brothers and sisters!

[umm_amatullah]

salam alykum

im an 18 year old muslimah who recently started practising and wants to get married.How do i go about telling my father i want 2 get married, he believes in education and then marriage.Many brothers ask me, and i say no, because im too scared to tell my father. But i know im gonna have to one day, plz help me and give me advice.What would you do in my situation, should i just wait until i finish my education?

jazakallah khayr
umm amatullah

 

[hussain.mahammed]

walaikum as salam wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu dear sister
First of all you are afraid to tell your father about marriage, but you should not be afraid talking about your Deen with him. Slowly try to give him and tell him about The hadeeths. Dont simply bring the topic of marriage. Do it in a creative style, gradually, in a step by step manner.
Dont be harsh on telling things which he does not know. Parents find it difficult to accept things from their own children at times. They dont want their own children teach them. Thats really sad.
Engage in more talks about Deen with him, about QUran and Sunnah.
Above all make duas so that Allah SUbhanahu Wa Taala helps you. Ofcourse He knows whats best for you. Dont be in a hurry to get married as well. Have patience.
Pray Salatul Istikhara.
Leave everything on The lord The Cherisher THe Master Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala
insha Allah you will be happy at the end.
wa/salam

 

[Muhammad_A]

As salaam alaykum sister

Are you a revert?

I think you and your dad need to reach a compromise on this. Explain to him that being married doesn't have to mean an end to your studies (though it'll help if you can find a husband who's cool with you going to college/university).

 

[umm_amatullah]

salam alykum

jazakallah khayr for your advice, i am willing to do that, but my father isnt very religious. He thinks very cultural wise, and in my culture it is seen as shameful for a girl to say she's ready to marry.So in that aspect how do i get around telling him, without him thinking bad of me? i prayed salat istikhara, and continously pray for sakena. I really think im ready to get married, for the sake of my deen.

salam alykum

 

[learnermuslim]

Salaams Sister,

Although I appreciate your willingness to act according to proper Islamic ways, can I ask how can you be sure that the brothers who have approached you are thinking the same way.

At your age, and if I can remember that far back, reasons may not be so pure and long-term. And if you think a guy marrying you shows his good intentions, please bear in mind divorce for a guy is easier socially than for a women, especially in trad islamic countries (not due to islam of course) and then to remarry. As for acting Islamically, remember divorce is one of the things Allah hates most, so you better be sure.

Also age changes your thinking due to experiences and circumstances, how do you know that what you like now you will like in a year , let alone five or ten years time. What may be seen as cute habits now, might turn into detestable irritations.

I think your father is thinking along these lines and agree with him, being a father too myself at least about waiting till you finish your education.

However, as the brother said, talking about islam and your reasons for wanting to marry with your father is a good thing from now, rome wasn't built in a day and as he says done with delicacy, diplomacy it will inshAllah lead to a more open exchange between you and your father and both of you can get your real views and thoughts across and reach a satisfactory conclusion to this, Ameen.

In the meantime, study hard, pray hard, enjoy yourself and leave to Allah to do what is best for you and inshAllah he will answer your prayers.

Just my views.

Fi amanAllah

 

[Happy 2BA Muslim]

Wa alaikum Assalam Sister,

You don`t have to open the subject with him directly. Isn`t there anybody who can work as a mediator between both of you (mother, sister, close friend, relative,...etc)? They can discuss the matter with your dad initially, then events will progress from there.

 

[ShaheedU]

I cant say i agree with learnermuslim, Its good too marry young, and personally i applaude the fact that u want to get married.
Now about ur father, ouch.
What do u think ur dads gonna say if u tell him u can get married and educate at the same time?

 

[Aapa]

Sister,

At 18 you are so innocent. Eduction is important. You show many muslim girls how to respect. You must make your parents very proud. I know if I had a daughter I would want her to have the convictions you have. Praise Allah He gave you such good parents.
When you speak to your father..speak directly from the heart. I sense that you want to please your father..explain to him that one benefit of marriage would be you could keep your mind on your studies and not be tempted by young men in a universtiy setting...i can't imagine you taking on-line classes...
culture...the best comes from a Muslim world..marriage is the unit that binds community...marriage is delayed in the west because of financial decisions...( i am a marraige counselor)..it is best to grow in a relationship and then fall in love..it lasts longer...
Inshalla, Allah is the Disposer of all affairs...place it in his hands.

 

[umm hussain]

Salaams Sister,

remember divorce is one of the things Allah hates most, so you better be sure.

Asalam alaikum warahmatullah

I just want to point out that the hadith about divorce being the most hated by Allah is a fabricated hadith. I have just been reading about it and it says something like those who force their children into marriage are in favour for it so as to bribe their children to stay in relationships they dont want, here is the hadith:

On the authority of 'Alee (radhiyallaahu 'anhu), the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said:

"Get married and do not divorce, for the Throne (of Allaah) shakes due to divorces."

It was collected by Al-Khateeb Al-Baghdaadee in his Taareekh Baghdaad (12/191). Al-Albaanee called it mawdhoo' (fabricated) in Silsilatul-Ahaadeethid-Dha'eefah (#147).

 

[umm_amatullah]

salam alykum

My father doesnt believe you can study and marry at the same time, i understand his concerns for me 100%.As i grew up in london, and he always made the effort concerning my education, so throwing it away would dissapoint him very much.But for a long time now i've only been working for dunya, and have done nothing for akhira.Is it possible for me to work for both, without decreasing one or the other. Alhamdulillah allah gave me hidaya at a young age, and with his guiadance i feel like i can do much more.

plz pray for me that my path is easy
salam alykum
allah tests those he loves, maybe this is a way of showing me he loves me.

 

[virtualeye]

I cant say i agree with learnermuslim, Its good too marry young, and personally i applaude the fact that u want to get married.
Now about ur father, ouch.
What do u think ur dads gonna say if u tell him u can get married and educate at the same time?

AssalaamuAlaikum,

Your opinion has its own weight, but actually we are not living in a paradise where every youg man is a pious and modest Muslim. So please keep the idealism aside.

It is better that the father of the girl looks as what are good aspect in the candidate for his daughter. While the agreement of daughter should also be necessary.

I am sure that the boys who are approaching this sister, are actually approaching her for her apparent looks. So it is visibly an emotional move.

First, the sister should use Niqab, then I we will see how many more brothers approach her for marriage. Maybe none, or hardly one. And that rare one might be better for her who would be approaching her for her modest character and not for her apparent beauty.

If the sister really likes someone then she should ask some women (her best friend) to pass her thoughts to her father. In that, the second women should explain to her father about the thoughts of her daughter in a convicing and polite manner and should mention that the girls only show their feelings to their female best friends.


Wasslaaam,
VE

 

[umm_amatullah]

Salam alykum

just like to tell "virtual eye" that i do wear niqaab and have been for 6 months alhamdillah.So i dont have a problem with brothers only being attracted to my beauty.

jazakallah khayran