Brothers and sisters i really need your Help: Emergency

[BrotherZak]

salam

My life has been changed last night and what am about to tell you will sound a bit shocking.

My mom and my father have been married for some 20 years. They lived a happy marriage but my father is rarely around the last 10 years. In fact my education has been slowed down because i've been working for the family and i'm only 21 years old. My father is also a learned man and sheik in the religion.

Yesterday my mom found out that my father got married to 2 other wives back home and has not told my mom nor the rest of my sibling and is planning to leave my mom. My mom was crying all night and was and depressed and i'm soo pissed at my father. I can't think but hate the man for what he put my mom through, in fact, he has never helped my family financially. Now tomorrow he is visiting us as he usually does but he has no idea that my entire family knows what he has been keeping a secret...what should i do or tell him or should i be patient? because i'm on my mom's side. My mom now is alone and with no husband and literary is lose. I actually cried all yesterday and was pissed and my brothers and sisters are still in shock..islamically i'm fine and know this is a test but what should i do.

I came to you brothers and sisters as opposed to telling my real life friends because i simply trust your opinions and hold it closer to my heart.

salam

 

[Faisal_01]

Brother,

I read your post, and first off I want to say sorry for what has happened to your mother and yourself.

Secondly I believe you should be patient and hear your dad out. Rememeber as you said that this is probably a test given to you by Allah and Allah wants us all to be patient. At the same time while you listen though, let him know how you feel about the whole thing. It'll will get it off of your chest.

I know it will be really hard but try not to judge him because remember only Allah (swt) can only do that.

Hope I helped.

Salam

-Faisal

 

[ama6621]

Assalam Alaikum BrotherZak,
I hope that you will take very good care of your mother and your siblings Insha Allah. Whatever the reasons for what your father did might turn out to be remember that Allah SWT wants us to respect our parents. So keep that in min when you talk to your father. Insha Allah everything will be for the best, isn't it always? Alhamdullilah.
You will be in my prayers Insha Allah.

Assalam Alaikum

 

[Optimist]

Assalamu aleekoom dear brother

I'm sorry to hear that. Really feel for you. I hope that you will pass this test insha'allah.

As I did not hear your father's side of the story I'd not rush to judge him. He may have had his own reasons.

My advice is to be patient, stand by your mother but NOT against your father. Just because he now has a another wife does not mean he is not your father any more. Remember that he brought you to this life and supported you when you were a baby.

Finally, it may help to think about the people who come to this life and find themselves orphans, sometimes for both their mothers and fathers. You are still in a much better position whatever the outcome of this tribulation is.

All the best and I will remember you in my dua'a.

 

[Shahzad]

Zak.. all u need is patience.
pray salat-ul-hajah regularly
inshALLAH, ur problems will be solved

 

[allah's abd]

assalamou alaykom brother,
as the other brothers and sisters said remember that you should talk with respect to your father anyway.
I think that you could remind him about what allah all mighty says in the quran about to be just between all the wives.I think he will re-think inchallah
and find a solution for the best.
may allah guide him to the best and I wish you success in this test inchallah

 

[abdimhm]

Assalamu'aleykum

salam

My life has been changed last night and what am about to tell you will sound a bit shocking.

My mom and my father have been married for some 20 years. They lived a happy marriage but my father is rarely around the last 10 years. In fact my education has been slowed down because i've been working for the family and i'm only 21 years old. My father is also a learned man and sheik in the religion.

Yesterday my mom found out that my father got married to 2 other wives back home and has not told my mom nor the rest of my sibling and is planning to leave my mom. My mom was crying all night and was and depressed and i'm soo pissed at my father. I can't think but hate the man for what he put my mom through, in fact, he has never helped my family financially. Now tomorrow he is visiting us as he usually does but he has no idea that my entire family knows what he has been keeping a secret...what should i do or tell him or should i be patient? because i'm on my mom's side. My mom now is alone and with no husband and literary is lose. I actually cried all yesterday and was pissed and my brothers and sisters are still in shock..islamically i'm fine and know this is a test but what should i do.

I came to you brothers and sisters as opposed to telling my real life friends because i simply trust your opinions and hold it closer to my heart.

salam

Brother/Sister;

If you are sure about you are talking, that is not Islamic. Getting married to other wife (even one) with the knowledge of your mum... leaving her and you alone while you need his help... this is not islamic. If you can, tell him politly that he is wrong (but be sure that this happened). If you can't tell other muslims or nearby muslims of his age or any other person who can realy tell him that. Having second wife is allowed only under strict conditions.. Knowlege of the first wife about it and her acceptance and if the second wife can not get or difficult to get husband; if he can do justice between them and has ability to address all that (finance and all other things) .... more and more things ... If thing happnened like you said, that is hatefull and Allah does't like that act and he will be asked and pay for that infront of Allah.

May Allah let him come back to the right trac ...

Ma'assalama

 

[Lateefa]

SalamuAlikum,

I have to tell you like everyone to be patient, however, you need to explain to your mother that this is a test for her from Allah, she needs to get on her feet and be strong, not to fail this test. You are a good son, and keep reminding her in a very nice way that once we die, no one is in our grave, except Allah is watching us and we will be ask on all our tests. Also remind her that her good children and the bigest gift that Allah give her our this marrage. The following is as I am talking to you mother, as a woman I truly understand her because, my husband left me for another woman, and I know now that it was one of the best things ever in my life that Allah kept him out of my life and my two children at that time. My husband left me with 2 beautiful children 2 years and 5 years old while I was young, beautiful, and smart Alhamedullallah, he left me for another woman, and now I look back, it was the best hing ever... I am a single mother but, a very happy mother those beautiful children..
are young, smart, hansome, and most of all very good MashaAllah with the Islam, we all love being Muslim and knowing that Allah chose us to be Muslim, such a beautiful gift.. My life has been very hard, however, Allah walk me through it through impossible emotionally, mentally, financially throught it all. Please, "hold onto Allah's rope, you will never fall, inshallah
" Do not cry, be happy in heart and consider it Allah's blessing by losing such a loser, and remember that nothing happens without Allah's permission. However, always pray for the father of your children to be guided. Do not pray bad, because, pray like "please Allah show him a bit of what I am going through", now he is the biggest loser, and that is not making me happy, I ask Allah to forgive me. I hope that this going to help your mother and you both, that you all better with him if this what Allah's going bring, as hard as it feels, as bad as it looks, consider it as one a great blessings from Allah and be Happy and these difficult times and ask Allah to bring joy and more blessings in your lives... Allah is great and everything is going be good, InshaAllah.

 

[Bluegazer]

Assalamu Alaikum BrotherZak,


I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm sure you feel for your mother [as you should] in this difficult period in your lives. I ask Allah to help your mother, yourself and your siblings overcome this trial...Aameen.


I have two suggestions:

1- After allowing a certain time to pass -in order that one becomes more cool headed-, try talking to your father and hear his side of the story. After allowing him to fully explain why he did what he did, go on to remind him in a polite way that Allah the Almighty ordered the husband to be just between all his wives and to financially be responsible for all of them. He should also spend an equal amount of time with each one of his wives and with each group of children [from each wife].


If you feel that this task is so daunting upon you personally, the find a scholar [who has firm knowledge of Islam and has experience with these situations] and tell him your side of the story. Ask him to talk to your father and remind him of his duty to be just to all his wives and all his children.


2- This second suggestion might hurt your feelings, but I think it's important that you read it anyway. It's already been mentioned earlier on this thread, but I'll say it in a clearer way. And please remember that I do not intend to hurt your feelings or be rude.


You wrote the following:

My mom was crying all night and was and depressed and i'm soo pissed at my father. I can't think but hate the man for what he put my mom through, in fact, he has never helped my family financially.

And:

I actually cried all yesterday and was pissed and my brothers and sisters are still in shock..islamically i'm fine and know this is a test but what should i do.

Dear brother, your statements "I can't think but hate the man...", "i'm soo pissed at my father" and other such language is just wrong. Being with your mother and standing by her is the absolute right thing to do, but that certainly does not include hating your father and using such vulgar language against him. He's still your father. And he still has rights over you. And remember that you should adhere to these duties to your father to please Allah the Almighty who said:

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young." Your Lord knows best what is in your inner-selves. If you are righteous, then, verily, He is Ever Most Forgiving to those who turn unto Him again and again in obedience, and in repentance.

[Translation of the meanings of the Qur'an 17:23-25]


And let's suppose that your father is a non Muslim [God forbid that he leaves Islam], please consider the following verses:

And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years - give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

[Translation of the meanings of the Qur'an 31:14-15]


Notice that Allah the Almighty said , "But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly,.."


If a Muslim has a duty to behave with his parent kindly -even if that parent was a non Muslim and called upon him to worship others along with Allah-, then could you imagine how much more this duty is if his father is still a Muslim but sinned by not being just to all his wives and all his children?


I wish you and your family all the best BrotherZak, and may Allah guide your father to act with justice and mercy to your mother and to you and your siblings...Aameen.


Best regards,

Bluegazer

Wassalamu Alaikum

 

[Bawar]

Assalamu alaikum brother!

Its good you shared your problems with us. You are not alone now. We all share your grief and sorrow.

Brothers and sisters have given you some wonderful advice.
Relationship between your parents started before your birth.

They started it and if they want to finish it, then there is not much others can do about it.

You can only pray and try to give your mother as much support as possible. Eventhough your father may have not performed his responsibility as a good father, you should not forget to perform your responsibility as a good son.

Your dignified manners may make him think about his own personality and perhaps effect him to reflect on his treatment of you and your family.

His irresponsibility does not relieve you from your responsibility which is, to be respectful of both your parents and not hurt them in any way.

Human beings make mistakes and feelings can change.

As much as divorce is a detestable act, it is allowed when a relationship can not work anymore or is not healthy for either one or both sides.

By getting married to other lady/ladies, your father is using his own free will and justification.
Only Allah swt knows his motives and he will be the one answerable on the day of judgement.

What has happend should not have happened, but life of this world is not perfect.
It is in these kind of situations when we need the devine help of Allah swt more than ever
to enable us to get through it without breaking the boundries of Allah swt.

My adivce is, to be cool, pray to Allah swt, give your mother support and play a positve role in what is to come next.
Use wisdom and patience instead of anger and impatience.

May Allah swt make it easy on you all. Ameen

Wassalamu alaikum

 

[gazkour]

Assalamo alikom wa rahmato Allah wa barakato

Dear brother,

I'm sorry to hear that. Alhamdulillah for all the good responses you have got, please be patient. The only thing I can do is to make good du'a for you and your mum and I hope enshaAllah you both are going to be fullfiled by His Mercy and Blessings.

Best regards.

Assalamo alikom wa rahmato Allah wa barakato:tti_sister:

 

[nyerekareem]

:salam2:

all i can say for you, is to be patient.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Sweet and respected little brother, as I have been reading all your previous posts you have impressed me as a man who is very deep and level headed.'
You are a serious individual. I have nothing but respect for you.
As a son you have shown loyality to your mother. You have implied you have been the breadwinner for your family. We can not but admire your devotion to your family. How lucky will be the woman that Allah subhana talla grants to be your wife.
Please listen to the words from your fellow brothers and sisters. Let go of the negative emotions directed at your father. Be the man you are and gently stand beside him. He needs your understanding, too.
I know your mother is a strong woman...she raised you. Give her space to seek and understand her feelings. They have a relationship outside of you. Let them work out where and what they are to each other.
You continue in being the strong and gentle man who is pious. You are in my dua's and in my heart.
your aapa,

 

[Muslimah99]

brother you are in my prayers! keep up your faith in Allah! Your father obviously doesn't act islamically, otherwise he would have supported your mother financially...what is the point in having 2 more wives when he can't even afford it? And he obviously doens't treat them equally...he will be accountable for that on the day of judgement! Stay patient and try to support your mother both financially and emotionally...may Allah grant you Jannah for all the work you have done for your family.

ameen

 

[Muslimah99]

Brother/Sister;

If you are sure about you are talking, that is not Islamic. Getting married to other wife (even one) with the knowledge of your mum... leaving her and you alone while you need his help... this is not islamic. If you can, tell him politly that he is wrong (but be sure that this happened). If you can't tell other muslims or nearby muslims of his age or any other person who can realy tell him that. Having second wife is allowed only under strict conditions.. Knowlege of the first wife about it and her acceptance and if the second wife can not get or difficult to get husband; if he can do justice between them and has ability to address all that (finance and all other things) .... more and more things ... If thing happnened like you said, that is hatefull and Allah does't like that act and he will be asked and pay for that infront of Allah.

May Allah let him come back to the right trac ...

Ma'assalama

Well I don't know the exact rulings on polygami but I am well ifnormed and there are strict rules very true and he hasn't acted islamically, not at all..and I agree, he will be accountable for that on the day of judgement.

 

[BrotherZak]

Salaam,

Sweet and respected little brother, as I have been reading all your previous posts you have impressed me as a man who is very deep and level headed.'
You are a serious individual. I have nothing but respect for you.
As a son you have shown loyality to your mother. You have implied you have been the breadwinner for your family. We can not but admire your devotion to your family. How lucky will be the woman that Allah subhana talla grants to be your wife.
Please listen to the words from your fellow brothers and sisters. Let go of the negative emotions directed at your father. Be the man you are and gently stand beside him. He needs your understanding, too.
I know your mother is a strong woman...she raised you. Give her space to seek and understand her feelings. They have a relationship outside of you. Let them work out where and what they are to each other.
You continue in being the strong and gentle man who is pious. You are in my dua's and in my heart.
your aapa,

Jazak sister your heartfelt comment really helped me this morning and i know feel ashamed at what i wrote yesterday. Maybe it was the whispering or wasas from the shaytain, but i had a long time to think over what i will say. I respect him but not necessarily hate him. Right now i'm working but when i get home i will try to respond to the rest of the posts. Truly man is forgetful because i totally forgot what i learned from islam... anyway thanks

 

[BrotherZak]

Assalamu Alaikum BrotherZak,


I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm sure you feel for your mother [as you should] in this difficult period in your lives. I ask Allah to help your mother, yourself and your siblings overcome this trial...Aameen.


I have two suggestions:

1- After allowing a certain time to pass -in order that one becomes more cool headed-, try talking to your father and hear his side of the story. After allowing him to fully explain why he did what he did, go on to remind him in a polite way that Allah the Almighty ordered the husband to be just between all his wives and to financially be responsible for all of them. He should also spend an equal amount of time with each one of his wives and with each group of children [from each wife].


If you feel that this task is so daunting upon you personally, the find a scholar [who has firm knowledge of Islam and has experience with these situations] and tell him your side of the story. Ask him to talk to your father and remind him of his duty to be just to all his wives and all his children.


2- This second suggestion might hurt your feelings, but I think it's important that you read it anyway. It's already been mentioned earlier on this thread, but I'll say it in a clearer way. And please remember that I do not intend to hurt your feelings or be rude.


You wrote the following:




And:




Dear brother, your statements "I can't think but hate the man...", "i'm soo pissed at my father" and other such language is just wrong. Being with your mother and standing by her is the absolute right thing to do, but that certainly does not include hating your father and using such vulgar language against him. He's still your father. And he still has rights over you. And remember that you should adhere to these duties to your father to please Allah the Almighty who said:



[Translation of the meanings of the Qur'an 17:23-25]


And let's suppose that your father is a non Muslim [God forbid that he leaves Islam], please consider the following verses:



[Translation of the meanings of the Qur'an 31:14-15]


Notice that Allah the Almighty said , "But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly,.."


If a Muslim has a duty to behave with his parent kindly -even if that parent was a non Muslim and called upon him to worship others along with Allah-, then could you imagine how much more this duty is if his father is still a Muslim but sinned by not being just to all his wives and all his children?


I wish you and your family all the best BrotherZak, and may Allah guide your father to act with justice and mercy to your mother and to you and your siblings...Aameen.


Best regards,

Bluegazer

Wassalamu Alaikum

salam brother bluegazer

Wallahi i feel like a hyprocrite when i read back at what i wrote. But i agree with what you said and i will definetly try to implement it, maybe it was the shock that caused me to say that.

 

[BrotherZak]

SalamuAlikum,

I have to tell you like everyone to be patient, however, you need to explain to your mother that this is a test for her from Allah, she needs to get on her feet and be strong, not to fail this test. You are a good son, and keep reminding her in a very nice way that once we die, no one is in our grave, except Allah is watching us and we will be ask on all our tests. Also remind her that her good children and the bigest gift that Allah give her our this marrage. The following is as I am talking to you mother, as a woman I truly understand her because, my husband left me for another woman, and I know now that it was one of the best things ever in my life that Allah kept him out of my life and my two children at that time. My husband left me with 2 beautiful children 2 years and 5 years old while I was young, beautiful, and smart Alhamedullallah, he left me for another woman, and now I look back, it was the best hing ever... I am a single mother but, a very happy mother those beautiful children..
are young, smart, hansome, and most of all very good MashaAllah with the Islam, we all love being Muslim and knowing that Allah chose us to be Muslim, such a beautiful gift.. My life has been very hard, however, Allah walk me through it through impossible emotionally, mentally, financially throught it all. Please, "hold onto Allah's rope, you will never fall, inshallah
" Do not cry, be happy in heart and consider it Allah's blessing by losing such a loser, and remember that nothing happens without Allah's permission. However, always pray for the father of your children to be guided. Do not pray bad, because, pray like "please Allah show him a bit of what I am going through", now he is the biggest loser, and that is not making me happy, I ask Allah to forgive me. I hope that this going to help your mother and you both, that you all better with him if this what Allah's going bring, as hard as it feels, as bad as it looks, consider it as one a great blessings from Allah and be Happy and these difficult times and ask Allah to bring joy and more blessings in your lives... Allah is great and everything is going be good, InshaAllah.

Salam sister i agree with you and i was hoping for someone who had a similar experience. I respect my father but i agree with my mom. For 10 years she has devoutely helped him,loved him, cleaned the house, raised six children, and can you imagine how she felt? My mom deosn't even speak good english so she kinda relied on him. But inshallah everything turns out good

 

[gangstaat]

man that's sad. i m sorry

 

[unique_princess]

:salam2:

Brother, Dua is the strongest tool we have as a muslim, be strong and patient. i feel for your Mother, May Allah be with her, and keep her strong. (Aameen) As long as you can look after your siblings...whilst your mother gets through. InshaAllah things will be fine.

ma assalaama