Are other people going through this too?

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

No brother it has not been beaten to death. And I will tell you why. Perhaps this may make sense to you.

What we are going to have in the Muslim community are older women without anyone. No relatives. They will be alone. Now, the issue becomes far more serious than a group of women that are wishing for marriage.

We do not have retirement homes in the US for Muslim women. Our communities have turned their backs on us. We have no hospitals for Muslim women and men. The only solution we have is to live in the homes of the kufr i.e. retirement homes. And if you are not rich that does not give you much choice. There is no community bus service. We can't even get brothers to give rides to older people to the masjid. What keeps a person young is interaction. Who is going to be responsible for taking these older women to the grocery store, to the doctor's.

Here we are professors of a faith that tells us the importance of community. And we have such little community. I am serious about starting a community for older women; there are many a sister I have met that is alone. What about sisters who have been abused and need a place to stay that is not the kufr shelter? What about the disabled sister who is alone. But once again the dilemma is who do I go to get funding. And the devil is there with roses knocking on my door.

Brother, how much are we going to sweep under the rug with the same old useless answers? How much are we going to stress the importance of studies over everything. Just last weekend I had a brother tell me he was an engineer. I retorted back brother please what Muslim is not an engineer or doctor. Tell me something I don't already know. Show me a farmer and I will marry him. Show me a man that holds piety over money.

PS..Sister Hayat...it is not only Sunna but Quran. And it is not my person point of view. It is Quran and Sunna. Think what you want but the Quran and Sunna are in black and white. Sister, ponder this..what would you do with four children if your husband died? What would you do? Think sister for one minute and open your heart.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Assalaam walaikum,

No brother it has not been beaten to death. And I will tell you why. Perhaps this may make sense to you.

What we are going to have in the Muslim community are older women without anyone. No relatives. They will be alone. Now, the issue becomes far more serious than a group of women that are wishing for marriage.

We do not have retirement homes in the US for Muslim women. Our communities have turned their backs on us. We have no hospitals for Muslim women and men. The only solution we have is to live in the homes of the kufr i.e. retirement homes. And if you are not rich that does not give you much choice. There is no community bus service. We can't even get brothers to give rides to older people to the masjid. What keeps a person young is interaction. Who is going to be responsible for taking these older women to the grocery store, to the doctor's.

Here we are professors of a faith that tells us the importance of community. And we have such little community. I am serious about starting a community for older women; there are many a sister I have met that is alone. What about sisters who have been abused and need a place to stay that is not the kufr shelter? What about the disabled sister who is alone. But once again the dilemma is who do I go to get funding. And the devil is there with roses knocking on my door.

Brother, how much are we going to sweep under the rug with the same old useless answers? How much are we going to stress the importance of studies over everything. Just last weekend I had a brother tell me he was an engineer. I retorted back brother please what Muslim is not an engineer or doctor. Tell me something I don't already know. Show me a farmer and I will marry him. Show me a man that holds piety over money.

PS..Sister Hayat...it is not only Sunna but Quran. And it is not my person point of view. It is Quran and Sunna. Think what you want but the Quran and Sunna are in black and white. Sister, ponder this..what would you do with four children if your husband died? What would you do? Think sister for one minute and open your heart.

:salam2:

SubhanAllah the topic really shifted but i like to say i do agree with aapa on the things, i am sure im clearly not the only one going through this many other brothers or maybe sisters have gone through this too, and im sure anyone who has gone to university know most of the muslims have girlfriends or sisters with boyfriends ....
u cant escape the reality that is the reality, that is what our youth is involved in, thats why most youth they dont really want marriage cause they already got gf's , and when someone wants a halal way we make it so hard that the person feels disoriented.
Aapa is right you have to understand, the parents these days don't care if the person has a gf or is sinning no biggie cause everyone is doing it... but God forbid if he wants to get married before having that huge salary its a big problem.

@brother strive-may-i

i agree, with you and i accept what you are saying too, but what is the solution that is the main question???

and just to point out that its not the desire or the craving ... etc astagfiruAllah, its much deeper its a emotional need that i am talking about here

InshAllah hope it makes sense

 

[hayat84]

everyone will test the death,one day.I'm aware of this,I've never said my husband to be immortal.what do you think I'll do?I'll get married again with someone else?I'm not fool.my heart belongs only to my husband,dead or alive Allah will find for me my best solution,the same if it will be me to die before my husband.this is life and we must accept this.we belong to Allah and to Him we'll return.Sister,you talk as you lived a thousand of years on this earth,and I franky don't like it very much.wisdom is different from presuntion to know every word of Quran and Sunnah and "throw "them on the face of an "unknowledgeable person "like me

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Brother,

I once lived in a city with a university that had a concentration of Muslim students. What stood out were the male students from Saudi Arabia. They were all married. They were working on undergraduate degrees.

We know that marriage completes the deen. They were happy and could study in peace. They did not walk into the forest of endless temptation. They were duty bound.

What I fail to understand is why there is a mindset that makes studying and marriage mutually exclusive. From where I stand if a man can not study and maintain a family how is he going to fare when the going gets tough. To study is easy. There is no pressure. Pressure is a different ball park.

So, brother the dilemma that you are sharing has many roots in the Indian and Pakistani culture. Is it possible to have a candid discussion with domineering parents. At what point in the culture does a man become a man and say I love you mother but it is time for me to take care of my business.

There is a point in life where the need for a man is beyond his mother; that is fact. The brother has been bold enough to express this in a very demure manner. That does not negate his love for his family. He needs to grow.

Education is important; I am educator. However, growth is more than education. A mother is a vessel that has the blessings of a child. And they grow up so quickly. It is heartbreaking when you son tells you he is ready to move on. You caress each kiss when he becomes a man, sometimes even more than when he was a baby but you have to let go.

A house in the suburbs with a white picket fence is not the goal of a Muslim.

 

[Hopetogoparadis]

walakumassalam brother

I guess i know what you saying...

And what i think that we can do is, asking from Allah; patience and guidance.

Patience not to fall into harams and be good Muslims

Guidance, to do right thing in right time. Because sometimes we dont know what to do, whats best thing to do. Some people say we gotta find a work and study but also get married. Some people say, make your parents content, wait till you finish studying and so on... So what should we really do ? Thats why we need guidance from Allah that He may lead us to whats good for ourselves as Muslims.

But still, i would like to tell you, if you can get married inshallah, dont care about studies. Because as you also see, its not easy to study while your mind is on something else and if this something else can be fulfilled by halal ways then you will also protect your deen inshallah. Though still, it might be a test for us if we cant get married because of other reasons. Thats why i said we need to ask from Allah, patience and a clear mind not to fall into trips of sheitan.

 

[strive-may-i]

:salam2:
When I feel like thinking about something else when the book(/studies or task in hand) is right before me and forget about studies for hours.... thats craving.

You have tried, you have put effort, it has not helped you achieve Plan-M. And if you honestly think had you put the same effort to Plan-A, it would have made a difference to your academics, then its better to focus on the bird in hand, is it not?!

If these were the thoughts when you made the OP, Then Brother, focus on your studies. Your thoughts have developed a habit, do try different ways to break that thought habit, And get into a competitive mindset, compete against your own past , against your own lows. May Almighty make matters easier for you.

Brother, focus on your studies.

Period.

 

[Hammy]

aslam o aliakum wa rahamatuAllahi wa barakatuhu,

well im not sure how many people are like this, since i matured i remember i just have strong feeling for companionship from the opposite sex [female], I guess growing up in the western society, i saw everyone around me having girlfriends and relationships, alot of that just disgusted me cause most of the guyz were just using the women. But from like 17/18 year of age, i have wanted to get married, to a nice simple girl but offcourse i couldn't get married that young, but thats all i want. And since that age, i wouldn't have girlfriends but i have really strong desire for marriage, i don't want a relationship i just want to get married. Many times i feel attached to someone and i would keep on thinking about marrying her and after she would leave i feel heart broken sad depress but then after a while i feel attached to someone else and the whole cycle just continues.

Finally 2-3 years ago (cant remember 100%) i stopped totally talking to sisters or any girl but i still see someone or i know someone that i can potentially get married to i feel attached again like i wont talk to the person but still i feel attachment.

Im usually a active , happy person, i used to do so well in school till i start doing this then i would spend most of my time with the girl i would be talking to. Like i go through phases nw where i keep trying to keep myself happy but i keep feeling the void in my heart .

Logically thinking i cant get married right now, i am in the middle of a really important exam that i am studyign for which determines my career but i cant even study i spend so much time thinking about who i can marry who would be right for me
i keep telling myself ok just study stop thinking this bt i cant stop thinking i keep feeling the void the emptyness in my heart

I dont even like to go out with my friends, i dont enjoy time with my family like im not sure wat to do ?
and i have talked to my mom about marriage many many times but she is right , its not the time right now i need to atleast finish the exam cuz right now i shud be studying 12-14 hour a day bt im not, sometimes i wish just get a gf till i can get married but then again its haram and i cant come to that position ...

Any advice or if others feel this way how they deal with it?

Walaykkum Assalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuhu

Akhi, i really appreciate your feelings but this is not the right place... you should discuss these things with your close friends this is a Islamic page dosent suits here... or as advised by our BELOVED Prophet (saww) to fasting... you fast and have patience and ask Allah (swt) for help all we can say...

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

The Prophet of Allah, swas, discussed everything. The brother is coming to the TTI family. The TTI family encourages members to do the right thing.
Not one post has mentioned that he do wrong. We are having a discussion. That is very Islamic.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o aliakum wr wb,

JazakAllah khair everyone for the replies,

i honestly dont know wat to say everyone is different and have answered differently

well to say one thing the reason i did post this here is cause TTI is my family away from home, ive known most of the people here for years and they have known me so Alhumdulilah i have grown to trust them and they usually end up guiding me in the right dir
so JazakAllah khair for that everyone

 

[kashif_nazeer]

:salam2:

Bhai,my mind wanders too when I am studying.I guess it's normal for mind to wander.I would re iterate what ilyas bhai said and jut get with this exams soon,with flying colours in sha' Allah and then get married in sha' Allah.
BTW I too wanted a wife when I was 17-18 years old but then I looked around myself and think it's not possible for at least 10 years,that is when reality struck me.Have to fix priorities first na.
Craving for a partner is natural.I feel you bro.

Sometimes when I feel lonely(that happens a lot of times!) and the way you feel.I just close my eyes and try to imagine jannah and the hur al ayn (Allahu 'aalam if we'll get them,khair in sha' Allah),just like Sheikh Ibn Taymiyya(alyhirrahmah) said that his garden and jannah was inside his heart and went everywhere with him.So when you have such thoughts just imagine about jannah in sha' Allah and the reward lying therein for you and it will always remain with you inside your heart.Have patience brother and keep striving.
May Allah grant you and me and us all a righteous and good spouse.Ameen.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:

Bhai,my mind wanders too when I am studying.I guess it's normal for mind to wander.I would re iterate what ilyas bhai said and jut get with this exams soon,with flying colours in sha' Allah and then get married in sha' Allah.
BTW I too wanted a wife when I was 17-18 years old but then I looked around myself and think it's not possible for at least 10 years,that is when reality struck me.Have to fix priorities first na.
Craving for a partner is natural.I feel you bro.

Sometimes when I feel lonely(that happens a lot of times!) and the way you feel.I just close my eyes and try to imagine jannah and the hur al ayn (Allahu 'aalam if we'll get them,khair in sha' Allah),just like Sheikh Ibn Taymiyya(alyhirrahmah) said that his garden and jannah was inside his heart and went everywhere with him.So when you have such thoughts just imagine about jannah in sha' Allah and the reward lying therein for you and it will always remain with you inside your heart.Have patience brother and keep striving.
May Allah grant you and me and us all a righteous and good spouse.Ameen.

:salam2:

JazakAllah khair bhai such a superb advice with practical way to deal with it ALhumdulilah

 

[ilyas_eh]

:salam2:


BTW I too wanted a wife when I was 17-18 years old

so am I the only one here who didnt want a wife when I was 17-18? may be i was too much interested in F1 and cricket to think about marriage. Damn it! *smiles*

bro slaveofAllah, hope by now you've realized you are not alone. not at all.

 

[kashif_nazeer]

:salam2:

JazakAllah khair bhai such a superb advice with practical way to deal with it ALhumdulilah

WaJazakAllahu khayr bhai.Alhamdulillah!InshaAllah hope things work out for you.

so am I the only one here who didnt want a wife when I was 17-18? may be i was too much interested in F1 and cricket to think about marriage. Damn it! *smiles*

bro slaveofAllah, hope by now you've realized you are not alone. not at all.

heh bro you are unique ma sha' Allah. :tongue:

May Allah preserve you.Ameen.