Why do some men do this?

Kakorot

Junior Member
Asalaamu'alaykum

Some Muslim men don't allow their wife to visit her parents or relatives. I just wanted to know are men permitted to do this? How would the same man who forbids his wife from seeing her relatives feel, if his brother-in-law didn't allow his sister to visit him or his parents?? What does Islam say about this? And is the wife allowed to disobey her husband regarding this?

JazakiLlaah/JazakaAllaah
 

Janaan

ربنا اغفر لنا ذنوبنا
Staff member
Wa'alaikum Salaam

Channa, I don't really know much but from what i've learned- Yes, Men Do have rights to command their wives because men are Qawwamun(leaders) over women in marrige. Also, Allah SWT says to them: "O you who believe! Be qawwamin with fairness..." so it's really upto the husband, if he's a pious man, he'll not tell her to do unlawful things.:)
And women are supposed to obey him as this hadith states;

It's quoted by Nasa'i and Bayhaqi on the authority of Abu Hurayra. It reads:

"The best wife is the one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."
 

mmasood65

New Member
Aslamoalikum
If they dont allow they do crime. Husband cant forbid visiting to her parents , brothers and sisters and other Maharams . Wife should visit in such a way that her own home shouldnt suffer. Visits shouldnt so frequent that she cant manage her own home.
Husband can forbid visiting cusions and other non maharams.
 

azmirush

Junior Member
Wa'alaikum Salaam

]so it's really upto the husband, if he's a pious man, he'll not tell her to do unlawful things.:)[/FONT]
And women are supposed to obey him as this hadith states;

It's quoted by Nasa'i and Bayhaqi on the authority of Abu Hurayra. It reads:

"The best wife is the one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

I think it is clear IF the husband is a pious man. But if the husband is not, then what should the wife do besides talking to him into it and make him understand?
 

Julie1134

Junior Member
Salam, My goodness I hope someone is able to help you with this. It does not seem fair and plus Islam teaches to be kind to the parents. How is taking the daughter from the parents being kind to them? Please seek advice from an Imam because this just seems so sad to me. What if the parents pass away with a broken heart from the loss of their daughter?
 

Al-Kashmiri

Well-Known Member
Staff member
As-salaamu `alaykum

This is not exclusive. I know some mothers who prevent their daughters from seeing their husbands! Not figured that one out yet.
 

rightpath_357

Junior Member
I don't know- but I think a woman SHOULD be allowed to do anything- and her husband should only stop her if it will displease Allah or cause her harm.


Salam:D
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
:wasalam:,

Hanafis and Maalikis are of the view that he does not have the right to prevent her from visiting her parents. Shaafa’is and Hanbalis are of the view that he does have the right to prevent her.But he does not have the right to prevent her from speaking to them or to prevent them from visiting her.

but its sad that many men do not understand that their wives too have heart with emotions and feelings.
 

al-muslimah

Junior Member
Salam,

The question is, why would he not allow her? What's the reason behind it?

If he feels that his wife would loose her deen when she goes to her family then I think he has the right to tell her not to go. The wife should be wise before asking her husband for something. For example, I have a married muslim friend who comes from a non religious family. She got married to a man that is Alhamdulilah religious and knows his deen well. He doesn't let her go because he knows that his wife would be effected. It's true by the way. Like it really happens. Specially when a lady has a kid. But that doesnt mean that she would NEVER see her family. No!

BUT if the husband would tell her not to see her family without any reason then he has no right! Like after all they are my family.

Walsalam
 

Um Abdur Rahman

Sclava lui Allaah
As'salamu aaleikom

Sheikh Assim al Hakeem has ansered to your question:

Assalamu alaikum,



It is wrong from the husband to prevent his wife from visiting her family without a legitimate reason.



If he prevents her from going to visit her parents without a legitimate reason, he is sinful.



However, she is compelled to obey him and must not go out without his permission. If she goes without his permission, she is sinful.
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Assalamu allaykum dear sister.

Jazzak Allah khair for your remainder, but I must say that for this question there is no need for any special fatwa, Astagfirullah, because as Muslims we already know what is alowed for us and waht is forbidden.
Muslim man can never,and by any justification not alow his wife to visit her parents or her relatives, because for real Muslim women her parents and her husband are on the same place,and the same like she has obligations towerd her husband, she aslo have the obligations towerd her beloved parents. Or by else she will diplease Allah and the husband who prevent his wife to visit her parents and relatives is sinner for that. wa la halwa wa la kuwata illabillahi.

May Allah guide us all

:wasalam:
 

Aisya al-Humaira

الحمدلله على كل حال
Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Alhamdulillah sister iman99 has provide us with a fatwa to clear our doubts.

Anyways, just thought that I would like to share a story I once read and so I sort of dig it back from my memory.

"There was once a woman who was very devoted to her husband. Then one day her husband needs to go away for sometime so he told her not to go out anywhere no matter what happens. And it has been fated by Allaah that during her husband absence, her father died and remembering her husband wish to her (to not go out of the house), she wasnt able to see her dad for the last time. But as she was very devoted to her husband for the sake of Allaah, she was granted with Jannah." Wallahua'lam.


Once a woman gets married, her priorities are for Allaah, her husband then her parents. But not to the extent that she isnt permissible to visit her family at all. Even after the death of Ummul Mukminin, Khadijah radiyallahu anha, Prophet Muhammad sallallahu a'lahi wassalam still visits her family everytime when he thinks of her.

Allaah knows best.

Wassalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
 

sis khadidja

proud to be muslim
:salam2: yes i should think so many men do this and its not haram its well wrong but still you have to listen to everything he tells you sis
:blackhijab:
 

safiya58

Junior Member
As'salamu aaleikom

Sheikh Assim al Hakeem has ansered to your question:

Assalamu alaikum,



It is wrong from the husband to prevent his wife from visiting her family without a legitimate reason.



If he prevents her from going to visit her parents without a legitimate reason, he is sinful.



However, she is compelled to obey him and must not go out without his permission. If she goes without his permission, she is sinful.


:salam2:

this fatwa confuses me. The husband is sinful if he prevents his wife from visiting her family. but if this is an sinful act then why she still have to obey...? for example if a husband don´t want his wife to wear hijab does she have to obey him....? ofcourse not...

Can someone please explain...?

:wasalam:
 

Mohamad Fazril

Junior Member
Assalmualaikum
I think the husband should have visited his parent in law too
people should have considered his parent in law as his own parent
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
:salam2:

this fatwa confuses me. The husband is sinful if he prevents his wife from visiting her family. but if this is an sinful act then why she still have to obey...? for example if a husband don´t want his wife to wear hijab does she have to obey him....? ofcourse not...

Can someone please explain...?

:wasalam:

wa allaykumu salam dear sister.

I think the explination for that is that wife should obey to her husand only in that what is alowed in Islaam,and in this case if husband does not alow his wife to wear hijaab than offcourse Alhamdulillah that she should not obey to him in that, because Allah is first than all others. SubhanAllah.

And regarding that husband prevent his wife to visit her family, she should not obey to him in that also, because that is also not alowed in Islaam like in previous case,and again Allah is first and than all others.And aslo non real Muslim who love his wife and who love Allah would not prevent his wife to visit her family and relatives.

Inshallah some other brothers and sisters may explain better

May Allah bless you

:wasalam:
 

samiha

---------
Staff member
:salam2:

this fatwa confuses me. The husband is sinful if he prevents his wife from visiting her family. but if this is an sinful act then why she still have to obey...? for example if a husband don´t want his wife to wear hijab does she have to obey him....? ofcourse not...

Can someone please explain...?

:wasalam:

wa 'alaykum salam wa rahmatullah

Ukhti, I wont claim to know for sure, but I believe this has to do with the issue of the right of Allaah and the right of His servants - and actions regarding it. If a husband prevents his wife without a legitimate reason, he is taking away her rights and oppressing her to an extent - which is sinful of course. However, this is concerning the right of the slave - and in such a case to maintain good relations with your husband, the ruling to obey him overrides disobedience to him. That doesnt mean you should perhaps stop advising him, or trying to help him come to the correct stance. No, but it also does not mean rebelling, leaving the house, initiating arguments etc which have very negative effects on the relationship.

I understand this to an extent, as I have come across couples who have gotten divorced due to small issues which may have been resolved with some patience, advice and understanding.

On the other hand though - the issue you mentioned about not wearing hijaab? This is not the right of the servant - either to say anything about or deny. It is Allaah subhana wa ta'ala's right that we obey Him - and when He ordained the Hijaab, no creation has the authority to overrule that. Same goes with other commands given by Allaah, in which there is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to Allaah.

Allaah knows best, may He forgive me if I have erred in my judgment.

wasalam
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Assalamu'alaykum,

I was reading a lengthy fatwah on quite a specific situation I found on Islamqa, I think this section of it is quite informative:

Secondly:

The status and rights of the mother do not supersede the rights of the husband, rather the husband’s rights are greater and take precedence over your mother’s rights. Your obedience to him takes precedence over your obedience to her, and the wise wife strives to please her husband by doing what he wants so long as it is not contrary to sharee’ah, and she strives to honour her mother in ways that do not go against her husband’s commands. If there is a conflict of interest, then she should put her husband’s commands and wishes first.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a woman who got married, and was no longer under her parents’ care. Which is better – honouring her parents or obeying her husband?

He replied: When a woman gets married, her husband has more authority over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more obligatory for her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)” [al-Nisa’ 4:34]. And in a hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “This world is temporary conveniences and the best of its comforts is a believing wife, who when you look at her she pleases you and if you tell her to do something she obeys you, and if you are away from her she protects you with regard to herself and your wealth.”. In Saheeh Abi Haatim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month and guards her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from whichever of its gates she wants.” In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated that Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.” This was narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It was also narrated by Abu Dawood with the wording: “I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands because of the rights that Allaah has given them over them.” In al-Musnad it is narrated from Anas that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, but if it were acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if there were sores from his feet to the top of his head flowing with pus, then she licked them, she would not have given him all his rights.”

And he quoted ahaadeeth about the virtue of obeying the husband.

There are many ahaadeeth on this topic from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Zayd ibn Thaabit said: The husband is a sayyid (lord or master) in the Book of Allaah. Then he quoted the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “They both found her lord (i.e. her husband) at the door” [Yoosuf 12:25]. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: Marriage is slavery, so let one of you look to whom he is giving his beloved daughter to be a slave to. In al-Tirmidhi and elsewhere it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I urge you to treat women well, for they are like prisoners with you.”

So the woman is like a slave of her husband, or like a prisoner; she should not go out of his house without his permission, whether she is told to do so by her father, her mother or anyone else, according to scholarly consensus.

If a man wants to take her to another place, so long as he is doing what is required of him, and observing the sacred limits of Allaah with regard to her, and her father tells her not to obey him in that, then she must obey her husband and not her father, because in that case the parents are wrongdoers, and they have no right to tell her not to obey someone like this husband, and she does not have the right to obey her mother if she tells her to leave him or to cause trouble to him so that he will divorce her, such as demanding more maintenance and more clothing, and demanding (the deferred portion of) her mahr so that he may divorce her. It is not permissible for her to obey either of her parents by divorcing him if he fears Allaah with regard to her.

In the four Sunans and Saheeh Ibn Abi Haatim it is narrated that Thawbaan said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when there is nothing wrong, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.” According to another hadeeth: “The women who ask for khula’ and the women who make a wanton display of themselves are indeed hypocrites.”

But if both or one of her parents tells her to do something that involves obedience to Allaah, such as praying regularly, speaking the truth and fulfilling trusts, and tells her not to squander or waste her money, and other things that have been enjoined or forbidden by Allaah and His Messenger, then she must obey them in that, even if the command comes from someone other than her parents, so how about if it comes from her parents?

If her husband tells her not to do something that is enjoined by Allaah, and he tells her to do something that Allaah has forbidden, then she should not obey him in that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” If a master orders his slave to do something that involves disobedience towards Allaah, it is not permissible for him to obey him by disobeying Him, so how can a woman obey her husband or one of her parents by committing sin? All goodness is in obeying Allaah and His Messenger, and all evil is in disobeying Allaah and His Messenger. End quote. Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (32/261-264).

This is a strong answer based on knowledge, and it is sufficient to explain what is meant, which is that it is not permissible for your mother to spoil the relationship between you and your husband, and it is not permissible for you to obey her in that, and your husband’s right to your obedience is greater than your mother’s.
 
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