamdulillah, I put my trust in him, and he DID help me. Subhanallahi wa Bihamdihi.

And so that is what I think you should do, 'Ali Bhai. You should make dua to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla SINCERELY, and also FEEL it, KNOW it, and be CERTAIN about it, in your heart that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla WILL accept your dua if he wants to, and do NOT have any doubts, because if you have doubts, such as, "what if my dua is not accepted?" then it makes the situation be that you do NOT have your trust in Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, because if you have your COMPLETE trust in someone, you will have COMPLETELY NO DOUBT in them, and so if you REALLY have your trust in Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, then what you must do is that you MUST be certain in your heart that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla WILL accept your dua, because HE is the one that CAN, and the one that WILL.

I've got to go now Bhai, but I hope that you, Inshallah, have benefitted from this post, along with myself, and other brothers and sisters, and if my post was beneficial and enjoying, then ONLY say, "Alhamdulillahi Rabbil Alameen," because ANY good that I do, is ONLY because I am able to do it from the Grace and Mercy of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, but if there was anything wrong or bad in my post, then that is ONLY from myself and from my own deficiencies, and I ask Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla to forgive me for that, and for ALL of my sins, and for ALL of the sins of those people who the Angels of the Arsh refer to as: "Those who seek their Lord's Forgiveness (Surah Ghafir (Chapter 40): Ayet 7)," and who also seek Piety.

I end my talk, Jazakumullahu Kyran wa Barakumullahu Feekum brothers and sisters for taking the time to read my (LONG) post. And Verily, all of our Praises belong to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla.......

 

[AleahKoto]

Not on "Domestic Dispute"

I agree with all that we should try to change things when we can, but in domestic disputes, this is very dangerous.

Even if she is getting severely beaten, and you step in, she could turn on you for touching "her man". Yes, sick I know, but police always respond with additional backup when going to a domestic dispute call. There have been many police killed by....the person being beaten up. The psychology of domestic disputes shows that 9 times out of 10 if the case goes to court, the women will deny everything the man did (or visa versa) and the case is dropped. Even if a no contact is ordered, it is usually broken.

No one ever really knows why it is like this, battered women who have gotten out of bad situations can't even answer why didn't they leave sooner? Most of the time it is because of brainwashing...."i will never do that again", "I love you too much" "it was a one time thing" "if you leave me no one will ever love you" on and on. IT becomes in the mind of the abused, a one time thing, and they think it will never happen again.

Best to get the police to handle it. But you are right we are supposed to change things, sometimes, we just can't.

 

[kayleigh]

Depending on the situation, you probably should have said something. I bet if you had, others would have stepped in too. They were probably just too afraid to be the first one to say something. But if you felt like the guy could have or would have hurt you perhaps it's best you didn't do anything. But its sad there were so many people around and no one did anything - it reminds me of those times where people lay injured or dying in public stores while people step over them. I know it's not nearly as extreme but people are so jaded and rude now days. (Not saying you are).

 

[~Ali_]

Assalamualaikum. JazakAllah khair for all your replys and May Allah reward you for helping me solve this problem... now..

@kayleigh and AleahKoto
I keep on telling myself "it was the situation" and yeah I was thinking that the girl might turn around and say "piss off mind your own business" and the guy looked um... a year younger then me I would say but no more or less semi-bulky... I am a wimp .. yeah I know..

and finally @ brother Abdul Hasib
First off man - yes long post - but I enjoyed it as always
Second - your a inspiration to people older and younger to you

To know that it is an obligation to protect women ... and I didnt do anything... pretty much makes me feel worse...

Brother you have courage, we need more people like you... and how could I have forgotten about the greatest weapon we muslims have... dua JazakAllah khair brother for reminding me and advising me - Inshallah I will put it all into practice.

...(into the wall, or even once, into a metal file cabinet)...

LOL and...

...you feel like tearing your head off and run down the street like a beheaded chicken)....

...LOL

I am so sorry for such a small reply to such a long post

 

[ditta]

Assalaamu'Alaykum,

Well I thought this ruling related to your problem,

Question

There are those who do not desist from evil except if they are forced to desist. How do we deal with such people?

Answer

Force that does not serve the general welfare and that causes more harm than good is not permitted. It is obligatory to follow wisdom, and only those who are in authority can apply force - beating and imprisoning. The general population should propagate the truth and warn against evil. Changing evil, though, especially when it is with the hand, is left to the authorities. They are the ones who are obligated to remove an evil according to their ability, and they will be asked about this responsibility.

If a person were to remove an evil with his hand at every opportunity, an evil perhaps greater than the original evil may result. This is why it is necessary to use wisdom in this matter. A person can, though, remove an evil with his hand (by force) if that evil is committed in the house he is the head of. But forcefully changing an evil that occurs in the marketplace would be worse than having left it to remain. Yet, in this case, it is obligatory for that person to inform those who have the authority of changing such evils in the marketplace.

Ibn Uthaymeen.

Reference - Fatawa Islamiyah, Volume 8, Jihad, Da'wah and Commanding Good, pg 64-65

From the top of my head I can recall many occasions when someone has tried to remove an evil by hand (be he a Muslim or non-Muslim) it has resulted in injury or even death (those without authority). I guess advising could have been an option instead of force but even then people tend to take offence. Insha'Allaah you did the right thing by hating the evil in your heart as it was probably the most you could do.

EDIT: There's a short book on the fundamentals of commanding good and forbidding evil by Ibn Taymiyyah which is excellent. I will see if I can find it (or if someone else posts it).

Walaykum Salaam.

 

[~Ali_]

JazakAllah khair ditta for sharing that piece of information, May Allah bless you

 

[ahmed_indian]

brother Abdul Hasib....how much time did it take to write such a long post?