lightofnur
Junior Member
Assalammualaikum all.
I've been struggling with a recent dilemma. It hasn't hit me this hard before, but for some reason, it hits me. It's about forgiveness and being forgiven.
I know Allah is the All Merciful, Oft-Forgiving, and I love Him. I know He doesn't punish anyone without reasons, I know that His choices are the best, I know He is the best Judge. But I'm struggling with this issue of doing sins and believing, that when a major hardship or trouble comes later, I am responsible for the hardship. It's because of me, I feel.
How did I come to this theory? I might have misunderstood a verse in the Quran and applied it to real life when the hardships came:
“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much” [42:30]
So every time I do a wrong, I practically wince, thinking that this is going to come back to me later. I know this is a deterrent for greater sins to come, but it's painful. I think that even after Allah has forgiven me, I will get hit by that counter for the sins I've done. And then there is this great anticipation/expectation etc. after I've committed a sin, of the punishment. So I wait and wait and it's a horrid kind of dread, to wait for your blow to hit you.
And then there's the fact of getting hit by the hardships as well. I sail through them well, Alhamdulillah, but when I do get hit, it starts me thinking: "See, I knew it'll come to me." It may be that I have a confused notion, because hardships will come in the future, whether or not I have done sins, and it's possible that I am misreading that as punishments. But how do you differentiate between the two? And how do you stop the feeling of dread?
I never had this problem before. I use to believe in the Mercy of Allah, thinking that a Merciful God would not want to purposely inflict harm on me. I used to think that whatever hardships would come, I would deal with it, because Allah is with me. And after hardship, there is relief. But like I said, I have this horrible, sinking dread of the punishment to come. And there's also the fact that after I do wrong, almost ALWAYS after that notion of fear, just as I expected, some form of hardship would come, after all. I convince myself that I wouldn't/don't know for sure, and I can't predict the future, nor can I judge Allah's actions, nau'zubillah.
Please don't mistake me when I talk on sins. The sins I do, Alhamdulillah, are not grievous nor am I a bad person in particular. I love Allah very much and I try my very best to be a good Muslim. I do follow Allah's orders as it is not only His orders, but it does good for me, whether I see it or not. I'm happy in my religion. I ask forgiveness whenever I do wrong. My dilemma is just the confusion on how sins are paid back/countered/etc. and how Allah's forgiveness comes over that. On how to be forgiven and to rid that feeling of dread.
Perhaps I feel that way because the people who surround me sometimes do things that are not appropriate within Allah's rules, and since I live with them, directly or indirectly I'm somehow involved. A little, more than a little or nothing at all, and I feel that whatever hardships is my fault also to blame. I don't want to backbite about it though.
I've read these magnificent articles on it (which are actually two articles from a series of them and have benefited many), and Alhamdulillah, it did some good:
Thinking Well of Allah
and:
Forgiveness
I'm very sorry for my lengthy post. Thanks very much to those who answer. Alhamdulillah and may Allah Bless you all.
I've been struggling with a recent dilemma. It hasn't hit me this hard before, but for some reason, it hits me. It's about forgiveness and being forgiven.
I know Allah is the All Merciful, Oft-Forgiving, and I love Him. I know He doesn't punish anyone without reasons, I know that His choices are the best, I know He is the best Judge. But I'm struggling with this issue of doing sins and believing, that when a major hardship or trouble comes later, I am responsible for the hardship. It's because of me, I feel.
How did I come to this theory? I might have misunderstood a verse in the Quran and applied it to real life when the hardships came:
“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much” [42:30]
So every time I do a wrong, I practically wince, thinking that this is going to come back to me later. I know this is a deterrent for greater sins to come, but it's painful. I think that even after Allah has forgiven me, I will get hit by that counter for the sins I've done. And then there is this great anticipation/expectation etc. after I've committed a sin, of the punishment. So I wait and wait and it's a horrid kind of dread, to wait for your blow to hit you.
And then there's the fact of getting hit by the hardships as well. I sail through them well, Alhamdulillah, but when I do get hit, it starts me thinking: "See, I knew it'll come to me." It may be that I have a confused notion, because hardships will come in the future, whether or not I have done sins, and it's possible that I am misreading that as punishments. But how do you differentiate between the two? And how do you stop the feeling of dread?
I never had this problem before. I use to believe in the Mercy of Allah, thinking that a Merciful God would not want to purposely inflict harm on me. I used to think that whatever hardships would come, I would deal with it, because Allah is with me. And after hardship, there is relief. But like I said, I have this horrible, sinking dread of the punishment to come. And there's also the fact that after I do wrong, almost ALWAYS after that notion of fear, just as I expected, some form of hardship would come, after all. I convince myself that I wouldn't/don't know for sure, and I can't predict the future, nor can I judge Allah's actions, nau'zubillah.
Please don't mistake me when I talk on sins. The sins I do, Alhamdulillah, are not grievous nor am I a bad person in particular. I love Allah very much and I try my very best to be a good Muslim. I do follow Allah's orders as it is not only His orders, but it does good for me, whether I see it or not. I'm happy in my religion. I ask forgiveness whenever I do wrong. My dilemma is just the confusion on how sins are paid back/countered/etc. and how Allah's forgiveness comes over that. On how to be forgiven and to rid that feeling of dread.
Perhaps I feel that way because the people who surround me sometimes do things that are not appropriate within Allah's rules, and since I live with them, directly or indirectly I'm somehow involved. A little, more than a little or nothing at all, and I feel that whatever hardships is my fault also to blame. I don't want to backbite about it though.
I've read these magnificent articles on it (which are actually two articles from a series of them and have benefited many), and Alhamdulillah, it did some good:
Thinking Well of Allah
and:
Forgiveness
I'm very sorry for my lengthy post. Thanks very much to those who answer. Alhamdulillah and may Allah Bless you all.
sister