dreams & messages from Allah

[Precious Star]

The last few days I've read some inspirational blogs by various people who have written things that mirror my thoughts. One wrote that we should trust our inner whispering a, our feelings in our hearts and our dreams, for they are often messages and clues from the Divine about our life. The other wrote that we must be patient as we live our lives and pursue our expectations; if we have faith, and work hard, then there will be a natural fulfillment of our dreams and hopes. She gave the example of.a baby who becomes agitated and cranky when it's hungry because it does not yet have the skills to ask for food; eventually the baby will grow and develop verbal skills to do so, then one day that baby will be old enough to make his own food.

Anyway, those two blog posts led me to think bout my own situation, about the years and years I've been praying for happiness, and wondering if life will always be this way....my job, my parents, my loneliness, and the burden of taking care of myself.

This is what I've noted:
I wonder if there is a Divine message in this for me.
The month after I turned 42, I started noticing changes in my body chemistry including my monthly cycle. I realized, upon further research, that this is a reflection of my declining age-related fertility. My childbearing years are coming to an end. It left me pondering: to what extent can I still hope for a baby? I've nurtured neices and nephews, friends' children, co-workers' children, but I always thought the next natural progression would be MY children! But my life never progressed in that direction, despite my dua.
this realization is complicated by my age now and lack of marital prospects. but when i think about, ive never had marital prospects! sure, there are the odd internet guys looking for a passport from me, lol, but thats it. And I've never had a team of elders who could help me in this endeavour.
I've always been told that everyone has their time. Trust God's timing. But aren't some things time-limited? Just as there is a natural progression leading to the manifestation of our dreams, isn't there also a natural ending, where we have to find another dream?

I wish I could keep trusting God's timing. Maybe my timeline will be different. The years ahead do stretch out lonely and intimidating. I admit that despite my professional success I remain stuck in the dream that I've had since I was a little girl -- to be in a marriage, to have children, to have a family of my own. Naive, perhaps, but I feel so reluctant to let it go. No one understands that. They think I should be happy with my job and living independently - and I am, but it would be nice to have someone ask me how my day was, or take me to the doctor if I'm sick, or pick me up from work if I have a flat tire, or give me emotional support when my parents are sick or rough with me. I know this all sounds childish, but these are the thoughts that came to mind when I was reading the blogs.

I've also been having some unsettled dreams for quite some time now. I have asked Allah to guide me and show me in my dreams, where my future is headed. But the dreams are full of angst and struggle.

Again, I wonder if these are the signs, the signs that after all these years, things will NEVER ever change. It will always be about being alone and working....

 

[a_stranger]

Assalamu alaikim dear sister:

When I read your posts many things came to my mind I like to share them with you. Dear sister I like to tell about some experiences I have seen in my life. I know a sister who married a very happy marriage at young age then her husband died very young and left her to take care of a son and her parents. I know another sister who married a very happy marriage ,a very sever accident left her husband disabled then two of her sons died in an accident in one day. another sister married and after months she asked for divorce for a silly reason I think. She is spending her life alone after the death of her parents. I know a sister who was divorced twice .......all of those sisters had the same dream we have when we were young . But Allah subhanahu wa taaala has another plan for us .....we are tested her ......we will suffer...... but if we truly know Allah we will never loose hope ......and we should keep in mind if our wishes didn't come true now another life is waiting for us where those who were patient will be rewarded without ( hisab). Those sisters are happy and satisfied because they are believers ........they know it is not the only chance. Dear I know what you hoping for is natural ,but don't concentrate on it too much, marriage is not the happy end everytime, children are a big burden and responsibility especially when you try to raise them in an Islamic manner.....in those days. I pray dear that all your dreams come true and that Allah gather us all in Janna where all our suffering end.

 

[Precious Star]

Assalamu alaikim dear sister:

When I read your posts many things came to my mind I like to share them with you. Dear sister I like to tell about some experiences I have seen in my life. I know a sister who married a very happy marriage at young age then her husband died very young and left her to take care of a son and her parents. I know another sister who married a very happy marriage ,a very sever accident left her husband disabled then two of her sons died in an accident in one day. another sister married and after months she asked for divorce for a silly reason I think. She is spending her life alone after the death of her parents. I know a sister who was divorced twice .......all of those sisters had the same dream we have when we were young . But Allah subhanahu wa taaala has another plan for us .....we are tested her ......we will suffer...... but if we truly know Allah we will never loose hope ......and we should keep in mind if our wishes didn't come true now another life is waiting for us where those who were patient will be rewarded without ( hisab). Those sisters are happy and satisfied because they are believers ........they know it is not the only chance. Dear I know what you hoping for is natural ,but don't concentrate on it too much, marriage is not the happy end everytime, children are a big burden and responsibility especially when you try to raise them in an Islamic manner.....in those days. I pray dear that all your dreams come true and that Allah gather us all in Janna where all our suffering end.

But sister, you have ignored the one thing that is the theme of my post, and that is that I have prayed and prayed for 20 years. I'm sure the girls in your example prayed too, but who knows how much, how long, or how specific they were. Who knows how long they had endured hardships before Allah SWT allowed their dreams to materialize. Who knows how many sins they incurred before their dreams came crashing down.

My thoughts are just this. That after many many years of hardship and prayers, I've seen nothing. And when I've asked Allah SWT for His signs and messages, I also see a lot of angst. children are a big burden but they provide love and they take care of US when we are older and need help. I am experiencing that with my own parents - as soon as I finished my education, I had to start focusing on their needs entirely, but I know deep in my heart that no one will ever lift a finger to help me. Even when my parents were my age now, they needed help if they did a full day of shopping or mowing the lawn or shovelling the driveway -- we would rush to massage their legs or help with the housework - but I do all of those things now (shovel snow, shopping, etc) and no one is helping me afterwards. I don't think my father ever once took out a garbage can and put it on the side of the road; I don't think he ever once put antifreeze in his car -- that was my job (I would do it for my dad) and now I do all those things for myself AND for my dad!

Anyway, I appreciate your examples, but I guess all I can conclude is that if you pray for something, then that does not mean that Allah will respond.

Also, there is a great deal of confusion about the afterlife. Sister, life-after-death is not the same life as the one we have here. It is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT mode of existence. Our bodies are dead, gone - it is only our souls that will continue on. There will be no birth or marriage or wealth -- it will be a peaceful equilibrium. Read the verses in the Quran about Jannat - the Quran talks in metaphors only.

Also, why would you assume that if I get married and have children, I won't be happy? The Quran itself says that the purpose of marriage is so that a husband and wife can be labaas for each other -- protection, comfort, warmth and love. Why would you say its not important? If we don't have marriage, then what does the Quran say about obtaining a mutual labaas elsewhere? Does it say? I don't think so.

 

[Aapa]

Assalam alikum,

Sister,

There is marriage in heaven. And those of us who will not be wed on this plane will be married in heaven. I can't wait if I am granted heaven. Not only will I be young and beautiful again but I will have a reception in paradise. Now, that is worth the wait.

I know how difficult it is to be single. I know the loneliness of being alone, year after year. But, you must keep in mind we have other blessings. We can not dwell on what we don't have because we miss what we do have.

You have prayed for twenty years. This is an attribute of your faith. Alhumdullila. Do not stop. When love arrives it will be mindboggling for you. The richness of that love will be the creme de la creme of love. A deeply rooted love that has felt the vast and varied experiences of life. Be ready for your bridegroom.

 

[Precious Star]

Assalam alikum,

Sister,

I know how difficult it is to be single. I know the loneliness of being alone, year after year.

No Aapa, you don't know what it's like to be lonely and alone and childless year after year after year. To watch everyone around you find someone, get married, have children.....you don't know what it's like to sit on the sidelines your entire life.

Everyone has their sorrows, but mine have been very very different from yours.

There is no marriage in heaven. Where did you learn that? Our souls will have companions answer will be reunited with loved ones, but we don't know what Allah means when He refers to companions for our souls. That life will not be like the current one. All we know is that it is a place of tranquility.

 

[uniqueskates]

No Aapa, you don't know what it's like to be lonely and alone and childless year after year after year. To watch everyone around you find someone, get married, have children.....you don't know what it's like to sit on the sidelines your entire life.

Everyone has their sorrows, but mine have been very very different from yours.

There is no marriage in heaven. Where did you learn that? Our souls will have companions answer will be reunited with loved ones, but we don't know what Allah means when He refers to companions for our souls. That life will not be like the current one. All we know is that it is a place of tranquility.

AssalaamuAlaikum sister..

I am not much of a help here. I wish I was near you dear sister and I bet I would have made you laugh like you never did before.

Yet, Have faith sister. Hope and Faith. That's the only thing keeps you going ahead. Yes, Life is a huge burden at times. I understand from your post you have endured for quite a long time. I wish I had perseverance and patience of your level. You are an inspiration sis

One of my fav hadith that keeps me going -

Book 042, Chapter 1, Number 7058:
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The world is a prison-house for a believer and Paradise for a non-believer.

I shall keep you in my dua'a sister. InshaAllah.
May Allah SWT ease our paths, gives us peace and tranquility within ourselves.
Peace.

 

[a_stranger]

Dear sister I think there is something missing in our prayers when we pray for a long time and it is not answered. Some times the answer is a deep inner peace , satisfaction and happiness ........when prayers don't give us that feeling then an important missing factor is in our prayers . We should all think again about our prayers the feeling we have when we come to pray. If our misfortune in this life overcome our happiness when we are standing for the one who created us , nourished us , gave us everything .......I say if we don't feel the happiness when we go to meet Allah as our prophet and the companions felt then their is something wrong within .....and this is natural we are humans with many sins and wrongs .........let us look inside and try to pray with a heart. I shall pray for you and please pray for me. Our prayer should be our true joy and satisfaction .

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

Sister,

Yes, I do. I was 39 when I had my first baby. I know.

As to getting married in heaven? Where did I get that from...the Quran. Does Allah subhana wa taala not tell us our wishes will be answered.

 

[Precious Star]

Assalaam alaikum,

Sister,

Yes, I do. I was 39 when I had my first baby. I know.

As to getting married in heaven? Where did I get that from...the Quran. Does Allah subhana wa taala not tell us our wishes will be answered.

Exactly. You were married for the second time in your 30s, and then you had a baby. And then another one.

I am 42 and I've never been close to marriage, ever, nor (obviously) has the prospect of a child come within the sphere of my life.

Hardly the same. I'm not discounting any of your pain or hardships, Aapa - don't misunderstand me. Its just that the depth of my loss is something you may have empathy for, for sure, but cannot understand because you haven't been there. Imagine, if you were still in your mid-40s and still praying for love and family. That materialized for you while you were in your child-bearing years.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

Sweet sister,

Sister Stranger tried to explain to you that for some of us marriage was a nightmare. Some of us exercised our rights to divorce. Some of us have the bitter taste in our mouths and have shut that door for marriage is a reminder of pain.

In your case..and this sounds so simple keep in mind that Allah subhana wa taala has something in mind for you. He is the Protector. He is Protecting you from something else. Your compassion is deep. He has given you keen intellect. Strenght is borne out of pain.

This is a form of a blessing.

 

[Precious Star]

Assalaam alaikum,

Sweet sister,

Sister Stranger tried to explain to you that for some of us marriage was a nightmare. Some of us exercised our rights to divorce. Some of us have the bitter taste in our mouths and have shut that door for marriage is a reminder of pain.

In your case..and this sounds so simple keep in mind that Allah subhana wa taala has something in mind for you. He is the Protector. He is Protecting you from something else. Your compassion is deep. He has given you keen intellect. Strenght is borne out of pain.

This is a form of a blessing.

But with all the praying I've done for it, and all my heartache, wouldn't He give me something to replace it? Another source of care, nurturing and love?

Why do I have to shovel my car out of a snowstorm yesterday with a sprained wrist, when the other women in my family have husbands and fathers to do so? I know that's a minor issue, its just an example. I'm just saying that yes maybe in my kismet any marital prospect would have been disastrous, maybe if I had kids they would have been disabled or disobedient; but what I'm trying to figure out is why don't I get some life circumstances that fill the void? You decided to get a divorce, but you did have that marital love for a while, and you got 2 children out of it.

What happened to all the posts and all the hadiths that say if you ask, Allah will give? I'm not saying he hasn't given me anything -- I have shelter, I have food, and I have a good job. Others have all of those things and they have family who care about them. The Quran and Islam puts so much emphasis on family, on parents, on mothers. But for me, its like, yes in Islam my parents are allowed to treat me like I don't deserve anything, my brothers are allowed to have girlfriends and marry them and not help take care of me or help find me a husband knowing I don't date, my nephews/nieces are allowed to be rude to me and I am not allowed to be rude back because it would anger my parents and elder brothers and that is haraam, my parents are allowed to give as much financial support as they want to their sons because they are married and they "need" a big house and fancy countertops and Islam allows sons to get more than daughters .... the list goes on about how Allah will give to everyone else but to me He won't because I am being protected.

I'm sure I am being protected, but like I said, I don't feel the comfort, I don't feel like "oh yes, I dont' have family that loves me, I am childless and will have to take care of myself for the rest of my life, BUT to replace all that I have ....."

 

[Tabassum07]

:salam2:

Dear sister, to replace all that, you have the closeness to Allah which *they* don't have.

And when things hit bottom low, I still think Allah's handhold is the best treasure out of all the treasures in the world.

We must never lose hope. I have an aunt who was married post-50. Everyone thought she would never be married and used to wonder what would happen to her after her mother was gone, because her brothers were not the kind to take care of her, but she got married, and at least she has someone to share a life with and take care of her in old age. Allah has a plan sister. It might not always be to our liking, but Allah knows what's best for us more than we do. And I'm reminding myself of this firstly before I advise others...

 

[Precious Star]

:salam2:

Dear sister, to replace all that, you have the closeness to Allah which *they* don't have.

..

Sister, this is not true. Many wives and mothers have a closeness to Allah! My own mother prays 6 times a day and is in constant ibdat! I have many friends who are happily married with cute cuddly babies...and they hold Allah SWT very close to their heart!

The "replacement" for the labaas that you speak of....we should have that regardless of whether we are married or not. Also, Allah SWT is not a replacement for human comfort. Allah SWT is unique. He is everywhere, He is in the heavens and the earth, the ocean and the wind, He is everywhere. We cannot equate the love and comfort a family brings with Allah - those are two different things. Allah provides, but, He is not "human" per se.

 

[arruqya]

The last few days I've read some inspirational blogs by various people who have written things that mirror my thoughts. One wrote that we should trust our inner whispering a, our feelings in our hearts and our dreams, for they are often messages and clues from the Divine about our life. The other wrote that we must be patient as we live our lives and pursue our expectations; if we have faith, and work hard, then there will be a natural fulfillment of our dreams and hopes. She gave the example of.a baby who becomes agitated and cranky when it's hungry because it does not yet have the skills to ask for food; eventually the baby will grow and develop verbal skills to do so, then one day that baby will be old enough to make his own food.

Anyway, those two blog posts led me to think bout my own situation, about the years and years I've been praying for happiness, and wondering if life will always be this way....my job, my parents, my loneliness, and the burden of taking care of myself.

This is what I've noted:
I wonder if there is a Divine message in this for me.
The month after I turned 42, I started noticing changes in my body chemistry including my monthly cycle. I realized, upon further research, that this is a reflection of my declining age-related fertility. My childbearing years are coming to an end. It left me pondering: to what extent can I still hope for a baby? I've nurtured neices and nephews, friends' children, co-workers' children, but I always thought the next natural progression would be MY children! But my life never progressed in that direction, despite my dua.
this realization is complicated by my age now and lack of marital prospects. but when i think about, ive never had marital prospects! sure, there are the odd internet guys looking for a passport from me, lol, but thats it. And I've never had a team of elders who could help me in this endeavour.
I've always been told that everyone has their time. Trust God's timing. But aren't some things time-limited? Just as there is a natural progression leading to the manifestation of our dreams, isn't there also a natural ending, where we have to find another dream?

I wish I could keep trusting God's timing. Maybe my timeline will be different. The years ahead do stretch out lonely and intimidating. I admit that despite my professional success I remain stuck in the dream that I've had since I was a little girl -- to be in a marriage, to have children, to have a family of my own. Naive, perhaps, but I feel so reluctant to let it go. No one understands that. They think I should be happy with my job and living independently - and I am, but it would be nice to have someone ask me how my day was, or take me to the doctor if I'm sick, or pick me up from work if I have a flat tire, or give me emotional support when my parents are sick or rough with me. I know this all sounds childish, but these are the thoughts that came to mind when I was reading the blogs.

I've also been having some unsettled dreams for quite some time now. I have asked Allah to guide me and show me in my dreams, where my future is headed. But the dreams are full of angst and struggle.

Again, I wonder if these are the signs, the signs that after all these years, things will NEVER ever change. It will always be about being alone and working....

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=90690&goto=newpost

 

[John Smith]

As Salam walyakum.

Does anyone have a interpretation of seeing one die and being prepared for burial but awake to find its not your time?.

All in a dream.

 

[candy candy]

Dear Sister

was just going through all the posts and felt like reading yours. Initially I read the answers but then realized that must see what you have shared. Sometimes answers compel us to read the whole post. Well well well, I can feel what you have been feeling inside. Its a devastated feeling. Sometimes it carries away our breath and we feel like our heart will blast ewww...Dear your all questions are valid, your thoughts your feelings your fears your quest everything is a sign that you are on the right path. I realize or might be everyone realizes that we expect when we make dua everytime and when our duas are not answered we feel disheartened. But with dua we need to make efforts too.
Ok for a minute lets forget about everything and try to find a good spouse. Talk to your friends or other family members or marriage consultants to help you find a one. There are alot of people outside who really need a good lady for marriage. You are such a pure lady with full of Iman, just dont sit back now and lets give it a try.
See we never know when we will die and if we dont know it then we must make use of our last breath even. May be Allah wants you to work towards it now and you must give it a try on your own as well. InshahAllah you will find a one

 

[candy candy]

And please do not get upset. In this world nothing is perfect. I myself was running after perfectionism but with time and experience Allah made me realized that we dont get all what we wish for. See you said that Allah says spouses are a covering for each other and if it is so then why some people experience bad things after their marriage like divorce and death etc. Astagfirullah....See no one knows future...Do we know whether we will awake the next morning or not? then? See Allah has said in Quran about his tests...and it has been said that we will be tested for sure then it means we will be....and i have always felt that Allah always tests a person with that particular thing which he/she desires so much....isnt that? or needs so much? may be you have felt this too....