New here and have questions...

[jonas1993]

Hello All,

I am 18 and a citizen of United Arab Emirates and South Africa..

This may sound strange, I was raised as a 'Secular Muslim' as my father is Emirati and my mother is white south african(christian anglican). Both of my parents are totally irreligious however. I actually was never taken to mosque or taught Arabic. I hold an Emirati and South African passport however. I have a religious question... I list myself as secular as there was no option for secular muslim

I don't want to have people speak ill of my father as he is a very good and king and giving man and has provided for me very well in my life. I have my own home in Dubai as I am 18 and he cares for me very much as does my mother.

But my issue/question is this, My father was very upset at me when he found out I attended Mosque for the first two times in my life the last two weeks here in Dubai. I am not so sure why but he is very much secular, he would rather me drink at a bar or a night club then attend mosque and was afraid I am turning into a religious fundamentalist. All I am trying to do is learn about my heritage as I was not raised with it and want to find out about Islam and my heritage.

My mother is also totally secular and I have read rules about Marriage for a Muslim man to a Non Muslim woman and actually was surprised because the rules for marriage seem to prohibit the marriage my parents have. As my mother is a secular Christian and is basically athiest and my father is a secular muslim. And on another note my father would much rather me marry a Jew or Christian over a Muslim girl. And encourages me to date and 'sow my wild oats'... He met my mother at college in USA and from what I gather both of them were HUGE partiers and basically hippies...

I would like to know HOW to talk to my father about this, and also would like to know if it is an option to be a 'secular muslim' as I was raised?

Jonas

 

[ilyas_eh]

assalaamu alaykkum wa rahmathullahi wa barakatuhu,

i dont have answers for your question but i think it is important for the forum members to address your situation(i dont want this thread to go out of the main page, basically)

i hope some knowledgeable member replies. meanwhile, utilize this site to learn what islaam is all about and how being a good muslim will also mean being a very good human being, in its true sense.. definitely better than being a secularist.

welcome to this forum brother. may Allah guide us all.

 

[Bawar]

:salam2: brother and most welcome to TTI

I am not qualified person, but I would like to share my understanding with you. There is option to be anything you choose in life, but are responsible for your choice and answerable to the One who created you on the day of judgement.

Your parents chose their way of lives as they willed and you have the right to choose what you want. If you choose to be a Muslim then there is only one option and that is to surrender to what Allah wants you to be and accept the way of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) as your way of life.

If by secular you mean that you limit the religion only to worship and not let it dictate your practical daily life, then that is definitely a no no.

I am pleased that you have an interest in Islam. If you make the purpose of your interest in Islam understanding the meaning of life, preparing for what comes after this life and getting a reward for it, that would be better than to simply know about your culture.

My advice to you as a brother in Islam is that learn about your religion first so that you are equipped with knowledge and understanding before you discuss it with your father. That way, inshallah he will benefit from such discussion.

May Allah guide us all to the right path

 

[auroran]

:salam2:

Welcome akhi Jonas,

I would like to point out that being a 'secular Muslim' is not an option. If you meant secular like your dad, then fear Allaah! Your father may be kind and loving but does he obey his Lord? A good person obeys his Lord.

Akhi you must do dawah to your father. If you love him then help him become successful in the next ETERNAL life. First you must strive to become a good Muslim man. Also, make lots of du'aa' for your parents.

Follow your deen akhi that's all I can say. There's no obedience to your parents when you're disobedient to Allaah!

:salam2:

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

You have made my day. Alhumdullila. You have given me the cheer I needed so much today.

The blood of the Muslim is so strong in your heart. Masha'Allah. You come here and many a person will help you.

You are an adult. You can respect your father but your soul belongs to Allah.
Your father is upset because you are making him understand his obligations to Allah. When one gets old and measures the days of partying they are empty. You may be the one who will take him back to Allah.

Go seek the Path of Allah and remain firm.

 

[brmm]

This my advise for you

Brother Jonas,
U r still young in age (big in mind) so be patient with life.

Below my opinion for u:
1. U don't need to tell us all the details about ur parents. We would get the story any way.
2.The rope between us & our God (ALLAH sobhanaho) is our prayers, it is the most important condition to be a Muslim after saying the Shahada.
If u don't do ur Salat, no one knows that u r a Muslim.
Keeping our Salat (prayers) is the way for every good manners & behavior in life.
3. Many Parents feel proud about themselves if their kids show them that they were wrong (about an issue) and they can not accept this idea.
Now, u r showing ur father that u were able to chose the right bath in life and u r just 18 (Mashallah) so he feel bad not for u but for himself and he show this feelings as an anger towards u.
4.Ur parents right towards u is to highly respect them if they were Muslims or not.
5.If ur parents force u to leave Islam or not to do ur Salat, then u should leave them.
This is what happen with prophet Ibrahim (PBUH) when he left his disbeliever relatives.
6.You do not have any kind of obligation towards anyone if this one try to push u away from Islam.
7.Do pray for ur parents & ask Allah to guide them in the right way. And ask Allah also to support ur steps in Islam.
8.Secular and Muslim are 2 opposite words that can not fit in the same sentence.
9. Make advantage of being in UAE and chose good Muslims friends for u from the Mosque.
10.Fetch a translation for the Holy Quran and start to read it, this book will teach u the wisdom which every one needs and many don't have.

Keep ur prayers, Keep ur prayers, Keep ur prayers.

Allah bless u inshallah.

BRMM

 

[sister herb]

:salam2:

5.If ur parents force u to leave Islam or not to do ur Salat, then u should leave them.

Are you sure it is reasonable to ask still young man, almost a boy, do something so radical, specially when he is now just thinking to return to islam and need to learn it more? I think most cases it is better try to discuss a lot before even planning something like this? You may scare him by kind of advices.

Sorry, just my own opinion.

 

[jonas1993]

thank you

thank you all so much for your advice
I feel very much cared for by all of you

I am very happy at the advice I have had and actually I spoke to my father just before going online. I asked him if he was upset at me and he said no but "when he went to college in USA that he felt secularism was so free and adopted it to his life, and that he will always love me and because of loving me he is worried about me"

But I told him he has nothing to worry about for me.

My mother being from a Christian family I actually have cousins who are Christian. And when I was little I used to refuse to enter churches or any worship house as I did not believe it was right for a Muslim to enter a church or temple. I used to get yelled at quite a bit for that :lol:

I thank all for advice and any other advice is always appreciated!

Jonas

 

[ilyas_eh]

alhamdulillah that you have always considered yourself as a muslim. may Allah guide you to His true path.You should start reading the translation of the meaning of Qur'aan. I just read a Irish brother's story about how quraan made sense and moved him to tears. I suggest you should try out to, insha Allah. wassalaamu alaykkum

 

[arzafar]

There is no such thing as secular muslim.
I think you should visit the mosque and contact a shiekh there. You can then explain your situation to them in detail and ask them for advice. you can also read many articles about islam in the forum here.

 

[brmm]

:salam2:



Are you sure it is reasonable to ask still young man, almost a boy, do something so radical, specially when he is now just thinking to return to islam and need to learn it more? I think most cases it is better try to discuss a lot before even planning something like this? You may scare him by kind of advices.

Sorry, just my own opinion.

Dear sister, Alsalam alaikom,
Allah Sobhanaho says
Q 29:08 "And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do"

and

Q 31:15"But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do".

I think the message is clear.

Inshallah his parents will not force him to leave his salat or Islam.

Allah bless u all inshallah.
-------------------------


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[Qaise]

Knowledge

I m only 17 years old , I dont have much knownledge about islam but i do listen to translation. In quran there is clearly said , if your mother or father is prevending you from your god than dont listen to them because u will have to return to allah one day , GOD has given us brain to thinking . nor your father and nor son can save each other from fire of the hell. Sorry for my bad english . But it is clear. If god asks you in day of judgement "What did prevent you from coming to me and decline this day" Will you reply "My father and mother prevent me?" but this isnt answer , Why god gave you brain? To think and find your path. Ask allah for help and help your father and mother with his light..

 

[sister herb]

:salam2:

Hopely you didn´t understand my post wrong. It might hard to ask very young to leave his/hers loving parents whose might not yet understand they child faith and even might scare him/her to accept truely islam. It is better be carefull you write them as innocent advice.

Remember; many people study slowly what are things important in Islam and with someones it may takes years to understand them. Like for many sisters it takes long time to use hijab first time. Be mercy to your new sisters and brothers.

From me personally it took 7 years.

:tti_sister:

 

[brmm]

I m only 17 years old , I dont have much knownledge about islam but i do listen to translation. In quran there is clearly said , if your mother or father is prevending you from your god than dont listen to them because u will have to return to allah one day , GOD has given us brain to thinking . nor your father and nor son can save each other from fire of the hell. Sorry for my bad english . But it is clear. If god asks you in day of judgement "What did prevent you from coming to me and decline this day" Will you reply "My father and mother prevent me?" but this isnt answer , Why god gave you brain? To think and find your path. Ask allah for help and help your father and mother with his light..

Mashallah ... wonderful, wonderful.

 

[World Peace]

Asalam aleacom warahmato Allah wabarakato brother jonas1993

Welcome to TTI.

Try to be patient with your parents, and treat them with love and mercy. Allah commanded to be kind to them.

Allah says in the Holy Quran:

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour."
( The Holy Quran , Al-Isra, Chapter 17, Verse 23)

We should always treat them with respect and obey them in any reasonable request that does not go against the teachings of Islam. Ælfwine Mischler, http://www.onislam.net/english/ask-about-islam/society-and-family/interfaith-issues/166598.html

"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did."
(The Holy Quran, Al-Ankaboot, Chapter 29, Verse 8)

"And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal."
"But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."
( The Holy Quran , Luqman, Chapter 31, Verse 14-15)

"And even if thou hast to turn away from them in pursuit of the Mercy from thy Lord which thou dost expect, yet speak to them a word of easy kindness."
( The Holy Quran , Al-Isra, Chapter 17, Verse 28)

----------------------

By Sahar El-Nadi
onislam.net


Inviting parents is probably the most difficult kind of calling to God, because it requires a great deal of tact, patience, courage, love, and respect.

It requires awareness that our love for them alone would not change their beliefs if they are unwilling to make the change themselves. We are only accountable for bringing the truth to them in a gentle and wise manner to help them make an informed decision, but at then end, each of us is entitled to, and responsible for, their own choices in life.

No matter what your father/mother decides, Islam teaches that he maintains paternal rights over you (of love and respect); and that you should never sever relations with him because of his free choice of faith. Free choice and special status as a parent are his lawful rights granted to him by God and asserted in the Quran, which Muslims believe is the word of God.


Here are a few guidelines to remember while you introduce belief in God and Islam to your father/mother:

You are the best example. So be on your best behavior with your father/mother. Show care and love in your dealings with them everyday, and try your best to fulfill their dream for you of success in your education and career. Seek any opportunity to assert that your manners and ethics stem from your belief in God and your practice of Islam. Always remember that Islam advocates the utmost respect to parents, whether or not they are Muslim.

Remember, they are your father and mother who brought you up and taught you and cared for you in your childhood.

Take a good example from Prophet Abraham (peace be upon him) with his exceptional manners and gentle way of addressing his father using clear and simple logic. Read his story in the Quran. Learn from his soft attitude towards his father, who was not only an idol worshipper, but a manufacturer of idol statues for others.

Yet, his son, who was a prophet chosen by God, did not use a condescending attitude or a harsh style of introducing facts. On the contrary, he called him by endearing names and used a very gentle approach with him.

Make the introduction to God an enjoyable activity. For example, take a walk in nature or sail on a lake together on a holiday or weekend. Then, start exclaiming at the beauty and amazing laws of nature surrounding you which must be a sign on the beauty and wisdom of its Creator, and give them a chance to think and react without commenting. Listen to them politely, without being under pressure to counter his arguments immediately. Be both persistent and gentle.

Take a good example from Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He calmly and politely heard out his worst enemy making ridiculous material offers to him as a barter deal to quit his mission. The Prophet gave his "guest" the respect due to his important status in his people, then asked politely: "have you finished?"

When the man said "yes," Prophet Muhammad started his response simply by reciting a relevant and powerful verse of the Quran which affected his visitor so much that he started weeping and asked him to stop, so he did stop and let him go.

The man later confessed he might have believed on the spot because of the strength of the words and their message. Yet, it was his arrogance which prevented him from accepting Islam, because he feared ridicule from his people and loss of his status as one of their leaders. Yet, the Prophet did not push him. He let him take his own decision in his own time. The Prophet recognized his mission as a messenger.


You are accountable only for making the truth clear, but you have no control over people's choices.

It is important to note that the first people Prophet Muhammad was required to call were his family and close kin. The Quran orders us to try to save our loved ones from the fate of disbelievers, and share our knowledge with them, but without coercing them or disconnecting relations if they choose not to believe.

You need to be aware that change takes time — sometimes a long time.

Seek Allah's help after thanking Him daily for guiding you to Islam. Pray and ask guidance for your father/mother and strength for yourself. The best time to call on Allah is in the quiet last hours of the night. Get out of bed and pray at that time until Morning Prayer (Fajr) and ask Allah what you want for yourself and your father and mother.


Read a lot. Continue reading the Holy Quran, follow His messenger (read about his life), and learn and apply Allah’s commands and prohibitions. Also educate yourself about the correct reasoning to use with them. Read books and sites, listen to lectures and watch presentation in communication, psychology, negotiation and conviction skills, natural sciences, Islamic and world history, and so on. This will give you a vast pool of knowledge to draw on for analogies, facts, and comparisons.

We wish you strength of faith, clarity of reason, and vastness of knowledge to bring you close to God, and make you useful for your people.
http://www.onislam.net/english/ask-about-islam/new-to-islam/168602.html

----------------------

Allah says in The Holy Quran

"When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way."
(The Holy Quran, Al-Baqara, Chapter 2, Verse 186)

"Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of allah. for allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. "
(The Holy Quran, Az-Zumar, Chapter 39, Verse 53)

"Those who believe, and do deeds of righteousness, and establish regular prayers and regular charity, will have their reward with their Lord: on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve."
(The Holy Quran, Al-Baqara, Chapter 2, Verse 227)

"Verily this Qur'an doth guide to that which is most right (or stable), and giveth the Glad Tidings to the Believers who work deeds of righteousness, that they shall have a magnificent reward"
(The Holy Quran , Al-Isra, Chapter 17, Verse 9)

"Those who do wish for the (things of) the Hereafter, and strive therefor with all due striving, and have Faith,- they are the ones whose striving is acceptable"
(The Holy Quran , Al-Isra, Chapter 17, Verse 19)

"Recite what is sent of the Book by inspiration to thee, and establish regular Prayer: for Prayer restrains from shameful and unjust deeds; and remembrance of Allah is the greatest (thing in life) without doubt. And Allah knows the (deeds) that ye do."
(The Holy Quran , Al-ankaboot, Chapter 29, Verse 45)
_______________

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Discover the Truth about Islam
http://www.theradiantlight.blogspot.com/

Islam Religion
http://www.islamreligion.com/

Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him
http://www.rasoulallah.net/
________________

 

[jonas1993]

thank you all

thank you all for the good advice!

 

[sachin4islam]

Assalamu Alaikum: Br

Secular Muslim or Moderate Islam is nothing but a mirage. Islam is Divine decree and any aspect of it can't be subtracted on the label of liberalism. There are only two identities either you are a Muslim or a Non-Muslim and no third option.

Just take an example,my mum is a Non-Muslim and is repelled from Islam cause of dietary laws in Islam. She is a strict vegetarian and very very weak hearted too. Now while inviting her to Islam I mention that she can be a good Muslim following her Vegetarian diet but she will have to accept that meat of Halal animals is legitimate for consumption irrespective of your dietary choices and preferences. Should I invite her to Islam compromising that okay you accept Islam and may bear in mind that taking meat of any animal is not ethical. This would never put her into fold of Islam.

Had Islam been not held on its fundamental tenets,may Allah (SWT) forgive,it would vanish as a Deen into a vague ideology.

Fundamentalism is soul of Islam. A human being can be carved out only being a fundamentalist Muslim.

Anyway may Allah (SWT) fill your heart with love of Islam and guide your efforts further to being a true Muslim.

Regards.

 

[alf2]

Ya Allah O.O Please dont "sow your wild oats" haha...I'm gobsmacked that was his advice to you.

May he get Hidayah (guidance) about Islam and its truly beautiful way of life. It seems you are a convert to Islam because of your situation. Masha Allah! From one revert to another - The non-believing family is the hardest part of reverting to Islam.

 

[jonas1993]

haha

Ya Allah O.O Please dont "sow your wild oats" haha...I'm gobsmacked that was his advice to you.

May he get Hidayah (guidance) about Islam and its truly beautiful way of life. It seems you are a convert to Islam because of your situation. Masha Allah! From one revert to another - The non-believing family is the hardest part of reverting to Islam.

haha yes i know and i agree and i don't know why but your reply made me laugh! :lol:

 

[IHearIslam]

welcome to TTI akhi ^_____^