Precious Star
Junior Member
The last few days I've read some inspirational blogs by various people who have written things that mirror my thoughts. One wrote that we should trust our inner whispering a, our feelings in our hearts and our dreams, for they are often messages and clues from the Divine about our life. The other wrote that we must be patient as we live our lives and pursue our expectations; if we have faith, and work hard, then there will be a natural fulfillment of our dreams and hopes. She gave the example of.a baby who becomes agitated and cranky when it's hungry because it does not yet have the skills to ask for food; eventually the baby will grow and develop verbal skills to do so, then one day that baby will be old enough to make his own food.
Anyway, those two blog posts led me to think bout my own situation, about the years and years I've been praying for happiness, and wondering if life will always be this way....my job, my parents, my loneliness, and the burden of taking care of myself.
This is what I've noted:
I wonder if there is a Divine message in this for me.
The month after I turned 42, I started noticing changes in my body chemistry including my monthly cycle. I realized, upon further research, that this is a reflection of my declining age-related fertility. My childbearing years are coming to an end. It left me pondering: to what extent can I still hope for a baby? I've nurtured neices and nephews, friends' children, co-workers' children, but I always thought the next natural progression would be MY children! But my life never progressed in that direction, despite my dua.
this realization is complicated by my age now and lack of marital prospects. but when i think about, ive never had marital prospects! sure, there are the odd internet guys looking for a passport from me, lol, but thats it. And I've never had a team of elders who could help me in this endeavour.
I've always been told that everyone has their time. Trust God's timing. But aren't some things time-limited? Just as there is a natural progression leading to the manifestation of our dreams, isn't there also a natural ending, where we have to find another dream?
I wish I could keep trusting God's timing. Maybe my timeline will be different. The years ahead do stretch out lonely and intimidating. I admit that despite my professional success I remain stuck in the dream that I've had since I was a little girl -- to be in a marriage, to have children, to have a family of my own. Naive, perhaps, but I feel so reluctant to let it go. No one understands that. They think I should be happy with my job and living independently - and I am, but it would be nice to have someone ask me how my day was, or take me to the doctor if I'm sick, or pick me up from work if I have a flat tire, or give me emotional support when my parents are sick or rough with me. I know this all sounds childish, but these are the thoughts that came to mind when I was reading the blogs.
I've also been having some unsettled dreams for quite some time now. I have asked Allah to guide me and show me in my dreams, where my future is headed. But the dreams are full of angst and struggle.
Again, I wonder if these are the signs, the signs that after all these years, things will NEVER ever change. It will always be about being alone and working....
Anyway, those two blog posts led me to think bout my own situation, about the years and years I've been praying for happiness, and wondering if life will always be this way....my job, my parents, my loneliness, and the burden of taking care of myself.
This is what I've noted:
I wonder if there is a Divine message in this for me.
The month after I turned 42, I started noticing changes in my body chemistry including my monthly cycle. I realized, upon further research, that this is a reflection of my declining age-related fertility. My childbearing years are coming to an end. It left me pondering: to what extent can I still hope for a baby? I've nurtured neices and nephews, friends' children, co-workers' children, but I always thought the next natural progression would be MY children! But my life never progressed in that direction, despite my dua.
this realization is complicated by my age now and lack of marital prospects. but when i think about, ive never had marital prospects! sure, there are the odd internet guys looking for a passport from me, lol, but thats it. And I've never had a team of elders who could help me in this endeavour.
I've always been told that everyone has their time. Trust God's timing. But aren't some things time-limited? Just as there is a natural progression leading to the manifestation of our dreams, isn't there also a natural ending, where we have to find another dream?
I wish I could keep trusting God's timing. Maybe my timeline will be different. The years ahead do stretch out lonely and intimidating. I admit that despite my professional success I remain stuck in the dream that I've had since I was a little girl -- to be in a marriage, to have children, to have a family of my own. Naive, perhaps, but I feel so reluctant to let it go. No one understands that. They think I should be happy with my job and living independently - and I am, but it would be nice to have someone ask me how my day was, or take me to the doctor if I'm sick, or pick me up from work if I have a flat tire, or give me emotional support when my parents are sick or rough with me. I know this all sounds childish, but these are the thoughts that came to mind when I was reading the blogs.
I've also been having some unsettled dreams for quite some time now. I have asked Allah to guide me and show me in my dreams, where my future is headed. But the dreams are full of angst and struggle.
Again, I wonder if these are the signs, the signs that after all these years, things will NEVER ever change. It will always be about being alone and working....