Tell me good reason why I shouldn’t kill myself?

[Blossom4]

As salamu alaykum
I hope I’m posting in the right place because sometimes I tend to be stupid and post things in the wrong thread . Anyways brothers and sisters I really need your help. I feel like I’m always committing sins all the time. I really want to change but can’t and its making me feel really weak . I sometimes just want to die because I feel like no matter what I do it’s never good enough and I’ll burn in hell fire. My sins are major and minor sins. No matter how hard I try to stop I just can’t.

I do try to pray to Allah swt but for some reason I’m too lazy and you probably think I’m making way too many excuses, but I’m letting you know I just can’t seem to do anything right in this life. I want to do my five pillars of Islam but; the only thing I can do is believe in Allah. I don’t pray, nor do I fast in the month of Ramadan, I can’t afford zakat and nor can I go to haji.

I love to listen to music and I know it’s forbidden in Islam but I can’t help it and I listen to it every single day. The days I don’t listen to music, I get depressed. I feel like music helps me to calm down when I get into fights with my parents or feeling depressed. And when I do listen, I tend to daydream a lot about how I want to accomplish many goal in my life but when reality hits me, I realized dang my life sucks.

My other difficulties in life are; I had tough time finding out what career I love or even finding myself as a person. I feel lost most of the time in college and have no motivation which is why I’m stuck at community college for almost 4 years. I don’t know what I like about myself and hate every course classes such as math( not good), English(hate reading/can’t write well) history(boring subject) science( hate it). I would probably want to quit college but because I got this far, I feel like I should finish it and because I want /need money! I wouldn’t also get to quit because of my parents, they value education because they never got the opportunity.

I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in life like for exampl being a Muslim or education wise. I feel worthless, useless and a pathetic low life person. I honestly just want to die. I know for fact, I’m not ready to meet Allah because I will burn in the hell fire but at the same time I don’t think I will ever be ready. I know the purpose in life is worshiping Allah swt but I feel like everything is hard for me in Islam and life.

I do love Allah and please don’t judge me and I know Islam is the right religion. But for some reason I can’t seem to do anything right in Islam. As a young girl this is not how I imaged my life would be. Although I don’t like to compare myself with others, when I see my friends even non Muslims they all accomplished their life goals and dreams. Most of them are done with university and getting their masters and I haven’t even completed my B.A. and some of them are married and have kids. Although I do believe in Allah, sometimes I feel like I not consider a Muslim through Allah (astaghfirullah) eyes. I do have knowledge about Islam but feel like it’s pointless because I can’t act upon it. Lectures about Islam such as prayers etc. don’t scare me anymore because I got use to it. I feel really shocked because I hear about hell fire and it doesn’t hurt me to know about it or I don’t get the slightest scare.

I had never had/drink alcohol nor have I ever had sex/fornicate. I also don’t go to parties/club but I do have a boyfriend then again he is my first and we’ve been together for almost a year. We don’t hang out like most boyfriends/girlfriends do, in fact we’ve never touched each other nor did we ever kiss. We only commutate through phone and when we do see each other at work. My boyfriend is really a good guy; he is really sweet and innocent. He prays his 5times and has a beard. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve him because he is too good of a Muslim. I want him to get married to a pious Muslim girl because he’s very sweet and works hard. Me on the other hand nope.

People say I’m really nice and smart person. Although I do believe I am a nice individual where does that get you in life? Sometimes I wish I could trade my life with someone who is useful or would have been successful but didn’t have the opportunity like a homeless or third world country. This year has been really rough and for some reason the thought of suicide keeps popping up. I started to cut myself and can’t sleep right. I feel like shatan has taken control of my life. But most importantly suicide is on my mind 24hours like for example; I was driving on the road couple days ago and in order to get to my house you have to cross this bridge. The sad thing is I feel like throwing myself over the bridge or driving over the bridge but since is a busy road under the bridge. I don’t want to hurt innocent human being due to my unhappiness and if I do..what if that person was enjoying their life and I took it away from them?? Not because I will get hurt. I do think about getting help sometimes but can’t because I’m broke and can’t afford a psychiatrist.

Edit: As Muslims we should not expose sins that Allah has concealed from the world, be they our own or those of other people.

 

[deeva]

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." 39:53

 

[Um Ibrahim]

Asalaamu Alaykum,

Never give up hope no matter what sins you commit. Allah is merciful and He is the most forgiving, most kind alhamdulilah. So long as you're alive, you have the chance and opportunity to ask Allah for forgiveness; never forget this. But you have to try your best to stop doing those haram things. Start praying immedietly no matter how hard you think it is. Ask Allah to make it easy for you, and inshaaAllah it will be easy for you. And I only want to remind you one last thing which is the fact that you are feeling guilty for all of your mistakes and sins is a good sign. The shaytan is just overpowering you right now, and you must try to change that through du'a and other physical acts of worship such as dhikr, salaat and fasting. Remember Allah as much as you possibly can. Make istiqfar.

May Allah help you to stop your transgression against His commandment and help you to become a better Muslim. Amin

 

[Umm Abdullah]

Wa aleykum assalam dear sister.

I hope you are okay in sha Allah.
First of all, Shaitan is our biggest enemy, so we should take him as an enemy. He wants’ everybody to be his companion in the hellfire!
Remember that it is never too late to ask for forgiveness. The most important thing for you to do right now is ask Allah for forgiveness.
And you should think good of Allah, beacuse Allah says in a hadith qudsi : " I am as my servants think of me ". So be sure that Allah will forgive you, when you ask for forgiveness.
I will also advise you to start praying immediately, because you will only be happy if you obey Allahs commands.
The last thing I want to tell you is, that we are all tested in this life ukhtii. Maybe you see your friends doing well at something, but Allah is testing them in another way. Our tests are different. We should not expect this life to be easy without any tests, because Allah wants’ to see who of his servants are patient and thankful and who is not. I hope this was helpful.
Fe amanillah

 

[islamerica]

As'salaamu alaikum dear sister,

May Allah make it easy for you inshallah and give you strength to abandon the wrong ways and return to islamic ways that you desire. Ameen.

As others pointed out, a believer never despairs of the mercy of Allah. Committing suicide is a major sin as well. So that wouldn't be a good idea, plus it closes any hopes of seeking forgiveness before it's too late. Life is a struggle and we all have our ups and downs. There is always tomorrow and there is always hope. You should try taking baby steps first. Start of praying the fard prayers only, find friends that are religious and will encourage you to do the same, join the halaqas at the masjid. The further you go away from Allah the more in turmoil you'll be, the more you come towards Islam the more at peace you will be.

 

[Hajjerr]

Salam aleikum

I dont know what is your age but i think that every person has a hard time in his life that lasts for few years.
We all reach some very hard moments, we go in tests and our patience and strenght may seem pushed over the limit. But Allah does not burden anyone more that the person can bear. Once we pray with sincerity and we mature in our thinking, Allah guides us according to our intentions, so inshallah keep your intentions pure and strive for the best.

Try to listen music inshallah less and less, if you cant give up all at once, try once in 2 days, then once a week and so on...takes practice to make big changes, i know as i am revert muslim and i made some cleaning in my way of living, alhamdulillah, with patience.
I also think very important is to have good and pious friends, spend time with them and remember that if you have friends with bad intentions, you will borrow their way..

Wish you all best, inshallah things will improve in your life if you start to do some efforts.

Does He who created not know, while He is the Subtle, the Acquainted ? quran 67:14

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o aliakum wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakatuhu,

sis i apologize but before i say anything i think you should remove some of the private sins that you mention because later in life you might come back to this and really regret it.

To be honest the best answer is right here : Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." 39:53

what the sisters already mentioned is best advice, i will just share something that have personally worked for me.

First of all, relax, and thank Allah (swt) that you are able to repent change yourself before you meet your Lord, second, BE PROACTIVE, instead of feeling sorry for yourself or your life, turn it around and make a goal within yourself that you will change yourself, your life, for the sake of Allah (swt) inshAllah.
3rd, this is what i did i took a notebook and categorized things for that i wanted to change, just make headings and list your problems and how to fix those as well, Please very important come up with a game plan how you going to fix it.
here are some useful things u can use if you like to make a work plan
http://productivemuslim.com/worksheets-wallpapers/
http://productivemuslim.com/start-here/

just remember every time you feel like giving up or fail remind yourself the story of the famous sahabi salam al farsi (r.a) will really help you. InshAllah keep going and dont look back always plan ahead inshAllah and think positive dont give negative thoughts any chance,

You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah (3:111)

Muhsin Khan
You [true believers in Islamic Monotheism, and real followers of Prophet Muhammad SAW and his Sunnah (legal ways, etc.)] are the best of peoples ever raised up for mankind; you enjoin Al-Ma'ruf (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam has ordained) and forbid Al-Munkar (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden), and you believe in Allah (3:111)

inshAllah don't give up, things like salah and other things which are fard that you must do start with them right away, atleast do the fard if nothing else inshAllah it will all even out and life will be on track, make loads of dua cause you can't even imagine how powerful dua is and stay in company of good friend even if its just on this forum.

JazakAllah khair for reading inshAllah i wish you the best

 

[hedy yunus]

Wassalaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatuLLaahi wa barakaatuhu.

Perhaps, because thou already repenting.

Wassalaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatuLLaahi wa barakaatuhu.

 

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

Dear sister Blossom (you have beautiful name by the way); may I give you few good reasons why NOT to make suicide. At the first, as long as you live, you have a great opportunity try again become - not only as a better muslim - but also as a person who can look to mirrow and say from the bottom of hers heart: "I like myself, I am good". You have all possibilities to change yourself as every new day is a new possibility.

Second; being brave and continue trying you will understand that those weeknesses and sins you mentioned are not very rare with those others - whose might look like better persons/muslims of your mind right now. We all are sinners and only what we have is a hope that Allah forgives us. Today and also at the future.

Third: don´t put those tears to your mothers´ eyes what she will carry rest of hers life if hers unique baby (sorry - to her you will always be hers baby) would hurts herself.

and many others reasons will come...

If you like, you can PM to me and talk more. If I can´t help a lot, I can even be your older sister who listens your sorrows and wipes your tears.

Deal?

 

[al-fajr]

Assalamu'alaykum Sister,

Welcome to TTI.

Firstly, just so it doesn't alarm you when you notice, or make you angry even, it was me who edited out the last section of your initial post and left the reason there instead.

Secondly, it's really sad that you feel this way about your life and I'm glad you've posted and let out some of this ill feeling somewhere, our thoughts can be our worse critics and I've often wondered why is it that the person who puts you down the most is the one that looks right back at you in the mirror.

Imagine something, imagine that you were a top student in your college, you had graduated, you had your life goals inching closer and closer, you had great friends, your parents were proud of you, you had none of the issues you have listed in life. There are some people who have all these creases completely smooth in life, but they are still on the brink of serious depression and suicide, the reason for this is that contentment and happiness simply isn't found in these materialistic things, they may help, certainly, but they are not the cause of, nor the sole maintainers of happiness, contentment and self fulfilment.

You should really take one day at a time, tackle one issue at a time and build your self esteem day by day, for example: 'Today, I wont listen to any Music' or 'Today I will study for subject X/Y/Z for 1 hour in the evening'

Small manageable goals, if you can listen to your resolve for one day at a time, for 30 days, it's very very likely that you won't go back to it after those 30 days are up.

Replace your bad habits with other things. Take up ..whatever you like, running, baking, painting? ..too busy to commit the sin is fine too.

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

Salaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi,

Engage yourself in worship and ask Allah taala to help you rectify the negative lifestyle that you have adopted.

Also as a deterrent to committing sins in private, remember that Allah taala is watching you and on yawn al qiyamah you will be questioned for it.

I also second sister fajr's advice to engage yourself in activities that would preoccupy you and not leave you with idle time and idle mind to engage in nonconstructive activities. Also, try to be around family and (good) friends as much as you can and not alone by yourself.

We all go through difficult times in our lives.We are tested in these phases our lives. But remember that tough times pass. The qualities we need to inculcate during tough times are patience, resolve to change and perseverance, love and guidance of our esteemed parents and lots & lots of supplication to Allah taala.

May Allah taala guide us and keep us firm on the straight path. Ameen.

Wasalaamalaykum

 

[Blossom4]

aslam o aliakum wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakatuhu,
SlavepfAllah88 Why would I regret anything I post?? Clearly I know I’m posting this for a reason and it is to get help otherwise I would’ve not posted it. Second of all you have mentioned “just remember every time you feel like giving up or fail remind yourself the story of the famous sahabi salam al farsi (r.a) will really help you.”
sis i apologize but before i say anything i think you should remove some of the private sins that you mention because later in life you might come back to this and really regret it.

To be honest the best answer is right here : Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." 39:53

what the sisters already mentioned is best advice, i will just share something that have personally worked for me.

First of all, relax, and thank Allah (swt) that you are able to repent change yourself before you meet your Lord, second, BE PROACTIVE, instead of feeling sorry for yourself or your life, turn it around and make a goal within yourself that you will change yourself, your life, for the sake of Allah (swt) inshAllah.
3rd, this is what i did i took a notebook and categorized things for that i wanted to change, just make headings and list your problems and how to fix those as well, Please very important come up with a game plan how you going to fix it.
here are some useful things u can use if you like to make a work plan
http://productivemuslim.com/worksheets-wallpapers/
http://productivemuslim.com/start-here/

just remember every time you feel like giving up or fail remind yourself the story of the famous sahabi salam al farsi (r.a) will really help you. InshAllah keep going and dont look back always plan ahead inshAllah and think positive dont give negative thoughts any chance,

You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah (3:111)

Muhsin Khan
You [true believers in Islamic Monotheism, and real followers of Prophet Muhammad SAW and his Sunnah (legal ways, etc.)] are the best of peoples ever raised up for mankind; you enjoin Al-Ma'ruf (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam has ordained) and forbid Al-Munkar (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden), and you believe in Allah (3:111)

inshAllah don't give up, things like salah and other things which are fard that you must do start with them right away, atleast do the fard if nothing else inshAllah it will all even out and life will be on track, make loads of dua cause you can't even imagine how powerful dua is and stay in company of good friend even if its just on this forum.

JazakAllah khair for reading inshAllah i wish you the best

aslam o aliakum wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakatuhu,

sis i apologize but before i say anything i think you should remove some of the private sins that you mention because later in life you might come back to this and really regret it.

To be honest the best answer is right here : Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." 39:53

what the sisters already mentioned is best advice, i will just share something that have personally worked for me.

First of all, relax, and thank Allah (swt) that you are able to repent change yourself before you meet your Lord, second, BE PROACTIVE, instead of feeling sorry for yourself or your life, turn it around and make a goal within yourself that you will change yourself, your life, for the sake of Allah (swt) inshAllah.
3rd, this is what i did i took a notebook and categorized things for that i wanted to change, just make headings and list your problems and how to fix those as well, Please very important come up with a game plan how you going to fix it.
here are some useful things u can use if you like to make a work plan
http://productivemuslim.com/worksheets-wallpapers/
http://productivemuslim.com/start-here/

just remember every time you feel like giving up or fail remind yourself the story of the famous sahabi salam al farsi (r.a) will really help you. InshAllah keep going and dont look back always plan ahead inshAllah and think positive dont give negative thoughts any chance,

You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah (3:111)

Muhsin Khan
You [true believers in Islamic Monotheism, and real followers of Prophet Muhammad SAW and his Sunnah (legal ways, etc.)] are the best of peoples ever raised up for mankind; you enjoin Al-Ma'ruf (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam has ordained) and forbid Al-Munkar (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden), and you believe in Allah (3:111)

inshAllah don't give up, things like salah and other things which are fard that you must do start with them right away, atleast do the fard if nothing else inshAllah it will all even out and life will be on track, make loads of dua cause you can't even imagine how powerful dua is and stay in company of good friend even if its just on this forum.

JazakAllah khair for reading inshAllah i wish you the best

 

[Blossom4]

SlavepfAllah88 Why would I regret anything I post?? Clearly I know I’m posting this for a reason and it is to get help otherwise I would’ve not posted it. Second of all you have mentioned “just remember every time you feel like giving up or fail remind yourself the story of the famous sahabi salam al farsi (r.a) will really help you.”

 

[Blossom4]

Sister al-fajr thank you for the response, but at the same time I am not ashamed of what I post: especially my sins. “As Muslims we should not expose sins that Allah has concealed from the world, be they our own or those of other people.” If no one exposed their sins then how would anyone find a solution to getting help? I do believe you shouldn't expose sins like showing off or telling friends about how you and x.. did something. But in this situation I was trying to reach out to any Muslims that could have helped me step by step.

 

[Blossom4]

Sorry for the late reply if you read my introduction you would've known that my laptop is broken. Thank you all for the response although I was looking for more. I was hoping for someone to guide me in steps but instead you guys were telling me to stop revealing my sins.

 

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

No revealing your sins - we all make same.

 

[Blossom4]

Didn't finish my sentence but meant to say who is sahabi salam al farsi??

 

[Ahsen]

Walekumassalam Sister,

I know what you are suffering from. You somehow reminded me of myself a few years ago. Bad memories. I didn't wanna go there. Anyways,

You haven't told how old you are so I am guessing you must be around 19-22 maybe. This is the age when we want our dreams to be accomplished.

I can only tell you what I have done. I started to learn more about myself as a human . I started to learn more about why We do what we do. And I figured that we can change ourselves to anything we want. I thought that things would never change but now I can see things changing. Sometimes help will rain like hail storms. Sometimes it will come drop by drop but it will come. You think you are bad? That's what shaytan wants you to think. I would suggest you start reading Quran and try to relate it to your life. Try reading self help books. Books about how your brain works. The present YOU is not the final YOU. You can change into a better person if you just know how to.

About music I would say that it's mostly to program a person to a specific mindset. People change through feelings. It doesn't matter what logic says, people will decide based on their emotions. So I would say try to think from your logical mind. Don't let someone else control your feelings and you. Trust me, the most important thing you have to do is to learn about yourself. Try to learn human behaviour. If you have difficulty learning I can give you something that can help you.

Also after a few yrs Quran will mean something else to you than it was a few yrs ago. We have to change. Be open to change. If you keep doing the same things ,you will keep getting the same results. Feel free to get rid of your old self and merge into a new one.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Didn't finish my sentence but meant to say who is sahabi salam al farsi??

aslam o alaikum wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakatuhu,

you can read about this amazing sahabi online
http://www.turntoislam.com/threads/how-the-companion-salman-al-farisi-came-to-islam.58911/

or try searching on youtube for a good audio lecture

but i love his story cause he struggled alot to reach to islam and never gave up even though he had many hurdles in his path.

and maybe its just me the reason i mentioned about not posting your sins, 1st reason being Allah (swt) wants us to hide our sins and ask him for forgiveness, second, inshAllah you can change and inshAllah once u will change, you will notice people still judging you on things of the past, thats why the best thing is to keep it between you and Allah (swt).

May Allah (swt) the exalted increase your ranks and bless you with happiness - ameen

 

[Fatima Amenda]

Walikum asalamu warahamtullahi wabarakahu Sister, please read the Qur'an.

Al- Inshriah

1 Have We not caused thy bosom to dilate,

2 And eased thee of the burden

3 Which weighed down thy back;

4 And exalted thy fame ?

5 But lo! with hardship goeth ease,

6 Lo! with hardship goeth ease;

7 So when thou art relieved, still toil

8 And strive to please thy Lord.

Here is a reason not to kill yourself. You believe this life is difficult, if you kill yourself you will be condemned to Hell. If you believe in Allah Subana Wa Ta'ala you will fear his punishment but know his mercy. If you sin, you can repent, once you kill yourself that's it, you cannot turn back, you just brought on your day of judgement when you decided you had enough.

[ 4:29] O you who believe, do not consume each others' properties illicitly - only mutually acceptable transactions are permitted. You shall not kill yourselves. GOD is Merciful towards you.

[ 4:30] Anyone who commits these transgressions, maliciously and deliberately, we will condemn him to Hell. This is easy for GOD to do.

Suban'Allah I am a Muslim revert in this past year and I have a mental disability of Bipolar I have struggled with for 31 years and thoughts or committing of suicide from the manic/depression in this disorder has high mortality rate. Everyone has baggage but with the Muslim way of life there is hope if you have faith, don't loose your faith. You may have no faith in yourself but don't loose faith in Allah Subana Wa Ta'ala and if you believe you can't change you don't trust Allah Subana Wa Ta'ala and his power, but you must really want to change, just saying it doesn't make it happen. It's like someone who smokes, they say, I want to quit smoking but I can't it's to hard, or it's not the right time, that's not true, they just don't want to quit smoking and I know how difficult it is, Suban'Allah I have been smoke free now for a year and half never will I go back Insha'Allah, I made a promise to Allah not to hurt the lungs and body he gave me anymore and not to pollute the air and earth he gave for us to maintain.

So to say you want to change but can't you are not putting your faith in Allah Subana Wa Ta'ala and instead you have been seduced into this world and brainwashed you cannot change, the music you listen to if is rock/rap music is known to turn people to rebel and to bring on depression, I know I grew up and listened to rock/rap music for my entire life but when I made Shahada on Ramadan and was given Qur'an recitation cd I turned off the music and played Qur'an instead, Allahu Akbar my love for the music I once had began fading and my love for the Qur'an recitation began increasing. I don't even want to listen to the music anymore and once in a while when I've went to play something or I hear it when I'm out, I realize how tired I am of it, there is nothing it does for me and I will instead put on my headphones, plug into my phone and listen to the Qur'an recitation app I downloaded. Turn off the music and put in recitation of Qur'an and let it play continually in background when you sleep or read and pick up your Qur'an and begin prayer, force yourself then go to the Masjid and find a group with Sisters you can be with even once a week who are teaching new Muslims and join in as if you are a new Muslim and make appointment with a doctor if you can about your suicidal tendencies Insha'Allah you will get proper medication but the best prescription is Islam

"Ya my beloved Allah, Shifa is in Your hands

Ya Allah, we know that there is effect in dua and there is effect in medication, but O Allah, Shifa is in your hands

Ya Allah, we know that there is effect in dua and there is effect in medication, but O Allah, Shifa is in your hands

Ya Allah, we know that sometimes sickness is a mercy and a blessing in a disguised form, but we are extremely weak.

O Allah: (please do) rectify all the Muslims affairs that are wrong.

Ya Allah, make us to walk on the right and proper path of Islam.

Surely You have power over all things!

Ameen Ya Allah

Allahumma Deeni Wa Saddini"

May Allah Subana Wa Ta'ala give you strength with your inner struggle and keep you protected ... Ameen