Such a twisted world...

ShahnazZ

Striving2BeAStranger
:salam2:, I hope you're all in the best state of health and iman.

Where to begin? My hands are slightly shaking right now. Guess it comes in the line of work.

Firstly, I want you all to know that you've become a part of my family in the last 3 years. I trust the advice you give me and you have my love and gratitude fi sabil Allah.

As many of you know, I work at an agency that works with female Muslim victims of domestic violence. So you can basically say that I've seen it all and unfortunately, nothing surprises me anymore. Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT has brought me a long way since my first initial days of shock and dismay. However, there are just some things you can't be prepared for.

One area where the line gets fuzzy is when I come across inquiries from women that I personally know. These women either don't know that I work there or aren't aware that all the organization staff members have access to all the emails, unless it's addressed to one of us personally. So many of my most awkward moments entail moments like these, when I realize I know the victim.

Today, the organization received a letter from a sister that attended the MSA at my college. Prior to reading the message, I first checked to see if her email matched the email of the girl I knew. It did. I dreaded reading her message knowing that someone I knew was experiencing dire circumstances as most of the women who contacted us usually did.

My shock increased to it's maximum when I realized that the good, pious, MSA-frequenting sister I knew was begging us to help her because she was 6 months pregnant with a child conceived from zina. The sister needed help so badly and was so ashamed about lying to her parents, whom she loved dearly, about the haram relationship she had with her boyfriend of 5 years. She's no longer with him but she's pregnant with his child and doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to approach her parents, how to approach the father of her child. She wants to marry a good Muslim man but now wonders how that can happen because she has a child out of zina.

I'm at work right now and I can't afford to burst into tears like I so badly want to right now, but this has shaken me up beyond anything else I've ever witnessed. And I've witnessed alot at this organization. Before anyone accuses me of judging her, please be aware that that's not what's going on. I just never understood why zina was always worth it. Why is endangering your soul worth the carnal pleasure of this life? Why is physically being with the opposite sex so above and beyond going to hell? My heart is breaking for her so badly right now. I can't imagine what she's going through or how she feels about herself. I want to help her but I feel so emotionally distraught at the situation that I know I can't disconnect myself from it professionally as I should. I passed her case on to one of the social workers and am grateful that I won't have to interact with her.

My mind is in a whirlwind right now and I want to cry. We all sin and none of us are above another but it honestly disgusts me how something done in secret and forbidden by Allah could be indulged with so frequently and with such consistency. Alhamdulillah, I'm extremely grateful that Allah SWT has saved me from such a path but my heart continues to break for her. I feel as if her pain is my pain. Whenever one of my fellow Muslims commits such an act, my heart breaks but then it also breaks when they have to experience such pain at committing such an act.

It's difficult to explain but this is something that affects me greatly. I wish I could help her but I can't stop getting emotional about her situation myself. I guess in the end all I can do is make dua for her and thank Allah SWT for protecting me from so much fitnah. This world is truly a battlefield and subhanAllah, we're just lucky if we manage to walk away unscathed.

Barakallahu feekum for your advice.
 

Idris16

Junior Member
Lâ Hawla walâ quwwata illa billâh

Just want to say, if the guy would marry her he wouldnt commit zina, no one would if they would marry that person.
She's in a difficult situation. Insh'Allâh we can LEARN from her situation.
 

JenGiove

Junior Member
:salam2: Dear Sister ShahnazZ,

I can almost understand your feelings. I say almost simply because I am not a Muslim, but, I can because for many many years, I worked in an agency that assisted people with mental disabilities. I am also a sibling of someone who had Down Syndrome so the horrors we human service workers encounter and have to keep private are tremendous. I know your feelings well.

It is good that you passed on her case to someone else. You can only help her that way. Make dua for her and feel sad for her and thank Allah for the fact that you are not her....there is a saying, "but for the grace of God go I...". Shaytain is very powerful and will use anything so a person commits zina. Mental attraction. Hormonal attraction. Physical attraction. Anything....AS I've been saying to another sister, Shaytan attacks the hardest, the stronger in deen they are.

Imagine this. Your faith is a house and Shaytan is a thief. There are two house's, one next to the other. One house is unlocked, though the doors and windows are closed. The other house is locked, barred and the alarm is set. Which house do you think Shaytain is going to want to enter more? The unlocked house? No. It takes little energy and while the homeowner may have nice things, they don't protect it well so he can always come back another time. The other house however is well protected. They must have MANY valuable things in there and the loss of those things would affect them more. Shaytain wants people to be affected greatly.

While we can not follow the neighbor and lock their doors for them when they leave, we CAN point out when Shaytain was seen in the area and warn them. What happens after that is for them to handle.

I'm sorry that the woman you know is in such a bind and I hope that her parents continue to love her and help her through this period and do not desert her. I fear the worse and maybe that is my own fears of the prescribed punishment for fornicators as set out in the Qur'an and my having been raised in America where such punishments are not allowed. I'm sorry if my feelings in any way convey disrespect for Islam, because that is not my wish.

May Allah bring a peaceful solution to this problem...Ameen
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Sister you are a professsional. You are there to assist and not judge. Things happen in life. You are to provide her with a list of resources. You are the stepping stone for her to move back to a life of peace. She has a tremendous battle to fight. Put your emotions into check.
You can be the person who will give her the courage to live in a dignified manner.
We all sin, sister. We all sin. Only Allah can forgive sins. She needs a professional to assist her in a crisis. She does not need a woman wrought with emotions who is shaken up.
I am not being harsh. You are the one who has to determine how strong are you. Are you going to help a human being in need or are you judging what is right and wrong.
 

ansari

STRANGER...
:salam2:, I hope you're all in the best state of health and iman.


Today, the organization received a letter from a sister that attended the MSA at my college. Prior to reading the message, I first checked to see if her email matched the email of the girl I knew. It did. I dreaded reading her message knowing that someone I knew was experiencing dire circumstances as most of the women who contacted us usually did.

My shock increased to it's maximum when I realized that the good, pious, MSA-frequenting sister I knew was begging us to help her because she was 6 months pregnant with a child conceived from zina. The sister needed help so badly and was so ashamed about lying to her parents, whom she loved dearly, about the haram relationship she had with her boyfriend of 5 years. She's no longer with him but she's pregnant with his child and doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to approach her parents, how to approach the father of her child. She wants to marry a good Muslim man but now wonders how that can happen because she has a child out of zina.

:salam2:

Astaghfirullah... this is really shocking :astag:
when we see a pious muslim or muslimah we trust them, thinking that they Fear Allah and when they commit major sin like Zina... then its really hard to trust people :astag:
:hawla:


 

BrotherInIslam7

La Illaha Illa Allah
Staff member
:salam2: sister,

What has happened with her, pleasant or unpleasant has taken place. It is in the past, and no form of vilifying and judging is going to change it. As a member of the muslim organisation, you can first make her realize that she has committed a great transgression and she should firstly fear for her account with Allah azz zawajal more than her parents. She has to be encouraged to make sincere tawbah to Allah azz zawajal.

There is no point in berating her or accusing of her being a hypocrite or a horrible muslim. First of all, this is not our job of labeling people as such and such. Secondly, if she repents and begs Allah for His forgiveness, she might be on a better status with Allah than any of us and this might pull her towards Islam more than any other thing. As muslims, we should always be hopeful in the All merciful and All forgiving, Master of entire universe Allah.

As fellow muslims, we should be asking Allah azz zawajal to forgive her and guide her and her unborn kid towards Islam and protect them from all evil. Ameen

For her situation, an individual always has to face the consequences of what they indulge in. She can not escape the tough times she faces from society and her family. But if she does realise the wrong that she has committed, then as muslims we should assist and comfort her in every way we can. Alhamdulillah we are saved from such shameful acts, but that doesn't allow us to be judgmental and berate others such as "how do people get in to such acts, what were they thinking' etc etc.

Rather, such incidences should only make us more conscious that zina doesn't take place among the people who aren't pious or don't live their life according to Islam. Whoever opens themselves to trap of shaytaan are vulnerable to it, pious or impious either one can fall into it.

We all have to take steps to protect ourselves from this grave sin. We need to protect ourselves from the *paths* that lead to this sin. Our perfect deen, has prohibited all *paths* and *means* that lead to this transgression. We should therefore adhere to our religion and not be arrogant, and feel "This will never happen to me because I am a better muslim than that". We need to educate ourselves about 'intermingling of sexes in Islam' and then change our lives accordingly. This is our lesson after hearing of such an incident.

Our salaf (May Allah be pleased with them) were better muslims than us in every imaginable way, yet they strived more than us in protecting themselves of all major sins including zina.

As for this sister, I pray that Allah azz zawajal accepts her repentance and forgives her of this sin & leads her and her kid to lead a life of righteousness and piety. Ameen.

Sister Shahnazz, the type of service you are involved in is much needed by muslims in a foreign non muslim country. I didn't even know such an organisation existed in the US. Perhaps later you can do a thread (maybe on the sisters side) describing all the services your organization provides, for the benefit of muslims in the US. It does sound like a very emotionally demanding field of work. I pray to Allah that you and fellow sisters are able to assist and help fellow muslims in the best way possible. Ameen.

May Allah reward all of you abundantly for the work you are doing. Ameen.

Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi
 

Kakorot

Junior Member
:wasalam:

Maybe her eemaan was reeeeally downhill; hence why she committed the act. And I guess it is too late for abortion, as she's 6 months pregnant.

The sister placed herself in a really difficult situation. When she gives birth to the child, it will be illegitimate subhanAllaah. And what if the guy she committed zina with doesn't want anything to do with her? And the shaaaame of the parents finding out, especially the father... What if her parents disown her and there is no other guy that wants to marry her? She must be going through a tough time.

At least she is regretting it now and hopefully Allaah accepts her repentance. Sister Shahnaz, I guess what you can do is advise and comfort the sister as best as you can. Give her a verses from the qur'aan and hadeeth about repentance and verses/hadeeth about the punishment of zina and how this sin is major. I don't know what else you can do.

And forget your role in your job for a moment. You're human as well just like the rest of us and if you need to cry, then cry to let out your frustration.
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Assalamu'alaykum,

And I guess it is too late for abortion, as she's 6 months pregnant.

But whats the Islaamic ruling on that anyway? Would it be allowed at all for a reason such as this, are you aware? Secular law has changed with regards to up to how long a baby can be aborted based on when they think it can 'feel pain' ..I can imagine Islaam being a bit different on that; I dislike how abortion is spoken of so lightly like .. ''too late'' ? A life is a life.

Channa said:
Give her a verses from the qur'aan and hadeeth about repentance and verses/hadeeth about the punishment of zina and how this sin is major. I don't know what else you can do.

Give her ones about repentance, but not on the punishments for zina. That will not help her right now, I think you need to find a way to inject hope into her outlook on life and reassure her of Allaah's mercy, not drive her into depression.
 

Kakorot

Junior Member
The reason why I suggested Shahnaz gives her verses and hadeeths about the punishment is because it may push her even more to repent sincerely, since this sin is taken so lightly by some Muslims these days, but this sin is one of the major kaba'ir.

So knowing the punishment and knowing that she can't have it, means that there is no expiation for the sin she committed. The warnings and punishment may encourage her to do more 'ibadah/taubah. So it has to be balanced 50/50. You give her info of repentance and Allaah's mercy and at the same time give her info of Allaah's warnings and punishments.

Maybe if she is just given info only about Allaah's mercy, she will take her repentance lightly. Part of the repentance she makes has to have fear in it. Fear of Allaah's wrath and punishment. You need that balance of hope and fear, if you know what I mean.

And sorry for speaking without knowledge about abortion. I thought I read somewhere that it is allowed in these circumstances.
 

JenGiove

Junior Member
:salam2:

In the United States, you can't abort a fetus after the first trimester unless there is danger to the mother's life.

I have a question....What will happen with the baby? In non-Muslim America, it's just a matter of getting the right monetary and social support systems in place, but what happens in the Islamic community?
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

On the eve of a major feast we have the nerve to speak about the sins of another. May Allah forgive us.

Where is the compassion gone. Do you not understand we can not wrap our hearts in coldness.

She is a child who made a mistake. Only Allah can forgive her. At this moment she is covered in shame.

One does not ask a woman to abort. That is cold and unfeeling.

The world is not twisted. Our minds our twisted.

Things happen. There are sins we engage in constantly that we do not expose. Let us remember that. We sin daily.

The message I am reading for this is simple. A female who is in need does not need to come to Muslims. Poor child.
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
:salam2:

In the United States, you can't abort a fetus after the first trimester unless there is danger to the mother's life.

I have a question....What will happen with the baby? In non-Muslim America, it's just a matter of getting the right monetary and social support systems in place, but what happens in the Islamic community?

Sadly this is not true. I work in medicine and can tell you that ate term abortions are performed quite often when there is no threat to the mother or fetus. Basically it depends on the doc and if they will agree to the procedure.
 

MohammedMaksudul

May Allah Forgive us
:salam2:

Abortion would be a bad idea at this stage and its haram as well. So that would be wrong over wrong. That sister needs support now. What has passed, has passed. And yes only Allah can forgive. Sister Shahnaz, should extend her a hand of help and be her comfort zone. Not that I am trying to say that by doing this she in any way promotes her action as right. But should talk to her, give her hope, ask her to repent and ask Allah to help her out of this situation. See it this way, Allah indeed gave her a chance. Imagine if it was the time of Prophet Muhammad :saw: or a time when we had true Khilafa, a state with shari'ah laws. Things would have been different for that sister right now, she would have been subjected to the capital punishment. I continuously thank Allah for giving all of us muslims of today to give an easy way out of our disgusting sins (Due to Allah's mercy, we don't receive the capital punishment prescribed). I don't think the intention of sister shahnaz by opening this thread was to expose or talk about someone else's sin. She was only trying to share her emotions with the brothers and sisters here on TTI. And the major disappointment is that the we are talking about a muslim and not a non-muslim. In which case, it saddens everyone more. And for the other sister, should realize that and truly repent to Allah and ask for Forgiveness. May Allah, The Exalted show her the way.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

We have to have discussions of this nature. It is not something we want to dwell upon, but Shahnaz did the right thing.

We have to have compassion. In showing Mercy maybe Allah will have Mercy on us.
 

MohammedMaksudul

May Allah Forgive us
:salam2:

Just wanted to make the air lighter, so even though there are other eid greetings thread I congratulate everyone a very happy Eid-ul-Adha here. Eid Mubarak my brothers and sisters.
 

ShahnazZ

Striving2BeAStranger
First of all, I'd like to say JazakAllah Khair to everyone for their responses. I appreciate everyone giving their time to respond. Please make dua for her. I thank those who actually understand what I'm saying and gave me such generous advice. I hope to carry it with me in this line of work.

Secondly, and I have to say, I am extremely appalled by the responses I received that actually told me I was being judgmental. I'm sorry but do you have any idea what it takes to post something like this? It's so easy to call others judgmental and not realize that you are actually the one that is being judgmental. Where exactly did I give off the absurd impression that I was judging her? The fact that I'm more shaken up that I've ever been in a long time and that I have more anger in my response now then in the past three years on this board tells you I'm wasting all my emotion on someone because I'm judging them? Honestly I knew that responses like this would come up and its truly sad that people can't be human for just one second. It's like judging HAS to exist on this forum and the fact that people are so quick to tell others that they're judging others shows just how highly you think of their ownself.

I'm not going to tell this sister that I know anything and I will simply make dua for her. She doesn't need her life to be further complicated by knowing that someone who knows her now is aware of her personal business. I am also not going to give her verses on punishment because she doesn't need me to tell her that. She already regrets her action and I have full confidence that inshAllah she will be fine and that Allah SWT will get her through this.

Reread my post and see if you honestly see some type of superiority complex or smugness up there. I was so distraught today I didn't know what to do with myself. That sounds like judging to you? If I was judging her, I could easily have posted all the sordid details as well as punishment details. Instead, you heard from a girl who was distraught on behalf of an acquaintance and scared for her future. I barely know this girl and in fact she doesn't know me at all. I know OF her but we don't know one another. I still feel such pain for her because I want for her what I want for myself and that is a good Islamic life with the best in the dunya and the akhirah. Her pain is my pain and inshAllah when I hear of her joy, it will be my joy as well. You call that judging? What you heard was a girl who was so overcome by pain and wanted to know how anything in the world could be worth such pain. I guess that's judging to you.

I've honestly noticed that sometimes people approach an issue with rose-colored glasses. They feel that their position or their outlook on life gives them the right to view an issue the way they want to view and don't even bother to look at what the person is really saying. I'm sorry but none of you can understand how I'm feeling at this moment and to actually tell me that I'm judging an individual when I'm in pain over this and relaying my pain for her as well as myself is just downright selfish.

Seriously people, wake up. Understand that our ability to empathize with others may sometimes overwhelm us. Guess what? We're human beings. Did you know that? This was my initial shock. InshAllah tomorrow I'll be in a better state of mind. But as for her she needs someone who can help her and not cry with her. I've seen so much self-righteousness on this board in the past year, it's heinous. People really need to think before they speak and put themselves in another's position before telling them they're being judgmental. Things aren't always black and white.

InshAllah for her I will do what I would want someone to do for me. I will continue to make dua for her and I will make sure she receives the best care and counseling as possible. I will continue to empathize with her because it could have been me. It could have been you. It could have been anyone.

This is one of the most volatile posts I've written on this board and it's truly sad that something that gave me pain actually gave people a reason to point fingers at me. Perhaps I need a break. Maybe when I come back their will be a lack of high horses.
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
First of all, I'd like to say JazakAllah Khair to everyone for their responses. I appreciate everyone giving their time to respond. Please make dua for her. I thank those who actually understand what I'm saying and gave me such generous advice. I hope to carry it with me in this line of work.

Secondly, and I have to say, I am extremely appalled by the responses I received that actually told me I was being judgmental. I'm sorry but do you have any idea what it takes to post something like this? It's so easy to call others judgmental and not realize that you are actually the one that is being judgmental. Where exactly did I give off the absurd impression that I was judging her? The fact that I'm more shaken up that I've ever been in a long time and that I have more anger in my response now then in the past three years on this board tells you I'm wasting all my emotion on someone because I'm judging them? Honestly I knew that responses like this would come up and its truly sad that people can't be human for just one second. It's like judging HAS to exist on this forum and the fact that people are so quick to tell others that they're judging others shows just how highly you think of their ownself.

I'm not going to tell this sister that I know anything and I will simply make dua for her. She doesn't need her life to be further complicated by knowing that someone who knows her now is aware of her personal business. I am also not going to give her verses on punishment because she doesn't need me to tell her that. She already regrets her action and I have full confidence that inshAllah she will be fine and that Allah SWT will get her through this.

Reread my post and see if you honestly see some type of superiority complex or smugness up there. I was so distraught today I didn't know what to do with myself. That sounds like judging to you? If I was judging her, I could easily have posted all the sordid details as well as punishment details. Instead, you heard from a girl who was distraught on behalf of an acquaintance and scared for her future. I barely know this girl and in fact she doesn't know me at all. I know OF her but we don't know one another. I still feel such pain for her because I want for her what I want for myself and that is a good Islamic life with the best in the dunya and the akhirah. Her pain is my pain and inshAllah when I hear of her joy, it will be my joy as well. You call that judging? What you heard was a girl who was so overcome by pain and wanted to know how anything in the world could be worth such pain. I guess that's judging to you.

I've honestly noticed that sometimes people approach an issue with rose-colored glasses. They feel that their position or their outlook on life gives them the right to view an issue the way they want to view and don't even bother to look at what the person is really saying. I'm sorry but none of you can understand how I'm feeling at this moment and to actually tell me that I'm judging an individual when I'm in pain over this and relaying my pain for her as well as myself is just downright selfish.

Seriously people, wake up. Understand that our ability to empathize with others may sometimes overwhelm us. Guess what? We're human beings. Did you know that? This was my initial shock. InshAllah tomorrow I'll be in a better state of mind. But as for her she needs someone who can help her and not cry with her. I've seen so much self-righteousness on this board in the past year, it's heinous. People really need to think before they speak and put themselves in another's position before telling them they're being judgmental. Things aren't always black and white.

InshAllah for her I will do what I would want someone to do for me. I will continue to make dua for her and I will make sure she receives the best care and counseling as possible. I will continue to empathize with her because it could have been me. It could have been you. It could have been anyone.

This is one of the most volatile posts I've written on this board and it's truly sad that something that gave me pain actually gave people a reason to point fingers at me. Perhaps I need a break. Maybe when I come back their will be a lack of high horses.

:salam2:

idk if this means something to you, but i really dont think anyone should point fingers on you, the point really to ponder is how common zina has become and one way or another we are part of it weather its zina of the eyes ear tongue or the actual act and it is becoming common at a alarming rate and we really need to work on it as a community.

but wat you explain in your first post was just how you felt and honestly i cudn't stop thinking about what you said either if i were in your position i would probably go thru the same thing, especially if its someone you know ....
 

ProudToBeaMuslim

Junior Member
Assalamalikum,
Here is an advice from brother Nouman Ali Khan :Is there any hope for one who commits Zina?

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