palestine
Servant of Allah
asalamu alaykum. dear brothers and sisters today was the worst day in school. By allah i fear for my own life...that's how dangerous school has become. an unsafe environment. this is what happened to be exact.
since i've come to america( 2nd grd) kids have been giving me a hard time. i was teased and made fun because i dressed differently and because i stood up for those who could not or were afraid to defend themselves( how stupid am i when i can't even defend my own self right?). anyways i moved from that town which i was abused on daily basis by kids my age. teachers thought i was insane and would not help me that much. the blame was always on me. last year is when i moved to the city i'm currently living in. again i was the outcast, the one to be picked on piece by piece. Today however in school people came up to me and told me that there were girls looking for me so as to beat me up. there were about 5-7 girls. all day i walked around hiding in corners so as not to be jumped by that whole group. so i feared for myself and tried looking for other muslims so as not to be alone. i did infact find muslims who were very helpful alhamdulillah. eventually at the end of the day i was called down to the principals office. there they were also called down. each and everyone of us talked about what had happened and so on. eventually we got to the point of forgiving each other and moving on. however a boy was included in the story. a muslim boy who had hit the girl because she had sprayed perfume on him on purpose and squirted lotion on him as well. so when the buses came and we left for home the girl told a friend of hers that the boy had denied even hitting her. so the other girl got mad and asked another boy on the bus to get out a video of the boy hitting the girl that he had taped the day it had happened. the Muslim boy told the other one to stay out of it, that it wasn't his business. so here they were arguing and so on. in the end it lead to a fight. the boy with the video called his brothers and friends and came over to the other muslim boy's house, outside of the building that we live in. they were 3. so all the kids who were of the race of the muslim boy defended him and helped him in defeating the other boys. the muslim boy took a wooden stick with nails in it and hit one of the boys on the head. it went in his head but he was still alive. all the boys got put in jail now. 3 were over 18 yrs- unfortunately including the muslim boy. so now he's in jail. the one who's head was injured is in the hospital, he's also over 18. my point in writing this is that i personally hate fights- but i always think to myself that i'll be able to free the lands of islam. how can i when i'm not brave enough? i can talk but i don't know whether i can hit for self defense. it's not that i want to fight but sometimes you've got to defend yourself. my school to me now is dangerous. i'm a target for those who hate me. i don't want to go back to school tomorrow because i know that the two groups will fight. the muslim group and the non muslim group who were mexican. i know the attitude of these boys- and i believe that they will bring some sort of trouble to school. anyways i just feel in my heart why must we fight group for group? why are we doing this? look at this right now- none of them benefited anything from the fight. they all went to jail! and i had adviced one of the mexican boys- please don't start a fight...it will bring disaster to the both of you. but no, my words meant nothing to him. i just hate this world! i am sick of it. i try to live a peaceful life...but i'm the target of the non believers. i am their target! have i done something to them- no! and i know i'm being tested but this is no life that people should live. i can understand that in war things such as this and much worse happen. but seeing it with your own eyes- it's truly sad. truly sad. to me this was no different than war- but i wonder will i ever be brave enough to fight when it comes to real life situation such as a real war or will i always be afraid? i don't want to be afraid, i'm tired of being afraid. i act tough so as not to be pushed around- but will i be able to defend myself against one hit from someone else? i probably will never know until something more serious happens. as for now- i hate school, i hate this world, and i'm tired of seeing the wars and fights of people. i'm tired- i want to give up and sometimes i even feel like quitting this shameful world. but i'll always rely on allah and i'll try not to give up. but i don't know what i want anymore. i just wanted peace- but it doesn't seem as if i'll ever get it. salam to you all. salam
:astag:
since i've come to america( 2nd grd) kids have been giving me a hard time. i was teased and made fun because i dressed differently and because i stood up for those who could not or were afraid to defend themselves( how stupid am i when i can't even defend my own self right?). anyways i moved from that town which i was abused on daily basis by kids my age. teachers thought i was insane and would not help me that much. the blame was always on me. last year is when i moved to the city i'm currently living in. again i was the outcast, the one to be picked on piece by piece. Today however in school people came up to me and told me that there were girls looking for me so as to beat me up. there were about 5-7 girls. all day i walked around hiding in corners so as not to be jumped by that whole group. so i feared for myself and tried looking for other muslims so as not to be alone. i did infact find muslims who were very helpful alhamdulillah. eventually at the end of the day i was called down to the principals office. there they were also called down. each and everyone of us talked about what had happened and so on. eventually we got to the point of forgiving each other and moving on. however a boy was included in the story. a muslim boy who had hit the girl because she had sprayed perfume on him on purpose and squirted lotion on him as well. so when the buses came and we left for home the girl told a friend of hers that the boy had denied even hitting her. so the other girl got mad and asked another boy on the bus to get out a video of the boy hitting the girl that he had taped the day it had happened. the Muslim boy told the other one to stay out of it, that it wasn't his business. so here they were arguing and so on. in the end it lead to a fight. the boy with the video called his brothers and friends and came over to the other muslim boy's house, outside of the building that we live in. they were 3. so all the kids who were of the race of the muslim boy defended him and helped him in defeating the other boys. the muslim boy took a wooden stick with nails in it and hit one of the boys on the head. it went in his head but he was still alive. all the boys got put in jail now. 3 were over 18 yrs- unfortunately including the muslim boy. so now he's in jail. the one who's head was injured is in the hospital, he's also over 18. my point in writing this is that i personally hate fights- but i always think to myself that i'll be able to free the lands of islam. how can i when i'm not brave enough? i can talk but i don't know whether i can hit for self defense. it's not that i want to fight but sometimes you've got to defend yourself. my school to me now is dangerous. i'm a target for those who hate me. i don't want to go back to school tomorrow because i know that the two groups will fight. the muslim group and the non muslim group who were mexican. i know the attitude of these boys- and i believe that they will bring some sort of trouble to school. anyways i just feel in my heart why must we fight group for group? why are we doing this? look at this right now- none of them benefited anything from the fight. they all went to jail! and i had adviced one of the mexican boys- please don't start a fight...it will bring disaster to the both of you. but no, my words meant nothing to him. i just hate this world! i am sick of it. i try to live a peaceful life...but i'm the target of the non believers. i am their target! have i done something to them- no! and i know i'm being tested but this is no life that people should live. i can understand that in war things such as this and much worse happen. but seeing it with your own eyes- it's truly sad. truly sad. to me this was no different than war- but i wonder will i ever be brave enough to fight when it comes to real life situation such as a real war or will i always be afraid? i don't want to be afraid, i'm tired of being afraid. i act tough so as not to be pushed around- but will i be able to defend myself against one hit from someone else? i probably will never know until something more serious happens. as for now- i hate school, i hate this world, and i'm tired of seeing the wars and fights of people. i'm tired- i want to give up and sometimes i even feel like quitting this shameful world. but i'll always rely on allah and i'll try not to give up. but i don't know what i want anymore. i just wanted peace- but it doesn't seem as if i'll ever get it. salam to you all. salam
:astag:
