What should I do?

dawahforever

Junior Member
ASalaamu Alaikum

I want to ask for advice. 16 yrs ago I graduated from the Advertising course and then I converted to Islam. Because I was was visibly muslim no one would hire me! So I stayed home and had tons of kids but inside I still feel angry that my dream to write was taken away from me. I chose advertising because its creative and at least you can make money off it unlike a book which may or may not be published. I didn't choose journalism because it is not creative. I still have to take care of my kids but what could I do at home in my field which could make me feel like I am contributing to society? I feel so miserable lately..my dreams never came true and on top of that the crushing loneliness of being a convert and together they are taking a toll on me. Anyone else gone through discrimination and had their dreams foiled? HOw did you come out of it..how do you cope? What should I do for myself? Oh and the mosque doesn't let me volunteer so forget that or I would be writing newsletters and articles galore.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum
Aishah
 

Ahmed ibn Ibrahim

alhamdulilah
WaAlaikum Salaam, dear respected sister,

I'll ask Aminah to give you a virtual hug. ;-( What should you do? Hmmm, be patient, pray, be thankful for the countless blessings that you are aware of (as well as those you aren't), read Qu'ran, remember your death and how all of this will be so trivial once you attain the Great Success, continue being a fine role-model for your beautiful children (Alhamdulilah), continue writing and sharing here at TTI (maybe Mabsoot could use some of your advertizing talents?=)), eat lots of yummy food, go for long walks along snow-laden beaches, use the washroom when nessesary, breath, deeply, in through the nose out through the mouth, give your husband lots of kisses, and your children too, consider taking further education (building on your existing expertise or perhaps something in another direction; part-time at home, maybe?)...

...and you know what? Maybe you were better off not to get hired by those biggot jerks. Alot of those advertizing firms know no bottom-level when it comes to glorifying sex, alcohol, war, and a whole myriad of immorality in order to sell their clients' products. Perhaps Allah SWT wanted you to wait for the right firm, or to avoid being exposed to that element of society altogether. Perhaps soon He will make it easy for you to find a solid advertizing firm run by a Jew, Christian, or Muslim that wouldn't ask you to compramise your values and would appretiate your positive perspective. Perhaps not.

Surely not all of your dreams have been shattered, dear sister. Don't let the negativity of Shaytaan get to you; Entertaining those thoughts for long will only bring you down.

As for the lonliness of reverts... well, I feel you. You know that I do. It's tough to meet the right Muslims, especially here in the West and especially in this day and age. Maybe it's time to make Hijarah? (Is that the right word?) Where is your husband from, dear respected sister? Maybe you can move back to his country of origin. Or, hey, maybe you can move to Edmonton!! Woohoo, we've got a great Muslim community here of more than 40,000 believers mostly living within 20 blocks of Al-Rashid Masjid! ;-p Seriously. And my wife, Aminah, is here and I know that you and her already get along quite well; I'd love for her to have another good sister. Plus it's like the very first mosque in all of North America, which is pretty sweet. ;D

I dunno ... any of this helping?

WaSalaam
Br. Ahmed
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
Asalaamu Alaikum

I hear you on the saving me from the bad guys scenario..I've thought of that a hundred times but I still feel like my talent is wasting. We tried to go to Alberta before but no one hired my husband even though he is an engineer. Do you know any bigwigs? If so, I'll forward you his resume.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum
D4E:hijabi:
 

Ahmed ibn Ibrahim

alhamdulilah
WaAlaikum Salaam,

Yeah I suppose that I do know a couple "big-wigs" ... I know a super-big-wig, actually, but he's my uncle and a hypocrit Chritian who I haven't spoken with in nearly 5 years. He's the owner and publisher of a company called June-Warren Punblishing, which makes the oil and gas yellow-pages (referred to as "The Bible" by those in the field (yikes!))... and he's got a bunch of connections up North.

I'm still in touch with his son, my cousin, though and perhaps he might be able to help without me having to get in contact with my uncle ... though maybe I should. I dunno ... Eeek, but this is about you, not me! So, umm, yeah there's a TONNE of work for engineers out here. Check out the Canada-Job-Bank website and search through Alberta. Try Workopolis. If he prepares a fine cover letter and his resume is well done, your husband can probably get 100 resumes out to various businesses here and surely one will want him.

WaSalaam
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
Asalaamu Alaikum

Part of Islam is not to cut off your relatives. Maybe this is a way to start the communications up again. My husband has applied to different websites but nothing came of it. I have seen a lot of people get hired from here though but they mostly had middle east experience which they love..no need to train them at all. So then I will be expecting some news from your wife then right?

Wa Salaamu Alaikum
D4E
 

Ahmed ibn Ibrahim

alhamdulilah
Maaaaaaaybe... =) I know that you're right, but this is a very sore-spot for me. Very sore. We lost relations long before I reverted. And actually he kinda helped me to see the hypocracy in my previous religion, which led me towards Islam. I don't know how I feel about getting back in touch with him in order to use him to help a brother/sister/family ... yeah maybe I feel fine about it. ;-p I'd have to refine my intentions a bit though, methinks. ;D

Do you feel a bit better, though? I hoped my first paragraph helped ... I hate to see you feeling down.

WaSalaam
 
are you closely link with the sisters in your area or close with the masjid in your area if so, I would suggest wheneve the masjid have events, ask if it okay to make the flyers and distribute them


oh my manner

Assalamu alaikum sister
 

zainsmommy

Junior Member
Sister have you tried searching the internet for some good magazines or organizations that may be in need of someone to write articles for them?

I saw what you wrote about your Husband and let me tell you...I SO KNOW THE frustration about that. My husband has a degree in Engineering and a Master's in Material Science and could not find a job ANYWHERE!!!! NOBODY would so much as even give him a call back. How frustrating is that? He contemplated working at a gas station for a while and all I could think to myself was about a story I read a long time ago about a pizza delivery guy with a phd. So sad.
Anyhow, I don't know if he has ever tried his hand in the oilfield business but they seem to be hiring engineers now. Whether he gets lucky and gets a call back is another story....but its worth a shot. Unless he really doesn't like that line of work.
 

buraq

Junior Member
asalam sister,
our lifes are in Allahs hands, are paths are choosen befor we are born,
you mention that you wanted to make losts of money with advertising, if you had got the job you asked for would you of had your lots of kids, i,m sure that if you think of the times spent with them ,watching them grow and see there faces light up with the wonders off the world, would you realy of wanted things diffrent, i guess your children have grown up, you feel bored maybe reastless, now you want to do something for your self, doing things for others is doing things foryour self, do i short course learn something new, think about what u can offer not what you can again, sometimes we forget that islam is also about helping shareing what we can give not what we can get back, you mention having lots of kids, so there is a start , home help there are plenty of mothers that canr,t cope and need surport from time to time, due to illnes or other problems, home help is a paid job, i,m sure you have a lot to offer,
just an idea,
sumayya
 

zainsmommy

Junior Member
I'm Sorry....I just read what Brother wrote. I feel silly now.
Anyhow, I can give you a list of companies and probably some emails from some people who work in them for him to send his resume too.
I do not know the people I will give you emails for because I just got lucky and found them. My husband sent all of them his resume. In the end, it was a resume he submitted to some site...I will find the name for you.
Anyway, let me know...
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
asalam sister,
our lifes are in Allahs hands, are paths are choosen befor we are born,
you mention that you wanted to make losts of money with advertising, if you had got the job you asked for would you of had your lots of kids, i,m sure that if you think of the times spent with them ,watching them grow and see there faces light up with the wonders off the world, would you realy of wanted things diffrent, i guess your children have grown up, you feel bored maybe reastless, now you want to do something for your self, doing things for others is doing things foryour self, do i short course learn something new, think about what u can offer not what you can again, sometimes we forget that islam is also about helping shareing what we can give not what we can get back, you mention having lots of kids, so there is a start , home help there are plenty of mothers that canr,t cope and need surport from time to time, due to illnes or other problems, home help is a paid job, i,m sure you have a lot to offer,
just an idea,
sumayya

lol my kids have not grown up yet...my youngest is 14 months but my oldest is 22...most people don't have families like mine. Yes I am feeling restless because I am getting older though that's for sure. I do want to give back with my writing talent but I don't know where since the mosque hates converts and never wants us to contribute unless its cooking so I feel so useless.
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
are you closely link with the sisters in your area or close with the masjid in your area if so, I would suggest wheneve the masjid have events, ask if it okay to make the flyers and distribute them


oh my manner

Assalamu alaikum sister

My mosque likes to do everything themselves..they have no interest in me volunteering..I sure have tried over the years.. I dont' know why they shut us out..at least they could ask us to proofread!
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
I'm Sorry....I just read what Brother wrote. I feel silly now.
Anyhow, I can give you a list of companies and probably some emails from some people who work in them for him to send his resume too.
I do not know the people I will give you emails for because I just got lucky and found them. My husband sent all of them his resume. In the end, it was a resume he submitted to some site...I will find the name for you.
Anyway, let me know...

Do you mean your husband has a job now? My husband does have a job too but we would prefer somewhere with a bigger muslim community.
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
Maaaaaaaybe... =) I know that you're right, but this is a very sore-spot for me. Very sore. We lost relations long before I reverted. And actually he kinda helped me to see the hypocracy in my previous religion, which led me towards Islam. I don't know how I feel about getting back in touch with him in order to use him to help a brother/sister/family ... yeah maybe I feel fine about it. ;-p I'd have to refine my intentions a bit though, methinks. ;D

Do you feel a bit better, though? I hoped my first paragraph helped ... I hate to see you feeling down.

WaSalaam


Asalaamu Alaikum

Fisibillah is always the right intention right? Well your first paragraph..well I've been doing those things for the past 16 yrs..I think I need to shake up my life a bit now..its stagnating...
 

zainsmommy

Junior Member
Yes, Alhamdulileh he has a job now. It took him six months to get it though. A long time to go without a job.

Anyhow, I meant email ADDRESSES...lol. Not emails.

I know that here in the US...there are a lot of those companies based in Houston where there is a fairly reasonable size Muslim community. In Louisiana, not so much...but it is also a place with a lot of bases for those companies.

Anyhow, they have them all over the US its just getting lucky and finding one. Most probably it would be in Houston too.

What about Alberta? I saw you wrote something about that. I do know that there were some friends of a lady I used to know that transfered there...apparently they have a large community of oil field people. Not sure about Muslims though.
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
There are tons of muslims in Alberta because of the oil fields..they all have experience from the middle east so they get jobs there like crazy..unlike Toronto where they would have to drive a cab! Insha Allah..who knows..Brandon can renew his ties of kinship and my hubby can get a job and then Aminah can come over for tea, lol. Anything can happen right?:muslim_child:
 

Ahmed ibn Ibrahim

alhamdulilah
... InshaAllah. =) Continue being patient, sister, I've already been thinking about this and I think that I have a plan. =D I'll go to work for my cousin this weekend, and get better relations with him, being sure to talk a bit about his dad and how he's doing etc. After a few weekends, I'll express my feelings of guilt and my wish to make amends with my uncle - He is, afterall, very good as far as Christians go. InshaAllah, my cousin will offer to get us all together for dinner somewhere, and then Allah is gunna have to do all the talking ...

My uncle Colin hurt me. He hurt me bad. It is because of him that I'm in Alberta. He took me in when I was in a very bad place in my life. He got me cleaned up, and hooked me up with a volunteer job for the summer at a Christian bible camp for kids. It was a great summer, Alhamdulilah. After that, he and my Gramps paid the money for me to go back to High-School in a boarding situation, at a Christian establishment - where I met my wife. =) He's a very strict man, and I was under his every rule. Part of the agreement was that I don't do anything without consulting him. A few months in, he and my aunt went off to Australia for 6 months - and I lost my support. He didn't call, didn't email, didn't write. I was under a lot of pressure at school. I had a full course-load, 7AM to 4PM and then afterwards I had Drama for 2-3 hours... leaving no time for homework, or with Aminah, or to have any sort of time to myself. My first class of the day was Gr. 12 English, and because at the time I was in Gr. 11, and due to the overwhelming stress, I dropped that class without asking him. That way I was in school from 8:30-4 with less homework, less stress, more time.

I guess that the principal emailed him to inform him of the changes. I got a call, at school, from him in the middle of class. He told me that unless I got back into English30 he would cut me off. Totally, no more anything. Gone. I was in agony, and told him that I couldn't do that... that I'd been trying, but it just wasn't working. He didn't understand. That was the last I heard from him.

I had trusted this man completely for months. He went on and on about how important family was, how I had to forgive my parents... We went to Church together, we prayed together, we laughed and had the best of times together. He was kind of like me, but 30 years older. I loved that man. And then all his talk about Christian values, and family values in this "corrupt age", all of the love we had just went POOF! The carpet was pulled from under my feet... and I went on an emotional crash. Alhamdulilah that Aminah was still there for me. At least I had one person.

I still get tears when I think about it all.

BUT! For a Muslim I will do anything. For Allah SWT I will do anything. So, maybe it's time I was the bigger man... and if something positive works out for your family, sister, then even better! =)

::sigh::

WaSalaam
Br. Ahmed
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
Asalaamu Alaikum

Brother you need to do this for the sake of closure. Otherwise it will always be on your mind and haunt you. He should have realized your limitations as we are all human and can only take so much. But the good that has come out of this is finding your wife and both discovering Islam, alhumdullilah. I bet there were other reasons he cut you off..there must be more to this story..pressure maybe from other people etc. Yes I think the best thing is to clear the air and this could also be used as a chance for dawah..you don't have to say much..just your wife's hijab will probably be a topic up for discussion. I think this is your chance to show that you are the bigger person. This will be a good example to him about forgiveness in Islam and keeping the ties of kinship as well. Christians always appreciate those who turn the other cheek...at least you will know that you have tried right? All we can do is meet our relatives half way. Who knows? Allah could open up his heart.

Wa salaamu Alaikum
D4E
 

Ahmed ibn Ibrahim

alhamdulilah
WaAlaikum Salaam,

I assure you that there is nothing more to this story; He's a rigid person who's always used "tough love" to discipline people - including my cousin, who's really had a hard time with him over the years.

Maybe the only extra piece here is that all of my life I had been terrified of public-speaking; I'd never taken a single drama class, never entered debates, and would keep it concise when speaking up in class. When I moved to Alberta, I vowed to change some things in my life, and my inability to talk infront of crowds was one of them. I made alot of effort in those drama classes after school, and began finding that I had alot to offer and that I was having fun doing it. Soon it came time for the school play, and roles were to be assigned by our teacher. He'd chosen a very ambitious play that would not only involve adults from a professional actor's guild, but would be preformed at the 'Jubilee Auditorium' in downtown Edmonton - one of the top theatres in the city!

As it turns out, I recived the lead role of the play (!!!) ... something I wouldn't in a million years dream happening. I put in ALOT of hours into that production, all after school in my "own time". We put on 5 showings across 4 days, and the play was a huge success. At the end of the school-year on graduation day, along with recieving Honors recognition I also got the Drama Award! What was also significant about that is that for the first time in Concordia's history that award was given to someone in Grade 11. Not to meantion the fact that I was technically in the Grade 10 level Drama enrolement (as I had no previous experience). The 'Oddysey Award' was always given to help Gr.12 students with their university applications and for recognition in post-secondary.

Unfortunately, my uncle wasn't present that day - Something I thought about alot when I got up there to recieve my awards. I thought maybe he'd show up, and see the fruits of all the hard work I'd done that year, and that maybe we'd make amends. But no.

Now I feel all vulnerable that TTI knows a little bit more about my history - Eeek! ;-p

::runs and hides::

WaSalaam =)
 
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