What Would Be Your Preference?

[MuslimUSA]

If all things were easy, which way would you prefer to find a spouse?

1. Have an arranged introduction through family/friends
2. Have a completely arranged marriage-Let mom and dad choose for you.
3. Find someone on your own, get to know them on your own and then decide on your own without family pressure or advice.

Why?

Of the options above, which would your parents prefer?

Why?

 

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:

The third one appeals to me a whole lot..because I will spend the rest of *my* life with that person..and *I* want to take full blame and/or credit for finding him and agreeing to marry him..

NOW

that does NOT mean that I won't involve my parents in the decision..once I make it..as in..if I found the guy and we decided to get married..my parents' input and agreement will be necessary and appreciated..but that's AFTER I choose the guy!

my parents don't mind the third (they'll go for this one too I mean)..as they have told me ever since I was little what are the qualities of a good husband..and they're embedded in my head as they are not anything disagreeable!..and they realize that..as I go on in life and meet people of different personalities and experience things..I might develop my own preferences for what qualities I want and need in my partner as well..so they would want me to consider things like that *on my own*

 

[MuslimUSA]

:salam2:

The third one appeals to me a whole lot..because I will spend the rest of *my* life with that person..and *I* want to take full blame and/or credit for finding him and agreeing to marry him..

That's reasonable.

How will you go about finding the person on your own? Through forums, college/MSA, friends? Do you find it tough to find venues in which to meet like-minded Muslim brothers? And, how will you get to know him if you are trying to be "halal"?

 

[gangstaat]

option 1 is best for me. i trust my parents 100% lolzz.
but it will be my decision if i wanna marry or not. first i would like to try and meet the person who is gonna be my wife.
My parents will be tottaly fine with all 3 decisions but most likely 1 and 2 would be recommended by them. option3 would take some considering and some arguments.
but ALLAH knows well which option i'll choose LOLZ!

 

[justmuslim]

Asalamu alykum,

Well option 2 is not for me, because my family wouldn't do that for me. so option 3 is for me....but wouldn't mind option 1 too. so i will say these two options are for me but how do i know the person.... i guess to date them,adn spend time with ..but in halal way tho...not sure dating is halal or haram in islam. but how do i know him if i don't take a time to know him? not sure how u guys do. but i do date in halal way lol ( but don't give me wrong i'm good muslima alhamdullilah). and this is my future so i have to make sure atleast!

 

[a_muslimah86]

That's reasonable.

How will you go about finding the person on your own? Through forums, college/MSA, friends? Do you find it tough to find venues in which to meet like-minded Muslim brothers? And, how will you get to know him if you are trying to be "halal"?

I would probably go for someone whom I know myself..or someone who I know through friends..college..and/or the community..

and I haven't thought about the toughness of easiness of the issue..as I have not pursued it..and I kind of prefer that Qadar brings the brother my way through Allah's decree..and then go on from there..

as for getting to know him..if I know him personally..or know him through the other venues I mentioned earlier..I think that would be good enough..otherwise..and I don't know if this is *completely* acceptable Islamically but..I would talk to the brother one on one..after getting my parents' and his parents' permission to do so of course..to get to know him on a *more personal* level

besides..Salat Al Istikharah is always guaranteed to give satisfaction..so I can opt for that first and foremost..and decide on things through it

 

[Amir_of_spain]

1. Have an arranged introduction through family/friends

This would be good however there is not much networking between good religious bros and sistas within friend circles, as for parents.. problem is they choose based on who they like and which type of future in laws are most suitable (yep u guessed it im asian so the chances of meeting a good match ie personality aswell as deen through the above is low.

2. Have a completely arranged marriage-Let mom and dad choose for you.
same reasons above, plus my folks will go on about the cousins' which im not into

3. Find someone on your own, get to know them on your own and then decide on your own without family pressure or advice.
This would seem ideal ...big problem is to find someone on your own, means u got to find those crowds of sisters where you are likelyto meet a good match, however how the hell is a bro going do this since practising bros and sistas dont mix. so this method is low for me, unless i end up broadening my social circle.

So.. what im to do, well i thought in the end, when job/money comes through and timing is right, im just gona pick some random muslima, and just get on with it lol ie try make it work, regardless specifications. Alhumdoillah at least in the next life allah will pick my bride for me (ishallah!), hehe much easier. May allah have mercy on us.

 

[Sabz42]

Salaam,

mine wud b a mixture of all three if i can find sum1 of my own that wud b fine which i doubt i will, n i know that my mum wud never make the wrong decision for me so i wud b happy with that n if i was introduced that wud b even better. Its easy to pick a number but it actually ever hapnin is another story!

 

[xohanifaxo]

:salam2:

The third one appeals to me a whole lot..because I will spend the rest of *my* life with that person..and *I* want to take full blame and/or credit for finding him and agreeing to marry him..

NOW

that does NOT mean that I won't involve my parents in the decision..once I make it..as in..if I found the guy and we decided to get married..my parents' input and agreement will be necessary and appreciated..but that's AFTER I choose the guy!

my parents don't mind the third (they'll go for this one too I mean)..as they have told me ever since I was little what are the qualities of a good husband..and they're embedded in my head as they are not anything disagreeable!..and they realize that..as I go on in life and meet people of different personalities and experience things..I might develop my own preferences for what qualities I want and need in my partner as well..so they would want me to consider things like that *on my own*

i am to young to be worrying about marriage but wat u said is
very true i wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone i hate ...

 

[shaheeda35]

:salam2:
Given the opportunity inshallah, I would meet through family and friends, but the decision would be totally up to me. I have to spend the rest of my life with this person, not them. The decision should not be the parents. Nowadays, its not that easy, because I dont know anyone who can help me in this department. I pray that its gets easier, and for those looking for their other half, May Allah make it easier for all of us, Ameen:tti_sister:

 

[misalat]

:salam2:

I would say find someone on your own, since I have to spend the rest of my life with this person, not them! however, i will need the help and support of the other family memebers ...
I come from an extended family of 10 brothers and 2 sisters! and AlhamduLilah all got their spouses on their own way ... my father tried for the first two brothers but they both declined his offer, so he decided not to interfere when it comes ones choice ever again ..... and it went that way for all ... mashaa Allah, all with happy families - BIG one!

 

[MuslimUSA]

It seems like quite a few posters say they wouldn't trust their parents to find the right partner for them. If you feel that way, reply with why.
What's missing in your relationship with your parents that you couldn't trust them to "arrange" something for you. Did most of your parents meet through arranged introductions and what makes it different for you? Is it the time and place you are growing up in or something else?