Redefining our realtionships

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,


I have been thinking a little bit...here is my question...when we are faced with redefining our relationship with Allah subhana wa taala how do we go about it. We feel that we have been doing the right motions. We pray, we fast, we give in charity and do good little deeds but there is a dark spot in our heart. Sometimes our relationship is reduced to an equation in our minds. We supplicate. And we are empty. We question Allah subhana wa taala. Why are we empty.

What are the views of the scholars on this subject. What is the key to redefining our relationship. How do we go from stagnant to a relationship that is alive. How do we address the fact, the simple fact, that we need to make changes in our relationship.

 

[salahdin]

Imam Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya (May Allah send His Mercy upon him) said:

"If the slave of Allah awakes to nothing but the concern about their relationship with Allah, then Allah will take on the responsibility of all their affairs and concerns. Allah will also unburden their heart for His love, their tongue for His remembrance and their limbs for His servitude. And if the slave of Allah were to awake and retire at night with the dunya being their only concern, then Allah will burden them with its worries and distress. Allah will then dispose of the servant's affairs to theirself. In that way the servant's heart will become preoccupied in the love of the creation rather than loving the Creator, the servant's tongue will busy itself in the mention of others rather than in the remembrance of Allah and the limbs will be in the [futile] service of others. The servant, being in this state, resembles a mule that works tirelessly [in the service of its master] or similar to the bellows that blows its insides out and bends its 'ribs' in the service of others [not itself]." The Imam concludes by saying, "Whoever objects to the servitude of Allah and His obedience will be afflicted with the slavery, devotion and service of the created".

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Brother,

I am so humbled that you would respond so quickly and with such wisdom. It seems so simple. Yet, so many have a hard time understanding the ease of this Mercy.

And this is the tricky part...how does one do this without feeling passive. How is this an active relationship full of life.

 

[Precious Star]

Why must there be a "re-definition". Not everything is capable of definition. That is putting the relationship into a box that has boundaries and limits.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Nothing is stagnant. We constantly redefine ourselves. Love changes. Our relationships

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change as we mature, as we let go of misconceptions. Thus our most important relationship has to change..to ripen. Think of this, many marriages fail because one of the partners does not grow and the other outgrows the one who wishes to stay behind.

As love deepens the relationship reflects that depth. It is natural. To wish otherwise to keep everything in a box. There are many veils between us and Allah subhana wa taala. When Allah lifts a veil we change. Our relationship with Him becomes stronger. Our actions reflect that change.

 

[hayat84]

:salam2:
in a relactionship also an exchange of sights between the partners can be a source of renouvlation(I wonder if this term really exits!).many marriages fail not only because of loss of something which helps the couple to grow up,but also because it's a constant that at least one of the 2 partners is not really concentrate/interested to his/her beloved.it's almost 6 years I'm happily married and the key of our joyness is the dialogue.we always explain our mood/problems/doubts/fears...
a relationship with the parents is similar:give respect and I'll be respected.I don't feel so empty,indeed,I'm maybe one of the most blessed people on the Earth.I like silence,but I also like sharing ideas,that's why I have a great husband.Allh gave me all this.and all the failed marriages,weren't so strong as it was imaged at first.since I was young I believed to that love which made the heart beating faster:the classical "light-blue prince".and it arrived!

 

[Precious Star]

:salam2:
in a relactionship also an exchange of sights between the partners can be a source of renouvlation(I wonder if this term really exits!).many marriages fail not only because of loss of something which helps the couple to grow up,but also because it's a constant that at least one of the 2 partners is not really concentrate/interested to his/her beloved.it's almost 6 years I'm happily married and the key of our joyness is the dialogue.we always explain our mood/problems/doubts/fears...
a relationship with the parents is similar:give respect and I'll be respected.I don't feel so empty,indeed,I'm maybe one of the most blessed people on the Earth.I like silence,but I also like sharing ideas,that's why I have a great husband.Allh gave me all this.and all the failed marriages,weren't so strong as it was imaged at first.since I was young I believed to that love which made the heart beating faster:the classical "light-blue prince".and it arrived!

Sister Hayat, we are speaking about the relationship with our Creator, although your comments about your marriage are certainly well-taken.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

It is the core of the relationship with our Creator that is the guideline for other relationships. When we awaken each morning thinking and thanking our Creator and supplicating to Him to reveal His Truth to us that we gain courage and light to forgive others.
He is the Oft-Forgiving. And we have to let go of others that hurt us. And for some unknown reason it is always the ones that are close to us that hurt us the most. And He reminds us that He is Our Friend, Our Protector.
So we have to work on that relationship every day. Without our reliance on Him there is nothing. Void, empty, that whole existentialistic trip. Our redefinition of our place in the universe helps us to understand the process of detachment from this world. We can not hold on to much. We are forewarned that knowledge is important as we take it with us. Hold on to the knowledge but let go of everything outside Him.

I am struck by the fact that He has told us the path is wide. There is more halaal than haram. We have to seek Him before the universe opens to us.

 

[Precious Star]

But people will always hurt us. Always. And God says He will test us.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

But we have to put our trust in Allah, not people. Ignore people. Trust Allah.

I have a crazy suggestion. Change your job. Seek out Allah subhana wa taala.

Today, I was reading Sura 29...I got stuck on why that is critical to Sharia....It stuck me about the spider's web. That is why we can hurt at times. We get caught in the web and get hurt.

But, the tests of Allah subhana wa taala are not negative. When you know you are a champion, you have heart, the tests become easy. Thus as a Believer, you do not dwell on the test leaving you between a rock and a hard place..you see the goal.

 

[Precious Star]

I have a crazy suggestion. Change your job. Seek out Allah subhana wa taala.

.

Yeah that is a crazy suggestion, especially for a single woman living alone .... that is a completely crazy suggestion that I should live without an income.

Having a job is not antithetical to "seeking out Allah subhana wa taala". The two are not in conflict.

 

[al-fajr]

Assalamu'alaykum,

Nice thread, interesting responses.

Maybe I'll share my take on it a bit later inshaAllah.

 

[Mairo]

Imam Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya (May Allah send His Mercy upon him) said:

"If the slave of Allah awakes to nothing but the concern about their relationship with Allah, then Allah will take on the responsibility of all their affairs and concerns. Allah will also unburden their heart for His love, their tongue for His remembrance and their limbs for His servitude. And if the slave of Allah were to awake and retire at night with the dunya being their only concern, then Allah will burden them with its worries and distress. Allah will then dispose of the servant's affairs to theirself. In that way the servant's heart will become preoccupied in the love of the creation rather than loving the Creator, the servant's tongue will busy itself in the mention of others rather than in the remembrance of Allah and the limbs will be in the [futile] service of others. The servant, being in this state, resembles a mule that works tirelessly [in the service of its master] or similar to the bellows that blows its insides out and bends its 'ribs' in the service of others [not itself]." The Imam concludes by saying, "Whoever objects to the servitude of Allah and His obedience will be afflicted with the slavery, devotion and service of the created".

MashaAllah, such excellent advice.

 

[hayat84]

:salam2::lol:
I'm sorry,I've totally misunderstood the thread.by myself I can't define it a real relationship,but just the need to fill my heart by thinking to Him.everyday I start a new day with the hopeness that everything will go on the right way,and even if it isn't son,I have my remembrances for Allah,which give me the courage for not to surrender.
is it a better answer?

 

[ditta]

Wa-alaykum-us-salaam wa'Rahmatullaah,

Very good question and a really good initial response which I would echo. I have been reading a portion of information repeatedly (every day or two) which I feel helps slightly in this relationship between slave and Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aala). Simply, the importance of realising that the good I have is thanks to Allah and remembering/reflecting upon sins and shortcomings. This mindset can reinvigorate us when we call upon Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aala) and blots out any self admiration in our deeds or blessings. It sounds simple although you only truly understand when you see/know someone in difficult circumstances or you lose a blessing that Allah blessed you with. It is difficult to be 'tuned in' 100 percent of the time (and that is why it is a constant battle).

 

[Aapa]

Assalamu'alaykum,

It is a tough question. It means that one has to be cognizant of our behaviors at all times. Who are we really serving at any given time. And what are the components of servitude. It is service by choice. Are we really sacrificing anything by striving to be on the path.

This boils down to changing our very definition of the world around us. We have to almost become myopic before we can see the big picture. How else can you have no blurriness. The picture has to be very defined or focused before you can see a vista. Some with knowledge help me out with this, please.

To Precious Star, I am serious, take a sabbatical during Ramadan and have fun chilling around the masjid. Take thirty days away from the world of running and chasing and whatnot and chill at the masjid.

Sister Hyat...you got it ...to feel the need to fill your heart with the Remembrance of Him.

 

[strive-may-i]

“That to thy Lord is the final Goal;That it is He who Granteth Laughter and Tears;”[Qur'an 53:42-43]

Success in any matter needs constant vigil so as to not deviate from the purpose ie goal; certainty together with zeal and right deals; Perseverance and piety. May Almighty grant each of us all these to meet the goal... Aameen

When there is this constant vigil so as to not deviate from the path and goal, a question of being myopic does not arise, the goal is very clear, a successful here to justify for a hereafter.

 

[Aapa]

Assalamu'alaykum,


Understood, however, let us say you are on the highway to hellfire and you exit. At first the exit ramp is not going to give you the four lane superduper highway. It is going to seem rather narrow and steep. It is not until you are well on the highway that you have a view.

I am seeking practical solutions to nourish the soul when it is on the ramp to the Path...does that make any sense?

 

[hayat84]

I sometimes pose the same qurestion,see me life like on a kitesurf.the waves of the sea hit my face at every difficulty I face.but atg every bad moment I "wake up" from my "lazyness" and remember tha I can avoid the problems,thinking that Allah won't leave me alone,and I should remember Him above all when I am on the top of this "higway" and I am good of health.we tend to remember Allah when we are of bad mood or when we're facing the difficulties.should remember Allah when you're on the top of your happiness and wealthness,so that road toward the Hell turns wide and bright and maybe it guides you toward the Light.Am I clear?