~~Please help, new convert needs advice!~~

[bamboo]

Asalamu alaykum,

I'm a recent convert to Islam (sister, 23 years old). Before becoming Muslim I had a serious boyfriend for nearly 6 years (friends for almost 8 years and we still live together). He is not Muslim and does not want to convert. Prior to becoming Muslim we have planned for marriage and a family together. Our families are close and we love each other very much.

I'm struggling with what to do. I want to be with him and don't want to give up the really strong relationship and future we have together. However, I know being with him does not make me a good Muslim. I want both him and Islam and am finding it impossible to even imagine living with only one or the other.

Can anyone (non-judgmentally) offer advice or a story of a similar situation? I know it's easy for someone not in the situation to just say "give him up for Islam" but it is very difficult when you're the one in it. I'm feeling hopeless...

Blessed Ramadan

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

First let me welcome you to TTI.

You are between a rock and a hard place. So there can be no judgements on this end. I do have to tell you that you will have to change the living arrangements soon if you want to seriously remain a Muslim.

If you remain in the relationship with him..it will get rocky. It is not that you will fight. You will be pulled apart. You are heading in a direction that he is not willing to go.

The world is not going to end over this. But times are going to become difficult. As a Muslim you will think in a different way. You become more innocent as a Muslim.

What made you revert. Go back to that tought..and Insha'Allah you will see the decisions you have to make.

Feel free to ask us questions and PM with any questions and thoughts,.

 

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:

Well sister..I will tell you this much..

The Prophet (peace be upon him) once took the hand of a Bedouin and began to teach him of what Allah has taught The Prophet..and amongst the things he said to that man was this...

"You do not leave a thing out of fear of Allah, unless Allah (The Mighty and Glorified) gives you something that is more good than it" [Recorded by Ahmad as an authentic hadith, Al-Bayhaqi, Wakee'e, and Al-Qadhae'ey]

I know it's hard..I know your heart will tell you one thing..and your mind will tell you another..you will cry..you will be pained..but when you stay the course and catch the sweet taste of attaining Allah's Favor for what you gave up..you will *wish* that you had done what you had to do way sooner..and I repeat..*you* will *wish* you had done what you had to do sooner!!!

And always remember Allah's words when He says in the Qura'an:

"And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things." [At-Talaaq: 2-3]

Don't let *anything* or *anyone* stand between you and Allah sister..Islam is not an option in one's life..it is their life *in entirety*..so may Allah bless you..shuffle your perspectives and goals..and think: "do I want eternal happiness with Allah, My Lord, The Ever-Living? or do I want 20, 30, 40, 50, or even 60 years of happiness with a man, who will turn to nothing but mere dust someday?"...and see which answer is *immediately* born in your mind!

May Allah guide you to what He is pleased with..ameen

 

[karimbouharaoua]

there is no one but allah

sister i would like to advise as Muslim even its been hard to leave things or person that you are familiar with to live this person but you know its definitely haram to get married with him or going to keep staying with him and you should know that as he said the messenger Mohamed peace up on him "if some one leave some things for Allah so Allah will provide him back with more perfect things the the previous "
so kindly do the needful

Asalamu alaykum,

I'm a recent convert to Islam (sister, 23 years old). Before becoming Muslim I had a serious boyfriend for nearly 6 years (friends for almost 8 years and we still live together). He is not Muslim and does not want to convert. Prior to becoming Muslim we have planned for marriage and a family together. Our families are close and we love each other very much.

I'm struggling with what to do. I want to be with him and don't want to give up the really strong relationship and future we have together. However, I know being with him does not make me a good Muslim. I want both him and Islam and am finding it impossible to even imagine living with only one or the other.

Can anyone (non-judgmentally) offer advice or a story of a similar situation? I know it's easy for someone not in the situation to just say "give him up for Islam" but it is very difficult when you're the one in it. I'm feeling hopeless...

Blessed Ramadan

 

[Munawar]

Asalamu alaykum,

I'm a recent convert to Islam (sister, 23 years old). Before becoming Muslim I had a serious boyfriend for nearly 6 years (friends for almost 8 years and we still live together). He is not Muslim and does not want to convert. Prior to becoming Muslim we have planned for marriage and a family together. Our families are close and we love each other very much.

I'm struggling with what to do. I want to be with him and don't want to give up the really strong relationship and future we have together. However, I know being with him does not make me a good Muslim. I want both him and Islam and am finding it impossible to even imagine living with only one or the other.

Can anyone (non-judgmentally) offer advice or a story of a similar situation? I know it's easy for someone not in the situation to just say "give him up for Islam" but it is very difficult when you're the one in it. I'm feeling hopeless...

Blessed Ramadan

:salam2:

Assalam-o-alikum dear sister,
Welcome to Islam and hope you are having a Blessed and wonderful Ramadan !!!

Sister, your question is very difficult to answer. Many of our sisters have tried to answer it but I know it is very difficult. Specially for you, to accept these answers, maybe even difficult to read these replies.

We don't have any magic pill for this. Paradise is surounded by difficulties, but it is well worth it. Our life on this earth is so hard, we have to work so hard every day, and still have to worry about the future, worry about for nearly everything, and then struggle so much to get a little pleasure or comfort. No such problems will be in Jannah. Your wish will be the command and a whole army of servents will be there to please you. And the best thing is that this extreme pleasure will continue and will never ever end. Wow...

Hopefully your boyfriend will see the beauty in Islam as he has seen the beauty in you. May Allah (SWT) bring him to Islam and soon.

May Allah bless you and make you a wonderful Muslimah. Ameen.
Wassalam.

 

[The_truth]

Asalamu alaykum,

I'm a recent convert to Islam (sister, 23 years old). Before becoming Muslim I had a serious boyfriend for nearly 6 years (friends for almost 8 years and we still live together). He is not Muslim and does not want to convert. Prior to becoming Muslim we have planned for marriage and a family together. Our families are close and we love each other very much.

I'm struggling with what to do. I want to be with him and don't want to give up the really strong relationship and future we have together. However, I know being with him does not make me a good Muslim. I want both him and Islam and am finding it impossible to even imagine living with only one or the other.

Can anyone (non-judgmentally) offer advice or a story of a similar situation? I know it's easy for someone not in the situation to just say "give him up for Islam" but it is very difficult when you're the one in it. I'm feeling hopeless...

Blessed Ramadan

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister i understand you are in a very difficult situation. I myself have come across people in a similar situation and ain the end they did pick Islam but i know its not easy especially if you have been with him for such a long time and you have planned your life together but what you have to realise is that Allah is the best of all planners. We can plan all we like but in the end the plan Allah has for us will happen.

What you should do is immediatley move out and give each other time to think things over. It will not help you remaining with him in the same house. You or him should move out for a while and give him time to look into Islam. Just tell him to look into it with an open heart and you can try and get someone who has knowledge about Islam to talk to him and answer any questions about Islam he may have.

Even if it takes a while you should have this space and you should also realsie that because you are not eligable to marry him you should not be having any type of relations with him.

If eventually he decides to revert because he finds Islam to be the truth then you should marry him immediatley but if he only says to you he will revert just to marry you then this is not acceptable because becoming a Muslim is acceptance of the truth by the heart and not just the tongue.

Sister all you can do is your best but at the end of the day whatever happens will happen because it is the will of Allah and Allah only gives guidance to whom he likes so ask of Allah to guide him but accept whatever happens after that. Consult a learned scholar regarding your issue for further advice but sister if after trying everything he still does not want to turn to Islam then you will have no choice.

I know it is easier said than done but there is no choosing between the truth that there is no worthy of worship accept Allah and a partner who is not willing to accept the truth. For you and your childrens benefit you will have to leave him and mary a pious Muslim man who wil benefit you in this life and the next inshallah.

I pray whatever is best for you will happen but you should have the space from him immediatley.

 

[Miss Aaliyah]

I was first writing here but I will send you a private message instead inshaAllah. It doesn't suit me to write this in public.

 

[junemilla]

Asalamu alaykum,

I'm a recent convert to Islam (sister, 23 years old). Before becoming Muslim I had a serious boyfriend for nearly 6 years (friends for almost 8 years and we still live together). He is not Muslim and does not want to convert. Prior to becoming Muslim we have planned for marriage and a family together. Our families are close and we love each other very much.

I'm struggling with what to do. I want to be with him and don't want to give up the really strong relationship and future we have together. However, I know being with him does not make me a good Muslim. I want both him and Islam and am finding it impossible to even imagine living with only one or the other.

Can anyone (non-judgmentally) offer advice or a story of a similar situation? I know it's easy for someone not in the situation to just say "give him up for Islam" but it is very difficult when you're the one in it. I'm feeling hopeless...

Blessed Ramadan

Could you tell me how it went ?

I m new here ..and really curious about your story.

Could you message me in pm ?