Alhamdulillah.
Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatulahi Wa Barakatuh dear brothers and sisters who I love for the sake of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala.
I NEED HELP NOW - PLEASE HELP!
I feel like the most guilty person in the whole world, and even by writing this I feel more guilty, BUT I've to write this. Be nice to read all, to understand me.
I got those shirk thoughts, that I hate. Obsessions. I know that it's shaytaan, and that it's waswas. I've read lot about it.
I have to give you an insight in my situation so you may understand me InshAllah.
I have come to the level where the thoughts control me!
Whenever I'm awake, I get those thoughts that I'm making shirk and that I don't feel guilty.
It's really bad!!!:astag: I can't help it. Whatever I say, whatever I think, act, feel, seems like against Islam, Allah, the messenger (sallallahu alayhi wa salaam). CAN YOU SEE HOW BAD IT IS?
When I say "audubillah minashaytaani rajeem" Shaytaan reverses it and sometimes tells me, that I whorship him :astag::astag: !!!!!!!!!!!
It's like my intentions are bad all the TIME !
Like I only want evil, I feel like the worst person, with an evil heart ever, who don't feel guilty!
And the worst part is, when I think of my Lord, Master, Allah Almighty, The Most High, I get pictures, that I'm worshiping a THING! OR A PERSON! Wether I open my eyes or close them.
Like when I say "Alhamdulillah" I get this thought that I'm thanking something/somebody than Allah The Almighty !:astag:
- That made me stop saying "Alhamdulillah" and make dhikir..
I get those atheist thoughts too, that make doubt inside me ! And that I'm munafiqoon/niqaf/kafir .
Whenever I read the Quran and I make a mistake the shaytaan tells me that I'm making fun of it so i stop reading it. And sometimes that I spit in the Quran because my lips are moist.
- I can't deal to be around people because the thoughts saying I'm calling that person for "Allah" and that person and so on.
And when I'm alone that I'm worshiping the things around me, and that I'm a munafiq who don't feel guilty!
And last part; When I pray my mind is somewhere else. Because when I read and concentrate on the verse, I get pictures of people! Like I'm worship them!:astag:
I know that I wouldn't get punished aslong I don't act or verbal it, but when I bow for take thing from the ground I feel like making shirk! :astag:
--------- LOOK I HATE MY SELF FOR THIS! I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS! I'M IN SHAME! AND WHEN YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE I FEEL BAD ABOUT THOSE THOUGHT I GET THE THOUGHT/FEELING THAT I'M NOT FEELING BAD ABOUT THOSE ! IT SO FRUSTRATING!
How can I EVER dream about Jannah? I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT ALLAH IS ONE AND NONE IS LIKE HIM AND THAT MUHAMMED SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WA SALAAM IS THE MESSENGER !
HELP SOON AS POSSIBLE!
Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatulahi Wa Barakatuh dear brothers and sisters who I love for the sake of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala.
I NEED HELP NOW - PLEASE HELP!
I feel like the most guilty person in the whole world, and even by writing this I feel more guilty, BUT I've to write this. Be nice to read all, to understand me.
I got those shirk thoughts, that I hate. Obsessions. I know that it's shaytaan, and that it's waswas. I've read lot about it.
I have to give you an insight in my situation so you may understand me InshAllah.
I have come to the level where the thoughts control me!
Whenever I'm awake, I get those thoughts that I'm making shirk and that I don't feel guilty.
It's really bad!!!:astag: I can't help it. Whatever I say, whatever I think, act, feel, seems like against Islam, Allah, the messenger (sallallahu alayhi wa salaam). CAN YOU SEE HOW BAD IT IS?
When I say "audubillah minashaytaani rajeem" Shaytaan reverses it and sometimes tells me, that I whorship him :astag::astag: !!!!!!!!!!!
It's like my intentions are bad all the TIME !
Like I only want evil, I feel like the worst person, with an evil heart ever, who don't feel guilty!
And the worst part is, when I think of my Lord, Master, Allah Almighty, The Most High, I get pictures, that I'm worshiping a THING! OR A PERSON! Wether I open my eyes or close them.
Like when I say "Alhamdulillah" I get this thought that I'm thanking something/somebody than Allah The Almighty !:astag:
- That made me stop saying "Alhamdulillah" and make dhikir..
I get those atheist thoughts too, that make doubt inside me ! And that I'm munafiqoon/niqaf/kafir .
Whenever I read the Quran and I make a mistake the shaytaan tells me that I'm making fun of it so i stop reading it. And sometimes that I spit in the Quran because my lips are moist.
- I can't deal to be around people because the thoughts saying I'm calling that person for "Allah" and that person and so on.
And when I'm alone that I'm worshiping the things around me, and that I'm a munafiq who don't feel guilty!
And last part; When I pray my mind is somewhere else. Because when I read and concentrate on the verse, I get pictures of people! Like I'm worship them!:astag:
I know that I wouldn't get punished aslong I don't act or verbal it, but when I bow for take thing from the ground I feel like making shirk! :astag:
--------- LOOK I HATE MY SELF FOR THIS! I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS! I'M IN SHAME! AND WHEN YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE I FEEL BAD ABOUT THOSE THOUGHT I GET THE THOUGHT/FEELING THAT I'M NOT FEELING BAD ABOUT THOSE ! IT SO FRUSTRATING!
How can I EVER dream about Jannah? I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT ALLAH IS ONE AND NONE IS LIKE HIM AND THAT MUHAMMED SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WA SALAAM IS THE MESSENGER !
HELP SOON AS POSSIBLE!